dripped with red

He never knew about Taehyung’s addiction until he saw his reddened, swollen and irritated thigh. He had gasped, and sobbed for hours guiltily after the silver-haired boy had finally told him, and had been wanting to make him stop and help him to get better for the time he had known, but Taehyung would always decline.

He rolled over and turned his back to Hoseok after feeling the elder’s cold, slender fingers slide gently along the bumps and thin, red lines along the upper part of his thigh. “Taehyung.”

“What, hyung?” He responded, more of an exasperated statement than a question.

“Why do you do this…?” To this, the silver-haired male bit his lip, clenching his fists slightly, before turning back to the dancer. He shook his head minimally.

“Don’t worry about that, hyung. Don’t worry about me at all…” He glanced down at his freshly butchered alabaster thigh. “It’s nothing important.”

“Taehyung, listen to me. This isn’t ‘nothing important’. This is you hurting yourself for god knows what reason. Please. Please let me help.” Hoseok sighed quietly.

The younger looked at him, chewing his lip thoughtfully. “Fine, hyung. Fine. I’ll let you help. I don’t know how you’ll be able to…”

“What do you mean?”

Exhaling, the singer continued. “I’m in too deep. I’m in so deep that I can’t pull myself out. It’s so bad that I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to stop. If I keep going on like this, hyung, I’ll die,” He said it all in one quick breath, face paling from the thought. Hoseok gasped, pulling his hand away from the younger’s perfect thigh to cover his mouth.

“I can’t… let that happen… I won’t…” The brunette said, eyebrows furrowed worriedly.

“How do you suggest I stop, then?” The silver-haired looked at the elder, questioningly.

“Hurt me instead,” looking down, Hoseok murmured quietly.

“No.” Taehyung looked at him angrily. “Never. I could never ever do that, hyung. Never ever.”

“No, please, Tae. Please…”

“No,” The younger said, firmly.

“It’s better than yourself. I don’t mind. I’ll take your pain.”

Taehyung sighed in frustration. “No, it’s better than myself and no way in hell would I ever want to cause you pain. No.”

Hoseok looked at him pleadingly.  “It’s more painful to watch helplessly…”

Taehyung sat up, glaring at him. “I’m not cutting up your skin! I refuse to make you feel like-” He paused momentarily, “this, hyung! I’m sorry that you have to watch me do this but it’s not your fight to fight or your pain to feel, nor would you ever ing deserve to be in so much ing pain. I love you, and I’m never going to hurt you. Ever.”

Hoseok looked at him, slowly sitting up. Eyes watering, he gulped back tears and stood up. Taehyung saw the salty tears welling in the brunette’s eyes and his eyes widened, reaching forward to hug him. “I’m so sorry, hyung-” Hoseok, however, pushed the younger away and covered his eyes with his hair, wiping tears away and stepping back.

“Don’t touch me.” The dancer stepped out of the room, sniffling, Taehyung watching him helplessly. Once Hoseok had left, Taehyung pulled himself under the covers and felt tears trickle from his glistening eyes, and he continued to sob until dinnertime.

When Hoseok had completely ignored Taehyung at both dinner and breakfast, it soon became clear to the other five boys in the dorm that something was going on between them. When Seokjin brought it up, Hoseok even looked at him with fake confusion written on his face, pretending to not know a Taehyung at all. Jungkook, who sat next to Jimin, frowned at the response and looked at the elder, who shrugged, eyebrows furrowed at the couple.

Taehyung looked noticeably hurt whenever Hoseok would do that, and the members could all tell that he was on the verge of tears when he would push his plate away and excuse himself to the bathroom. Taehyung didn’t know, but whenever Hoseok would hear the silver-haired sob silently at night and see the bloodstains on his sweatpants, he wanted to shower the younger in hugs and cuddles and innocent nuzzles to the neck, kissing his tears away and wiping off the crimson paint that stained his clothing. Hoseok found it very difficult to pretend not to notice or care about Taehyung, especially since they shared a room. Sometimes he wouldn’t even sleep properly because he knew perfectly well what the singer did to himself as punishment for ing up, and he knew it was his fault. He felt like it was his fault.

So, when a few weeks of continuing like nothing was even happening between them, Hoseok decided he would cut the crap with Taehyung and finally apologise for leaving him hanging like he did.

He left practice early, so he could go home and shower before everyone else. Taehyung had stayed home sick because he felt like fainting, which Hoseok knew was actually because he hadn’t been eating properly the past few days. Sighing upon the news, the brunette ignored it anyway, remembering his façade had to last until he had finally made up with Taehyung.

Hoseok washed his hair and brushed his teeth, biting down on his tongue anxiously. He didn’t know how approach the younger and justify why he did what he did for the past few weeks when he had so recently expressed his love for the boy… He thought, but didn’t come to any conclusions, and decided to simply go along with his instincts when he had to face it. Pulling a smaller towel off the rack, Hoseok ran it through his hair, drying it slightly, wrapping it around his neck. He walked down the hallway from the tiled bathroom to his and Taehyung’s bedroom door, resting his hand on the handle and taking a deep breath.  He inhaled and exhaled a few times, calming himself and opening the bedroom door.

As soon as he had looked inside the room, he knew something was wrong. The curtains were pulled tightly shut, and the lights were off. He stepped further inside the room, widening his view.

And when he saw the blood on the carpet and coating his arms and neck, silver blade still dripping fresh blood onto his white clothes, he knew he was too late. Much too late.