Again a deafening shriek of hundreds of people could be heard on the backstage. Hanbin felt how goose bumps spread over his forearms leaving an obnoxious feeling behind. The clump of nervousness that formed in his throat minutes ago seemed to grow more and more from the adrenaline that the leader could feel in his veins. His thoughts were a burden of lyrics and memorized dance moves of their last performance. The solo he prepared for the final was still creating tiny teardrops that formed in his eyes and hid in its corners. The male coughed a few times and opened his optics.

The backstage room was filled with the smell of hairspray and cosmetics. Perfumes and sweat’s odor was almost tangible in the air. The blank walls and the neat yet unpleasantly empty left a not passing emotion of fright deep inside of him. Hanbin sighed slightly, hoping it will help to cast the irksome scent out of his lungs and gain him at least a tiny bit of the confidence that ordinarily used to fill him.

“You nervous?” a voice asked.

The male strained his vision and glanced straight in front of himself. A tiny smirk raised the corners of his lips when he recognized the person that was inquiring. Jiwon was casually sitting in front of one of the two huge mirrors in the room with his torso turned in the leader’s direction. An earphone was loosely swinging somewhere on his chest, the other was tucked inside of his right ear.

He seemed so self-confident sitting there and smiling at Hanbin. The leader has never seen even a microscopic sign of doubt or fear in any of his glances. None of his smiles was faked just to cheer up the other members. It always was entirely authentic and so was the feeling of happiness and merriment that was commonly surrounding him.

“You aren’t?” he inquired instead of answering.

Jiwon smiled widely and lazily shook his head, taking the second earphone out of his ear.

“Why should I?”

Hanbin shrugged and murmured a silent ‘just because’ under his breath. After some seconds he glanced at the rapper with a curious gleam in his eyes. The male answered with the same, adding some eyebrow wiggling in the end. The leader chuckled quietly, feeling how his stiff back-muscles relaxed for a moment. A quiet sigh escaped his lips again.

“Where are the others?” he asked.

This time it was Jiwon who shrugged. The usually cheerful gleam in his eyes faded and the smile disappeared from his lips. He turned his back to the leader and tucked one earphone in his ear again.

“Somewhere backstage, I guess” he answered half-heartedly. Hanbin was opening his mouth again, when Jiwon quickly glimpsed at him in the mirror reflection and started rapping randomly.

An indescribable feeling of irritation flooded Hanbin, whose voice halted in his throat. He closed his lips and stood up, frowning at the rapper who was still observing him in the reflection. Once he caught the leader’s gaze he turned his one and focused on his mobile that vexed the latter even more.

He hastily conquered the few meters that separated the great beige-colored sofa from the room’s door. He opened it with a slight push, when suddenly one of his co-members appeared behind them.

“Oh, sorry I didn’t know you were… Jinhwan, are you crying?” Hanbin’s voice was filled with care and fright that still hasn’t entirely escaped his mind. The vocalist shrugged and passed beside him, not answering the question. “Do you know where the others are?”

The oldest among them stayed silent as he sat down next to Jiwon. The rapper got rid of his earphone set and laid it on the tiny desk that was standing ahead of the mirror. Seconds after one of his hands landed on the vocalist’s shoulders and a thoughtful look formed in his optics. At that moment Hanbin caught a glimpse of Jinhwan rubbing his nose and eyelids with his knuckles.

He slammed the door and if not for the still earsplitting screams he was truly convinced that it could be heard on the stage. Both males jumped on their seats, expressions of shock forming on their faces and in their eyes. Hanbin approached the two members and kneeled down between the two high-chairs they were sitting on.

He could feel that something wasn’t right. That both Jiwon and Jinhwan knew something that he didn’t. And suddenly the great desire of enquire was the only thing that was in his mind, casting out the parasitic fear and discourage.

“Something’s wrong and you both know about it” he said through clinched teeth staring at the two males. Jinhwan glimpsed at Jiwon for a second fraction and chewed on his lower lip. The rapper on the other hand was gazing at some point on the floor between that separated the trio.

Hanbin sighed quietly and lowered his head simultaneously closing his eyes. The three of them knew each other for some years now. The laughter they shared in the training studio, the tears they cried together and the everlasting failures that connected them were something that linked them. Every single drop of sweat and blood was strongly outlined in theirs memories and so was every hour they’ve spent. The ties of friendship that were entwining them grew tighter and tighter within all the days they shared. They knew themselves like nobody else in the world and now was one of the moments Hanbin had no doubt in telling what both of the males on his sides were feeling.

“They’re scared Hanbin. Scared to lose” Jinhwan’s voice quietly broke the silence that was suffocating them.

“Who said we will lose, huh? Nobody hyung, nobody. We can win and if…”

“For ’s sake, stop pretending that you don’t know what will happen” the vocalist cut him off in the middle of his sentence. Hanbin glanced at him with gravity, but Jinhwan’s death glare made him lower his vision and chew on his lower lip. “Team A is going to debut and we will have to face it. You always told us to work harder, to think about the dream that we are going to fulfil. But this dream is breaking into pieces right in front of your eyes and you pretend everything is fine!”

Hanbin felt how tears pinched his eyelids and the clump in his throat swell. He had to take a few deep breaths before he was able to open his lips and force his voice to form the words he wanted to say.

“Do they think the same?”

He didn’t have to raise his vision to see that both Jinhwan and Jiwon had reddened cheeks. The embarrassment of their thoughts started to crawl out of them, showing off as a reddish coat on their faces.

“Gather everyone here” his voice cracked in the middle of the sentence and a few tears escaped Hanbin’s eyes, falling on the floor with an almost inaudible sound. Jiwon’s optics widened in shock.

Even when tough times were on the horizon. Even when his trust in himself started to fade away. Even when his confidence was drastically lessening from day to day, Kim Hanbin didn’t cry.

The rapper slowly tilted his head and laid on hand on the leader’s shoulders. He wanted to form a few words of comfort, but the brown-haired male whisked his palm away with only one movement of his arm, standing up violently and turning his back to them.

“Go” he said in a shaking voice and a few tears escaped from his eyes again.

Jiwon glimpsed at Jinhwan, who looked like only seconds divided him from bursting out in tears too. The rapper pinched him with his hand and gestured with his head to go out of the room and search for the other three members.

The males slowly got up from their seats and approached the door.

Jinhwan hastily walked out of their backstage