Raise your hand if you hate awkward silences!

I would raise my hand too, but I’m in public and that would look ing weird. Yeah, let me just raise my hand in the air for no reason like some crazy person, that would be a normal thing to do.

What’s that? You’re wondering why I’m in public when I’m afraid of the human race? Fortunately for my small, phobia ridden heart, Tae wanted to eat in this really empty cafe for lunch. So here we are. Sitting in a courtyard behind the cafe. This place would be really cute if, you know, we weren’t sitting in an awkward silence.

We haven’t talked for like, six minutes and thirteen seconds.

Fourteen seconds. Fifteen seconds. Sixteen seconds.

Holy , six minutes and seventeen seconds!

God, I hate this. This has never happened to us before.

Out of all the strange things that have happened to me since I started to like Taehyung, this has got to be the most unsettling. I’ve seen Taehyung upset before, sure, but he was always willing to talk it out and fix the problem.

But no. Silence.

I’ve clearly done something really wrong this time. I kind of thought, somewhere in the back of my mind, that Taehyung would forgive me. For liking him. Loving him. I thought that he’d be okay with it. But he’s obviously mad. He wouldn’t be so quiet otherwise. Oh my God! He’s so angry that he knows that if he spoke he wouldn’t be able to contain it! He hates confrontation! He probably is so royally pissed that he wouldn’t be able to hold it back if he said anything, but he doesn't want to fight!

Even worse. Maybe he’s waiting for me to say the first thing.

That , he just wants to see what I’ll say if I’m the one who has to start the conversation.

I glance up at Taehyung, but he’s just staring at his cup of hot chocolate. He isn’t giving me any clues.

What does he want me to say? I feel this overwhelming need to apologize. What if that makes him more upset somehow? Anything that leaves my mouth right now could crush sweet little Taehyungie’s heart forever.

Should I just go for it? He isn’t looking at me. Someone has to say the first thing. There’s a lot of things I could say right now that would be a bad, bad choice.

But how could apologizing hurt anything?

Of course it could.

He could be thinking that everything was really his fault, and then start crying at me not to say sorry because I didn’t do anything wrong. Even though I did. I don’t know what he’s thinking and I don’t know what to do.

I don't know. I really don't know. Oh , what do I do? Oh .

“Taehyung, I’m sorry!”

Well. Now it’s out there.

Taehyung looks up at me with a disturbingly even look on his face. He looks calm as . I’m a total mess and he looks like he could win the serenity contest. I bet those exist.

Taehyung is just staring me down. I don’t think my heart has ever pounded this fast. I've never been this nervous. My palms are really gross and sweaty. Why is he so damn good at controlling his facial expressions when I’m an open book?

“What for? What are you even sorry for, Jungkook?”

What am I sorry for? Everything? Nothing? Something in between? Why does he have to ask that? I take a deep breath. I can’t look at him right now. “I don’t know, Taehyung. I just can’t… I don’t know.” Of course I know. I have to know, I’ve been thinking about it for like a year, right? “I don’t know, I’m just… sorry, Tae, I’m sorry.” How am I supposed to make this better if I don’t even know how I feel? How can I be expected to do that?

Taehyung suddenly looks like he feels bad for me. His face softens but his eyebrows draw together at the same time, and he’s still as painfully beautiful as ever. I must look like I’m about to cry or something. That’s how I feel anyway. Like I’m about to cry. “I’m just sorry. For everything.”

He sighs, and out of nowhere Taehyung is leaning forward. His hands are outstretched. He always does this when I’m upset. Even when I was five, and the only thing I had to be upset about was if my stuffed animals were missing. He’s about to put his hands on my shoulders, like he always does. Put his hands on my shoulders like I’m still a kid, and tell me that it’s okay. Everything is okay.

Except it’s not okay. His hands land on my face instead. His hands cup my cheeks and he looks like he’s about to kiss me. Right now I’ve never wanted something less. Or wanted something more, more than anything. Why can’t he just stop trying to kill me already? I'm so confused.

Taehyung stops leaning in with his face mere inches from mine, and my palms are sweating again. He speaks slowly. Calculated. “You know, if there’s something you need to tell me, you can? You know that right? I’ll never leave you.”

I’ve just realized that this whole conversations sounds like we’re lovers having a fight.

And it sounds like I’m the one who’s done something wrong.

It’s my fault. So I have to be the one to make Taehyung feel better. It can’t be the other way around. I’m the one who did this to us.

“There’s nothing I need to tell you. I’m fine. I’m good.” The smile I give is really weak, but I hope it gets the point across. “I’m great actually! Couldn’t be better.”

Taehyung’s face hasn’t changed at all. He still looks hella skeptical and moderately upset. Well, . I guess I have to try harder. “Really, Taehyung, I’m fine.” I’m so unconvincing. Damn it.

Silence. More silence.

And then, once again, I’m completely dazzled by Taehyung’s smile. It takes over his face, and, gosh, he’s so pretty like that. He’s smiling again! I can’t believe how long it’s actually been since Taehyung has smiled like that. A day? Two days?

Maybe he’s willing