SUPERNOVA

The sound of the ocean’s wave is still the most relaxing music to my heart. Perhaps it calms my bombarded mind from the thought of us embracing the cold ocean breeze and kissing the bittersweet tint that illuminates both our lonely hearts. The scent of the ever enchanting white lilies that are planted behind our “little paradise” brings me back to the day where I am free to run my cold fingers through your caramel brown hair. The sand, as pale as your skin; your lips that tastes like magic spell I cannot resist. Truly, you were much beyond perfection. You were everything I could ever ask for.

We could be the most luminous star in the night sky but then you left; exploded and became a void that still haunts me in the midnight of November. I witnessed you turn into stardust. Oh, how could I ever forget you?

Perhaps I’m really a selfish bastard that I can’t let go of you.

“What is it like to explore the entire depth of the ocean?” She asked.

“Who knows? Maybe it would be quite terrifying knowing that there are horrifying sea creatures hiding behind you; waiting for their turn to devour every inch of your flesh.” I answered.

She smiled crookedly. I must have given her a boring answer. She pushed her hair on the back of her ears; her radiant face could be seen, the pink and orange mixture of light that the sun produces made her look more and more beautiful.

Each time I look at her, I ask myself Am I seeing an ocean of beauty? I must have been really lucky to spend my life with this endless aesthetic creation. I’m drowning in her and I don’t want to be saved.

“Nah, I don’t think so. Seeing creations that are new to man’s limited explorations, sunken objects and debris that hold memories of the person who once possessed them. The endless waves of the crystal clear water and sea creatures who make the water alive. Yes it would be quite terrifying. Terrifying in the sense of getting lost in the boundless beauty of the thin fluid.”

Her words are so captivating and worth hearing for. All that appears in front of me whenever I hear her speaking is the sparks of colourful lights. Everything is indeed beautiful.

Terrifying it would be, but she’s like the sea. I get drown and lost in her every time I look in her copper brown eyes.

“How about the stars, the space?” She asked.

“Fascinating yet boring. Stars, they will eventually detonate and the star that you once admired is now gone before your eyes.” I answered giving a slightest hint on how I don’t want our time to revolve in some crappy science things. 

We’ve been here together but it still feels like we are strangers.

“Perhaps I’m a one red supergiant”

“You’re way more beautiful than a crappy giant star” I said.

“I am blowing up full of insecurities and despair. I ran out of love to support my one big messy life” I know she wanted to let it all out. Perchance I couldn’t even comfort her because she sounded so done with me and I couldn’t deal with it.

I sighed, thinking of the best answer that wouldn’t hurt both our ruined hearts and souls. I held her hands. I couldn’t see her face though we’re just inches away from each other. She’s facing the glistening ocean; watching how the day closes its curtain. Stars are slightly visible. I am watching her from behind; watching how the wind dances along with her soft hair.

I gathered up all my courage to ask.

“Am I ever enough?” This must be the hardest thing to ask. Am I really ever enough for her? I don’t know. No one in the world knows, except her.

“Stupid. Don’t make it sound like I’m leaving because I’m a who’s not contented with one man.” Finally she faced me. I could see her ever existing perfect features. This may be the last time I would see this ball of perfection. Other than that, I could see a black ocean inside her. Perhaps she’s really been fed up by this cruel world.

“Then why?”

“I just want to be alone, to travel in the vast universe and ocean”

“Can’t we just do it together?” I begged.

“I want to explore what kind of universe people have. Black? Silver? Do the oceans inside them have terrifying sea monster? A nymph? Are they an angel or a demon? I want to find myself. I want to know where I belong.”

Oh my Lord. For all I know she belongs here in my ocean where no one could ever hurt her. She’s the sun on my system. I know I would be selfish if I don’t let go of her. But when did it ever become easy to just open your hands and let the precious gem that you’ve been treasuring to fall and escape from your vision? Slowly, I’m starting to become like the Aral Sea. Drained and left nothing but the fragments of her.

“Will you ever come back?”

“I don’t know. I’m not sure.”

 

I felt a pang in my chest. It hurts like hell. I want to give her everything but who am I now to do that? All I know since the beginning is that I was lost in the peaceful ocean inside her. No, maybe I was wrong. Maybe she wasn’t the ocean that I am lost with. Maybe it was just me imagining things. I woke up in a labyrinth finding where am I supposed to go.

Perhaps she must be right. She’s a red supergiant and it was her supernova. I held her hands; I want to feel her at least for the last time. I don’t want to break my grip on her, maybe not now. Before I know it was completely dark. The pitch black has covered up the light that once radiated on her angel-like image. She lets go of my hands, slowly but it was painful. I watch her slim silhouette fade to black.

Still, my question before was left unanswered? Am I ever enough?

“Were you happy?

“I was once very happy.”