I agree, grinning while our hands swing at our sides, cracking a joke about seeing Lust in a bikini. My humour earns me a smile, with a couple wacks following.

 

'But, you already are...' It mumbles quietly.

 

Love offers a kiss and bids me farewell, the pool in my stomach becoming more shallow at the action. 'I'll see you soon!' It natutally blurts out, leaving the words "I need you" and pleads of "help me" to fill my throat, making me make choke.

 

I stand there, watching after Love as she fades into the distance, and with each step I sink an inch deeper. My legs tell me to kick myself out of the water, kick with all my might to run anf grasp onto Love, but it's too late. It's yanked me indoors, both of us trudging up the stairs to the entrance of the dump yard. I pull myself back, desperately trying to escape that stench of loneliness that is so apparent. But it's too late, It's thumb already typing in numbers to the code, pushing down the handle and pushing me in.

 

Step, step, fall. 

 

Two seconds in, and the stench has already begun to suffocate me. This trash yard of memories, of regrets, of hatred: it reeks. The fumes have already passed through my blood stream, poisoning my veins, starving my brain of the thoughts of sny life outside of this trash can of wooden floors..

 

'No,' I tell myself, clinging onto the edges of the dresser' I can get through this, I won't fall in deeper'

 

'Look around you' It beckons from the deep depths of the pool  'The cans filled with mistakes, the sorrowful drinks of people that left, the waste that you are and amongst. There's nothing for you to get through to.'

 

My grip weakens on the ledge of the pool, but I cling with everything I have, yelling at it, kicking it away, desperately trying to pull myself to safety.

 

It grabs my ankle, snatching me back. 'You know you shouldn't be here, you know you're not wanted.' 

 

I scream more, and spit at the lies it tells me, tell It that it is he that is unwanted. But I fail, the toxic water has already begun working its wickedness, my screams of rightoeus become screams of agony.

 

'There's no reason for us to be here.' 

 

I stop. The screaming, the struggling, the breathing. Love seems long gone, her warmth, her arms foggy. The arms I had called home are anything but home, a luxurious mansion I don't deserve. This is home. This trashcan, this pain. 

 

I whimper, floating down into the embrace of the floor. My body weakens, and I'm consumed, lifeless. For hours I lay, perhaps days, letting the thoughts smother my lungs and my mind. It has won, again.

 

I'm just a loser,

 

A coward who pretends to be tough

 

A loner, a jackass covered in scars, dirty trash.

 

The mirror will never change.