( one )

Dear Soojung,

I know you probably never want to speak to me ever again. But the thing is I can't stop thinking about everything we've been through, all the things that have happened and changed.

And, Soojung, don’t change for anyone, especially for me. I'm sorry if I ever made you feel like you had to. Maybe that's why this break is for the best. I know someday you'll understand.

Sehun

( two )

Dear Soojung,

I think I'm still in love with you. Scratch that. I know that I'm still in love with you.

I'm still in love with the way you're never afraid to throw your head back and laugh. I'm still in love with the way you always wrinkle your nose when you get frustrated with a math problem. I'm still in love with the way you're stubborn and genuine, at the way you get so happy with the simplest of things. Everything. Even the things I made you feel bad about, the reasons I listed to you to prove we would never work out in the end anyway.

We may be too different or completely incompatible. We might have been completely foolish for trying to be more than just friends. I might have said all those things to you, but it doesn't change the fact that I'll probably never love a girl like I loved you.

I'm sorry I never got around to telling you that.

Sehun

( three )

Dear Soojung,

Isn't it funny how the one time I'm the one to break it off, I find it the hardest to let it go— to let you go.

Sehun

( four )

Dear Soojung,

Do you remember that time you came to my house in the middle of the night and cried to me about your parents separating?

I remember holding you and it hitting me, for the first time, how small and delicate you felt in my arms, almost like you were made to fit just right there, against my chest.

Your nose was running, your eyes were watery, and your cheeks were wet; but I remember thinking, in that very moment, as you wiped your tears and tried to compose yourself, I never saw a girl more beautiful than you.

I think that's when it sort of changed, or at least that's when I realized that things were different with you. That this wasn't like all the other times I had 'fallen in love'.

Sehun

( five )

Dear Soojung,

Sometimes when I try to fall asleep, I try to think of the exact moment everything started to go downhill— when everything started to fall apart, when I started to pull away, when it became too late.

I think about if I tried a little harder, if I didn't give up so easily, carelessly, how things would have worked out. Maybe things could have repaired themselves; maybe we could have been something great.

Maybe, maybe, maybe.

You know it's never fifty-fifty in a relationship. It's always seventy-thirty, or sixty-forty. Someone falls in love first. Someone works very hard to keep things rolling smoothly; someone else sails along for the ride.

I'm sorry for never giving enough. But most of all, I'm sorry for making you feel like you were the one that was never enough.

Sehun

( six )

Dear Soojung,

Kai showed me some of the pictures Jiyeon sent from the summer you guys spent together on your road trip. There was one where you were sitting with your feet dangling down a pier, looking out at the sea. You looked so at peace, so completely different from all those evenings and nights where we constantly argued and I made you cry.

I'm sorry for making you cry. I'm sorry for making you feel like you were never enough. I'm sorry for being so difficult and moody and cross.

I hope you're happy, wherever you go, whatever you do. I hope you find happiness in all the places you explore, discover, and make your own.

You deserve so much more than I ever gave you.

Sehun

( seven )

Dear Soojung,

How did you meet him?

Did you know from the second you met him and started talking to him that you were going to take a chance with him?

Does he make you feel those butterflies at the bottom of your stomach, the ones you used to tell me, in between our kisses, that I always made you feel whenever I was near you?

Sehun

( eight )

Dear Soojung,

Jiyeon told us about you starting to go steady with that guy you started to date a month or two ago. I'm happy for you—

Okay, we both know I'm lying.

I'm not happy for you.

I'm angry and it hurts just thinking about someone else holding your hand and leading you through a crowd of people; about someone else kissing you goodnight at your doorstep or someone else making you smile like you're the happiest person in the world or singing to you as you fall asleep (he's a singer too right, that's what Jiyeon told us at least).

I know it's selfish of me (but that's always been one of my biggest flaws, remember you told me that once while we were arguing about something or the other).

I know it's been a year but—

It's obvious you've let go of me, so why can't I let go of you?

For some reason, I can never figure that one out.

Sehun

( nine )

Dear Soojung,

I kissed someone.

I kissed someone and it felt so absolutely wrong that it broke my heart even more than it's already broken.

She didn't taste like you; so