Mark was close to combusting as he could sense Jinyoung’s presence behind him. They were heading to a nearby playground. Good thing, it was empty at that moment. It was dark and cold, just like how they treat each other. Jinyoung was physically calm yet his nerves were beyond being tensed. Throughout the years, he was somehow confident that he already mastered the art of moving on. But now, as he looked at Mark’s back steadily waking towards a certain spot, he can’t help but to recall the evening when their relationship ended so easily. That’s just how it looks like; he was walking after Mark as he begs for his love and affection. It was all the same. The only thing that differs is that he’s not crying his heart out this time. And probably, he’s no longer a college student who relied too much on his tricky emotions. Time, experiences and pain made him stronger, it all made him change.

Mark stopped near a wooden bench before turning around to face Jinyoung. His hands were fidgeting badly and he needs to hide it from Jinyoung’s gaze. He was so nervous that his muscles felt like jelly and his bones were slowly crumbling like some sort of pastry. Jinyoung kept his sight straight. He can remember one lesson in their psychology class that states the importance of looking in the eye of the person you’re talking to. It made Mark more nervous. “L-Let’s sit. Do you want something to drink?” Mark offered, moving a little closer to the bench.

“I don’t have too much time. I’m not here to catch up on your stories, Mark. Stop beating around the bush and just go straight to the point.” Impatiently, Jinyoung said. Little by little, Jinyoung tries to figure out Mark’s real purpose. He’s gradually connecting up the dots and hoping that it would be the same as how he imagined. Maybe Mark wants to apologize. He thought. But no, he isn’t the type of person that would just easily say sorry for what he did. His pride is way higher than the Everest.

Taking a deep inhale, Mark gathered all his courage and vowed not to falter. One wrong move, wrong word can destroy everything that he planned. “I’m sorry.” he mumbled with much sorrow in his glistening eyes. The sincerity was there, the only problem was Jinyoung is blinded by his intense anger.

“Sorry? For what?” Jinyoung arrogantly spoke. Playing dumb sounds great at that point for it can cause a little more confusion and misery in Mark’s heart. It shows this certain effect that he already moved on and buried everything that involves Mark.

Mark blinked for multiple times. He looked down and exhaled. “Everything.”

“Everything?!” Jinyoung repeated, still cocky and proud. He was looking at Mark with those eyes that were once filled with compassion and sensuality. Now, his pitiless image sweeps Mark away from his standing point. Little by little, Mark knew that he’s getting further away from Jinyoung. “You know Mark, my time is running. If you’re done with your absurdity, I’d better go now.” Jinyoung turned around and took two steps ahead.

“Jinyoung, I’m so sorry.” Mark spoke, loud enough for Jinyoung to hear. Mark’s voice was clearly trembling in which the other noticed right away. The cold wind passed by and those words seemed to echo in the place over and over again. Jinyoung stopped from walking but he didn’t face Mark. He can’t; especially now that he can sense that Mark’s breaking down gradually. He needs to show more control over the situation. “I’m sorry.” Mark added with a low voice followed by a sniff.

Jinyoung stared at the dull scenery right in front of him. He needs much focus now. He chose to remain silent for his silence could ignite Mark’s emotions and might result into a burst out, which he would gladly like. He wants his past lover to experience the same pain that he caused before. The exact excruciating sensation cutting his heart into its deepest extent. Mark should get a taste of all the sharp, bitter and insanely hurtful words. Jinyoung vowed not to talk…until he can.

Mark sighed as he looked at Jinyoung’s back. Half of his mind was wishing that Jinyoung would turn around because that would be enough for him. But the other half screams that no, it’s better if Jinyoung’s not seeing him, his tears, his agony. “I should’ve said this long ago. Forgive me. Forgive me for leaving you. Forgive me for choosing someone else over you. Forgive me for making you feel worthless and fragile.” he spoke with a trembling voice. Jinyoung stayed silent.

“Throughout the years, I realized that losing you is something that I wasn’t able to handle. I thought you’re just a page but as days gone by, you’ve grown to full chapters. All the memories hit me over and over again. Your face, your angelic face haunts me in my dreams, your voice echoes during my darkest nights, your smile brings warmth in my yearning heart. Hurting you is probably the worst thing that I’ve ever done in my entire life.” Mark mumbled smoothly. He is sincere and those words came out straight from his heart.

Jinyoung felt weird. What is he trying to say? He closed his eyes and a droplet of water rolled down his cheek. Am I crying?! He fluttered his eyes open and felt the wetness around his eyelids. I gave in easily? He asked himself. Mark’s statements were somehow unbelievable and it brings more hate and anger in Jinyoung’s heart. Mark was bringing up issues that he should’ve said before, when things weren’t as complicated and worst as now.

“I know it’s hard to forgive someone who crushed you into millions of pieces. But Jinyoung, I’m willing to wait. I’ll wait for you.”

Nothing left Jinyoung’s mouth. He was silently dealing with the dangerous fire that Mark launched. He wanted to speak out. He wanted to fight and defend his side, but his pride reigns at that point. Since all the tables got turned, it would be utterly fair if he’ll play hard on Mark. “I’ve been thinking about this few months after I pushed you away. I’ve always wanted to talk to you but my fear swallows me whole. I lived in misery knowing that I left you in pain. Nyoung, please tell me that you can forgive me. That would be enough.”

All his words piled up inside Jinyoung’s brain. He may not be fully advised that Mark’s wrecked image will welcome him upon turning around. Words may be timid and apologetic but it somehow triggered Jinyoung’s unstable emotions. “And you think your apologies matter now?” Jinyoung spoke as he faced Mark angrily. “ I don’t need any of your lies, Mark! We’re done and all our connections ended right on that damn night as well!”

“I know that you hate until now, that’s why I’m asking for your forgiveness! All these years, Jinyoung! All these years I’ve been in deep misery just because I don’t have the guts to forgive myself for what I did to you, to us. I don’t know where or how to start again! I have all the time to allow all these wounds to heal, all these pain to fade but I can’t, because whenever I think of you, whenever I think about how you hate me in every available way as possible, that’s when the pain gets doubled.”

“You expect me to believe you?!” Jinyoung intrigued. It was completely overwhelming inside. He never imagined Mark spitting out these sentences. It doesn’t seem scripted though, for his eyes were somewhat earnest and cloudy. Tears drip down momentarily and Mark makes it a must to wipe it all off. Jinyoung moved a little closer to him. “You can’t forgive yourself?! Oh come on, Mark! That’s pure stupidity!” Jinyoung mocked. After all, this is his favorite defence mechanism. “You’re the one who broke up with me! Why was that again? Oh! Because I’m too boring for you. Because I read books, drink teas, wear plain tees and faded jeans, I can’t break those goddamn rules, I’m an introvert and I’m so damn conservative.” Jinyoung felt a pang on his chest as he walked down the aisle of his past. He was once a kid who only knows petty things, the wonderful ones to be exact.

“I know I was wrong and –”

Jinyoung smirked. “But you, you stupid , chose her because she’s hot, she can give you everything including herself, she breaks the rules every damn time, drinks vodkas and tequilas. She’s very interesting!” he emphasized every word as if he wanted them to dig holes along Mark’s messed up brain. “She’s exactly what you want right?! That’s why you left me easily. You threw me away as if I never mattered at all.”

Mark was painfully listening to Jinyoung. All that he heard were regret and hatred. It’s all true, he broke up with Jinyoung because he’s too boring for Mark’s fast changing world. Jinyoung is a different one, far from the common person that you get to see every day. Mark didn’t saw that before. He didn’t know that one day, he’ll go head over heels on the person that he pushed away. It may be a late realization, yet he should still give it a shot.

“I’m so sorry, Jinyoung. I was wrong. It was already late when I realized that you’re the one that I really want, the one that I really need and the one that I greatly love. I should’ve loved you better. For 6 years, I loved you in silence although I have no idea on how you’re doing, if you’re eating well, if…if you already found someone else. It kills me every day knowing that somewhere around the globe, the person that I love hates me so damn much. But I won’t give up on you now, Nyoung.”

Jinyoung widens his eyes. “What do you mean?” he questioned, pertaining to the last statement coming from Mark.

Mark took a deep breath before looking straight at Jinyoung’s sensual eyes. “Can you give me another chance?”

And that’s when Jinyoung agreed to unleash all his bottled sentiments from long ago. All the feelings that he kept popped up naturally as Mark’s words triggered them to. “Wow Mark! I can’t believe I’m hearing these from you. Are you drunk?!” He sarcastically said.

“No. I’m begging, Nyoung. Please love me again.”

The other scoffed. “And now you’re begging?! Remember when I also begged for you to stay? You ignored me. You used those heart-splitting words as if they were made for me. I was begging for your love before, Mark! You have no idea on how much I suffered after that incident. I hated myself because I can’t seem to understand your ill-founded reasons! I tried everything to keep you but you’re the one who chose to escape! Am I too much? Am I lacking? Well, maybe I wasn’t enough because you will never look for someone if you’re contented with me.” Jinyoung fired as if he’s the only person in the place. It feels good, somehow, that he found release and threw them directly to the person who deserves it the most.

Mark was startled. He knew this will happen but he didn’t expect that Jinyoung would be reacting this way. It was intense; filled with anger with a hint of sorrow. “Honestly, I want to ask for your forgiveness too.” Jinyoung bravely added. Mark widens his eyes as disbelief and random questions boggled his mind. “W-what?! Why?” He gently asked.

Jinyoung looked away for a second, then eyed Mark as if he’s about to launch a low-key war between them. “I made huge mistakes that night when we broke up. I shouldn’t have done those.” Jinyoung said.

“What do you mean? I don’t understand! I should be the one who’s –”

“No, Mark!” Jinyoung interrupted rudely. “Forgive me for crying a river and I’ll forgive you for not shedding a tear. Forgive me for not giving up on you until the very last minute and I’ll forgive you for not risking anything at all. Forgive me for putting you up so high and I’ll forgive you for dragging me down.” Jinyoung was close to crying. These were probably the words that bloomed during their 6 years of separation. It all sunk in his brain that he shouldn’t apologize, but Jinyoung knew how pride builds up almost 50% of Mark’s being. He apologized because as we all know, a person will apologize if he did something unethical or unwanted. Jinyoung wants Mark to think that he regrets everything- the crying, begging and pleading that happened that night. He wants Mark to realize that as of now, Jinyoung doesn’t need his presence in his peaceful life. “I’m perfectly good, Mark! 6 years! 6 freaking years! I lived without you because you said that I can handle myself already and I did! Now all of a sudden, you will enter out of nowhere and ask me for a second chance?!”

Mark wiped his own tear as he watched how Jinyoung bravely answer him. In an instant, Mark felt venerable. Maybe that’s how Jinyoung felt way back when he was the one who’s dominating the argument. He got weak instantly. In addition, he realized how Jinyoung changed. He’s no longer a cry-baby, he’s stronger now. “Is it possible? Can we start again?” Mark asked,  cheeks flushed.

But before Jinyoung could reply, his phone rang. The younger pulled it out from his pocket and smirked upon seeing the Caller ID. Just in time. He held his phone tightly and swiped its screen swiftly. “Hello, babe?”

Babe? Mark was taken aback as he scanned Jinyoung’s cheerful face. Happiness was seen in every aspect. So Jinyoung is already dating someone?! His heart pounded so bad that he felt like it was about to literally explode.

“No need to worry, Jaebummie! I’ll be there in a minute, okay? Wait for me! I love you!” and Jinyoung ended the call. He was internally laughing at how Jaebum yelled at him on the other line upon hearing the word ‘babe’. He will surely get a kick from his best bud later. He glanced at Mark, who is crying like kid deprived of a jelly bean.

He succeeded and he’s aware of it. Mark looked so puny that he could vanish in no time. At least for once, Jinyoung felt the sweet rush of stepping on someone heart. Anger took all over, no definite reason to feel pity and concern. “J-Jaebum?!” Mark muttered as a tear rolled down his cheek.

“We’ve been together for a couple of years now.” Jinyoung confidently replied as if he wasn’t lying. “I’ll go ahead. He’s waiting.” and Jinyoung turned around as he started walking away.

Mark sighed and slowly observed Jinyoung’s actions as he moved away. It hurts so bad to know that the love that he needs will never be given back to him. “I won’t give up on you, Jinyoung!” he shouted yet Jinyoung continued walking like he didnt heard something.

Jinyoung was absentmindedly walking back towards the parking lot. He was numb by all that he heard from tonight’s battle. He can’t say it into words. He should feel good because Mark was obviously shattered. But all the pain followed after recalling all those feeling that he once had. The abrupt outburst of emotions made him unaware of his words.

“Nyoung!” Jaebum yelled and motioned for Jinyoung to walk faster. As Jinyoung got inside the car, his friend instantly noticed the expression playing on his faultless face. “What happened?” Jaebum started the engine and begun driving smoothly. “You called me ‘babe’ all of a sudden and said ‘I love you’ before hanging up. You’re disgustingly weird!”

Jinyoung sighed heavily. “He apologized.” he closed his eyes as words echoed at the back of his mind. The city lights reflect on his eyes and it gives him a gloomy feel. “He asked for a second chance.”

“And you said?”

“I said I’m already dating someone…and that’s you.”

Jaebum hastily stopped the car at a side walk. “What the actual !?” He shouted from the top of his lungs. If Jinyoung would be asked, he can say that his friend’s reaction is beyond angry. He can see the tension radiating within him. He’s scary. “Seriously, Park Jinyoung?!” he asked again. “You think you can get away from him by saying that we’re dating when we’re actually not?!”

Jinyoung looked at him apologetically. “I’m sorry, dude. I just can’t come up with –”

Jaebum saw the sadness and struggle in Jinyoung’s words. He may be angry for the idea of his best friend using him but he can’t help but to pity him at the same time. “You think it’s the best way to escape this situation? Jinyoung, only you can solve this. Wait, do you still love him?”

Jinyoung was caught off guard. “No.” He directly said. “I want to get rid of him.”

“Then you should’ve said that you’re over him. What’s holding you back?” Jaebum patted his shoulder as a way of comforting. He can’t let his friend down. He needs some reassurance and support at this point. Jinyoung covered his face with his palms and there his tears gushed down endlessly. He was crying and Jaebum allowed him to. Jinyoung is a strong man and he rarely cries. But when he does, it’s extremely devastating him inside.

“I don’t know, Jaebum. I don’t know.” he weakly murmured as he sobbed harder. Jaebum nodded and pulled him into a tight hug. Jinyoung clung onto him tightly, like he would fall apart once his grip loosens. Jaebum felt bad that he shouted at his pal moments before. He didn’t know that Jinyoung’s been dealing with too much issues. For now, his presence is a huge requirement. He can’t leave his friend like this. “It’s okay. I’m here for you.” Jaebum rubbed his back and held him close as well. Their friendship is truly unbreakable.

As the heart-warming scene happens inside the car, neither did they know that Mark was just few meters away. He was inside his own car and painfully enduring the sight near him. Jinyoung was hugging Jaebum really tight and it clenches Mark’s beaten and bleeding heart. Maybe this is the end. Maybe this means that Jinyoung will never be his again.

Maybe…

an; heyyyyyyy! sorry for the late update! i've been very busy for the past days and im sick as well :c  thanks for waiting guys! comments, suggestions and questions are welcomed belowwwww :))) Thank you so much! Till next time! Stay safe! Love y'all♥☺