Wendy sobbed noisily in her room, throwing pillows and stuffed toys everywhere she liked. She hated it, hated everything because everything reminded her of her.

 

Irene. The girl she loved so much but could not have. The girl who accepted his marriage proposal just hours ago. The girl who broke her heart without even knowing it.

 

Wendy squeezed her chest as tears poured down continuously down her cheeks. It hurt so much, especially with her witnessing the whole proposal.

 

 

 

“Wendy, can you text Irene?” Bogum had requested, smiling nervously as he pulled his collar.

 

“What for?” She raised her brow, looking at him questioningly. Wendy cared for Irene, dearly, and whatever this guys was going to do, it was mandatory for her to know. And she knew that Bogum also knows this.

 

“It’s our anniversary today, remember?” She winced, his words stinging at her like a poisonous venom.                                                                                                                                                                   

 

It had been 4 years since the two had started dating, and Wendy’s selfish thoughts for their relationship to go downhill had started even before the first week.

 

“Right…” Wendy forced a smile. “Why don’t you contact her yourself, though?”

 

He reddened as he swallowed. “She shouldn’t know I’m here. I have a surprise for her, you see.”

 

“Oh,” she blinked, and even though it went against her will to do so, she took out her phone and typed a message to Irene, telling her to meet her in the restaurant she and Bogum—though she did not mention him—were currently in.

 

It took a lot of willpower to not text Irene not to come and to not believe in anything she had just said. She had a bad feeling to what that Bogum guy is planning.

 

“Done,” she looked up at him.

 

“Good. Thanks a lot, Wendy.”

 

“No problem.” She shifted in her seat. “So… what are you going to do?”

 

He smiled at her brightly, and Wendy suddenly had thoughts of leaving immediately. “I’m going to propose to her.”

 

He said it casually, as if it was obvious. Wendy’s vision zoomed in on him and all she wanted to do was hit him. Her chest was hurting more and more after every single second. All her thoughts circled with her hopes of Irene saying a firm ‘no’.

 

She clenched her fists tightly, already shaking. She could hear the blood ringing in her ears as she tried to make her expressions neutral. “You can’t.”

 

“Excuse me?”

 

“I said,” she could feel tears pooling in her eyes already, “you can’t.”

 

“Oh, I know, I know. I should ask permission from the best friend first,” he cleared his throat and gave her a lopsided grin.  Wendy wanted to rip his mouth off.

 

To be honest, Wendy did not like Bogum. Not one bit. The guy was too polite, too kind, too understanding, too charming, too perfect. Just the kind of person Irene would want in her life. What she actually deserves.

 

For the past four years Wendy dreaded the day when Bogum would want Irene to be with him forever.

 

In short, Wendy was dreading this day.

 

“I do not,” she replied firmly, “want you for my best friend.”

 

Her stomach churned. Because even though she despised Bogum, she knew, deep down, that when Bogum proposes, Irene would say yes.

 

Bogum frowned at her, his face showing confusion and a bit of betrayal. He leaned forward. “What do you mean?”

 

“Wanie!” Irene’s voice made the both of them look at the entrance.

 

And there she was, raw beauty and perfection made human, waving at her with a bright smile that always made Wendy swoon internally.

 

But of course, everything good just had to stop because she wasn’t alone. She caught Bogum’s shoulders tense as she glanced at him in annoyance.

 

“Hyunnie,” Wendy decided to ignore Bogum; she did not have enough time to dwell with insignificant worms when Irene is here. “’Sup?”

 

“Wha—” Irene’s eyes fell on Bogum before she continued what she was saying. “Bogummy?”

 

Once again, Wendy cringed at the nickname. Even after four full years of enduring that disgusting nickname Irene had invented for Bogum, she still cringes upon hearing it.

 

“Irene,” Bogum smiled softly, standing up. Upon seeing the action, Wendy stood up quicker and held Irene’s wrist, pulling her to her place.

 

“Sit here,” Wendy pulled the chair out for her, a practice that was made only by her. For Irene.

 

“Thank you, Wanie,” Irene kissed her cheek before settling down on the seat, leaving Wendy staring into space and blushing.

 

She should have been used to this kind of skinship and closeness they had between them, but every time Irene walks up behind her and gives her a back hug, every time she kisses her cheek, every time she holds her hand, every time she smiles at Wendy with the sort of affection she unconsciously shows, Wendy falls for her over and over and over again.

 

“No problem.”

 

 

 

“Wendy,” a voice from the other side of the door woke her up. “Wendy, are you okay?”

 

Wendy’s eyes flew open and she jumped off her bed and ran towards her door, opening it without any hesitation. “Unnie.”

 

She felt her eyes water again as she saw her older sister standing in front of her, her face concerned. “Why’re you crying, Snowanie?”

 

“Tiffany unnie,” she threw herself on her sister, hugging her tightly as she cried for the nth time again. “Tiffany unnie.”

 

Tiffany the girl’s head, knowing this would calm down her sister. “What happened?”

 

Wendy continued to cry, and she felt her sister bite her lip. “It’s about Irene, isn’t it?”

 

Wendy stopped, blinking, suddenly feeling a wave of shame engulf her. She looked up to her sister and was greeted with understanding motherly love that shone from her eyes. “H-how did you know?”

 

“Well, there can’t be anything else,” Tiffany gave her a small smirk. “Wanna talk about it?”

 

Wendy nodded immediately, her hair bouncing as she took her sister’s wrist and pretty much dragged her into her room, never forgetting to kick the door close afterwards. She looked back and saw her sister sitting on her bed, her legs crossed, eyeing a picture of Wendy and Irene together. She sat beside her.

 

“Let me guess,” Tiffany piped up even before Wendy could speak. “Irene and Bogum?”

 

“How do you know these?” Wendy stared in disbelief as her sister sighed and crossed her arms over her chest.

 

“I heard the news, Wendy. Irene texted me earlier.”

 

Wendy’s heart sank at the news. “T-then… you know….?”

 

“Yes.” Tiffany’s arms went around her again and tears were threatening to fall once more. “Oh Seungwan.”

 

“It hurts so much, unnie. I feel like my heart is going to be ripped apart, into broken pieces, and then they’re gonna scatter and sink and just… disappear.”

 

“I know, Wen, I know,” her sister’s voice shook and she suddenly wondered if there was a guy who would dare hurt someone as precious as Tiffany.

 

“How do you move on, unnie?”

 

“That’s not the right question, my dear little sister.” Her sister’s reply made her all baffled. “The right question for this moment it, ‘Are you ready to move on?’”

 

Wendy stayed silent, her memories flashing in her mind like old photographs. But one stood out the most.

 

Bogum, kneeling on one knee, his arms stretched out, holding Irene’s hand in his and a ring on the other.

 

 

---

 

 

“You didn’t tell me Bogummy would be here, Wanie.” Irene frowned slightly, spiking up a sudden stab in Wendy’s chest.

 

“We bumped into each other here… unexpectedly. I had just texted you when I saw him,” Wendy calmly lied, her eyes sliding down to the table.

 

Wendy never knew that Irene saw twitch, an unconscious habit the Canadian does when she’s lying.

 

Irene knew that even Wendy herself was unaware of this.

 

“A convenient meeting, I suppose,” Bogum smiled.

 

“Meaning?” Irene wondered, looking between her boyfriend and her best friend.

 

“Something,” Wendy mumbled under her breath.

 

“Okay guys, what’s going on?” Irene demanded.

 

Wendy stayed silent, looking out the window. It may seem that she was zoning out, but if you look closely, you could see that her jaw was unhinged and she was refusing to blink, in hope of her tears disappearing.

 

“Irene,” Bogum started, and Wendy suddenly found it hard to breathe. Harder to stop her tears from falling.

 

“Irene,” he repeated, and Wendy turned to look at him. But his head wasn’t where it was anymore. To make it clear, the guy wasn’t in his seat anymore. He was down on one knee, positioned beside Irene. His left hand held the petite girl’s hand, with his right hand in his pocket.

 

Wendy internally screamed and thrashed and she was so close to doing it in the restaurant. Her heart felt like it was being squeezed by a large, thick icy chain. She was trapped. Helpless. Hurt.

 

She was about to cry at this point, and though she squirmed in her seat, all she wanted to do was snatch Irene’s hand and drag her outside and just leave Bogum.

 

“Bogum?” Irene gasped; Wendy helplessly looked at them.

 

“I know 4 years can be a short time, Irene,” Bogum replied, his eyes sparkling with hope and… love.

 

YES! I’ve been with her for 15 years, buddy! Wendy shouted in her mind but her voice was lost and she couldn’t speak.

 

“But I think that’s enough for me to know that you’re the one.”

 

“B-bogum what are you talking about?” Irene’s eyes shone with bewilderment.

 

“Remember how we would talk about what our life would be like if we lasted for more than 10 years? I want that to be true. I want us to happen for more than 10 years, more than 20, more than 30! I just want to be with you, Irene. I want it to be you.” Bogum finished breathlessly, finally taking out the ring.

 

This was evil. The cruelest kind of punishment for Wendy.

 

Was this her punishment for falling in love with her best friend?

 

Was it wrong to fall in love? Was it wrong to fall in love with Irene?

 

If it was, then she would never want to be right.

 

Irene was the sweetest taste of sin.

 

“I-I’m,” Irene stuttered, her eyes wide and watery. She looked at Wendy as if asking what she would do.

 

The Canadian never met Irene’s eyes and just stared at her lap.

 

“Please, Irene. I want to be the person who would always make you smile. Who you can talk to when you want to cry. I want to be a part of your life,” Bogum added.

 

Wendy sensed it. The question. Her nightmare.

 

“Irene Bae, the most beautiful girl I have ever met, both inside and out, will you marry me?”

 

Bomb dropped. It’s funny, because Wendy felt like an atomic bomb just exploded in her head. She abruptly stood up and prepared to head outside.

 

“Yes.”

 

She stopped moving. Stopped breathing. Her mind stopped processing. Her heart seemed to stop beating.

 

A single word and she stopped living.

 

She turned around slowly and saw Irene crying as she and Bogum hugged tightly.

 

For a second, her entire vision became black.

 

Her tears were streaming now, white streaks down her face. She clutched her chest, staggering backwards. She accidentally hit several tables as well as people as she tried to get away. Finally on the door, she pushed it open with her body and leaned heavily on the door’s frame.

 

“Wanie?” Irene must have noticed her. Finally. But this shouldn’t have happened. She wasn’t supposed to see her. It would just make it harder for Wendy.

 

Wendy furiously rubbed her eyes and lifted them up to look at Irene. She gave her a small smile so forced it looked so wrong.

 

“Where are you going?” The older girl’s eyebrows knitted together.

 

“I just had a headache, Hyunnie. Not to worry,” she replied, raising her arms and waving it around.

 

“Are you okay?” Irene had let go of Bogum’s hand and started to move towards her.

 

Her whole body tensed and it was as if she was drowning in cold water. “No, it’s okay, Hyunnie. It’s okay. I’m okay.”

 

“Wendy—”

 

Wendy ran before Irene finished.

 

 “I’m not ready yet, Tiffany unnie,” Wendy admitted, shutting her eyes.

 

“Obviously,” her sister teased, pinching her cheeks just like how she did back then.

 

“How would I know if I’m ready to move on?”

 

Tiffany stood up, patted Wendy’s head, moving outside in her usual graceful yet bubbly self. Her appearance brightened up Wendy’s mood.

 

Tiffany looked over her shoulder and smiled the saddest smile Wendy has ever seen. It was like looking at another person from how cheerful she was seconds ago. “When you know she’s not the reason why you smile anymore.” Then she went out and shut the door.

 

Wendy stared, realizing that the reason why her sister was strong during times like this was because she was broken before.

 

Her phone buzzed and beeped, lighting up brightly. She looked at it quizzically, but was immediately washed away by a look of shock and pain.

 

From: Irene

 

            Wanie, are you okay? Is your head okay?

 

 

She bit the insides of her cheeks. Goddammit, Irene, she closed her eyes and ran her hand through her hair.

 

Her phone lit up again.

 

From: Irene

 

            Wendy? Please text me back? I’m really, really worried.

 

And I’m really, really hurt, Wendy thought, huffing as she threw herself on her bed.

 

Several text messages from Irene followed after, and Wendy knew that if this continues then she will come to her house. She texted her sister and told her that if that does happen, then Tiffany should tell Irene that she’s not feeling well and that she’s resting.

 

Wendy couldn’t bear to see Irene right now, especially now that she has a ring on her finger. She’d rather isolate herself from everyone except her sister than face the wedding.

 

Wedding. The word sounds diabolic.

 

She took her phone and stared at the picture—Irene holding her waist as Wendy placed a cardigan over them as they tackled a winter day.

 

The picture brought a smile to her face. But it only lasted for a short time. She remembered Bogum again, the two of them together, and how she would always be third-wheeling but would never mind because she was contented with being with Irene.

 

She willed herself to stay strong.

 

It was the only way to endure the pain of knowing you can’t have the one you love.

 

 

---

 

 

A few days passed and Wendy finally mustered the courage to meet Irene.

 

To: Irene

 

            Yo, sorry if I’m late but I’m okay now! I just had a fever and Doc said I should get plenty of bed rest. Sorry to make you worry~

 

Just seconds and she immediately received a reply.

 

From: Irene

 

            Thank goodness! I almost climbed up to your room, you know! Too bad the tree I used to climb was cut down. You, me, right now. Café.

 

It wasn’t a request, it was an order.

 

To: Irene

 

            Okay. Your treat. Meet you there!

 

It was normal, at least, Wendy acted normally. But she was unaware of the tears that were falling until they dropped on her screen.

 

Wendy dressed casually, a simple tee and shorts with her favorite keds was enough for her. She nabbed a jacket from the rack and wore it, stuffing her hands in the pockets. She brushed her hair one last time, not even remembering when was the last time she did it.

 

 She stood in front of the mirror, carefully eyeing herself. She looked pale, like sickly pale. It made her pray to the heavens that Irene doesn’t realize she hasn’t eaten anything properly these past few days. Her knuckles were slightly bruised from hitting the wall. Bags hung under her eyes and Wendy did her best to cover it with make-up.

 

Lastly, the most important of all, she tried to smile without looking like she’s about to cry. If she’s planning on making it look like she’s okay, then she’s gonna have to do a darn lot to convince anyone.

 

Feeling contented with that she looked like, she went off to meet Irene.

 

 

 

An outfit shouldn’t give her a hard time breathing, but as Wendy entered the café, her eyes immediately found her favorite brunette. Irene wore her favorite red-striped crop top tucked in her favorite red skater skirt; her hair tumbling perfectly down her front, chestnut hair curled to perfection.

 

Wendy suddenly felt underdressed and this made her go red.

 

“Wendy,” Irene stood up and approached her, immediately looping her arm with hers. “What took you so long?”

 

“Traffic,” she quietly replied.

 

“Your house is just around the block,” Irene didn’t let it go.

 

Wendy knew the other girl sensed something was wrong, but she didn’t press on. She thanked her for that. Wendy’s almost at breaking point.

 

They ordered coffee, and for the first time in their 15 years of friendship, they were awkward.

 

Irene gripped her cup tightly, putting it over her lips. “You can tell me what’s wrong, Wendy.”

 

Can she? Would Irene accept her confession? Her feelings for her?

 

“Bogum,” the name had slipped before she could control herself. She blanched.

 

“I knew it,” Irene let out a satisfied sigh and set down her cup, leaning on the chair.

 

“I…”

 

“You what?” Irene asked with innocent curiosity.

 

I love you.

 

“I’m happy for you two,” Wendy managed, smiling that smile she practiced in front of the mirror.

 

Please leave him.

 

“I hope you two have a happy life.”

 

Choose me instead.

 

“Can’t wait for a nephew or niece.”

 

Please. Choose me.

 

“I’m excited for the wedding.”

 

A lone tear escaped and trickled down. She guessed she couldn’t help herself, tormenting herself like this…

 

“I guess you’re not ready for your best friend’s wedding,” Irene suspected, reaching over the table and wiping Wendy’s tear away with her thumb.

 

“I’m not. I’m really not,” she said truthfully, holding Irene’s hand. She could feel the cold ring burning through her skin. “Think about it again?”

 

Irene shook her head, shattering Wendy’s heart again. “I can’t, Wendy. I already said yes. And believe it or not, I mean it. I love Bogum. I really do.”

 

“Irene….. please. Please.”

 

“Wendy, it’s okay. We both know Bogum could take care of me. Besides, you can visit us anytime. Stop panicking. Our wedding’s still two months away.”

 

Two months…such a short amount of time. It wasn’t enough for Wendy to recover her heart.

 

I could take care of you. Better than what he'll do. “Can’t wait…”

 

“Stop being so down, Wanie. Everything’s gonna be okay.”

 

But Wendy knew, that in two months’ time, when she sees Irene walking down that aisle wearing a wedding dress, holding a bouquet and smiling at a formally attired Bogum, nothing’s gonna be okay.

 

It’ll never be okay.

 

It will never be.

 

 

 

---

 

i love school. school makes me think of angst. i love minions. i love wenrene. i love-