It was Sunday morning. You couldn't believe yourself that it was possible for you to wake up earlier than 8 AM on a day off, a day without any of the group's activities that you treasured so much- No photo shoot, no interview, no performance, nothing but accompanying Chanyeol to meet his old friend. The truth is, you had  refused Chanyeol’s request but he ignored you for more than three days.

Of course you surrendered in the end because what Chanyeol gave to you was not only cute pouts and several pissed off looks, but also an ultimatum about termination of any kind of skin-to-skin contact. Any kind. This was definitely a torture for your physical and biological needs. And so you sat, disguised with a black beanie, nerdy glasses, and dressed in a  Dior Homme jacket, sitting beside Chanyeol in the corner of Starbucks. You were sleepy but presentable enough as a public figure at least.

“Hey Ahn, this is my best friend.” Chanyeol jabbed your arm with his elbow.

A best friend? Last night you slept hugging me all night long. You even asked me to caress your back until you fall asleep, You couldn't help but think begrudgingly.

Do best friends kiss on the lips before bed and in the morning?  Whatever.

You stole a glance at Chanyeol as he shot a friendly smile to a black-haired guy in front of you.

Well, this ‘Ahn’ guy is quite handsome but he’s not as tall as me, You thought.

Oh no. Now I'm being conceited. You wanted to hang your head in shame at the thoughts circulating through your mind.

“Hi, I’m Kris,” You greeted. You offered him your hand to shake and smiled a little.

“Nice to meet you, Kris,” Ahn said while taking your hand. “Finally I meet the infamous Kris. A leader that draws so much attention just by standing and doing nothing.” Ahn smiled as he said this.

You felt flattered and gave him another smile,  a more sincere smile, but you couldn't  hide the sleepiness in your eyes. “Ah you’re flattering me so early in the morning. It makes me think I'm still dreaming!“

"Hey,  he's famous for his expressionless face, you know! Hope you don’t mind witnessing it today,” Chanyeol suddenly commented before taking your glass of Vanilla Latte and gulping it down quickly. Ahn chuckled and you gave Chanyeol an irritated glance, but it was only a tease. Chanyeol caressed your thigh gently under the table and pouted cutely, trying hard to ease your annoyance.

After twenty minutes of being a living statue for Chanyeol, you tapped the younger man's shoulder and whispered something to him. They had had a fun time catching up with one another, sharing stories about their lives, but you can't stand it anymore. You need more sleep!

“No hyung! You can’t do that here. It's not possible!” Chanyeol and Ahn were both confused. You were sorry to suddenly interrupt their little reunion for a petty thing like sleep. But to you, sleep was more important than food, and so maybe it wasn't so petty to want a little more sleep right now.

“It’s possible,” You replied calmly “that you don’t want me to do this because you’ll feel embarrassed.” You ignored Chanyeol’s pout and motioned for him to sit on your chair while you took a chair beside Ahn.

“I’m sorry Ahn, but I can’t stand it anymore.” You smiled uneasily at Ahn and then put the chair at the end of the row. You could see that Ahn understood what you were about to do. He just smiled awkwardly in Chanyeol's direction. After a moment, you nonchalantly pushed the chairs so that there was no gap in between and then you sat on the third chair and put your head in Chanyeol’s lap.

“Last night Kris-hyung arrived home at 2am and I forced him to come with me this morning. I’m responsible for this,” You heard Chanyeol explain to Ahn  apologetically as he petted your head in loving . You could sense through the gentleness of his fingers that he was being quite careful to not get caught by the people who passed your table. Well, you didn't give a damn about getting caught anyway. The flashing lights of cameras and pictures of your own face being shoved at you for autographs was scarier than any passer-by seeing your head in Chanyeol's lap. You weren't  in the mood for fame right now.

~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~

“I don’t understand why they keep rejecting good offers.”

“I don't either,” you sighed “this is disappointing me.” You tossed Luhan’s black shirt to the floor, trying to clear the older boy's mattress of any fabric so that it was comfortable enough to sleep on.

“I really don’t understand why management let you and Kyungsoo act while they’re not allowing me to do the same.” You laid on the bed, uncaring of the disappointed face Luhan gave you. It was the same disappointed face you had given him after all.

“You know, I believe that someday I'll find your face on the big screen of Seoul’s cinemas,” Luhan’s sweet voice consoled you. “Hong Kong’s cinemas, China’s cinemas, or even Canada’s cinemas.” He crawled onto the bed as he told you this. “I believe it will happen." He straddled your waist and brushed his lips against yours.

This is what you liked about Luhan. Despite his angelic and sweet, innocent face, Luhan knew how to use his charms on you. He knew how much you liked to nibble on his bottom lip, how much you enjoyed sniffing his neck to catch wiffs of his cologne, or how much you adored every inch of his body. Unconsciously, the disappointed face you had been wearing disappeared and suddenly  a grateful smile spread across your lips. Luhan’s face seemed to question the sudden change of your expression.

"It's nothing," You said and he pecked your forehead, your nose, trailing his lips down to your lips. Your hand slipped to the back of his neck so that you could pull him down and kiss him deeper.

“I will watch any movie you’re in and buy two copies of it,” Luhan said after you pulled away from his mouth. “One copy for me to watch as many as I want and one copy for my collection. Could be a few extra copies in case I lose the first one,” he added teasingly.

“What if I starred in five movies and three of them just as a supporting actor and then I released three mini albums for the soundtrack? Would you buy ten DVDs and six CDs of me?” You grinned.

“Of course I would!” Luhan answered enthusiastically “Even if your movie was only available in Canada and wasn't released on DVD, I would book a flight to Canada or wherever it was showing.”

“Really?!” You smiled mischievously, enjoying Luhan’s eagerness “What if it was only available in Israel? Imagine this; You don’t even speak English and you can't find a translator . What you gonna do then?”

The older boy straightened his slender body. He still sat comfortably on your stomach while his eyes wandered, seeming to scan the white walls behind you. Luhan’s thinking form entertained you much. He looked like an angel that just fell from cottonland to a crayon world. He seemed confused with the colors of his surroundings until he became lost inside of himself

Dammit, you cursed in your mind and then pulled Luhan down into a hug, and twisted until he was beneath you. He seemed surprised and excited and you noticed the beginning of lust in his eyes. Well the lust in your own eyes was a bigger spark.

~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~

You were studying your surroundings when Chanyeol excused himself to greet the birthday girl. He left you standing beside a stage and you decided to roam around. The club was popular among socialite society. It was a two story, fancy club with rich lights glowing brightly and you saw fellow idols, comedians, actors, and others public figures mingling in the crowd.

You decided to wait for Chanyeol at a table near the bar. You re-acquainted yourself with your surroundings and this time, you were accompanied by a small bottle of Jack Daniels and a glass of Cola. In a dimly packed room full of unfamiliar faces, you found Chanyeol’s familiar figure in no time. He was a fluorescent color to your eyes. And besides that, you were smart enough to pick a table where Chanyeol would never leave your sight. It was also a good choice, because he could easily spot where you were. You watched as Chanyeol headed in your direction and you noticed that he wasn't alone.

“Guys, this is my handsome friend Kris!” Chanyeol introduced you to his friends.

Handsome friend, huh?! A week ago you sulked so much after the interviewer said that I was a handsome guy and you were a cutie pie.

You smiled as the memory of the interview replayed in your head. But your smile gradually dropped as you noticed that Chanyeol’s smile, was the smile that was usually reserved for seniors he didn't like.

“You don’t need to introduce Kris to us,” said a red-haired girl in an arrogant voice “We all know Kris.”

“Yes Chanyeol, even my little sister is a big fan of Kris. She said Kris is flawless,” agreed a boy who probably was around the same age as you “Hi Kris, may I take a picture with you?” the boy asked nonchalantly “I want to show it off to my sister so that she knows that his brother is awesome.”

“I’ll be next!” exclaimed the red haired girl “My friends must be so envious of me. Especially Chae Rin! She got her dad to pay alot of money to get a backstage pass to see you.” The girl kept talking “She said she skipped school and locked herself in her bedroom for two days to finally get the pass. Damn that girl! She knows how to use her parents’ wealth, doesn't she?”

“Yeah, she’s a genius to get the Channel bottle bag I want so much,” Continued another girl who didn’t look interested in taking a selfie picture with you. This girl's appearance was more classy and arrogant than any of Chanyeol’s other friends.

“You mean Rihanna’s bottle bag?” asked the red haired girl

The classy girl nodded then turned her head to face you “I heard you like to accompany Tao to shop Gucci. Do you like Gucci too? Because I think a flawless guy like you would match Salvatore Ferragamo more.”

You smiled awkwardly as you noticed Chanyeol’s uneasy expression. His friends were so comfortable being around you and chatting you up as if Chanyeol was not as attractive as you. It pissed you off. Of course it felt good when people showed their interest in you, but it didn't feel good anymore when it started to hurt someone’s feelings,  especially Chanyeol's feelings. These youngsters freaked you out a little. They were too outspoken and you didn't want to hear them chatting about luxury anymore. You assumed that they were just Chanyeol’s casual friends, friends he only met up with when there was a party to go to. Honestly, you didn't think you needed to remember a thing about them.

“Kris, I’m going back to the dance floor. Do you want to join me?” asked Chanyeol breaking off your own thoughts.

“No, I’m waiting here.” You were too lazy to mingle in a sea of people, especially with Chanyeol’s high-end friends who were able to attend the party because of their parent’s wealth. That was just not your style.

As Chanyeol danced, you watched him. You saw Chanyeol dance with a pretty girl who came out of nowhere, suddenly appearing in front of Chanyeol and seductively asking him to dance with her. The younger boy had the freedom to decide for himself what he wanted to do. He was free to do anything with whoever he wanted to. That sentiment also extended to dating and . He would never need your permission nor agreement to do either of those things. Well, yes, you two were in a relationship, but you weren't his boyfriend. It had always been hard to describe what kind of relationship the two of you had.

It was much like an unspoken agreement. 

You knew that Chanyeol told his circle of friends that you were just a friend. At other times, with some other groups, Chanyeol introduced you as a best friend, sometimes as a close friend. You wouldn't complain about whatever way he addressed you because you thought that it wasn't so important. What mattered most was that you were at his side and he was at your side. That was it. 

As for you, to your circle friends who questioned what Chanyeol meant to you, you never answered. Is he only a friend? A best friend? A junior? A band-mate? But Chanyeol was none of that. You treated Chanyeol  as more than those empty titles. You followed wherever he went, gave to him whatever he wanted from you. You tried your best to make him happy because to you, Chanyeol was the complete package of aforementioned titles, plus lover and enemy.

Well, If you met stubborn friends who wouldn't leave you and Chanyeol alone, you would finally address him as a bandmate and junior. But seriously, you even questioned yourself on this. What was your relationship with Chanyeol exactly?

~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~

“Uhmm.. Infidelity?” Luhan was mumbling something while you hugged him from behind on the rooftop. It was one in the morning and you were a bit taken back as Luhan told you about his nightmare.

“I don't get it Lu."  You were careful of your words and your gestures, afraid that Luhan would notice your dirty secret “You have a nightmare and it’s about infidelity. Tell me what happened in your dream. Did I cheat on you?”

Luhan nodded and your heart dropped.

“I saw you and Chanyeol in my dream. We had just gotten back from a concert and we shared a bedroom together. Then Chanyeol came to our room, said he couldn't sleep and the three of us chatted on the balcony. When I excused myself for a piss, you kissed Chanyeol behind my back but you didn’t realize that I could see it through the windows. I thought it was just my imagination so I went directly to the bathroom. Then when I walked back to the balcony, I saw you Chanyeol’s while you kissed him deeper. I was so shocked and it felt like my heart skipped a beat. I was so scared, Yifan”

You placed a consoling kiss on top Luhan’s head and maintained your heartbeat. The smaller boy’s back was leaned comfortably against your chest and you were afraid he might hear your racing heart. Hopefully he wouldn't.

“Don’t be scared. I’m here with you Lu.” You tilted your head to kiss Luhan’s cheek and the other boy turned his head to allow you to kiss his lips instead.

When the kiss broke you continued, “What made you dream that nightmare, hmm?”

Luhan leaned back against your chest again as he continued enjoying the night’s view from the balcony.

“Lu?” you prompted softly.

“Hmm..  I think it's because you’ve become closer to Chanyeol. You often grant his requests. I know that you did the same to Tao but it seems different now. Tao is the youngest of the group and you’re taking care of him because he's an M member while Chanyeol is not. Sometimes I wonder why you hang out so much with Chanyeol.”

“Lu, you never enjoy clubs and you always reject our offers to go together.”

Luhan  sighed, “I know. Maybe I’m just jealous of your closeness with Chanyeol.” Luhan rested his hands on yours “I’m sorry.”

“No, don't be sorry. It's only a dream.” You felt guilty and just a little relieved, but mostly you felt worried.

Luhan kept silent and you finally joined him in enjoying the night view from the hotel’s balcony. You wanted to savor every moment you had with Luhan tonight because when the sun began to rise, you would have to go back to your role as friend and M’s leader. Well, regardless of the infidelity you had handed Luhan, you've learned that dating the same gender itself is a taboo in South Korea. It was hard to treat your boyfriend properly without people’s judgmental looks being thrown at the two of you. You couldn't hold Luhan’s hand when you walked together down the street,  and you couldn't even give him a playful kiss when he became too adorable. You couldn't do much of anything together. Things of that sort were much easier when you were in Canada.

“Yifan?” Luhan’s broke the silence

“Hmm?”

“What were you thinking about?”

“Lu, do you want to live in Canada?”

~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~

AMNESIA.

You read the rainbow neon sign again and you came to the conclusion that with a name like that, the owner of the club expected visitors to forget their problems when they were in the club. You secretly wished you could forget some of your problems and if that wasn't possible, maybe forgetting just one problem would be alright, that one problem that involved you and Chanyeol. This problem was the grey area the two of you had lived in for almost a year now. This was something only you and Chanyeol would ever understand but didn't know what to call it. It was just too complicated to label because both of you were comfortable and it was a convenience, being around one another.

You were contemplating the very beginning of you and Chanyeol, when the two of you had become so… oh-so close. It started with learning to dance together, and then it had moved on to having dinner after practice, and then it had escalated to going back home together, showering together, sleeping together, having breakfast together, shopping together. There were too many instances of togetherness that you couldn't even remember.

These instances had also contained small pecks on cheeks, random bites on the collarbone down to slender hips, countless hugs from behind, deep kisses, red hot ... All done in the dark, secretive and clandestine. It was done precisely when no one would pay attention to the two of you, most often when the sun went down. Gradually, Chanyeol had become your favorite over Luhan.

Damnit! You know you're a greedy, egoistical bastard.

“Hey man, who is he? Your Korean friend? A band-mate?” Your close friend from Canada approached you and gave you a friendly hug. He had never watched your music videos or anything related to your celebrity status. Thankfully, he had never cared enough about any of that as your close friend. You smiled toward Chanyeol, who looked confused. He would become more confused later because your close friend, Andrew, didn't speak Hangul at all.

“I don’t know. I even ask myself what is he to me.” You made an annoyed face at Andrew and you knew that the naturally blond guy was a trusted friend. All your secrets would always be safe with him and you noted to yourself to treat Andrew well until his vacation in Seoul was over.

“Aww, you’re a bad man!” Andrew turned his head to Chanyeol and offered his hand for a shake “Hi, I’m Andrew. Nice to meet you”

“I’m Chanyeol. Nice to meet you too.” You were entertained enough just seeing Chanyeol struggling with his English. His Korean tongue had become a great barrier and he couldn't follow your chat with Andrew. He chose to enjoy the atmosphere inside the club and listen a little to you and Andrew, you noticed.

“So now Blair is an ex?” Andrew took a drag of his Marlboro. You took a new stick from his carton of cigarettes while Chanyeol frowned at you.

“She’s a history now. Girls aren't so easy to deal with. I often don't understand what they want.” You smiled at Chanyeol and showed him  your cellphone so that he could read what you had typed previously; ‘Sorry baby, let me smoke just for tonight’.

Andrew noticed your little act but continued, “Yeah. But they're delicate and soft compared to guys. For years we’ve been friends and I never understand why you can date both genders. I mean you dated so many girls when you were in Canada. You know the difference, don’t you?”

Chanyeol looked at you and he seemed bored and lost. You pecked him on the lips and he shyly stole a  glance at Andrew, afraid that the action had shocked the western guy. Apparently it hadn't. Andrew was used to your impulsiveness. You watched the exchange and then continued on, “I know the difference very well. I do agree that girls are delicate and soft while guys are rugged and hard. But you know me...“ You inhaled your cigarette.

“Yeah, I know you damn well. You don’t care about their gender as long as they take care of you.” Andrew exhaled and blew smoke, contaminating the air more, “So now you're dating this guy?” Andrew motioned with his chin to Chanyeol.

“I don’t know.” You sipped your favorite liquor, Jack and cola. You liked the bitterness of the Jack but a little sweetness made the drink even better. 

“I don’t understand. It’s very clear to my eyes that he's special to you. Someone you fight for,” Andrew stated.

“He is. But It’s complicated, man.” You sighed and both guys on either side of you noticed. Andrew was curious while Chanyeol’s face was still confused, which you found to be quite attractive too. You couldn't handle it anymore…

You put down your cigarette on the ashtray, took a sip of your Jack and coke, and then you turned your head to face Chanyeol. You looked at him guiltily but there was love and affection beneath that guilt.

You moved your left hand slowly to pull his waist closer to you while you slid your other hand against the nape of his neck and then kissed him deeply. Your left hand pulled him against you harder, demanding that he sit on your lap without breaking the kiss. He obeyed you and both of his arms circled your neck. You slipped your hands around his hips and then slid down to squeeze his rear.

Oh self, behave! Respect your buddy! Your mind chastised you.

“in’ Show off!” Andrew exclaimed and you stopped. Chanyeol pulled away too and then he tried to climb off of your lap but you didn’t allow him to. You smiled and kissed him again.

“Jesus. Christ. Joseph. Maria,” Andrew swore “Quit his in' mouth, Kevin!”

You quit your assualt at Andrew’s shout of your old name and you grinned mockingly at him.

 “Did you call me dude?” You asked playfully.

“Yes! I was calling a hell sent who is now looking at me like an idiot!” Andrew scolded you.

“Calm down, dude! I just gave you a good show.” You smirked at Andrew while Chanyeol shifted in embarrassment to  his original seat and you let him because you sensed him blushing hard.

“Good show my !” Andrew lit another cigarette from his second box now. “I have witnessed so many sinful deeds of yours but it doesn’t mean I enjoy it! You’re insane, buddy”

You were amused and ignored the blond's irritated but playful spats “Chanyeol is hot, isn’t he?”

“For you. Not for me,” Andrew argued and shook his head a bit  “What you did just now gave me an idea about that complicated thing you mentioned and the importance of this guy.” You noticed Andrew’s face become more serious now “Don’t tell me it happened again, buddy. That’s not nice.”

“I know.” You remember that five years ago you had the same problem you had right now.

 “You're right. History is repeating itself. This time both guys are not classmates but band-mates which means door-mates too. It's two times harder than before.”

“You’re so screwed, Kevin!” You heard the disappointment in your friend's voice. “You can’t be greedy and selfish you know.”

“I know. But both of them are taking care of me in their own ways and I like them both.” You focused on Andrew, forgetting that Chanyeol was watching you in confusion as you and Andrew carried on a conversation he didn't understand.

“Does Chanyeol know that you have someone else?”

Chanyeol heard his name being mentioned, and he looked from Andrew to you suspiciously.

You smiled at Chanyeol, secretly feeling sorry for the younger boy. “He knows. But Luhan doesn’t.”

“Is Luhan Korean?” Andrew wasn't familiar with any Chinese names except for yours.

“Luhan is Chinese.” You anticipated Chanyeol’s reaction as you mentioned Luhan but he kept calm so you continued, “I’ve been dating him for a year and half now. People know that he's my boyfriend. I even had him meet my mom in Canada before. I know I’m a bastard.”

Andrew nodded in agreement and Chanyeol suddenly asked to be excused to the bathroom which you halfheartedly allowed him. You sensed the younger boy's hurt feelings towards your flippant statement. Chanyeol would break down soon but he wouldn't do it in front of you.

Oh God, my baby...

“It’s good to know that you realized it.” Andrew pulled you back from your reverie and a hesitance showed faintly on his face. “Did Chanyeol ever ask you about his status? What you guy's relationship really is?”

You knew it would come, that kind of hard as question. “Good question indeed,” You sighed bitterly “He never asked.”

“. ” Andrew was always very vocal with any emotions he had. You had been friends with him since you were thirteen and he had never changed about that. “Then if someone asked you that question and this someone smelled your fishy relationship, what would be your answer?”

You closed your eyes for few seconds. Those memories where people had asked you about you and Chanyeol’s relationship began to flash in your mind. Then you opened your eyes, staring at the wall behind Andrew, “Mine. Chanyeol is mine.”

That’s right. Chanyeol was yours and you didn't give a damn what others opinions were or what they thought about you and Chanyeol. You didn’t need their agreement nor their approval. A simple 'mine' was more than enough.

~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~

The restroom of Amnesia was one of the most unique Chanyeol had ever seen. There was no sign to differentiate between woman or man. It was probably a uni bathroom, Chanyeol thought. He walked through the door and was quite surprised to see the standing toilets for men on his left while he could also see closed toilets on his right. Both toilets were separated by an open powder room.

What a sight! Chanyeol thought, and then decided to go to the closed toilet instead of the standing one. He was not comfortable about girls walking into the restroom and being able to see him doing his business. 

Sitting on the closed toilet, Chanyeol remembered why he had excused himself to the bathroom.

 "Some people know that he's my boyfriend,"

Kris' words repeatedly screamed in his ear. He knew exactly what it meant and he is Kris referred not to him, but his band-mate. His angelic hyung. Unconsciously, Chanyeol began to cry inaudibly inside the cubicle. Even though it was not the first time he had heard Kris claim Luhan as his boyfriend, it is still hurt him to hear that statement. It reminded him of how nasty he was being, a dongsaeng and band-mate. It reminded him how much of a coward he was- too afraid to make Kris choose between the two of them. It also reminded him of what he was to Kris…

‘Chanyeol baby, whatever it is, let us have what we have now.’

Chanyeol’s body trembled hard as he received the text message. Those three little words he’d been expecting from Kris for so long had never come. It hurt too much and Chanyeol hated the way Kris read him like an open book…

Another message came soon after;

‘You are mine.’

~~*~~*~~*~~OWARI~~*~~*~~*~~

PS: I'm working on the sequel now but please be informed that I'm a slow writer :)