----- Present ----
‘Hannieah’, a familiar chipper voice rings in his ears. ‘Come on, rise and shine’, the voice continues.

The Chinese man blinks a few times before he realizes where he is and who is calling him. Normally, he would have just groaned and would have told the man who was trying to pull him out of his peaceful sleep, to go away. But instead, he shot right up in sitting position, his eyes wide and obviously in shock.

The other man’s thick eyebrows knit together with worry as he sees the range of emotions that are crossing his lover’s face. From shock to unbelief, turning to apprehension and finally tears welling up and spilling along his cheeks.

‘Hangeng, what’s wrong? Why are you crying?’, he asks worriedly. Before he could say anymore or get any answers, he had an armful of Hangeng in his arms.
Gasping for air, because of the impact from his lover jumping into his arms and who now seems to be trying to squeeze the life out of him, he tries to loosen Hangeng’s strong hold on him and maybe get some explanation for this strange behavior of his lover.

‘Hangeng, what’s wrong? Are you hurt anywhere? Why are you crying?’, he asks again.

Sniffling, Hangeng turns his head up and looks into those dark orbs of his and while smiling through his tears, he says, ‘I thought I would never be able to see you again. I thought I lost you. You left me, Siwon’.

‘Come here, as you can see I’m right here. Don’t cry anymore, I will always be here for you’, Siwon answers looking worriedly at the still sobbing man while rubbing soothing circles on his back. ‘Don’t worry too much, ok? I’m here and I’m not going anywhere’.

Hankyung’s thoughts: “This isn’t right. How can this be? Why is he sitting here in front of me and is even trying to comfort me. This all seems so real. I must be dreaming”

‘I think I’m dreaming’, he softly whispers.

--- --- --- ---

“Hyung!”, a loud scream sounds through the house and reaches Hankyung’s ears. A familiar voice he can’t immediately place.

Running footsteps resound through the hallway and up the stairs. The door to the room opens and in the doorway stands…

“Ryeowook”, Hankyung murmers with his eyes wide.

“What’s the matter?”, Siwon asks looking on worriedly at Hangeng.

Hangeng looks on in shock thinking: How, why…

“Hyung is something wrong?”, Ryeowook asks when he feels that there’s something off to his Hyung’s reaction.

“Ryeowook, you’re alright?!”

“Ofcourse, I’m alright. I’m here right? Why…umphhf”, stopping in the middle of his question, Ryeowook is suddenly hugged by Hangeng, very tightly. And he seems to not want to let go “murghh…hyung, I can’t breathe”.
 

Tears, screams and more tears.
They take you away from me and I don’t want to let go, but it’s the only
way to save you and that I know…

After Hangeng loosens his hold on Ryeowook, he holds him in arms length and takes a good look like he can’t believe what he is seeing, who he’s holding.

“Uhm hyung”, Ryeowook tentatively asks, “Can you stop looking like you have seen a ghost, please? It’s kind of creeping my out”.

Hearing his dongseang speak those words, the Chinese man snaps out of it and starts to smile sheepishly, “Sorry, I –“

“It’s okay, Hyung, I know what kind of a morning person you are,” Ryeowook says while chuckling feeling relieved after seeing his hyung’s smile.

“I actually came here to tell you both, that I’m going off to meet up with Kibum to go to school together. So I’m going to go now, I can’t be late. Bye!” Turning around he immediately runs down the stairs until the front door closes with a thump.

Sitting here beside you, watching you…
Looking so peaceful and beautiful at the same time,
can’t help but feel my heart constrict at the sight.

“Well, you are acting really weird. Did you sleep alright?”

Feeling muscular arms come to wrap around his waist, Hangeng leans back into the warmth of his lover’s - ex-lover the thought passes by like a gush of wind which disappeared as quickly as it came - chest. Every doubt and surprise slowly slipping away like it never was there, while he revels in the warmth that seems to cocoon him in the arms of his Siwon.

It hurts, it’s lonely, but I’ll wait here,
wait until you come back to me.

A few days fly by, living in bliss at least that is what it feels like to Hangeng like he is floating on a warm fluffy cloud. During the day everything is bright and light. He’s together with Siwon and Ryeowook going through the motions of normal everyday life, waking up, cleaning, cooking, washing up, chatting, laughing and fooling around.

But at night in the darkness, while sleeping between his strong arms, he has a feeling that doesn’t seem to belong, that feels foreign, but feels right at the same time. A small gust of wind, the smell of the ocean penetrating his senses, a soft whisper in a familiar voice not quite reaching his ears, it feels like something is missing, but the moment night gives way for day again all seems to be alright again.

I talk to you, but you don’t hear me.
I hold your hand, but you don’t feel it.
Can you hear me, can you hear me?

After another few days of bliss and feeling like he was in heaven, being with his loved ones and having no worries, he became more conscious about the things he did or didn’t do. The days were slowly starting to blur together. At moments when he tried to think clearly, he couldn’t. It was hard to remember what he was doing the day before or the day before that. No specifics, just the fuzzy feeling of happiness and warmth filling up his mind. Then his thoughts would be interrupted and he would immediately be drawn back to the present before him and he can’t help but smile.

Can you hear me? You're smiling, are you having a nice dream?
Are you dreaming about us? About me?
I miss you, I miss you.

“Hannie-ah”

Shaken out of his reverie, the Chinese man turns his attention to the deep voice of his lover and answers back, “What is it Siwonnie-ah?”

“What would you like to do tomorrow?”
“Why are you asking?”
“Because tomorrow is a special day, you know.”

I don’t know, is what Hangeng thinks to himself, he doesn’t even really know what day it is today.

“I don’t know”, he says out loud frowning.
“It’s your birthday tomorrow”, Siwon says with a big smile and steps closer to Hangeng to hug him, “Isn’t there anything you would like to do?”

Pushing himself to come up with an answer, things start to blur. Memories, feelings, flashes he can’t really see or feel clearly. Images of him laughing with someone, him hitting someone with a pillow, a pancake with a candle, and whispered “I love you’s”, he can’t make out who the persons are. Persons?

“Is something wrong?” Siwon’s voice breaks through his thoughts again. Two strong arms wrap themselves around his waist, making the lingering swirling feelings that were tugging at his mind, to remember, to remember something that is missing, to fade away slowly to the back of his mind, and he revels in the warmth of that loving feeling.

Don’t forget me.
I don’t want to lose you.
I love you.

The day of his birthday arrives.

“Happy Birthday, Hannie-ah!”
“Mmphhh, want to sleep”, Hangeng says sleepily.
A cake is put in front of him and he tries to rub the sleep out of his eyes. He feels it’s really too early in the morning to be woken up, especially since it’s his birthday, he’d like to sleep some more. But when his lover enters his line of vision, he can’t help the smile tugging at his lips He looks too adorable and handsome.

“Make a wish, Hangeng!”
“Yeah, Hangeng-ge, make a wish!”, Ryeowook who appears out of nowhere joins in the chorus.
Make a wish, what should I wish for? I would like to be happy together like this forever… Making Hangeng smile to himself when he thinks of that wish. “I wish that w- ahhh”, suddenly he feels a sharp pain tugging at his heart that reverberates throughout his body and everything turns black.

*Beep, beep, beep*
Wake up, please?
*Be-ee-pp, Bee-e-p, Be-ee-p* (irregular beeping)
What’s happening?
No, don’t leave me! Help!

Love me, love you, I will always.
Love you, love me, will you?

He remembers his 19th birthday, the day which started with so much love and a memory he will cherish for the rest of his life, but it was that same day that changed everything. The day he lost his love and with it himself. But one day several years later, a boy appears in his life and slips through his walls and settles down in his heart. That boy with his deep brown sparkling, but sad understanding eyes and that smile so innocent and bright at times that made his heart swell, his need to protect rising and it wraps him in a familiar warmth. His will to live firing up again.

Darkness turns into light, when I look at you slowly opening your eyes.
To be in your arms, is where I want to be.
=
Wo ai ni, it’s you who I love and you who I want to be with.
You are what keeps me at peace and makes me embrace life as it comes.
=
Happiness has found us again.
Not loneliness, no more hiding.
It’s here, our future together, starts here…again.