Kwoncentrated, Paradox Shop

Version: Initial Story

Title (5/5)

I see no reason why I should dock marks here. Your title is nice, simple, and plot-related. It gives the reader a teensy bit of a heads-up on what the story is about (which is a good thing), and it even gets them to think of relationship between the characters. Good start!

Description & Foreword (10/10)

I like that you included relevant lyrics to the description. From creeping your profile I mean checking out your other stories, I know that you do this with your other fics as well. It's nice to have consistency, kind of like a trademark. As for the description itself, again, it is short and to the point, raises just enough curiosity to make me want to read on, and it preludes nicely into your story.

I don't have much to say about your foreword, given that it is just an author's note to readers. but thank you for telling your readers what song the lyrics are from. Sorry, it's one of my biggest pet peeves when someone doesn't.

Plot (20/30)

Let's get down to business. The plot is fine -- borderline cliché (hi, I don't know you, but here's a letter and write back to me, please), but fine. Cliché is not necessarily bad, and I think you twisted it up enough to make it your own. Mad props.

It is a one-shot, so plot development isn't the biggest issue. Still, you did a good job in finding the ideal pace to take the story. By the end of it, the characters weren't where they started (and I don't mean geographically), but I'll talk more of that in "Characterization".

It is fairly credible. Though Chen seems a little surreal in the beginning, the reader would grow to understand him later on. Although improbable, the chance of finding someone's address online and writing a letter isn't impossible, and neither is getting a response back. You did well with using that fact to your advantage.

Writing Style (10/10)

Your writing style is perfectly up my alley. It's easy to understand, and a soft read, great for a feel-good story like yours. Had you used more complex wording, or heavier, overly-descriptive paragraphs, it would've been hard to stick with the romantic, almost fluffy feeling without slipping into angst a little bit.

You mentioned that this is your first time using letters as a means of storytelling, but I think you pulled it off well. No worries there! If you're comfortable with it, I don't see any problems with using it more often. :)

Characterization (5/10)

The greatest seen character arc would be in Haerin. When we meet her in the beginning, we see a woman who fulfills her filial duty to her parents by studying as hard as they wish and not rebelling. When we are shown the flashback to her fourteen-year-old self, we see a moment when she wants to defy her parents' wishes. By the end of the story, she is far more independent than she ever was. She has her own job, she has her own life. She is mature enough to understand her mother.

Speaking of, I find that the most striking part is how closely related the two characters are. Putting aside the fact that they are mother and daughter, the similarity is best seen through their maturity and their journey to achieve that maturity. Both had times when they acted irrationally (for lack of a better term), i.e. Haerin at age fourteen, and her mother after medical school. But, as they grew, their judgement matured. Mrs. Oh went home to raise her family is an environment she believed was best for her child. Haerin stopped living for her dreams and started dreaming for her life. She built her own foundation in her city to keep herself up. I find this foil-type relationship not only interesting, but a very good use of characterization, intended or not.

As for Jongdae, what I get is a sad soul feeling. He may not be a sad character per se, but he gives off the aura of melancholy, like he carries around grief from a long time ago. I would've loved to read more about his character, but the story was in Haerin's POV, so that wasn't possible other than in the letters.

Flow (10/15)

Personally, I think your flow is good. No problems. Nothing felt out of place, to be honest.

If there was one thing I'd do differently (but it's all about perspective and opinion), is that I'd make Chen go to at least one more place before coming to Seoul and meeting Haerin. Yes, the way it turned out as it is was nice, but it felt like they'd known each other for too short of a time to really form any type of relationship. Other than that, it's nicely done.

Grammar & Spelling (5/10)

I won't lie, I am extremely sensitive and picky when it comes to spelling, grammar, and punctuation (though, mostly the former). I can't say I didn't notice errors in your spelling, but they look like genuine mistakes that I, too, often make.

The errors that distracted me enough for me to notice include:

in the flashback scene - "I do not doubt how much your intelligence, sweetheart..." - it kind of looks like you started the sentence with a different finish to it in mind, but then forgot to change the beginning to match what had ended up being the end.

Haerin opening Chen's first letter - "Cutting a slit down a side of the envelope, she eased the letter out of the envelope." - the word envelope is redundant here, I would recommend getting rid of one and replacing it with a pronoun, such as it.

first paragraph of Chen's first letter - "It's been a few days since I arrived and the weather has otherwise been welcoming." - the word otherwise isn't necessary in this sentence, because you are not presenting a contradictory clause.

second paragraph of Chen's first letter - "...broken, mispronounce English." - it should be mispronounced. probably just a typo.

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