Silence

Fending Off Feelings

A/N: This chapter is a bit longer than normal so enjoy~ <3 I hope I don't bore you ;u;

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Jiho woke up, face first into his pillow, the next morning to the feeling of something massaging his shoulders, squeezing and rubbing the stress out of his muscles in such a delightfully delicious way that he smiled into his blanket and stayed still, biting back a satisfied groan when his massager hit a particularly good spot. After a while he stretched luxuriously, arching his back and squealing loudly in the least manly way possible before he snuggled back into his blankets, a disappointed whine escaping his lips as his massage stopped. 

 

He twisted his face to the side and glanced over to see who had the glorious hands of a god only to smash his face back into the pillow as he saw Hojoon’s blinding grin staring back at him, the other obviously holding back a giggle. How was he always so stupid in the morning that he didn’t even remember Hojoon had slept over again?! ‘It’s like I forget every time he comes here… God and the morning after is always embarrassing UGHHH’ 

 

Jiho kicked his feet at the end of his bed in frustration and let out a muffled whine of embarrassment as he felt Hojoon, with a shirt on thankfully this time, lean onto the bed from his kneeled position next to the bed on the floor and laugh into his fluffy blanket. 

 

“Oh my god, you should have seen yourself! You looked like a cat when you stretched but sounded like a ing demon oh my god—” he paused to burst out into a fit of giggles again, ignoring Jiho weakly swatting at his head in protest, his face the epitome of tomato red (but Hojoon couldn’t see, so it was all good). 

 

“Get your fat head off me— I can’t get up” Jiho squeaked, his voice muffled by his pillow. Not that Hojoon didn’t hear him just fine anyway as he smacked Jiho on the shoulder. “Rude! I do not have a fat head” he snapped playfully, biting back a smile as Jiho curled up into a fetal position as he cradled his red shoulder, whining about how “that’s gonna bruise you jerk!” 

 

Hojoon heaved himself off the floor and flung Jiho’s blanket off him, ignoring Jiho’s shrill scream of horror as he tried to cover up his exposed upper half (he always wore shorts to bed) by curling into a tighter ball, flying one arm out to try to find his blanket that Hojoon was oh-so-kindly holding just out of his reach, grinning like a maniac as he called out “Rise and shine grumpy! We have stuff to do so get your up outa bed!” 

 

He flapped the blanket around teasingly, giggling as Jiho clawed at the material and tried to cover himself up, rolling around on the bed and kicking his legs in a poor attempt to recapture his beloved blanket. No such luck for him, unfortunately, as Hojoon skipped out of his room and paraded around the kitchen with the blanker wrapped around his shoulders like a cape. “Catch me if you can~” he sang out, his voice shaky from his giggling and running around the flat. 

 

Jiho swore he was going to murder him as he stumbled around his room in search of a shirt, shrieking again as Hojoon poked his head into the room again. 

 

“Any luc—mhphghf”

 

“GET OUT- I AM NOT CLOTHED YOU MORON” Jiho shrieked like a scared witch, flinging the nearest piece of clothing at Hojoon, nailing him square in the middle of his face. Jiho crouched down behind his bed and crawled around the floor and finally pulled out a shirt from his drawers that had been poking out haphazardly that caught his attention. 

 

He almost ripped the article of clothing in his haste to get it onto his body as Hojoon flung the pair of pants he’d thrown at him onto Jiho’s messed up hair, smirking as it wrapped around his face. Jiho threw the pants onto the ground and stood up huffily, his face a picture of vengeance. 

 

“Jeon. Ho. Joon.”

 

The culprit in question grinned, waving at him with a corner of his blanket. “Yes?”

 

Jiho rolled his eyes and decided he could get Hojoon back at a later date and snatched the blanket off of Hojoon and tossed it back onto his bed where it belonged. “Don’t ever take my squishy blanket. And for god’s sake— If you ever want to sleep again, don’t INTRUDE ON ME TRYING TO FIND A SHIRT, HOLY CRAP— HAVE YOU NO DECENCY?!” He shrieked, his face feeling the familiar flush of heat tingeing his cheeks red as he stomped past Hojoon and headed towards the door. 

 

Hojoon chuckled at his friend’s diva-like behavior as he followed him to the door. “Where are you going?” Hojoon called out, following him to the door with confusion written all over his amused face. 

 

“I’m going to go get something to eat” Jiho snapped hotly, blowing a piece of hair out of his face as he hurriedly shoved his shoes onto his feet, grunting in frustration as they refused to slide on. Hojoon stood a couple feet away and watched Jiho’s struggle, thoroughly amused as he leaned against the doorway lazily. 

 

“I don’t know why you’re rushing so much— I mean, it’s not like we have somewhere to be” he concluded, a smile slowly forming on his lips at a sudden thought, “Unless you have something in mind…?”

 

Jiho froze for a split second before shoving his shoes on with even more effort than before and stumbled his way out the door, hopping for a couple feet to regain his balance. “Who said we were going together?” he retorted shyly as he walked to the elevator, inwardly giving up on loosing Hojoon by pure speed and allowed him to catch up. 

 

“Well obviously you were intending on going somewhere with me, especially considering you didn’t take off quick enough for me to lose ya” Hojoon smirked, nudging his shoulder against Jiho’s as he poked a button, followed by the elevator beeping as it began its decent to the bottom floor. Jiho wondered for a spilt second if his face was going to explode from the amount of times he blushed as he shuffled a little ways away from Hojoon, staring at the wall partially in denial that Hojoon was right and partially to keep himself sane. 

 

Obviously the keeping sane part didn’t work out so well when Hojoon began to pepper him with questions— well one, but Jiho still didn’t feel like answering it. 

 

“So how’d you sleep?”

 

“Fine… Wait, why?” Jiho shook his head before he glanced over at Hojoon, surprised by the randomness of the question. 

 

“It’s a valid question. What’s wrong with what I said?” Hojoon countered, turning to stare blankly back at Jiho. The taller of the two gulped and broke the staring contest to glance back at the door, which opened on the last floor before the bottom one to reveal a group of about three girls piling into the tight space, giggling and chatting amongst themselves. 

 

Jiho rolled his eyes and sighed patiently as he moved away from them, back against the corner of the elevator to allow them more room even though they were taking up more than half the elevator’s space unnecessarily.Who taught them manners?! Seriously…’ 

 

Hojoon also seemed annoyed by the girls and took a step towards Jiho, distancing himself from the pack of females as the elevator took another trip downwards. Jiho didn’t have time to process how close Hojoon was to him until one of the girls tripped and fell sideways, yelling in surprise as she flailed her arms out to find something to hold onto. Her friends jumped back to catch her, knocking Hojoon smack into Jiho as they helped steady their friend, brushing off her way-too-short skirt and asking if she was okay. 

 

Jiho wanted to shoot every single one of the girls for making his heart want to jump out of his chest and run away but lost his chance as the hellish elevator dinged, allowing all of the girls to pile out of the small space and run free, leaving the two boys squished into the corner to walk out after them, sighing in satisfaction. 

 

Well, Hojoon was satisfied and frankly unfazed by the little ‘incident’. Jiho, on quite the other hand, was struggling to get the feeling of Hojoon pressed up against his side and his breath on his neck out of his mind, but the more he tried to push it away the more it clouded his mind and refused to let him think about anything else. Hojoon had seemed a bit disgruntled to be in such a confined space but didn’t complain at the time, at least not out loud. Jiho half wished he did…

 

Thankfully Hojoon missed the blank, slightly glazed over expression on Jiho’s face and punched his shoulder lightly, a wide grin set on his face. “Well, that was awkward! Ugh, I swear every time we ride that stupid elevator we get swamped by a bunch of drunk chicks! What’s with your floor Jiho?” 

 

Jiho stumbled slightly as they exited the door and regained his balance —apparently along with his ability to talk. “Um, yeah I don’t know… I guess if they were drunk that’d make more sense…” Okay well he regained part of his ability to talk. Good enough, right?

 

Hojoon snorted and shot Jiho an incredulous glance. “You couldn’t tell?! They were hammered out of their minds. That girl probably wouldn’t have just fallen over nothing if she was, you know, coherent.” 

 

Jiho nodded in agreement. As good of a point that Hojoon was making, he was still ticked off at them. Under normal circumstances he would have been okay with a group of cute, tipsy girls in the same vicinity as him, but obviously his preferences had changed a bit since now he was just annoyed by them. Had he really changed that much? ‘Stupid Hojoon and you being pretty…er than girls… Oh my god, did I seriously just admit that?!’ 

 

The tips of Jiho’s ears turned completely red at his own childish thought and covered his face in embarrassment, unable to apparently walk and think at the same time. Hojoon stopped and turned around to see Jiho frozen in the middle of the road, covering his face for some reason. “Hey, hurry up! The café I wanna eat at is probably gonna stop serving breakfast at this rate” he called out, nodding in satisfaction as Jiho rubbed his face with both hands and skipped a couple meters to catch up. 

 

“Sorry, I thought a bug ran into my face.”

 

“Yeah because you’re walking that fast to make a bug run into you” Hojoon teased, wincing as Jiho smacked him on the arm. “Rude. It was weird okay? I had to make sure I didn’t have some insect just chilling on my cheek, sheesh…” 

 

Both boys finally arrived at a tiny little European café and had a small breakfast before heading back to the apartment. Jiho had almost fallen face first into the ground on the walk back as he tripped over some stupid book laying in the middle of the hallway and skipped forward a few steps to regain his balance, cursing under his breath. ‘Stupid math book…’  

 

“You’re having quite the issue with walking today Jiho” Hojoon remarked as he pushed open the apartment door, signaling for Jiho to walk in first, which he obliged to. “Yeah well today kind of started off on one foot for me, you know, being violently woken up and falling out of bed” he said pointedly, shooting a glare at Hojoon as he slid off his shoes and walked over to the table where their laptop and school books were strewn all over, papers piled on top of papers. 

 

He sighed and began cleaning up the mess, mumbling as he picked up the papers one by one “How did we make this big of a mess and not realize it? I could have sworn all I had out was my laptop…” Hojoon walked over and picked up one of the papers balancing delicately on the edge of the table and studied it for a moment then laughed as he set it back down. 

 

“That’s probably cause they aren’t ours” Hojoon chuckled as Jiho looked up at him in confusion, a pile of apparently not-his papers next to him. “What do you mean they aren’t ours?” he asked in confusion, “Who else was— Oh wait.” Jiho put down the papers in his hand as sighed in annoyance, “Dongsung… That idiot. When was he working on homework? And why the hell didn’t he do it somewhere else that wasn’t on top of our stuff…?” 

 

“Oh come on Jiho, he probably couldn’t find a better place to do it other than the floor, which isn’t very comfortable—Plus he probably did it while we were gone” Hojoon reasoned out loud, picking up his own belongings and putting them away as Jiho sat staring at the wall in annoyance. 

 

 Jiho snorted, “Did this much homework while we were away? I find it amazing he didn’t wake up earlier when you were stealing my things and embarrassing me as usual— you’re still a jerk for that, by the way.” 

 

“Well then,” Hojoon chuckled, unsurprised by Jiho’s grudge, “Actually, you were probably too sleepy to notice, but Dongsung was gone by the time I woke up. Does he have a morning class or something?” 

 

Jiho scratched the back of his neck as he pulled out one of the chairs and sat down, “Um… Oh! Yeah I think I remember he said something about a History class.” 

 

“Oh fun! History in the morning must be refreshing. You know…Learning about dead people’s mistakes and war and stuff at 8 am must be thrilling,” Hojoon deadpanned, locking gazes with Jiho as he stared blankly into space.  

 

The other boy opened his mouth to respond but stopped as he got caught up in Hojoon’s gaze. Jiho felt paralyzed enough just by Hojoon purely being near him, but this staring contest was ridiculous. He waved his arms around in front of him, hoping to end this awkward thing Hojoon was doing. ‘It’s almost like he has no idea the effect he has on me… And holy crap it’s so frustrating.’ 

 

Hojoon snapped out of his daze and shook his head as he rubbed his eyes, “Uh, sorry. Kinda spaced out.”

 

“Yeah I could tell” Jiho replied as he cautiously held Hojoon’s gaze as he put his arms down. He eventually broke the stare down as his heart was starting to beat too fast and looked at his shoes, kicking around a piece of paper that was rolled into a ball at his feet. 

 

“Can I ask you a question?” 

 

Jiho looked up to see Hojoon sit down across from him, his eyes seeming to look for something that Jiho couldn’t quite put a finger on. He nodded slowly and waited as Hojoon shifted his weight around on the chair, his face, for some reason, tense. 

 

“I can tell you don’t really want to talk about this or even like to mention it—”

 

 

Jiho gulped. 

 

 

“But I think it’s about time I ask you about it—“

 

 

Jiho felt a wave of lightheadedness wash over him, his throat constricted, making it increasingly difficult to breathe. 

 

 

“I know it’s a touchy subject but…”

 

 

 

His heart skipped a beat—or two or twenty. 

 

 

But…?’  

 

 

 

Jiho didn’t think it was possible for his heart to beat this fast without stopping.

 

 

 

Hojoon sighed and clasped his hands together, and, in an almost whisper, asked “… Why were you, or are you so scared of your ex?”

 

 

 

Jiho coughed, his heartbeat gradually slowing down as he breathed in and out in slow, shaky breaths as he struggled to calm down as he lowered his head to rest it on the table. Hojoon half stood up, alarm written over his face as he reached over and patted Jiho’s back. 

 

“Whoa, hey are you okay? You’re face is totally white—”

 

“Yeah I’m fine” Jiho choked out, his throat finally loosening up and allowed him to breathe easier. He took in several breaths and waved Hojoon away, assuring him he was alright. The other sat down slowly, unconvinced as Jiho lifted his head and sighed, a small smile tugging at his lips. 

 

“I um… It’s kind of a long story…Um, it’s just kind of hard to remember cause I sorta blocked it out” he explained as he fiddled with his fingers nervously.  

 

Hojoon nodded encouragingly, “Go on…” 

 

Jiho glanced up at him apprehensively, “Are you sure you want to hear the whole thing…?”

 

Hojoon nodded and smiled encouragingly. “I’m sure this explanation is going to be easier to say than whatever you thought I was going to ask you.”

 

Jiho felt like he was going to pass out just thinking about it as he said nothing. 

 

“Judging on your facial expression I’m guessing I’m right. Go on, I’m listening.”

 

Jiho closed his eyes and took in a deep breath, held it for a moment, then let it out slowly, collecting his thoughts. 

 

“Okay…… Well, she thought I cheated on her.”

 

Hojoon blinked. “That’s it?”

 

Jiho shook his head and let out a shaky sigh again. “No… But that’s kind of the reason behind what happened. Basically we met at the beginning of my second to last year in high school and dated until we graduated. 

 

“I was pretty with her, and so was she. The only weird part of our relationship was that she was slightly bipolar- but she didn’t show it very often. Usually it would happen when she was sad about something. She’s go from being sad and down to angry and feisty for pretty much no reason, but afterwards she would apologize and try to make it up to me by being sweet like she usually was…

 

“Well, obviously that didn’t last too long. After a while she’d stop apologizing after she’d snap at me and would pretend everything was fine. She’d even bother me when I wasn’t happy and was feeling down after she got mad at me. 

 

“She kept getting worse and worse until it got to the point to where she wouldn’t stop being angry at me and would constantly throw insults at me the entire time we were together. I tried to tell her to get some help so we could fix this, but at that point I was just saying empty words. Whatever ounce of attraction I had towards her at one point was completely gone. 

 

“Eventually I just started to avoid her because I couldn’t bring myself to formally break up with her— I was too scared to do it. She noticed my absence after about a week or so and demanded to know what was wrong. I kept telling her “Oh I’m sick, sorry” or “Sorry I have a test” until she started to get suspicious and constantly texted me 24/7, asking where I was and how I was doing. 

 

“ I don’t know why I didn’t just block her number on my phone and cut her off completely, but I let her continue to text me without replying until one day she texted me while I was standing outside of one of my last classes something along the lines of “Where the hell are you? I’m coming to find you and we need to talk.” I still remember feeling frozen to the spot and absolutely terrified, having no idea what to do. 

 

“I remember walking away from the class, intending on going to my teacher and saying I was sick so I could go home, but I ended up just sprinting full speed out of the school, too scared to accidentally bump into her and ruin everything. I made it about halfway home before I had to slow down to speed walking… That’s when she found me. 

 

“She had been waiting in front of my house for who knows how long and was sitting in front of the apartment door looking more scary than I had ever seen her look before. She then, in the middle of the apartment complex, started interrogating me on why I had been avoiding her, why I was gone all the time, why I never responded to her millions of texts and calls, why why why… 

 

“I eventually gave up and just spilled it all. I told her I couldn’t deal with her abusive attitude towards me and told her I was done. We were over. 

 

“She just stopped talking and stared at me like I was some kind of alien psychopath. She shook her head and tried to reason with me, tried to keep me from leaving, but at that point I had made up my mind. I was done and was ready to face the consequences because I just didn’t care anymore. After about five minutes of her reasoning with me, she resorted yelling at me again. She started screaming insults at me and got so riled up that she called the police on me and accused me of cheating on her. 

 

“For some reason or other, the police came and questioned us both. She managed to twist everything she had done to me into some crazy story that I had been mean to her. I tried to get a word in and tried to tell the police that she wan’t in her right mind and that she was actually the one at fault, but they ignored me and put a restraining order on me. Basically, if I got within ten feet of her and she knew it was me, she could legally call the police and have me arrested.”

 

Jiho let out another long sigh and dropped his head to rest on his arms, his mouth and throat dry from all that talking. He cleared his throat and tried to continue, his voice cracking as he felt a lump form in his throat as tears slowly began to well up in his eyes. He didn’t even have time to flinch as he felt Hojoon reach over the table and patted his shoulder comfortingly. 

 

“That’s… Really rough Jiho, I’m so sorry…” Hojoon said in almost a whisper as Jiho tried to continue. 

 

“I j-just… Still can’t believe someone would do that…” he choked out as he lifted his head up from his arms and tilted his face back, willing the tears to not fall as he took in a deep, shaky breath, exhaling slowly.  When he looked back down he was met by Hojoon looking at him with an indescribable look on his face—something between pity and anger, but there was something else that Jiho couldn’t quite put a name to that was evident in Hojoon’s expression as he spoke once more, his voice hushed. 

 

“People like her make me sick. If you need help, get help. Don’t take it out on someone who’s close to you…” he sighed as he looked back down at the table and shook his head, his grip on Jiho’s shoulder loosening till his hand slipped off and slid in front of Hojoon as he cracked one of his knuckles. 

 

“I’m really glad you told me this Jiho, really. And I’m sorry that I ever teased you about it-“

 

“No! No don’t apologize! You haven’t done anything that made me upset about her. In fact I should probably apologize for being so sassy and annoying… Frankly I’m really glad you even bother to hang out with me. It really means a lot and helps me forget that she was ever even in my life—Not to say I’m only friends with you to forget her, not at all! I like being your friend and all. I just appreciate…”

 

Jiho didn’t even know what his mouth was saying anymore at this point as he just blabbered out how happy he was to be Hojoon’s friend and blah blah blah. 

 

“And I just really—”

 

Jiho stopped short, suddenly realized as what he almost said could have ruined the entire thing and closed his mouth, his eyes dry and wide as he stared at the table. Hojoon leaned forward, eyes full of confusion.

 

“What were you going to say Jiho?” he asked, voice laced with curiosity. “You were…” After he watched Jiho shift around in his seat and open and close his mouth without words coming out, a lightbulb went off in Hojoon’s mind, and he nodded understandingly as he sat back into his seat. 

 

“Never mind that… Anyway, I… I don’t really know what to say except thanks. Which is super lame but that’s the only word I can really put to what you were saying. And in case you wanted to know, I’m glad we’re friends too, as cheesy as that is. Hell, I’d be a lot more bored and antisocial if we didn’t hang out all the time.” 

 

Hojoon smiled to himself as he heard Jiho gulp and clear his throat. 

 

“It’s… It’s not cheesy. Since when was being honest cheesy?” Jiho asked in a quiet voice, hating the silence that followed his question. After a few seconds of absolute silence, Hojoon finally spoke, his eyes trained on Jiho’s downtrend face. 

 

“I don’t know Jiho… Honesty isn’t cheesy. It’s admirable actually. Especially when it’s really hard to be honest about something that you aren’t comfortable with… Right?”

 

Jiho’s eyes widened for split second, Hojoon’s gaze feeling heavy on him for some reason. He felt like Hojoon was getting at something that he wasn’t thinking of, but was too overwhelmed to address whatever Hojoon was hinting at until he suddenly felt his heart stop.

 

Oh………… Oh God… Is he…? There’s no way he’s talking about that…… How does he… Does he know?! Oh god was I that—’ 

 

“I mean, telling me about your crazy ex must have been hard,” Hojoon finished, his gaze, still fixed on Jiho, but held less weight than it did before as he rolled his shoulders, wincing as he felt something pop. Jiho let out a nervous, breathy laugh as he nodded and brought his head up to meet Hojoon’s gaze, his eyes full of relief. ‘Thank  god…’

 

“Oh, yeah, haha that was hard. I just- it’s a hard story, you know? I mean, hopefully not everyone has to go through what I went through,” he muttered, sincerity filling his words towards the end as he wouldn’t wish anything close to what happened to him on anyone. Hojoon nodded, “Yeah I agree. Nobody should have had to deal with her. Ugh, it still totally irks me that she did that… But you know what doesn’t add up?” 

 

Jiho gestured for him to continue. “When we met her those couple times, she seemed completely calm. In fact, I kind of feel like I remember her looking like she didn’t even know you. She didn't seem angry at all— if anything she seemed like she was trying to ask you something when you ignored her… Why do you think that is?”

 

Jiho nodded slowly, his eyes flicking across the table as he thought back on those unfortunate couple of times that he ran into her. She had seemed uncharacteristically calm. Maybe she actually changed after he left her? He shook his head at the thought. ‘No, there’s no way she would after all the resistance she gave me.’ Eventually he just shrugged his shoulders helplessly. 

 

“I don’t know. Honestly I kind of expected her to yell at me and call the police.”

 

“Do you think she’s forgotten about you?”

 

The question made Jiho’s heart skip a beat. Had she? Had she finally realized there’s no point in hating him anymore and just let it slip her mind? 

 

“I certainly hope so,” he snorted, half smiling as he looked up at Hojoon who also seemed quite pleased at the notion. “If she has, then I have considerably less things to worry about now. Ahh…” he sighed, leaning back in his chair as he tilted his head to look up at the ceiling. 

 

“I kind of want to just believe that’s what’s happened. It’s an extremely good way to give myself some kind of closure about the whole situation… Although, do you think I’d be lying to myself if I did?”  He looked back down and stared questioningly into Hojoon’s gaze, which still hadn’t left his face. ‘Why is he still looking at me like that… It looks like he’s trying to solve an imaginary rubix cube with the way he’s looking at me.’  

 

Hojoon was silent for a while before he spoke again. “No, I don’t think giving yourself a break is lying to yourself, Jiho.” His seriousness threw Jiho off, like way off. Jiho laughed nervously, unsure of how else to react. “Okay Hojoon, I’ll take your word for it. But, um, is there something wrong? You seem…” 

 

Hojoon blinked a few times and adjusted his posture, clearing his throat, “Sorry, I um… Yeah. I’m fine.”

 

Jiho side eyed Hojoon cautiously, “Yeah, sure you are. Look, if something’s on your mind Hojoon-”

 

 

“Have you ever been in love, Jiho?”

 

 

Silence. 

 

 

 

The suddenness of his question seemed to pull all the words on the tip of Jiho’s tongue out of him and toss them into thin air, leaving him completely speechless. His mind went completely blank, his thoughts slowing down until they seemed to just float around in his head, leaving only one to stick in place: ‘Is this what he’s been thinking so hard about? If I’ve been in love?’ 

 

Not only did Hojoon’s question seem to paralyze Jiho’s entire being, but so did his focused gaze that seemed to look right into Jiho’s eyes and stare past them, straight into his soul. He didn’t look angry, per se; it was more of an intense, mind numbing curiosity that Jiho couldn’t look away from. Jiho couldn’t have talked even if he wanted to. His mouth and throat were so dry that he would have had to down a glass of water or two before he could talk again, much less function

 

Hojoon didn’t seem too keen on asking anymore questions and seemed content with just staring at Jiho, waiting for the other to respond, Nothing was happening though as Jiho couldn’t physically say anything. His mind woke up and started running a thousand scenarios through his head at dizzying light speed. Had he finally noticed? Had he been too obvious for too long and Hojoon had finally put the pieces together? Or, best case scenario, he was just curious about Jiho past other relationships since he’d just spent about twenty minutes talking to him about a bad ex of his. 

 

Jiho desperately hoped it was the latter of all the possibilities and cleared his dry, scratchy throat only to make himself start coughing. He finally broke the staring competition and stood up and made his way to the kitchen and poured himself a glass of water, gulping it down and setting the glass on the kitchen counter with a satisfied sigh. There, now his mouth wasn’t a desert anymore. 

 

He walked back over and sat down again, sighing in relief as he stared at the table, unwilling to look up and make his heart stop again. ‘I have to say something… Say something

 

“I uh… N-no, I can’t say I have really… Yet…” It was true for the most part. Sure, he had a massive crush on his best friend, but he didn’t know if he could quite call it love yet. He’d been around Hojoon longer than he had most other people, aside from his family members, and had gotten to know his extremely well, but there was just something holding him back from calling whatever his feelings were something as strong as “love”. 

 

He heard Hojoon shift slightly in his seat and looked up to see him looking out the window behind Jiho, his features softening considerably as he spoke, “I see… But, are you sure?” His eyes shifted to look at Jiho for a moment before looking back out the window. “I mean… I’m sure you’ll know when you fall in love, but is it possible you aren’t……”

 

“Aren’t what?” Jiho was curious now, sitting further forward on his seat and leaning his weight forward, almost pushing himself closer to Hojoon in hopes of hearing the answer to his question.  Hojoon closed his eyes and shook his head, “Never mind. I think I was overthinking something and was just kind of… Word vomit, you know?” He waved his arms in front of him in circular motions, signifying the process of thoughts just falling out of one’s mouth. 

 

Jiho’s lips flattened into a straight line, disappointment flickering across his face. “Okay… But that seemed important, you can’t hide that Hojoon. Talk with me about it again once you’ve sorted it out, okay? Promise?” He smiled wanly as he held out his pinky finger, nodding at his hand for Hojoon to do the same. Hojoon chuckled at his childish behavior but complied, linking pinkies with him and shaking his head, “I promise. Now quit acting like a five year old— We have a project to prepare and present today.”

 

“WHAT?!” Jiho yanked his finger out of Hojoon’s grasp and stood up, his chair skittering backwards as he speed walked into his room, realized what he did was pointless and walked back into the other room where Hojoon was still sitting, looking completely calm as he replied, “Yeah. It is today. Did you forget we had to actually present this project?” 

 

“WELL NO— But I thought we had more time" Jiho whined helplessly as he pulled at his hair in confusion, sitting down at his chair and pulling out his laptop and started typing furiously. Hojoon sat there and watched Jiho for a few minutes before he broke the silence only interrupted by the tapping of Jiho’s keyboard, “What are you doing?” 

 

 “Trying to finish this last part— what else would I be doing?” Jiho snapped as he his dry lips. Hojoon laughed quietly to himself, making Jiho send him an annoyed glare. “What?!”

 

“I think you forgot that we finished this already. We’re good to go. All we have to do is blab about it in front of our super bored classmates and professor for five to ten minutes and get a good grade on it.” 

 

Jiho stared at Hojoon incredulously, “Wait, when—what? When did we—”

 

“Hey, don’t worry about it. It’s finished and we’ll do fine” Hojoon reassured him with a comforting smile as he stood up and slung his bag over his shoulder. “Now, I think we should head to class since it starts in-” he glanced down at his phone, “- about half an hour.” Jiho nodded and packed up his things before he followed Hojoon out his door, cursing halfway through walking down the hallway as he turned back to go close and lock his door, catching up with Hojoon just as he walked into the elevator, breathing lightly. 

 

“Sometimes I worry about you” Hojoon muttered, smiling as Jiho didn’t even bother to respond as he stood up slowly and straightened his back as the elevator took them down to the first floor without any tipsy group of girls interrupting their time in the tiny room. 

 

They made it to their class with a few minutes to spare, mostly because Jiho suddenly had a little breakdown where he finally told Hojoon about how much he hated and dreaded doing presentations. Hojoon just patted him on the back and told him he’d do most of the talking and walked him to class with his arm around Jiho’s waist because he was too short to get it around his shoulders comfortably, not that Jiho minded since the gesture in general had his heart going a million miles an hour. 

 

Class went smoothly as the other groups presented their topics until it was Jiho and Hojoon’s turn. Hojoon handed the professor the usb and smiled encouragingly at Jiho from the other side of the board where they were standing. Jiho flashed him a nervous smile back before he cleared his throat and began to introduce the topic to the class, whom half had already fallen asleep, which annoyed Hojoon but calmed Jiho. 

 

The presentation went well other than a few mistakes Jiho made when he was trying to pronounce a couple English words, which made him want to cave into himself and disappear off the face of the earth. Thankfully Hojoon jumped in as Jiho was about to have a melt down and picked up smoothly where he had left off. Jiho made a mental note to himself to buy Hojoon a coffee or something to thank him as he stared at his feet silently. 

 

Hojoon ended the presentation and glanced at Jiho just before they quickly bowed and went back to their seats amidst a scattering of a small group students clapping for them, a few actually smiling and congratulating them on it. Jiho smiled shyly and slid into his chair and put his head down onto the table, sighing as Hojoon sat next to him and rubbed his back soothingly, sliding him a note just before the professor started talking, forcing Jiho to raise his head and pay attention. 

 

He glanced down at the note and smiled at the little encouragement Hojoon had hurriedly scrawled on it with a small smiley face at the bottom. Jiho waited until class had ended to nudge Hojoon’s shoulder with his own, smiling as Hojoon looked over at him curiously. “Thanks… I uh, well I couldn’t really read your handwriting so I’ll just pretend what you said was nice” he teased, grinning as Hojoon walked his arm playfully and stood up, bag slung over his shoulder. 

 

“My handwriting is fine you jerk. Ever considered getting glasses?” Hojoon joked as he walked up the path towards Jiho’s dorm building. Both boys had gotten so used to going there together to work on their project that they automatically headed straight there after class. Jiho shrugged at the suggestion, kicking a rock out of his way as he stared down at the ground. “I don’t think I’d look very good in glasses. I just don’t have the face for it, you know?” He pointed to his face and waved his hands around his head. 

 

Hojoon just rolled his eyes and pushed up his own frames. “Whatever you say. Unfortunately, I don’t have a choice like you do,” he said, smiling despite the sad truth of his statement. Jiho felt his heart sink slightly at Hojoon’s observation. “Oh, sorry… I didn’t mean today you looked bad or anything—I think glasses actually fit you super well!” 

 

Hojoon nodded in thanks, chuckling at Jiho stumbling around a random puddle in the middle of the road a few feet in front of the entrance doors, hissing in annoyance as part of his shoe got completely soaked. “Ahh man!” Jiho whined as he half limped into the building, his shoe making a comical squishing noise every time he took a step. He flashed a pouty glare back at Hojoon as he trudged into the elevator. “Oh shut up you jerk.” 

 

“Hey, it’s not my fault you’re clumsy. Plus, admit it— you’d totally laugh at me too.” 

 

Jiho poked a button on the elevator panel board and crossed his arms defiantly. “No I wouldn’t. I’d be a good friend and do something about it.”

 

Hojoon raised his eyebrows curiously. “Like what exactly?”

 

“I dunno—Something that didn’t include me just watching you hobble around with a wet foot and laughing at you” he snapped, pushing himself off the wall and trudging out of the elevator and to his room while Hojoon followed. As soon as he walked through the doorway, Jiho kicked off the wet shoe and sighed in relief as he rubbed his soaked foot on the rug at the entrance of the dorm room. 

 

“There isn’t a whole lot of things I hate more than the feeling of a wet foot stuck in a shoe—bleh!” Jiho slid his other shoe off and walked into the kitchen, leaving one set of damp footprints in his wake. “You hungry? Cause I am.” 

 

“If you’re gonna make something, can I request that it be ramen?” Hojoon asked as he slid a chair from its original place at the table to in front of the kitchen entrance and sat down in it, smiling as Jiho pulled out a couple instant ramen packets and flashed him a thumbs up as he searched the cupboards for a couple bowls.

 

“Alright ramen addict, let’s get us some yummy heart attack noodles~” Jiho sang out. 

 

“What a mood killer” Hojoon muttered as he soon got bored of watching Jiho boil water and pulled his chair over to the table and flopped down and rested his cheek on its wooden surface. A few minutes later he was pleasantly surprised by a steaming bowl of noodles being placed directly in front of his face followed by the sound of a chair being pulled back and Jiho sitting down with a grunt, his own bowl tapping down in front of him. 

 

He poked Hojoon’s head with one of his chopsticks, nudging him till he raised his head up and smiled as a puff of steam billowed up into his face. “Eat up” Jiho muttered, one chopstick sticking out of his mouth as he wiggled around on his seat a bit before he started eating. 

 

“Looks great, thanks man” Hojoon said as he took his first bite, tilting his head up and breathing heavily due to it being too hot. Jiho laughed as he blew on his noodles. “You gotta cool it down first you big dummy~” he teased as he fanned Hojoon’s mouth with his hand playfully, giggling as Hojoon in cold air to cool down his mouth. Jiho did his best to not stare too long, he really did, but he couldn’t help but stare at the little bit of noodle sticking out from Hojoon’s mouth and ‘oh god that’s gonna bug me or, is it… not bugging me… Do I tell him or will he think I’m weird for even noticing—UGH.’ 

 

Jiho shivered at his own weird thoughts and decided to concentrate on eating his ramen instead of staring at his best friend’s inability to eat properly. But the more he tried to avoid thinking about Hojoon’s inability to eat and that damn piece of noodle glued to his cheekI, the more he thought about it. ‘Irony is a ’ Jiho concluded as he, for the umpteenth time in the timeframe of about thirty-seconds, glanced up to see Hojoon doing something illegal again like eating with his mouth open. Stupid eating and it involving mouths. 

 

“Why can’t we just like, breathe our food?! It’d be so much easier. Imagine all the pain we’d avoid if we just had to breathe in dinner and not suffer…”

 

Hojoon half choked on a mouthful of noodles and had to cough violently for a few awkward seconds before he burst out laughing, tears gathering at the corners of his eyes. Jiho stared in horror at his best friend choking on the ramen he made and made an attempt to stand up and pat him on the back to help him not die but miserably failed as he almost fell backwards as he tripped over his chair. Hojoon only laughed harder as Jiho flailed his arms around in an attempt to regain his balance, eventually doing so and holding onto the table for support as he leaned forward, chest heaving slightly. 

 

“You okay?” he huffed, head dropping to take in a deep breath as he sat down again. Hojoon nodded and wiped the tears of laughter from the corners of his eyes, bursting into a tiny fit of giggles before he finally regained his composure. 

 

“Oh god, Jiho. What the actual hell were you talking about? Breathing in our meals? What in the world made you think of that?!” 

 

Jiho blushed to his ear tips as he drew in his ramen bowl, which had magically stayed put during the whole chocking and falling over ordeal, close to his chest and hunkered over it, hiding his face in it as he mumbled “N-nothing…” 

 

Hojoon snorted. “Okay then. Just let me know when that becomes a thing.” 

 

Jiho didn’t even process what he said as he was too focused on staring through his bangs on the lower half of Hojoon’s face, fascinated by how it moved as he talked. He got too embarrassed after a few seconds and went back to eating his noodles until he ran out and whined like an upset five year old. 

 

“Aww… They’re all gone” he complained and stood up, pouting as he took the bowl over to the kitchen to wash it off, ears perking up to the sound of Hojoon following him to wash of his own bowl. 

 

“Yeah sad day” Hojoon agreed as he reached for the soap across the sink, his hand brushing against Jiho’s as the other the water. Jiho could have sworn he felt an electric spark shock him as he jerked his hand back at the contact, blinking a few times before he resumed his task, pushing the thought far back into his mind. Hojoon apparently didn’t notice or just didn’t seem to care as he finished up and dried off his hands. 

 

“Well, I think it’s about time I head on home for once” he said with a laugh as Jiho finished up drying his own bowl. The taller of the two felt his heart sink slightly at the realization that Hojoon didn’t have to come over anymore since their project was over. Done. No more late nights and awkward mornings. Honestly, as much as he thought he hated the whole thing, Jiho felt like a little part of him was going to be missing now that it was all over. 

 

Hojoon chuckled and patted his shoulder reassuringly. “Oh don’t look so depressed. I’m not going anywhere—just back to my dorm. Sheesh you look like I just announced I was going to America or something.” 

 

Jiho looked up in alarm, eyes wide. “Don’t say that oh my god!” 

 

Hojoon chuckled at the panic in Jiho’s face and shook his head, turning to walk towards the door. “You know, it’s been fun. I didn’t think it was going to work out in the beginning, but they did somehow so… That’s cool” he admitted as he slid on his shoes. He sighed as he pushed past Jiho to go grab his bag and a few things from the other room that he’d forgotten to pick up before he headed over to the door and opened it. Jiho watched him gather his things with a heavy heart, which confused him as much as it irritated him. 

 

Why was he suddenly so sad that Hojoon was going? Now he could have some time to himself and not worry about Hojoon walking in on him squealing into his pillow or anything. He was going to be free! 

 

So… Why did it hurt so much? 

 

They hadn’t even been hanging out for that long —only a couple weeks. And before then they just hung out during and after class for a bit. Jiho felt like he was losing something when in reality he really wasn’t. 

 

Jiho, get your together. He’s just going home. Calm yourself. He’s not going anywhere.’  Jiho kept repeating this in his head as he stepped out into the hallway to say goodbye to Hojoon for the last time before he headed back to his dorm. Hojoon chuckled at Jiho’s depressed face and pulled him into a warm hug, patting his back comfortingly. Jiho felt his arms freeze at his sides for a moment before ‘oh yeah, you gotta hug back idiot’ he awkwardly raised his arms up and returned the embrace, praying to everything in the sky that Hojoon couldn’t feel how fast his heart was beating. 

 

“Try to go to bed at a reasonable time and don’t fall over and knock yourself out,” Hojoon muttered into Jiho’s shoulder as he was too short to put his face on top of it. Jiho just nodded and unconsciously pulled Hojoon closer to himself, breathing in contentedly the light scent of mint that seemed to float around Hojoon constantly. He let out a long sigh before he pealed himself off his friend and smiled shyly, feeling unsure of where to put his arms and hands and face and everything. Hojoon just smiled and waved before he began to walk down the hallway, calling out after him “Oh by the way, you might want to get your heart rate checked pretty soon” before disappearing into the elevator. 

 

Jiho felt all color drain out of his face as he rushed into his room and slammed the door shut and leaned against it, his legs hardly supporting him as he slid down until he was sitting on the cold floor, his chest heaving up and down as he tried to calm down his now definitely racing heartbeat. He clutched at his shirt over where his heart was and cursed softly. 

 

‘Well …’

 

 

——————————————————————————————————————————

 

 

A/N: 0-0 

This chapter was a rollercoaster omg! But totally a blast to write >u> kinda long too~

So whad’ya think? Hm? Hm? HMM? ;u; yay? Nay? You like? No? 

^0^ Let me know down below~~

 

Oh and special treat:  

 

 AYRJVCBHDNASGYUFT

 

LOOK HOW CUTE 

//Cries

LOOK AT HOW HOJOON IS LOOKING AGGHRIFTYTGUYHIU 

 

THIS PICTURE LITERALLY SUMS UP THEIR ENTIRE RELATIONSHIP (in my fic lol) SO PERFECTLY OH MY GOD

 

Sorry, I just found these a little while ago and was on cloud nine for like an hour ;-;

 

ALSO DID YOU GUYS SEE THEIR COMEBACK VIDEO?! 

 

If not: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=urmX0l5aBs8

 

Gogogogo~! (P.s. : IT'S AMAZING)

 

Sorry for the longness of this chapter and author note >0< Hope you enjoyed~ 

Feel free to comment~ 

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ArmyEx0ticBaby
So... Ima actually update soon ;3

Comments

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DumaTrz #1
Chapter 11: Yes xD okay, I was waiting all time for this, thank u for updating ( ͡͡° ͜ ʖ ͡° ) I kinda thought that something bad would pop out at any moment, everything seemed so calm xd
Maybe Jiho's ex? ( ͡͡° ͜ ʖ ͡° ) and crazier than ever? I dunno why but I like her :B what's wrong with me Bdbf
I won't hate u cause you created this amazing story UwUr
Lol much homo
Very PDA
So gay
Wow
adri-ya
#2
Chapter 11: thank you for updating again!!! i really liked it
DumaTrz #3
Chapter 10: Oh gos, i was just as oblivious a Xero x
XD i would have never guessed
I love this fic, the story was great and funny
Y our writing style is awesome
Also, I love Xejoon and their characters here, so more points <3
adri-ya
#4
Chapter 10: hey I forgot to come comment on this!! I loved this chapter omg I was freaking out as I was reading it. Really, I thought Jiho was imagining that Hojoon knew but aaah he knew for real and fsdjoikfjd that was so cute I loved it I absolutely adored this chapter. This fic is one of my favourite AND I REALLY THOUGHT THAT WAS THE END I WAS SO SAD I WANT TO HIT YOU
wontonwoo
#5
Chapter 10: aHAH I WAS RIGHT SHRIEKS. OMG I'M GLAD THEY FINALLY GOT TOGETHER. MY HEART IS BURSTING WITH HAPPINESS SKSHSKSHL. and omfg i thought that was really the end you trOLL. i am sad to see this gonna be ending soon. definitely one of my favourite fanfics. update when you can, love. ^-^
arylia03 #6
Chapter 10: ScReAmiNG from cuteness overload
sooh #7
Chapter 10: this is the sweetest lil thing i've ever seen oh my god ;;;;;;;;;;;
I have to admit, i wasn't sure Hojoon had liked him since the beginning lol and i had my doubts every once in a while, but it all turned out ok (thank gods) and oh my god oh my god they're so ing adorable togetheR I LOVED THIS SO MUCH thank you for this ;U;
wontonwoo
#8
Chapter 9: omg omg omg omg i love this fic so much. xejoon is my ultimate otp shRIEKS. so cliché but hey i adore cliché hahah. hojoon must know, i mean there were subtle hints here and there and he is probably just waiting for jiho to find out for himself or something. update when you can, love. ^-^