(Trigger warning for an eating disorder. I didn't want to put the official trigger warning thing on because it's just a one-shot.)

          Ravi settled himself into the tiny room that he composed in. He set his computer on a chair in front of him, then slid his headphones over his ears and started working. He had been working on this song for several days, but something still felt off about it. It was a song that was full of sadness. It was very emotional, yet still had a slight hint of anger. But it just wasn't...correct.

          After he had worked on it for a couple hours, it was 3:00 in the morning, yet no matter what he did to try and fix it, something wasn't right. After listening to it and looking it over once more, he sighed. He still wasn't sure what was wrong with it. Finally fed up for the night, he slammed his laptop shut and yanked his headphones off, then left.

          When he got back to the dorm, everyone was asleep. He layed down to rest, but sleep never came. His leader, N, was sleeping soundly next to him. He felt a tinge of jealousy as he watched the older boy turn and cuddle up next to Leo. Leo mumbled, then pushed N away. N whined, and Ravi smiled. He wasn't sure why he felt so happy that Leo had pushed N away, so he tried to push the thoughts away.

          He considered whether he should drink some tea to help him sleep, or if he should go back to work on composing again. Neither idea sounded appealing, but he got up anyway. When he reached the door, he glanced back at his sleeping members, the felt anger and envy wash over him. N had rolled back to Leo, and his lips were pressed against Leo's neck, but Leo didn't push him away this time. Ravi hissed in anger, then left and slammed the door behind him.

          N heard the door slam shut and woke up immediately. He glanced around, and saw that Ravi wasn't in the room. He sighed and pouted, then felt Leo start to wake up beside him.

          "Wha...?" Leo mumbled sleepily.

          "Ravi left again." N muttered, obviously annoyed and upset. 

          Ravi was barely around anymore, unless they were practicing. He was constantly cooped up in his tiny little room, composing. He barely ate anymore, and never slept. N was starting to get extremely worried about the younger boy.

          "You should go get him." Leo suggested. N nodded, then got up and left quietly.

          When N reached the practice room, he glanced around, then headed toward to the room where Ravi was working. He knocked once on the door, then opened it. Ravi looked up in surprise, the took his headphones off.

          "What are you doing here?" He asked in confusion. N crossed his arms over his chest and glared at him.

          "Why aren't you sleeping? You need to rest, okay?" He said sternly. Ravi sighed, then shook his head.

          "I'm working." He replied. "Why did you come, anyway?" He asked. If N had a good reason, he might go back to the dorm and try to rest.

          "I'm worried about you." N snapped. "Well, and because Leo said I should." He admitted. Ravi stiffened, then glared at him.

          "I'm fine, but thanks for 'caring'." He shot back. N's eyes widened in surprise, and he took a step backwards.

          "Ravi, what the hell is wrong with you? Ever since you started working on that song, you've almost completely closed yourself off!" He hissed. Ravi shrugged, then shook his head.

          "It's not because of the song, now get out of here. Stop bothering me. I don't need you to distract me, okay? Leave me alone." He said in anger and frustration. He wasn't lying, it wasn't the song that had been making him so closed off lately. But he couldn't tell N the truth, not in a million years.

          "Ravi, why-"

          " off." Ravi growled. N gasped, then covered his mouth with his hand. His eyes were full of hurt, and tears were threatening to fall. Ravi tried to ignore the guilt eating away at him from inside, and managed to succeed. He glared at N, who rushed out and closed the door behind him.

          Two days later, Ravi was as closed off as ever. He never came out of the room (besides when he had to go the bathroom), so Ken finally decided to try and visit him.

          He opened the door and walked in, then closed it quietly and crouched down in front of Ravi.

          "Hey, how're ya doin?" He asked. Ravi glanced up, then pulled his headphones off.

          "Hey, Ken?" He asked tentatively.

          "Yeah?" Ken raised his eyebrows.

          "Can you listen to this to see if it's okay?" Ravi handed the headphones to Ken, who listened for a moment then frowned.

          "I feel like..." He rubbed the nape of his neck. "I feel like you aren't quite portraying the emotions as well as it seems you want to." He answered honestly. Ravi nodded, then sighed and took the headphones back and placed them around his neck. Then the lights flickered out.

          Both boys jumped, then Ravi's computer shut down. Ravi yelped and started clicking every key possible, trying to turn it back on. He pulled the headphones off his neck, and he and Ken ran out of the room and looked out the window. Rain was pouring down, and a bolt of lightning illuminated the room. Ravi swore, then ran his hands through his hair. He pulled out his phone to try and see when the storm would stop, but it wasn't working either. They would just have to wait the storm out.

          The room was pitch black, save for the occasional lightning, so when the power came back on, both boys were momentarily blinded. The moment Ravi had his sight back, he sprinted back to the room and turned his computer on. Ken followed him, then watched as his eyes flicked around the screen. Ravi's worried face quickly distorted into an expression of fear and confusion.

          "Where's the file?" He whispered, panicked. His eyes flicked around the screen a bit more, then he in a breath.

          "What?" Ken asked, not sure as to what was going on.

          "It's gone. The file is gone. The whole song-" Ravi had a pained expression on his face. "It's gone." He finished. Ken's eyes widened.

          "Y-you're sure?" He asked in shock. Ravi nodded, then sighed.

          "Please leave me alone right now." He dismissed Ken with a wave of his hand, trying to appear calm. Ken just sighed and walked out. The moment he was gone, Ravi burst into tears. He couldn't help it. He had been working on it for so long, just to have it deleted because of a stupid storm.

          The tears flowed continuously for a half hour or so, before he finally got himself together. Once he knew his eyes weren't swollen, he got up and walked outside to get some fresh air. He walked for a while, until he ran into a slightly shorter man.

          "Oh, hey Joon hyung." He bowed. Joon waved and smiled.

          "Hey, it's nice to see you!" He smiled. Ravi nodded.

          "So how's your career in acting going?" He questioned. Joon shrugged.

          "Pretty good. Hey, why don't we go get some ice cream or something then talk for while?" He suggested. Ravi smiled slightly, then nodded.

          They walked to a small ice cream shop, and bought some then sat down. Joon noticed how exhausted Ravi looked, so he frowned.

          "Are you okay?" He asked. Ravi nodded, and Joon just shrugged. "How's that song that you were composing going?" He inquired. Ravi stiffened.

          "It...it got deleted...during the storm..." He choked out. Joon's eyes widened.

          "Woah, really? That !" He murmured in sympathy. "But maybe...maybe you needed a fresh start. You were working on it for a long time, but still weren't satisfied, right?"

          "Yeah..." Ravi sighed.

          "Maybe starting new will help you clear your mind, so you can make it twenty...no, fifty times better than before!" Joon grinned. "Maybe you could even use your own experiences to write it."

         "Maybe..." Ravi agreed, then a small smile formed on his face. "Yeah. Thanks, hyung."

          "No problem. Make that song awesome, okay?"

          Ravi arrived at the dorm right as Leo finished cooking some ramen. All the members (besides Leo) were already sitting down at the table. Ravi slipped in between Ken and N, a smile still visible on his face. A few of the members were staring at him in confusion, but he didn't notice. The table was already set, so Leo came and set the pot of ramen on the table, then N scooted over away from Ravi. Ravi's smile fell from his face as Leo sat down next between him and N.

          "Actually I...I'm not hungry." He stood up and walked out stiffly. All the members turned to watch him leave except for one. Ken protested, but Ravi didn't care, because N was the one who hadn't turned to watch him.

          He ran to the practice room, then fell to his knees and started sobbing. He completely forgot what Joon had said to him just a few hours ago. After a while he stopped crying, but he couldn't shake off one awful feeling that was creeping up on him.

          It was two weeks later. Ravi had become completely and utterly closed off, and he almost never came out of his room. On the bright side, he was sleeping a lot, but on the downside, he barely ate anything besides small snacks, and for the past few days he hadn't even been coming out for snacks. All of the members appeared troubled, except for N. No one knew why, but it was worrisome.

          At night, once N knew everyone was asleep, he gently placed his hand where Ravi usually slept with the other members, then drew in a shaky breath. He tried to pretend he didn't care. He wasn't sure why. Maybe he wanted to make the members think that nothing was wrong. He didn't realize that doing this was hurting them even more.

          Ravi mumbled, annoyed, as Ken tried to coax him out of the room. He had done this countless times already, and Ravi was fed up.

          "Fine!" He eventually gave in. Ken smiled and pulled him out of the room, then out the door to the outside world. Ravi sighed and muttered quiet insults the whole way. The bright sun gave him a headache, but Ken just kept pulling him until they reached a small cafe. They went inside and sat down.

          When the waiter came, Ken ordered one medium cappuccino, one small cappuccino, and two cookies. Ravi sighed, knowing Ken was going to make him eat one of the cookies.

          The waiter came back a few minutes later with the coffee and cookies, then placed them on the table. Ken thanked them then slid one of the coffees over to Ravi, who took it and sipped it thoughtlessly. He was staring at the wall, completely lost in his own world, until Ken shoved a cookie into his mouth. He almost immediately spit it out, but Ken gave him a stern look.

          "Eat it. You need it." He ordered. Ravi resentfully chewed it and swallowed it. Ken motioned for him to eat more. Ravi finished the cookie then layed his head down on the table. His head was suddenly full of thoughts. Emotions stole his mind. Sadness. Anger. Anything else associated with the two. Then one thought struck him.

          "Maybe you could even use your own experiences to write it."

          The words echoed in his head over and over again. Suddenly he sat straight up. Ken jumped at the sudden movement from the latter.

          "Hyung, I'm going to work on my song, okay?" Ravi said, then ran out. Ken blinked, confused.

          Ravi ran all the way to the practice room, then went to his little room to work on the song. He suddenly knew exactly what to write about. It went quickly, the song was full of every emotion Ravi had been feeling for the past two weeks.

          "Ken hyung?" Hongbin addressed the boy who just walked in through the door with confusion still in his eyes.

          "Hm?" Ken blinked a few times.

          "Where's Ravi?" Hongbin asked warily. Ken sighed, then shook his head and rubbed the nape of his neck.

          "He said he was going to work on his song, then left me." He replied. The members looked between each other in confusion. All but N, whose shrugged and sat down like nothing happened.

          "Who's the most likely to be able to figure out what's going on?" Hongbin inquired.

          "Me, or..." Ken's voice faded away and they all looked at N, who glared back then shook his head.

          "I'm not doing it." He hissed. Hyuk looked at him with pleading eyes.

          "Please, hyung?" He begged. N shook his head again. Hyuk looked at the ground and his eyes started to well up with tears. 

          Leo walked up to N, then crouched down in front of him. Everyone looked at him with confusion, including N. Leo whispered something to N. N shook his head once again, so Leo raised his hand and slapped him. Hard. Everyone gasped and N's eyes widened as his hand shot to his face to touch the spot where Leo just hit him.

          "W-what just happened?" A voice stammered from the doorway. Leo stood up then stepped to the side as Ravi rushed to N. N was staring at the ground in shame.

          "I'm sorry." He whispered without looking up. Ravi studied N's face, then sighed and stood up. He walked out without saying anything else.

          Nearly three months later, Ravi was pretty distant, but not as much as he had been before. It was more of him just composing a lot. He ate with them, just didn't have much food. Ken was okay with it, because he shouldn't eat a lot yet anyway. He was just glad Ravi was eating at all.

          One day, Ravi came back to the dorm much earlier than usual. He looked pretty excited, so everyone was interested in what he had to say.

          "I decided to put some singing in my song, so it's not just rap. And I want one of you to sing it for me." He announced. The members looked around. Everyone guessed it would be N or Ken, but Ravi didn't say anything.

          "Um, Ravi?" Ken finally spoke up. Ravi smiled.

          "Hyuk, I want you to sing it for me." He said. Hyuk's eyes widened, as did everyone else's.

          "R-really?" Hyuk stared at Ravi in shock. "Me? Are you sure?" There were a few murmurs from the other members. Ravi just nodded.

          "I know you're capable of this. I know you can do it." He said confidently. Hyuk just nodded numbly. But no one missed the look of disappointment on N's face.

          Turns out, Ravi was right. Hyuk sang it perfectly, and everyone was proud. The song was called Memory. When it came out, fans were really struck by the emotions put into it and expressed so well. The lyrics were also emotional.

          "Ravi?" N asked the younger boy one day.

          "Hm?" Ravi looked at him.

          "Why did you choose Hyuk to sing the song? People like Ken and Leo...like me. We have more experience with singing. So why were you so eager to have Hyuk sing it?" It came out much quicker than N meant it to. Ravi could hear the hurt in N's voice.

          "Hyuk needed the experience. And it turned out well, so I know I made a good choice." He replied. N frowned.

          "I know but-"

          "N, I know you're pretty much just asking why I didn't choose you." Ravi snapped. N's gaze dropped to the floor, and Ravi sighed. "Hyung, you know it's true. And I have a good reason as to why I specifically didn't choose you."

          "W-what?" N choked out.

          "N, I was really hurt when you ignored me like that. That's why I wrote this song. I wrote this for you, N." Ravi hissed, then stormed out the door. N tried to comprehend the information he had just received.

          He wrote that...for me?

          N sprinted after Ravi, then caught him and grabbed his wrist right at the door.

          "I'm sorry." He whispered. Ravi didn't answer. They looked at each other for a moment, then their lips crashed together. They shared a passionate kiss, before pulling apart and staring at each other in shock. Neither knew who had moved first, but it didn't matter. N pulled Ravi into a hug, and they stayed like that until the door opened and Ken walked in. He stared at them.

          "Um, what's going on?" He asked in confusion. N and Ravi pulled apart and started laughing. Ken blinked several times, then shook his head and walked back out.

          "I'm hungry." N stated. Ravi chucked and placed a small kiss on N's lips, making the older boy blush.

          "Then let's get some food."