Kris was standing on the hotel's balcony where he shared a bedroom with Tao, a can of cola in his right hand and the other holding a joint. ‘In case you miss our old times skipping school and being a rebel,’ was what Andrew had said when he handed Kris the "souvenir" from Canada. Kris had hesitantly received it, looking from side to side, afraid of getting caught by people who would take advantage of the definite scandal, people like the paparazzi. Thank God no paparazzi had been nearby when Andrew’s souvenir slipped into Kris’ pocket. Or else, he would have been on the front page in every magazine and newspaper by the next day. Kris knew how much news hunters loved a good scandal of that sort.

S C A N D A L

Kris sighed and inhaled a lungful of smoke.

It was a public secret that being an idol from a popular management artist was quite a burden. It was a big deal. Especially in SM, especially when he was the leader who needed to protect s, to be a good example, to always look good in whatever he wore, to filter every word he said, to be careful with any gestures… There were so many things he had to maintain. So many… and that included his heart.

Kris knew that it was his choice to leave Canada and pursue a career he had never thought he'd have.. He knew he had to accept all the consequences which often gave him so much stress and a good deal of heavy headaches. At some point he wished he could be someone irresponsible, someone who could just leave SM and his fellow members so easily. To leave all of the management's strict rules, crazy fangirls, spotlights, leadership, and a thing that most celebrities were always greedy for... Kris scoffed, ‘fame, huh?!’

“I don’t know why but I have this feeling that you will choose to be an actor rather than a singer,” Luhan said one night in his apartment in Beijing.

“Your feeling is right, Lu.” Kris stared down lovingly at Luhan sitting in his lap “I can’t sing and that’s the reason SM put me as a rapper.”

Luhan chuckled “but they chose you as a leader”

“They chose absent-mindedly”

“No, they chose wisely”

Kris frowned deeply.

“Oh Yifan... come on...” Luhan’s hand reached up to Kris’ cheek and stopped there to caress gently “You’re handsome, tall, have gorgeous eyebrows. You're bilingual, cool, adaptive, outgoing, a good communicator, great negotiator, the best kisser, brilliant in bed, long-“

 “Stop it, would you?!” Kris was amused and embarrassed at the same time “I feel good whenever I hear those things but it feels weird when you say it to my face. You’re my boyfriend Lu, not my fanboy.”

Luhan enjoyed Kris’ rare expression of embarrasment and so he enthusiastically exclaimed, “I’m your boyfriend and fanboy!”

“Okay, okay! What if I’m no longer a celebrity? That would only leave a ‘boyfriend’,no?”

There was one or two seconds of silence.

“I don’t think you can leave fame, Yifan.” Luhan now rested his head on Kris’ chest, a soft yet serious tone to his voice “Fame is insatiable want, unstoppable desire. You keep wanting it more and more. You want everyone to recognize you, the world to see your existence.” Luhan paused and then continued, “In certain circumstances, you even sacrifice something precious for fame.”

Kris desperately tightened his hands around Luhan’s slender waist. A fear of losing the smaller guy suddenly rose.  “Is that how you see ‘Fame’?”

Luhan replied quickly, “Don’t you?”

The blond leader ground the dying end of his joint on the lid of his cola can with an air of disappointment, ‘I don’t Lu’.  Then he opened another can, this time a beer. ‘ I could give up fame for you. Why can’t you do the same?!’, he gulped angrily and then took out his cellphone to dial a number his finger knew well.

“Hey, are you asleep?” Kris was holding down a rage in his throat “Let’s get some fresh air."

A minute later, Kris hung up and grabbed his jacket and navy bag.

It was fortunate that EXO had a concert in China. If it was in another country where Kris had not mastered the language, he would not dare bring Chanyeol out from the hotel. Lost in a foreign country in the middle of the night was never fun, especially if there was an interview for Sina tomorrow afternoon.

“Where are we going?” Chanyeol immediately asked in a sleepy voice when they slipped into the taxi together.

“Hotel.”

Chanyeol knew that there was something on Kris’ mind the moment he had received the leader’s call. He knew that a few words or a brief conversation meant Kris had something he was trying to hide. The older guy would not tell anyone what it was until he decided to. This side of Kris was very familiar to him but in a different way. Kris was pretty honest with the expressions on his face while Chanyeol was the complete opposite. One just needed to watch Kris’ face to know that Kris was not interested at all while Chanyeol would be all smiles no matter what. And at the moment, Chanyeol knew that this was where he must keep calm and supportive, “We have a hotel already, Hyung. Is there anything you want to talk about?”

Kris didn’t answer but pulled Chanyeol’s head gently to rest in the crook of his neck.

“Hyung, the hotel isn't where we can get fresh air.” Chanyeol yawned

The leader kept silent while Chanyeol kept yawning- twice, thrice… until he finally fell asleep, leaving Kris to his own deep thoughts.

The hotel Kris told the taxi driver to take them to was not that far from EXO’s. It was only fifteen minutes away and Kris knew that no fangirls would ever imagine that he would sleep at this seven story hotel. There was nothing special about this hotel but they offered a comfortable tranquility. It was located on the second main street where the neighborhoods were mostly luxurious residential houses with good security. It was simply perfect for a short escape.

Kris woke Chanyeol up carefully when they arrived in front of the lobby. He helped the younger guy to adjust his hat and scarf and then he put his black beanie and nerdy glasses back on to disguise himself. Just in case.

“We'll sleep here tonight. I want to hug you all night long,” Kris said in a low voice before he opened the lobby’s door.

Chanyeol just smiled and nodded. He was so sleepy and didn’t have the energy to question Kris’ strange behavior. Today had been a very tiring day where he had to wake up at 5am for six interviews, four photoshoots, a rehearsal before the concert, and then finally the concert itself had happened. Now his boyfriend needed him.  ‘No Chanyeol, not boyfriend!’ the younger guy said to himself and tried his best to put that thought away before it got to him.

“Do you have a room with a king size bed on the top floor?” Kris asked the receptionist in Mandarin.

“We have one sir. May I have your ID card?”

“Is a passport okay?”

“Yes, sure”

Kris took a glance to his side where Chanyeol stood and then gave his Canadian passport to the lady behind the marble table. The receptionist took a better look at the passport and Kris’ face, obviously wondering whether Kris was Chinese or Canadian.

“How many nights do you want to stay, Sir?” She asked, finally assuming that Kris was probably a mixture of both Chinese and Canadian.

“Just tonight.”

The receptionist checked them into the hotel quite fast and then she handed Kris two key cards along with his passport.

“Thanks.” Kris put his passport back into his sling bag and held the key cards.

The way from the reception table to their room was totally quiet. Chanyeol was very tired and sleepy to the point where he only took off his shoes and hat before he tossed his body onto the bed. He didn’t even care that he was still wearing his scarf and jacket. Sleep was all he needed because yesterday he only had barely three hours and thirty minutes of sleep and tomorrow’s schedule would start just after lunch. He expected to have a good six or seven hours of rest tonight. That’s what he expected, but not Kris. The leader washed his face and spent a minute looking at his own reflection in the mirror; ‘If Luhan left, you would still have Chanyeol. There’s nothing to worry about!’ Kris tried to convince himself and gave up on his distasteful feelings after a few minutes of staring at himself and decided to just leave it at that.

He walked out from the bathroom to find Chanyeol sleeping soundly. ‘He must be very tired,' Kris thought and carefully lifted Chanyeol’s head up to take off his scarf. The younger one stirred a bit and Kris pressed a chaste kiss to his forehead to settle him.

‘You will choose me over fame, right baby?’ Kris smiled down at the sleeping guy and his mind began to talk nonsense, ‘Why would a bright guy like Chanyeol choose you? He could get a better guy! He deserves it! You’re a bastard!’

A fear riddled with anger penetrated Kris once more. It awakened his previous fury instantly. He kissed Chanyeol’s lips and deepened it as he forced open Chanyeol's mouth so that his tongue could explore inside.

Chanyeol was suddenly wide awake. He woke up to Kris’ harsh hands and forceful tongue, “hhmmnnhhpp H-h-hyung! Stop it! I’m tired, I-“ Kris’ hand pulled down Chanyeol’s sweatpants as low as he could before he moved his hands to Chanyeol's upper arms to keep him still.

Chanyeol hissed and tried to push Kris’ body off of him out of reflex but failed miserably as he was trapped beneath Kris who put all his weight on him. Kris’ hands pressed harder on Chanyeol's upper arms as he struggled to break free. Chanyeol panted and tried harder by whipping his head to the side so that he broke Kris' bruising kiss. It worked to an extent, but Kris only focused his attention elsewhere.

Kris hard against Chanyeol’s collarbone up to his milky neck. Ugly, dark purplish marks were beginning to bloom on Chanyeol's fair skin and he moved less and less until finally he gave up and then completely stopped moving. Tears began to slip down Chanyeol's cheeks slowly as he cried.

“H- h- hyung...” Chanyeol tried but the blond’s ears were deaf to his pleading. Instead, Kris had managed to open Chanyeol's jacket before slipping his hand beneath the fabric and pulling it up to reveal the front of Chanyeol's body.

Chanyeol shivered as the cold air from the air conditioner hit his raw skin. “H- h-h- h- hyung,” Chanyeol tried again but Kris continued ravishing him. His mouth was now over the front of Chanyeol's body and left marks here and there. Chanyeol didn’t care anymore what Kris was doing to him, so he closed his eyes, and began to cry harder. His palms crumpled the white bed sheets and his body trembled violently. This was definitely not love or lust. This was definitely not Kris. Not his Kris.

“KRIS!!” The younger boy suddenly screamed at the top of his lungs “Stop it!”

Kris stopped abruptly and looked up at Chanyeol’s wet face. Realization hit Kris. It felt like a nightmare.  It felt like the beast inside of him had finally showed up to follow his ego. He forgot to breathe until impatient knocks on the door brought him back to consciousness and he got up to answer the door.

“Hi, I’m sorry to bother you but I think I heard a very loud voice coming from your room,” the stranger stood in front of Kris and tried to peek inside curiously “I know it’s 2AM and I might have misheard. Are you with a friend in there?”

Kris calmed the chaos inside his mind and put on a fake a smile, “yes, I’m with a friend here. We have drinks and he’s drunk. I’m so sorry for the inconvenience."

“Okay, that’s fine. Just make sure that your friend doesn't wake up the entire floor.” The stranger smiled wryly and left Kris’ room after saying good night and Kris hurried back to where Chanyeol still lay on the bed.

The scene before Kris' eyes was horrible. It was worse than any nightmare he had ever had.

There he was, his precious. Chanyeol was curled up on the bed shaking, his back facing Kris. His cotton black jacket and red shirt was covering his upper body except the small area near his tail bone. skin continued from rear to reddish thighs where pants and underwear were stopped just right on his bended knees. The bedsheets were a mess. The sobs were even messier. Everything in front of Kris’ eyes was beyond messy.

“Hyung.. What’s wrong with you?” the trembling boy asked Kris between his sobs.

Kris didn’t reply. He stood unmoved, watching Chanyeol’s curled figure on the bed. He knew he had made a big mistake.

“I- I- you knew I was tired, that I needed sleep,” The scared tone of Chanyeol's voice almost stopped Kris from reaching the bed “th- then you called." Kris held his breath as Chanyeol continued, “said you wanted company.”

Chanyeol inhaled deeply and exhaled slowly, “I- I- I- I want to give you… everything."

Alarmed, Kris quickly walked to the bed and seated himself beside the curled boy. His eyes noticed the dark purplish bruises that peeked out from beneath Chanyeol's black jacket.

‘What have you done, Wu Yifan?!’ Kris scolded himself.

“Chanyeol...” Kris gently laid a hand on the dark haired boy's shoulder and persuaded Chanyeol to lean back against the bed so that he could see the damage he had done, how much pain he had caused. But Chanyeol slapped Kris’ intruding hand away.

“y- you al- almost for- forced me," Chanyeol stuttered. He slowly turned his body over so that Kris could see. “Lo- look what you hav- have done, hyung."

“Chanyeol, I- I- I...” Kris stopped talking. He had no words for what he had done. Now that he could see Chanyeol fully, he realized, Chanyeol's tears were not supposed to fall because of him. And his exposed skin was supposed to be fair and untainted. Kris couldn’t find the right words to express how guilty he felt, how much regret he held. But one thing was for sure; the bruises his mouth had created on Chanyeol's body deserved more than a simple 'sorry'.

“Hyung,” Chanyeol whispered carefully as Kris continued to stare blankly at the purplish marks scattering Chanyeol's body. There was nothing in Kris’ eyes and it indicated to Chanyeol that Kris was lost in his own thoughts.

“Hyung,” Chanyeol tried again. His tears had gradually stopped but it also pained him to see Kris’ face so lost and fearful. He had never seen Kris like this. He could never let Kris lose him. Kris had him and he had Kris.

Chanyeol squeezed the bedsheets in his fist, “H- hyung, if- if- if could take away your stress then- then.. you can continue,” Chanyeol choked on the words and forced himself to put on a fake smile. “I- I- I’ll be fine”

Kris' breath hitched at the utterance.

“Chanyeol...” Kris crawled over Chanyeol's stiff body and he wiped the remaining tears from Chanyeol’s cheeks. He then pressed himself against Chanyeol carefully, chest to chest and cheek to cheek. Kris whispered softly, “Hyung is very sorry." He pressed a harmless kiss to a damped cheek, “Mianhae.”

Later that night when the tension, disappointment, and tears had gradually disappeared, Chanyeol slept peacefully in Kris’ arms. There was a question Kris inaudibly whispered against Chanyeol's ear,

“How do you see ‘fame’, baby?”

~*~*~~*~*~*~TBC~*~*~*~~*~*~

Notes:

-) Title is taken from Fall Out Boy's song

-) Posted to my lj as well; acu_saree.

-) Beta and edited by Ashley aka altair_vega@lj aka life_giver@lj. Dear Ash, thank you so much!! I know youre getting tired with me saying thank you over and over again. But really, Thank you!

-) Any feedback is love <3 <3 <3