Step one, you say, "We need to talk."

He walks, you say, "Sit down. It's just a talk."

He smiles politely back at you.

You stare politely right on through.

Some sort of window to your right.

As he goes left and you stay right.

Between the lines of fear and blame.

You begin to wonder why you came.

You had to be the one to tell Kyungsoo, tell him the news the doctors told you about your big brother; Do Minseok. His last name use to be Kim but he was married to Kyungsoo and got his last name changed three years ago, but he was still your only sibling and your oldest brother who always was there for you. "Kyungsoo... I have news to tell you. Sit down, please." You pulled a chair over when he made his way over to you, you knew he wouldn't be able to stand the news you had for him. Kyungsoo wasn't allowed in the room when the pregnancy was going on even though he was your brother's husband, the one who got your brother pregnant and made your brother the happiest. 

Kyungsoo was smiling at you and you could tell he was waiting for good news but you didn't have any so to speak, the only thing you could do was stare through his smile because in your heart you wanted to lie to him and say everything went well though your mind was scolding you for even thinking about that. You had turned your gaze to the window on your right as you sighed "The pregnancy was a success." You didn't look at him when you heard what sounded like a happy sigh, closing your eyes you could feel tears start to burn in them.

"Minseok didnt... Didn't make it though the process.. He passed." This time you couldn't stop the tears that rained down your cheeks. You could hear a choked sob when Kyungsoo realized what you meant, this burning anger woke inside of you. The next set of words rushed out before you could stop them, turning you yelled at Kyungsoo's retreating figure as he paced down the hall and sobbed. "it's your fault! You got him pregnant!! I knew he shouldn't have married you! My big brother is dead because of you!!" You didn't mean to blame him but you were scared and angry, watching Kyungsoo bolt into the room thst your brother layed in was heart breaking. You pulled out your phone and quickly, through blurry tearfulled vision, you dialed your fiancés number. Jongin wasn't just your lover but he was also Kyungsoo's best friend and knew how to help the smaller male.

Where did I go wrong? I lost a friend.

Somewhere along in the bitterness.

And I would have stayed up with you all night.

Had I known how to save a life.

The moment you had heard Jongin's voice on the other end of the call you broke down into tears, explaining everything to Jongin had took you over the edge of staying strong. "Jongin... What did I do to deserve this? He was the only family I had left besides my new one with you. I lost my friend" Your voice kept breaking as you choked on tears, telling Jongin your bitterness towards Kyungsoo you didn't want to have. "Please come here.. Please.. I need you.. So does Kyungsoo" You tried not to sound pitiful but you couldn't help it, you had lost your brother and you were about to lose your brother-in-law as well.

After what seemed like hours, Jongin arrived at the hospital. You ran to your fiancé and buried your face into his chest as you cried harder, balling your fists into his shirt. "Jagiya.. I'm not going to say it will be okay... But you can get through this. I'm here for you, Jagiya." You felt safe as Jongin wrapped his arms around your frame, his voice soothed you enough to stop the tears in able for you to speak. "Jongin... I told Kyungsoo it was his fault my brother died.. I didn't mean to say it.. Can you please talk to him.. I'm afraid he won't listen to me" Jongin looked at the door of the room that held your dead brother. You watched as Jongin nodded and disappeared into the said room, the only thing going through your mind was the fact you would have been able to save your brother if you stayed up all night with him, though it wouldn't have made a difference.

Let him know that you know best.

'Cause after all you do know best.

Try to slip past his defense.

Without granting innocence.

Lay down a list of what is wrong.

The things you've told him all along.

Pray to God, he hears you.

And I, pray to God, he hears you.

Jongin had made you talk to Kyungsoo, the smaller male wouldn't even talk to his best friend he would do was stare at the face of his lifeless husband and hold the cold colorless hand. "You have to talk to him. Let him know that you know best because you do." Those were the words Jongin had told you before he lead you to the room, tears spilled from your eyes as you saw the lifeless body of your brother on the bed with his husband holding his hand. You sighed as you walked over to Kyungsoo and layed a hand on his shoulder to get his attention, without trying to be innocent about it.

"Kyungsoo.. Please listen to me.." You felt hurt when Kyungsoo shook your hand from his shoulder and held back tears at the words that came from Kyungsoo's heart shaped lips. "You're right.. I killed him... I killed my own husband. We both had wanted a child but I didn't think it would destroy him like this... I murdered my own husband!" The tears streamed down your face as the man in from of you bursted into uncontrolled sobbing. "No.. Kyungsoo.." You started to list things that was wrong with what he had said. "You loved him, you still love him, you protected him when he was alive, made the cutest couple and he loved you. He still does. You would never hurt him, physically or mentally. You were faithful to him like he was to you. I blamed you because I was scared and angry, I lost my brother. My only blood shared family I have, at least until me and Jongin have kids." You saw something change in Kyungsoo as he looked at you, "I lost my husband. Someone I love dearly and I'll always love him. I have nothing now..." 

You laughed sadly and left the room before coming back with a small bundle in your arms. "You still have this little one. The child made it, Minseok sacrificed his life to give you the child so you wouldn't be alone until you were able to move on." You knew though, before Kyungsoo spoke that he wouldn't be moving on. You passed Kyungsoo the small bundle and smiled when you saw his eyes soften, change, and a smile form on his lips. "Kyungsoo, I'm really sorry. Please, we can get through this together. Me, you, Jongin, the baby and Minseok himself, even though he is no longer with us physically." You prayed he heard and listened to you, you prayed hard in your mind. Kyungsoo looked at you, a small nodded of his head showed that he had heard. You smiled softly as you pulled a chair to sit next to him, resting a hand on his shoulder "What will you name her?" Kyungsoo looked at you wide eyed at the news of his child being a girl, the baby looked like Minseok with her lopsided smile and she looked like Kyungsoo with her big eyes as she looked up at her father. "I.. I want to name her... Minnie.. Minnie Seok Do. The female version of her mother's name." You couldn't help but giggle quietly at the name and the fact of her brother being called a mother. "It's beautiful."

And where did I go wrong? I lost a friend

Somewhere along in the bitterness

And I would have stayed up with you all night

Had I known how to save a life

The funeral was sad but it went well, you couldn't have it the way your brother wanted; everyone wearing white but instead everyone had to wear black. You used white roses, your brother's favorite, though he wasn't buried. Your brother was cremated and placed in a cat vase which even though he didn't like cats your brother would always remind you of the fluffy animal. Kyungsoo was there along with your brothers and his baby girl, Jongin wasn't there like he had promised so Kyungsoo stayed by your side the entire time the funeral went on. You felt bitter towards Jongin, he had promised you that he was going to show up and be there with you but he had other plans. 

You and Kyungsoo had lost a friend, now having to be there more for each other than anything. You could hear Kyungsoo sobbing about what he had done wrong, you knew that would last a short while but he wouldn't live with it because he had Minnie Seok to take care of. The baby of your brother and his husband, she was beautiful with the face of your brother and the eyes of his husband. You still felt guilty for the fact that you couldn't have stayed up with your brother all night when he had needed you, maybe both you and Kyungsoo could have saved his life. You shook your head and sobbed against Kyungsoo's shoulder as Kyungsoo held the little body bundle of his child in his arms. You knew that no one could have saved Minseok but you also knew that maybe just maybe he could have, but he risked his life to save the small life he has brought into the world.

As he begins to raise his voice.

You lower yours and grant him one last choice.

Drive until you lose the road.

Or break with the ones you've followed.

He will do one of two things.

He will admit to everything.

Or he will say he's just not the same.

And you begin to wonder why you came.

It had been a few weeks since the funeral of your big brother and Jongin was coming home less and less, you thought he was just out with friends or giving you space. He wouldn't talk to you even when he was home, until you caught him alone in the kitchen with his shirt off. "Jongin... Why are you never home? Are those hickeys?!" You studied the patches of red marks dotting his shoulders and neck, tears once again burned in the corner of your vision. You could see he was shocked though it didn't last long until he lashed out at you in anger "And?!? You aren't the same!! You changed!! Always sad and depressed!?"

You've never seem him this angry though you weren't going to back down "My brother just died!! Of course I'm going to be sad!! This...this is your way of fixing it?! Ceating on me?!" Jongin raised his voice, the words he said hurt you enough your voice lowered. "Yes!! I am cheating because you're not good enough anymore!! This sad needs to ing stop!! It's your damn brother get the over it! How do I know you're not cheating on me with Kyungsoo!? You're always spending your time with him!" You could tell that after he finished he regretted the words he said. "That's my brother...my only sibling... And Kyungsoo is heartbroken... He's gay and is still married to Minseok.. He won't say he's not.. If...if I'm not good enough... Than I'll leave if that's how you feel.." You wanted to grant him one last chance but you couldn’t, running out the house with him realizing you had broken up with him.

You got into the car and quickly started the engine, speeding out of the driveway and down the road. You wiped the tears from your face and wondered over and over why you had even came home or came out of the room. You broke it off with the one you loved before he said you weren't good enough. "he's not the same.. He's not the same.." You repeated that over and over, feeling a warmth come over your body you could feel Minseok's presence next to you, moving your hands on the stirring wheel. The car turning towards Kyungsoo's house, parking than turning off without you doing so. "Minseok.. He could be sleeping.. I don't want to wake Minnie Seok.." You still got out the car though, feeling a sorta push, going up to the house and knocking on the door. 

You waited as Kyungsoo opened the door "Oh!" Was the only thing he said as he pulled you into the house, wrapping you in a blanket as you broke down and told him everything that happened. "What?! You're my sister-in-law!!! We would never!" You nodded and sighed heavily, wrapping the blanket tightly around yourself, telling him you broke it off with him because you caught him cheating and thst he said you weren't good enough. "What?! Oh no! Minseok would never have let him say that do I'm not either!!" You watched as he grabbed his phone and told Jongin off, sound just like your brother would. Kyungsoo took you to the guest room and said that you would be staying with him until Jongin leaves that house. 

Where did I go wrong? I lost a friend.

Somewhere along in the bitterness.

And I would have stayed up with you all night.

Had I known how to save a life.

You nodded and stayed in the living room for a moment before following him to the guest bedroom, feeling lost and something was missing. You couldn't help but realize you lost another friend, unable to think of what you did wrong. The bitterness was growing and it felt like you couldn't stop it until everyone in your life was gone. You wished so much that you could save a life, hoping that of you had or did stay up all night you would learn how to save a life.

Where did I go wrong? I lost a friend.

Somewhere along in the bitterness.

And I would have stayed up with you all night.

Had I known how to save a life.

The next morning you some before Kyungsoo and the babu Minnie Seok. You made your way to the living room where your brothers vase that held his ashes was. "Big brother.. I don't know what to do.. I wish you were still I live. I'm losing everyone, I just hope I don't lose Kyungsoo as my friend.. Its the only brother I have left." You sighed and looked towards Kyungsoo's room, feeling a warmth spread through you as you realized that your brother knew what he had planned for you. There was a friend of Minseok and Kyungsoo that your brother tried to pair you with. Oh, if only you could remember his name, ahh yes... LuHan. You remembered how sweet he was to you when. You first meant. You smiled and decided to meet up with him when the time came, looking at your brothers vase you whispered a "Thank you." Before going back to the guest room again. A white winged mist appearing for a second when baby Minnie Seok started crying, disappearing again when she started to giggle and fall back to sleep. The mist brought warmth, the same warmth Do Minseok had when he was alive.

Where did I go wrong? I lost a friend.

Somewhere along in the bitterness.

And I would have stayed up with you all night.

Had I known how to save a life.

How to save a life

How to save a life

Where did I go wrong? I lost a friend.

Somewhere along in the bitterness.

And I would have stayed up with you all night.

Had I known how to save a life.

How to save a life...