“Aish hyung, stop it!” Jaehwan shouts to his hyung.

            “I’m sorry I can’t help it, Jaehwan-ah.”

            “You’re ruining my hair, hyung! It took me an hour to style it!” Jaehwan pouts his lips unconsciously, crossing his hands over his chest.

            “It’s your fault for being cute okay.” Taekwoon can’t help but coos over Jaehwan’s cuteness.

            “Hyuuunnggg~” Jaehwan whines, making Taekwoon lets out his rare chuckles.

            Jung Taekwoon and Lee Jaehwan are best friends since forever. Everybody knows that. Everybody knows that Jaehwan is the only one who can make Taekwoon smiles or laughs, they envy him a lot because of that. It’s like Jaehwan is the only one who can bring the Jekyll side of Taekwoon. Taekwoon is known for his cold and ice-like personality, but with Jaehwan those personalities crumble into nothingness. As if that Taekwoon never exist, only happy and smiley Taekwoon.

            Jung Taekwoon, 24 years old. He is the captain of soccer team. It’s no secret that he has a lot of fans, whether it’s boys or girls. He’s born with almost flawless body, tall, handsome, beautiful feline-like eyes, sharp nose, broad shoulders, and long legs. He has almost everything, almost because he’s still pursuing his love, the dance team leader, Cha Hakyeon.

            Lee Jaehwan, 22 years old. He’s currently in choir and the chief of painting club. He’s campus’s sweetheart. Who doesn’t know this cute ball of sunshine? He never fails to bring smile on everyone’s face. His mere existence already makes them happy. He has this innocent happy puppy aura, making him loved and cherished. He always tells people jokes, although sometimes they’re lame, or sings for them to make them happy. How can you not like this sweet human being?

            People never knew Taekwoon and Jaehwan will match each other so much, as best friend. Who would expect ice prince and sunshine angel are best friends? But here they are, being best friends since forever, breaking the thought.

            Everyone thanks Jaehwan for being Taekwoon’s best friend, because without him they won’t have Taekwoon as their talented soccer team captain, or great student council leader, or last year’s wonderful campus festival leader. Jaehwan can make Taekwoon do something amazing, although he may refuse it at first. Jaehwan is the only one who can persuade him to do something. They often ask Jaehwan’s help if they can’t persuade Taekwoon, and it works most of the time. What would they be without Jaehwan?

            And the story goes cliché as Taekwoon has his heart on somebody else and Jaehwan, well, he has his heart in Taekwoon’s palm since day one. Of course Jaehwan chooses their friendship over his love. At least he doesn’t lose Taekwoon and he can be by his side as much as possible, although sometime it’s hard when Taekwoon’s telling him his love for the dance team leader or asking him his help to match him up with him. It’s hard. It’s hard because when Taekwoon ruffles Jaehwan’s hair, the butterflies fly in his stomach. It’s hard because when Taekwoon smiles or laughs, Jaehwan feels special since he’s the only one who has the power to. It’s hard because when Taekwoon sings Jaehwan a song, he feels at peace. It’s hard because when Jaehwan needs Taekwoon he’ll be there for him. It’s hard because “You’re my best friend, Lee Jaehwan.”

            It’s okay. It’s okay because as long as he can make him smile, he’ll endure it. It’s hard but he can endure it. It’s suffocating but he can get used to it. It’s killing him slowly but it’s worth it. It’s okay because as long as he can make him smile, he’ll do everything he can do. Because Taekwoon’s smile is his everything. Because Taekwoon’s happiness is his everything. Because Taekwoon is his everything. And this is their cliché story.

****

            “Hyung, which one do you think is good. This one or this one?” Jaehwan asks Taekwoon when they are shopping together. Jaehwan needs some new clothes since his mother told him to buy some, and Taekwoon needs a new pair of soccer shoes since the old one were pretty much damaged.

            “Just choose whichever you like Jaehwan-ah. Are you a girl? Why does it take you so long to choose a shirt?” Taekwoon is complaining to Jaehwan. It’s almost one hour and Jaehwan hasn’t decided which shirt he wants to buy. He keeps on trying and trying but hasn’t decided which one he’ll buy.

            “Well, excuse you. I care about my clothes unlike you who only wear black or white clothes.”

            “I already have a perfect body so I don’t have to buy good clothes.”

            “Perfect my .” Jaehwan sneers hearing this. His hyung is so full of himself.

            “You’re just jealous of me.”

            “Pft. As if.”

            “You can deny it as much as you want.”

            “You’re stupid.”

            “You’re idiot.”

            “I hate you.”

            “Meh. You love me.” And Jaehwan feels that tug again. His breath hitches and he grips the hangers tightly. He gathers his courage to reply him.

            “Just shut up and choose which one is good for me.” Jaehwan shows Taekwoon the shirts once again.

            “Which one is better? Blue? Black? The blue one is cheaper and I like-“

            “The black one is better.” Taekwoon answers him without even looking.

            “I said which one is good for me, not you Mr. Jung.” Sometimes, Jaehwan is so done with Taekwoon.

            “Well, you look good in black too.”

            “You’re so not helping.”

            “Well, you for asked my opinion.” Taekwoon answers while shrugging his shoulders.

            “You’re hopeless.” Jaehwan can only shake his head. Why did he even ask him?

            “You love me.”

            In the end, Jaehwan buys the black shirt although he likes the blue shirt more. Jaehwan pays his shirt and walks to Taekwoon who is waiting for him outside.

            “I can’t believe it took you an hour just to buy a shirt.”

            “Shut up. Now let’s go to buy your shoes.” They are walking to the shoes store when Taekwoon spots Hakyeon.

            “Jaehwan-ah, isn’t that Hakyeon?” Taekwoon nudges Jaehwan then points his finger to person who Is walking to their direction.

            “Oh you’re right.”

            “Let’s go to him.” Taekwoon takes Jaehwan’s hand and runs towards Hakyeon’s direction. Jaehwan sees their hands and smiles unconsciously.

            “Hakyeon-ah!” Taekwoon shouts. He is so excited to see him.

            “Oh. Hi Taekwoon. Hi Jaehwan. What are you guys doing here? Are you guys on a date?” Hakyeon points to their hands that still connected. Taekwoon immediately releases their hands.

            “Oh no we’re not on a date. Jaehwan needs to buy some clothes and I need to buy a pair of shoes. That’s why we decided to buy it together. Just casual hang out. Please don’t misunderstand it.” Taekwoon tries to convince Hakyeon that they’re not on a date, just casual hang out between best friends. Jaehwan, on the other hand, feels disappointed with Taekwoon’s explanation. But then again, who is he? He’s just his best friend. Hakyeon lets out chuckles hearing Taekwoon’s explanation.

            “Really? I think you guys look good together. Why don’t you guys date each other?” Jaehwan bites his lips, trying to suppress a smile to form.

            “Me and Jaehwan? Are you kidding? Why’d we date each other? There’s no way we date each other. Right, Jaehwan-ah?” Taekwoon casually flings his hand on Jaehwan’s shoulder, making Jaehwan tenses a bit from the sudden skinship. Jaehwan grips the hem of his shirt tightly.

            “Jaehwan-ah?” Taekwoon asks Jaehwan when he doesn’t answer him, making Jaehwan comes back to his sense.

            “Ah. Yes. Why’d we date each other? We’re just best friends.” Jaehwan answers it rather weakly. He has to remind himself that they’re just best friends. That the one that Taekwoon loves is not him, but the man standing in front of him.

            “I do think you guys match each other though.”

            “What are you doing by the way?” Taekwoon tries to change the topic.

            “Me? Ah~ I just want to buy a new pair of shoes too. I need one for a dance completion.”

            “Let’s buy it together then.” Taekwoon says happily.

            “Huh?” Hakyeon tilts his head hearing this.

            “We can buy it together. Right, Jaehwan-ah?”

            “Huh? Ye- yes. Let’s buy it together, hyung. Don’t you feel lonely to buy alone?” Jaehwan tries not to sound taken aback with Taekwoon’s sudden suggestion.

            “Is it okay with you guys? I don’t want to interrupt your casual hang out.” Hakyeon says teasingly.

            “Of course it’s okay. Let’s go to the store then.” Taekwoon leads them, or to be precise Hakyeon, excitedly. Jaehwan follows them behind with heavy steps. He takes a deep breath, clenching his fingers into tight fists.

            “It’s okay.” Jaehwan says to himself. He looks to his front, to Taekwoon and Hakyeon’s direction. Taekwoon indeed looks happy. Jaehwan smiles bitterly seeing this.

            “At least I can make him happy.”

            As soon as they arrive at the store, Hakyeon walks straight to the shoes rack near the window. He already sets his eyes on some shoes. While Hakyeon busy choosing the shoes, Taekwoon says something to Jaehwan.

            “Jaehwan-ah, can I- can I ask you something?” Taekwoon bites his lips while saying this, making Jaehwan a little bit confuses with his behavior.

            “What is it, hyung?”

            “Can you. Uhm. How to say it. Can you. Uhm. You know. Can you- make some excuse so that I- can be together with Hakyeon- alone?” Taekwoon asks him nervously. Jaehwan tries not to show his breaking heart.

            “What?”

            “Please, Jaehwan-ah. I promise I will buy you a new Chopper doll. Please~” Taekwoon begs him. Jaehwan is at lost. First because Taekwoon asks him to go so that he can be alone with Hakyeon. Second because today’s supposed to be their quality time. It’s been a while since they hang out together. They’re kind of busy lately, that’s why they rarely see each other. They promised earlier that today would be their quality time. After they buy their needs, they will watch movie and have a dinner together.

            It’s supposed to be just two them only. Just Taekwoon and Jaehwan, not Taekwoon and Hakyeon. But seeing Taekwoon’s begging eyes, Jaehwan decides to give in. He can never say no to him anyway. What’s the use of fighting when you already know the end? Jaehwan lets out a deep sigh. It’s always been hard.

            “Fine. Just promise me you’ll buy me a new Chopper doll.”

            “Yes! You’re the best, Jaehwan-ah!” Taekwoon hugs Jaehwan, expressing his happiness and gratitude. Jaehwan freezes in his place. Why does Taekwoon have to make it harder?

            “Let’s go to Hakyeon then.” Taekwoon ruffles Jaehwan’s hair before leading them to Hakyeon. Jaehwan follows him slowly from behind.

            “Have you decided it yet?” Taekwoon asks Hakyeon casually, trying to hide his excitement.

            “No, I haven’t decided it yet. All of them are so beautiful. I can’t decide it.”

            “It’s okay. You can take your time.” Taekwoon says while smiling. Jaehwan looks at Taekwoon immediately hearing this. Oh right, Taekwoon loves Hakyeon. He remind himself again. Jaehwan is busy reminding himself when he feels Taekwoon nudging his hand. Oh right. The act.

            “Uhm, hyung. I think I need to go.”

            “Huh?” Hakyeon looks at Jaehwan, surprised with his words.

            “My mom said she needed my help so I need to go home now. I’m sorry. You can have Taekwoon-hyung to accompany you. Don’t worry.” Jaehwan tries to sound as convincing as possible. He can see Taekwoon secretly gives him thumb up.

            “Ah~ I see. Okay then. Be careful on your way home, Jaehwan-ah.”

            “Thanks, hyung. I’ll take my leave then. Have fun, hyungs.” Jaehwan says his goodbye to Taekwoon and Hakyeon. As he walks to the exit, he looks back to Taekwoon and Hakyeon. He looks at how happy Taekwoon is just by hearing Hakyeon explaining the shoes one by one to him. He decides to take taxi because originally they use Taekwoon’s car to go to the mall. When he’s inside the taxi, he takes out the shirt Taekwoon chose for him. He looks at it bitterly. He can’t help but comparing the difference between Taekwoon’s expressions earlier. He looked so bored and sleepy when he’s with Jaehwan, contrary when he’s with Hakyeon, happy and smiley. Jaehwan clutches the shirt tightly. He’s glad he chose to take taxi instead of bus because he doesn’t have to hide his streaming tears.

****

            “Jaehwan-ah~” Jaehwan can tell Taekwoon is happy by his talking tone. Well, he had a “date” with Hakyeon yesterday so of course he’s happy.

            “What is it, hyung?” Jaehwan tries to play innocent.

            “You’re the best~” Taekwoon swings his hand over Jaehwan’s shoulder casually, casually.

            “Just give me my Chopper doll already.”

            “Okay okay~ I will buy you after this.” Taekwoon walks to his locker. Once he opens it, he can see a lot of letters inside. He ignores the letters and takes out the lunch box instead. He places the lunch box inside his bag and heads to his class.

            “I’ll meet you after the class okay. I’ll wait for you at the usual place.” Taekwoon says his goodbye to Jaehwan.

            “Okay, hyung.” Jaehwan lets out a smile as he sees Taekwoon’s disappearing back. He then walks to his class with light steps.

            “Woah. Look at this, Jaehwan-ah.” Taekwoon exclaims his amazement after he opened the lunch box.

            “Woah. That looks delicious, hyung.” Jaehwan takes a look at Taekwoon’s lunch box.

            “I bet it is.”

            “You’re so lucky, hyung. I envy you a lot.”

            “I know right. I don’t know who make this but this person has been making me lunch box for the past few weeks. I’m so lucky to have such a fan.” Taekwoon eats the meal happily.

            “Yeah. That person must like you so much to make you lunch box every day.” Jaehwan looks at Taekwoon with longing look.

            “Well, no one can resist me, so yeah.” Taekwoon says confidently.

            “Whatever.” Jaehwan rolls his eyes. He takes out the bread he bought earlier and unwrapped the pack.

            “You can eat this lunch box with me, Jaehwan-ah.” Taekwoon offers his lunch box to Jaehwan but Jaehwan shakes his head.

            “No, thanks. I’m sure that person made this lunch with all of his or her heart. I’m sure he or she want you to eat it by yourself, hyung.”

            “But you’re my best friend, Jaehwan-ah. Everybody knows that. So it’s okay for me to share it with you.” Taekwoon takes an egg roll and brings it to Jaehwan’s mouth.

            “No, thanks. I have bread as my lunch already. You can eat it by yourself, hyung.” Jaehwan shows Taekwoon his bread.

            “Fine then. By the way, you need to learn to cook, Jaehwan-ah.” Taekwoon decides to tease Jaehwan on his cooking skills since he can’t cook. He remembers that time when Jaehwan tried to make an omelet but ended up burning it. He laughs lightly remembering it.

            “I can cook, okay.”

            “Pft. Yeah right.” Taekwoon says mockingly.

            “I mean it.”

            “If you can cook, why haven’t I seen you cooking again after that omelet accident?”

            “Because I only cook for my loved one.”

            “But you don’t have one right now. Are you lying to me, Jaehwan-ah?” Taekwoon squints his eyes, eyeing Jaehwan suspiciously.

            “I’m not.” Jaehwan pouts his lips, earning light chuckles from Taekwoon.

            “Fine then. You can cook. Why are you so cute, huh?” Taekwoon ruffles Jaehwan’s hair playfully.

            “Hyung~” Jaehwan whines to him.

            “Cook once for me later okay.”

            “Later, hyung. Later.”

****

            Ever since Taekwoon made his move on Hakyeon, he’s been spending his time to hit on him. He will make some excuses to spend his time with him, although some of them are lame. Jaehwan can feel Taekwoon getting far and far away from him. He misses the time when they’re together, whether it’s in campus or their houses. They used to eat their lunches together, but lately he’s been eating his lunch alone. Taekwoon spends most of his lunch time to eat with Hakyeon lately, since he has joined the dance club. Yes, he joined that dance club to win Hakyeon’s heart, that’s how much he loves him. Jaehwan couldn’t believe it when Taekwoon said that to him. But what can he do? He’s just his best friend.

            This doesn’t stop Jaehwan from making Taekwoon lunch box though. Yes, Jaehwan is the one who has been making Taekwoon lunch box, he is the fan. The idea of Taekwoon eating his lunch box is making him happy, so he doesn’t stop making it for him. Taekwoon may spend his lunch time with Hakyeon, but the food he eats is made by Jaehwan, and that’s enough for him.

            Jaehwan can see Taekwoon and Hakyeon laughing together from afar. He looks at them bitterly. How he wished he were Hakyeon. He can see them talking with each other happily. Hakyeon, being touchy he is,

doesn’t hesitate to initiate skinship with Taekwoon, and Taekwoon, being love sick, is more than happy to receive it. Jaehwan can only sigh seeing this. It’s always been this hard. Let’s look on the bright side, at least Taekwoon still eat his lunch box.

            “Jaehwan-ah.” Taekwoon says to Jaehwan. They’re spending their lunch time together, finally. Nah. They spend their lunch time together because Hakyeon is absent today. He went to his hometown since he had something to do.

            “Yes, hyung.”

            “I never knew love can do magic on me. Really. I can’t stop thinking about Hakyeon 24/7, my heart beats so fast just by hearing his voice, butterflies fly inside my stomach whenever he’s with me, my head …..” Jaehwan can’t hear the rest of Taekwoon’s words since he can only hear the sound of his heart breaking little by little. His heart is already in pieces, but Taekwoon makes it breaks into tinier pieces. It’s okay, Jaehwan-ah. It’s okay. Smile…

            “Speaking of love. Have you ever been in love, Jaehwan-ah?” Taekwoon asks Jaehwan out of a sudden.

            “Huh? Of course I have.” I’m in love with you, hyung.

            “Really? When? I didn’t know it. The one you spend most of your time with is me. Wait. Don’t tell me.” Jaehwan’s heart beats faster hearing this. Don’t tell me Taekwoon finally realizes that he’s in love with him. Jaehwan grips his knees tightly. Please don’t let it be true.

            “Don’t tell me you’re in love with Chopper. Hey~ That’s not love, Jaehwan-ah.” Jaehwan doesn’t know whether he should be happy or not hearing this.

            “Hyung~” Jaehwan hits Taekwoon’s arm playfully. Sometimes his hyung is so dumb.

            “What? I’m right, right?” Taekwoon shrugs his shoulders.

            “Are you crazy, hyung?”

            “Then who is it?” Taekwoon leans closer to Jaehwan. Jaehwan can feel that familiar feelings again.

            “I- I can’t tell you.” Jaehwan turns his head away.

            “Why?”

            “Because he’s someone I can’t have. And he doesn’t love me back.” Because he only see me as his best friend. Because he’s you.

            “How did you know that?”

            “Because he just sees me as his friend.” More like his best friend.

            “You have to at least confess to him. Let him know that you love him. Who knows he actually loves you back. Just that he’s too shy or afraid to confess to you.” Taekwoon encourages Jaehwan. If only you knew, Jung Taekwoon.

            “It’s not gonna work, hyung. I will just hurt my already hurt heart.” Even talking about this with Taekwoon is already hurting Jaehwan, moreover confessing to him. It’s like purposely stabbing his already bleeding heart. Why would he do that? Come to think, it’s not a bad idea actually. It will make him die faster and no longer in pain. It’ll stop him from hurting. Not bad.

            “Don’t you believe your hyung? Trust me. You have to try confess to him. How can you know whether it’s going to work or not if you haven’t tried it?” Taekwoon says confidently.  He really has no idea about it.

            “But hyung-“ Jaehwan tries to argue. What’s the use of trying if you already knew the end?

            “Trust me.” Taekwoon places his hand on Jaehwan’s shoulder to encourage him. Jaehwan decides to give up for now. It’s no use to argue with his hyung. He lets out a sigh.

            “O- okay.”

            “That’s my best friend. I’m sure he’ll accept your confession, Jaehwan-ah. How can he resist you, huh?” Taekwoon ruffles Jaehwan’s hair. How Jaehwan misses this gesture.

            “Yeah.” Jaehwan says softly. It’s not like he’s going to do it. Right?

****

            Today is special day for Jaehwan. Today is his birthday. He’s planning on spending it with Taekwoon since it’s what he does from year to year. And today is more special than the rest of the years since he’s planning on confessing to Taekwoon. Yes, Jaehwan will confess his love for Taekwoon. He knows he’s stupid for doing this, but he’s decided on it. He’s been thinking about it over and over for the past few days and he chose to confess to Taekwoon, although he doesn’t expect him to accept his feeling. He just wants to let out his suppress feelings for him.

            The thing is Taekwoon has been busy for the past three days.  He has a dance performance to do in a week so he’s been spending most of his time at studio, practicing his dance with his dance crews. Jaehwan is not sure whether Taekwoon remembers his birthday or not. But hey, how can Taekwoon forget it. He’s been saying that he’d give him a surprise on his birthday. He won’t forget it, right. He has a surprise for him.

            So here Jaehwan is, inside a café, waiting for Taekwoon. He had texted Taekwoon, saying he’d treat him at the usual café. Jaehwan waits for Taekwoon anxiously. He keeps on fidgeting on his seat. His palms are sweaty from his nervousness. He looks to his left and right. He can see the balloons and flowers are decorating the café. Yes, Jaehwan has booked the whole café just for them. He knows the owner so it’s not hard for him to book the café, and he got discounts. Everything is perfect except the seat in front of him is still empty. He’s getting more and more anxious. Where’s he? Well, he’s not that late since they promised to meet at 7 pm and now is just 7.10 pm, and Taekwoon said he’d be late since he had to practice his dance routine.

            Jaehwan takes out his phone. He goes through his folder organizer. He clicks on the hidden “143”, which means “I love you”, folder. He can see a lot of Taekwoon pictures. He smiles seeing them. He caress his phone screen lovingly. Suddenly, his phone vibrates. He looks at the caller, “Taekwoonie-hyung”.

            “Hello, hyung?”

            “Hi, Jaehwan-ah. I don’t think I can make it today. Bad thing happened. One of our crew injured his ankle and the doctor said he need to rest at least two weeks which means we have to rearrange the whole dance routine. I’m in the middle of practicing right now so I do-“

            “I’ll wait for you, hyung. As long as you come… to me, I’ll wait for you.”

            “But Jaehwan-ah. It’ll be late when I finish this.”

            “It’s okay, hyung. I’ll wait for you.”

            “O- okay. But don’t wait until late okay. I may not show up at all if it’s late already. Just go home if it’s late.”

            “It’s okay, hyung. I’ll wait for you.”

            “Fine then. I’m sorry okay. I promise I’ll make it up for you.”

            “Yeah.”

            “Okay then. Bye, Jaehwan-ah.”

            “Bye, hyung.” Jaehwan looks at his phone sadly. It’s okay. It’s not like he hasn’t done it. He’s been waiting for Taekwoon for more than twenty years now. What’s so hard about waiting for him for few hours?

            So he waits for him. 1 hour, 2 hours, 3 hours. He waits for him until the clock strikes 12 pm. It’s already past his birthday. He looks at the cake in front of him and the empty seat in front of him. He smiles. He lights up the candles and sings “Happy Birthday” for himself. His voice cracks when he sings it, and tears keep on flowing like an endless stream. He blows the candles bitterly. He picks up the cake and throws it into trash bin. He walks out the café with heavy heart and steps.

            Jaehwan is waiting for a taxi when he sees familiar figures from afar. He can see Taekwoon, Hakyeon and the rest of the dance crews walking together. He can see them walking into a fast food restaurant. The tears flow unchecked down his cheeks and drips from his chin. He is too sad to cry out or wail. He just stands there as still as a statue while the magnitude of his loss sweeps over him.

            Taekwoon is both exhausted and happy. Exhausted since he practiced dancing for almost 7 hours. Happy since he and his dance crews could make new dance routine, and he’s getting closer and closer with Hakyeon. He goes home straight after he ate together with his dance crews. He takes a bath and goes to sleep since he’s tired from his early activities, forgetting Jaehwan, and his birthday, and his special birthday present laying under his bed untouched. He smiles when he sleeps, unlike someone across the street, forgotten and broken beyond repair.

****

            “What are you doing, hyung?” Jaehwan asks Hakyeon when he sees Hakyeon sitting alone at the cafeteria. It seems like he’s watching something interesting on his iPad.

            “Oh, hi, Jaehwan-ah. I’m just monitoring my dance. You know, for the competition.” Jaehwan remember Taekwoon said Hakyeon had dance competition in two weeks.

            “Can I sit here, hyung?” Jaehwan points to the vacant seat beside him.

            “Of course you can. Here.” Hakyeon taps the seat beside him.

            “Thanks, hyung.” Jaehwan takes the seat beside Hakyeon. He tilts his head to see the video Hakyeon’s watching. He can see Hakyeon doing blindfold dance in the video. He looks so cool.

            “Woah~ You look so cool, hyung!” Jaehwan says in adoration. Hakyeon is indeed a great dancer. No wonder Taekwoon likes him a lot.

            “Hehehehe~ Thanks, Jaehwan-ah. I’m not that cool. I still need to fix my movements. Some look a little bit stiff.” Hakyeon says in a humble manner.

            “Eeeeeyyy~ Don’t say that, hyung. I know you’re a great dancer.” Jaehwan nudges Hakyeon’s arm.

            “Ahahahaha~ Thanks.” They continue watching the video together. Not long after, Hakyeon’s phone vibrates. Hakyeon takes out his phone, he got a message. Hakyeon smiles seeing the sender and Jaehwan doesn’t fail to notice this. Must be from Taekwoon-hyung, Jaehwan thoughts. Hakyeon smiles even wider when he reads the text. Jaehwan can hear his heart breaking into tiny little pieces. He looks down to his feet. It’s always been hard. He collects himself for a moment.

            “Why do you look so happy, hyung?” Jaehwan teases Hakyeon.

            “Eh?” Hakyeon tries to play dumb.

            “Eeeeeeyyyy~ I can see you smile widely. You can rip your face apart if you smile like that, hyung.”

            “Is it that obvious?” Hakyeon asks Jaehwan and Jaehwan nods his head to this.

            “I see.” Hakyeon scratches the back of his head while showing Jaehwan his grin.

            “Who was it, hyung? Your crush?” Why do you ask him that question, Lee Jaehwan? You’ll only hurt yourself more.

            “Eeerrr~ Kind of…” Hakyeon says shyly. Jaehwan can see Hakyeon’s cheeks start to change color.

            “Who is it, hyung? Do I know him?”

            “I don’t think you know him.” Okay he didn’t expect that answer from Hakyeon.

            “Huh? Really? Who is it then?”

            “His name is Kim Wonsik. He is one year younger than you. I’ve liked since for four years now. I was too afraid to confess my feeling for him back then. And when I was about to confess to him, he went away. He went to Italy to pursue his dream. I was so sad when I knew this. If only I had courage to confess to him.” Hakyeon looks down when he tells this. Jaehwan understands his feeling, keeping your love for someone is both hurting and tiring.

            “But he came back to Korea few months ago. I didn’t know it at first until two weeks ago I met him by accident. I was wandering in the city when I met him. I was so happy when I met him. I missed him so much, more than I thought. I couldn’t contact him when he was in Italy so when I met him, I couldn’t help but cry in happiness.” Jaehwan can see Hakyeon’s expression brighten. He can see he’s happy with the situation.

            “Do you- still love him, hyung?” Jaehwan’s heart beats so fast when he asks Hakyeon this question. He swallows his saliva nervously, but when he sees Hakyeon nods slowly Jaehwan feels so light. As if the big stone in his heart has been lifted. He can finally smile.

            “I see. Then confess to him, hyung. Don’t let him go again.”

            “I- I’ll try.” Hakyeon is not really sure about it. He’s not ready yet to confess to Wonsik.

            “I know you can do it, hyung. I’ll pray for you.” Jaehwan holds Hakyeon’s hand, making Hakyeon smiles. Jaehwan’s words somehow give Hakyeon some courage and hope.

            “Thanks, Jaehwan-ah.” Hakyeon then hugs Jaehwan, making Jaehwan startles at first but he returns the hug in the end.

****

            “Hyung, move your legs. You’re heavy.” Jaehwan and Taekwoon are playing a game at Jaehwan’s house. Finally they got time to be spent together, finally. They decided to play a game together at Jaehwan’s house since he just bought a new game. So here they are, playing a game together, or more like bickering with each other.

            “No. It’s comfy.” Taekwoon answers him shortly.

            “Aish.” Jaehwan continues to play the game. It’s no use to fight Taekwoon after all. Not long after, Jaehwan complains to Taekwoon, again.

            “Hyung! You shouldn’t have done it.” Jaehwan moves his fingers on his controller wildly. He’s health bar is in danger.

            “What?”

            “You should have blocked the left side. I lost a lot of health bar because of this.” Jaehwan tries his best not to die. It’s pretty hard since there’re a lot of enemies nearby.

            “Sorry.” Taekwoon says with deadpan look.

            “Don’t do that again. We have to work together, okay.”

            “Yeah.” They continue playing the game. A few seconds later, Taekwoon does the same mistake again, making both of them lost.

            “That’s it. I’m not going to play with you.” Jaehwan throws his controller forward.

            “Why are you so sensitive about it? It’s just a game.” Taekwoon shrugs his shoulders. Enough.

            “The problem is not the game. You ARE the problem, hyung. You’re usually not this bad. You’re bad at playing game, but not this bad. You kept on making the same mistakes. You couldn’t focus on the game. What’s wrong with you, hyung?” Jaehwan says, rather frustrated with his hyung.

            “Nothing.” Jaehwan knows Taekwoon is lying from the way he avoids his eyes.

            “Liar. Tell me what’s wrong, hyung.” Jaehwan scoots closer to Taekwoon.

            “I just- I just. Hakyeon has been avoiding me for the past few days. I don’t know why. Did I make him mad? I don’t know what I am supposed to do.” Taekwoon lowers head. He takes out his phone then reads the last message Hakyeon sent him, which is “Goodnight, Taekwoon.” Hakyeon hasn’t texted him for days and it makes Taekwoon sad. He shoves his phone back to his pocket and curls himself like a sad puppy.

            Jaehwan’s eyes soften seeing this. Jaehwan bites his lips. Should he tells Taekwoon the reason behind it or not? But seeing Taekwoon’s sad face Jaehwan decides to tell him. This is for Taekwoon’s sake.

            “Hy- hyung. What if- Just what if. What if Hakyeon-hyung liked someone else?” Jaehwan’s words catches Taekwoon’s attention. What did he say?

            “What do you mean, Jaehwan-ah?”

            “Uhm. What if Hakyeon-hyung liked someone else? That’s why he hasn’t contacted you.” Jaehwan plays with the hem of his shirt. He’s nervous with the outcome of his words.

            “Why did you say that? How did you know it?” Taekwoon eyes Jaehwan suspiciously.

            “Feeling?” Jaehwan decides not to tell Taekwoon the truth.

            “Then you have no right to say that.” Taekwoon says firmly. It looks like he’s mad with Jaehwan for saying that.

            “But, hyung. He hasn’t texted you for the past few days, right. It’s kind of make sense.” Jaehwan defends himself. It’s make sense, right?

            “Do you have a proof?” Taekwoon says while folding his hands over his chest. Yes, he is mad.

            “N- no.” Jaehwan lowers his head. How can he prove him that?

            “Then you have no right to say that. Don’t say bad things about Hakyeon. He’s a good person. I believe in him.” Taekwoon says firmly.

            “He is a good person. It’s just that… He doesn’t like you back...” Jaehwan says the last part softly, like a whisper.

            “What did you say?!”

            “N-nothing.” Jaehwan lifts his head up quickly. Not good.

            “You know nothing about him. You’re just jealous about him because I spent most of my time with him, not you. You know nothing about him so shut up. You have no right to say bad things about him.”

            “But, hyung. I’m ju-” Jaehwan tries to reach Taekwoon.

            “I’m done talking with you. I’m going home.” Taekwoon stands up and walks to the front door, leaving Jaehwan who is still trying to process what just happened behind. Jaehwan finally realizes the situation when he hears sound of door being slammed. He’s in a big trouble.

            Jaehwan can’t sleep because he keeps on thinking the early happening. He has texted Taekwoon, saying that he's sorry for making him mad and talking bad about Hakyeon, but Taekwoon hasn’t texted him back. Guess, he’s really mad with him. He places his phone on the nightstand. He pulls his blanket and positions himself to sleep, although he’s sure it’ll take him long to actually sleep. He closes his eyes but his mind keeps on wandering to their fight.

I only want to be with you~
I only want to hug you~

            Jaehwan can hear his phone rings. He quickly grabs his phone to see who’s calling him, he hopes it’s Taekwoon. And when he sees his phone, he can see “Taekwoonie-hyung” on display. He accepts the call right away.

            “Hyung, look I’m sorry for saying that. I was wrong. I’m sorry okay. Please don’t be mad at me. I’m sorry. I did wrong. I’m sorry. I’m really sorry. I just-“

            “Slow down, Jaehwan-ah. Breath. I know you’re sorry, I’m sorry too. I shouldn’t have said that to you. Sorry for accusing you of being jealous of Hakyeon. I’m sorry.”

            “It’s okay, hyung. I understand it.”

            “Thanks, Jaehwan-ah.”

            “Are we okay now.”

            “Hahaha. Of course, dummy.”

            “That’s great then because I can’t sleep because of our fight.”

            “Neither do I.”

            “Okay. Let’s sleep hyung since we’re fine now. Plus it’s late already.”

            “Yeah. Goodnight, Jaehwan-ah.”

            “Goodnight, hyung.” Jaehwan smiles then places his phone back on the nightstand. He positions himself back and closes his eyes. Finally he can sleep.

****

            Taekwoon and Jaehwan are walking down the street when they spot someone familiar inside a café. Taekwoon grabs Jaehwan’s hand and leads them to the said person. They walk inside the café and approach him, Hakyeon. Hakyeon is currently having a lunch with someone, or more likely a date by the way he links his arm with the stranger. Taekwoon can see Hakyeon displaying a wide smile on his face. He looks so happy.

            Taekwoon and Jaehwan sit across them. They place the menu books in front of their faces. Taekwoon is eyeing Hakyeon and the stranger when Jaehwan lower his menu book.

            “Hyung, why do we do this?” Jaehwan says to him softly.

            “Because I want to.” Taekwoon answers him shortly, not leaving his eyes on Hakyeon.

            “But we can just approach them and eat together with them. It’s not like Hakyeon-hyung will reject us.”

            “What if he’s on a date?” Taekwoon shifts his gaze to Jaehwan.

            “That’s why we can’t do this. He’s on a date, hyung. We shouldn’t disturb them.” Jaehwan says firmly yet still in soft tone.

            “I’m not disturbing them. I’m watching them.”

            “You mean waiting for the time you can barge in.” Jaehwan corrects him.

            “No.”

            “Yes.”

            “No.”

            “Hyung, I already told you Hakyeon liked someone, right. See that guy over there? His name is Kim Wonsik. He’s Hakyeon-hyung’s crush. He’s been liking that guy for four years now. Three years ago Wonsik was in Italy to pursue his dream, and few months ago he came back to Korea.” Jaehwan explains the situation to Taekwoon.

            “How did you know that?” Taekwoon doesn’t believe what he just heard. This can’t be.

            “Because Hakyeon-hyung told me.”

            “Why didn’t you tell me?”

            “I told you already that Hakyeon-hyung liked someone but you didn’t believe me.”

            “How can I believe you when you have no proof?”

            “How can I give you a proof? Do you expect me to say “Hey Hakyeon-hyung can you bring your crush here with you because Taekwoon-hyung wants to meet him.” Do you expect me to do that?”

            “No. Hakyeon doesn’t like that guy. It’s just a temporary feeling because he missed that guy. How can you love someone when he’s away for years? He’s not even his boyfriend.” Taekwoon is trying to deny the situation. He refuses to believe it.

            “Of course you can. Love can do everything.” Jaehwan says matter of factly.

            “No, I don’t believe you.”

            “Just stop it, hyung. Give up already.” Jaehwan tries to convince Taekwoon to give up on pursuing his love for Hakyeon. He’ll only hurt himself if he continues it.

            “Shut up.” Taekwoon rises his voice slightly, irritated with Jaehwan’s words. How can he said that? He’s his best friend, right? Best friend is supposed to support his friend, right?

            “Hyung, you’re just hurting yourself if you continue this. Give up, hyung.”

            “No.” Taekwoon gets up from his seat. He wants to approach Hakyeon and Wonsik but Jaehwan’s hand stops him from doing it.

            “What are you doing, Jaehwan-ah?” Taekwoon glares at Jaehwan.

            “Don’t do this, hyung. Leave them alone. Don’t you see them? They’re in love with each other.”

            “Stop saying nonsense.”

            “I’m not. Open your eyes, hyung. If you truly love him, you have to let him go.”

            “I love him and I won’t give up on him. This is what you call love, never give up on someone you love. Speaking of love, do you even know what love is?”

            “Of course I know. I know what love is because I loved someone, still.” Jaehwan is starting to get annoyed with Taekwoon, but he’s enduring it.

            “Pft. Don’t tell me it’s your silly Chopper.” Taekwoon says in mockery tone. The atmosphere between them is getting tighter and tighter.

            “I’m not that stupid, hyung. I can differentiate between adoration and love.”

            “Tell me about it. I bet you’re talking about Chopper. Come to think again, how can you said you loved someone when I can’t even remember that?”

            “That’s because- because I haven’t confessed to him yet.” Jaehwan clenches his fingers into fists.

            “Pft. You mean because he doesn’t exist?” Taekwoon mocks him. He crosses his hands over his chest.

            “He IS real, hyung.” Jaehwan looks at Taekwoon with much determination.

            “Then tell me who he is, Lee Jaehwan.” Taekwoon calls Jaehwan by his full name. Taekwoon is serious or mad when he calls Jaehwan by his full name.

            “I can’t.” Jaehwan clenches his fists tighter. He is trying his hard not to spill the truth.

            “Then stop telling me about love. You know nothing about it. And stop lying to me.”

            “I’m not.”

            “Liar.”

            “I’M NOT LYING!” This time Jaehwan can’t control his voice. His shout makes the whole café’s attention centered towards them.

            “THEN TELL ME WHO HE IS.” Taekwoon doesn’t want lose either. He shouts back to Jaehwan. Jaehwan has been talking about his love yet he hasn’t said a name. How can he believe him when he hasn’t told him the name? Plus he’s pretty much stick with Taekwoon for God knows how long. How can he loves someone without Taekwoon knowing it? They’re best friends after all.

            “I TOLD YOU I CAN’T.”

            “THEN YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO TELL ME ABOUT LOVE. DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH PAIN I HAVE TO ENDURE BECAUSE OF THIS THING CALLED LOVE? DO YOU KNOW HOW PAINFUL IS IT TO HAVE ONE-SIDED LOVE? NO! BECAUSE YOU HAVEN’T BEEN INTO IT! YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW PAINFUL IT IS SO SHUT UP!” Taekwoon slams the table in front of them. Jaehwan is surprised hearing this. He looks down and smiles bitterly. He then looks up to Taekwoon with slightly teary eyes.

            “You’re right, hyung. I don’t know what love is. You’re right, hyung. I don’t know how painful one-sided love is. You’re right. I’m sorry for lying to you. I’ll leave you then. I have no right to be here. Do as much as you please, hyung. I have no right to stop you. I’ll take my leave here.” With that Jaehwan leaves the café, leaving Taekwoon slightly taken aback with his words. He didn’t expect Jaehwan to say those words. He expected him to fight him back, but here he is, admitting his defeat and leaving him alone in this café. Taekwoon slams the table again in anger. This is definitely not his day.

****

            Jaehwan is lying on his bed. It’s been five days and he hasn’t talked with Taekwoon since their fight. He has sent Taekwoon some messages, telling him he’s sorry. He even tried to call him but Taekwoon didn’t answer his phone. He must be really mad with him right now. Taekwoon never ignore him this long before. Usually, they will reconcile not long after they fight, but this time it is different. He think he’s pushed the button. He feels uneasy right now, especially after what his dad told him two day ago.

            “Dad has a great news for us.” Jaehwan’s dad tells his family on their dinner.

            “What is it, dad?” Jaehwan asks him. His dad seems so happy about it.

            “Dad got a promotion.” His dad says with happy tone.

            “Really? That’s great, dear.” Jaehwan’s mom says, smiling to her husband. She’s so proud of him.

            “But- there’s a condition.” Jaehwan’s dad says in a sad tone.

            “Condition? What is it, dad?” Jaehwan asks him while chewing his food.

            “We have to move from here.” Jaehwan stop his eating.

            “WHAT?” Jaehwan can’t believe what he just heard. He’s joking, right?

            “We have to move. We have to move to England, Liverpool to be exact.”

            “But why?” Jaehwan asks his dad. Why does this have to happen now, when he’s still in a bad term with Taekwoon?

            “My boss told me we had a project there and he assigned me to be the team leader.” Jaehwan’s dad explains them the situation. He doesn’t want to leave this house either. This house has so many memories in it.

            “When will we- have to move?” Jaehwan hopes he still has many days left.

            “In four days.” Jaehwan feels like his soul has left his body. Why? Why?

            Jaehwan buries his head in his pillow. He doesn’t want to move but he has no choice. He’s drowning in his misery when he feels his phone vibrates. He’s hoping it’s from Taekwoon but to his dismay, it’s Hongbin.

            “Yes, Hongbin-ah. What is it?” Jaehwan can hear loud music in the background.

            “Hyung, where are you?” Hongbin says, screaming a little bit.

            “Home. Why?”

            “Can you please come here? Starlight Club?”

            “Huh? Why?”

            “Taekwoon-hyung is drunk, like really drunk. Oh God I’ve never seen him this drunk before.”

            “What?”

            “He’s drunk, hyung. He drank too much. He knew he’s a light drinker yet he drank too much. Can you please take him home?”

            “Okay. Just wait for me a bit. I’ll be there in twenty minutes.” Jaehwan ends the call and gets ready as fast as possible. He then grabs his car key and drives straight to the club.

            “Hyung! Here!” Sanghyuk waves his hand to Jaehwan as soon as he spots him.

            “What the hell.” Jaehwan says when he sees Taekwoon’s drunken state.

            “I know right. Can you please take him home, hyung? I think Taekwoon-hyung will pass out soon. He can’t even lift his head.” Sanghyuk points to Taekwoon.

            “Okay. Leave it to me.”

            “Thanks, hyung.”

            “No need to. Have fun you two, but don’t drink too much okay. I don’t want to take you guys home too.” Jaehwan jokes to them. He takes Taekwoon’s arm and places it over his shoulder, helping him to stand on his feet.

            “Aish. We won’t okay. We just want to enjoy the music.”

            “Okay then. I’ll take Taekwoon-hyung home. Bye guys.” Jaehwan then drives to Taekwoon’s house. He takes out the key from Taekwoon’s pocket. Taekwoon is passed out by now so Jaehwan has to drag him. Jaehwan grumbles to himself, first because Taekwoon is heavy and second Taekwoon’s room is in the second floor so it will take some energy to get there. As soon as Jaehwan reaches Taekwoon’s room, he throws Taekwoon’s body on the bed rather roughly. He’s out of energy by now.

            Jaehwan takes Taekwoon’s shoes and jacket off. He then places a blanket over Taekwoon’s body. He can hear Taekwoon mumbling some incoherent words. Jaehwan sits on the bed, examining Taekwoon’s face. The moonlight illuminates Taekwoon’s face, making him looks so peaceful and innocent. Jaehwan traces his finger over Taekwoon’s face slowly. He wishes the time would stop right now so that he could watch Taekwoon’s face forever. His finger then stop on Taekwoon’s lips. Jaehwan stares at his lips for a while before leaning his body forward slowly. Before his lips touch Taekwoon’s, he stops himself. He can’t do it. So he opts to watch Taekwoon’s sleeping face for a while.

            “I wish the time would stop, hyung.” Jaehwan looks at Taekwoon’s face lovingly.

            “I wish I were him.” Jaehwan reaches Taekwoon’s hands and holds them with both of his hands.

            “I wish I were the one you loved. Because I would love you with all of my heart. Because I would treasure you a lot. Because you’re everything for me.” Jaehwan kisses each of Taekwoon’s fingers gently.

            “But I’m not him. I’m not the one you love.” Jaehwan lets go of Taekwoon’s hands.

            “So I give up, hyung.” Jaehwan places Taekwoon’s hands back carefully.

            “I give up, hyung.” Jaehwan smiles bitterly.

            “I wish I could say this to you.” Jaehwan leans his body forward and kisses Taekwoon’s forehead for a few seconds. He pours all of his love and heart into the kiss.

            “I love you, Jung Taekwoon.” Jaehwan can feel his eyes starting to get teary. He collects himself and gets up. This is it. He walks to the door with heavy steps. They’re not meant to be anyway. He looks back at Taekwoon for the last time and whispers his last words.

            “Goodbye, my love.” He whisper softly as he closes the door.

****

            “I’m glad you’re finally out from your house, hyung. It’s been a week since last time we saw you.” Taekwoon, Hongbin and Sanghyuk are having their lunches together. Taekwoon locked himself inside his house after he went to the bar. He refused to come out from the house, afraid he’d meet Hakyeon… or Jaehwan. After so many days, Taekwoon finally comes out from his house. He thinks he needs to breathe the fresh air, or more like Hyukbin kept on pestering him to come out, and he finally gives in.

            “Yeah.” Taekwoon is placing the meats on the grill.

            “Sanghyuk is right. I thought we could never make you out from your house again.”

            “By the way how many glass did you drink back then, hyung? You’re so wasted. You couldn’t even walk by yourself.” Sanghyuk asks Taekwoon while eyeing the meats.

            “I don’t know. Thanks for taking me home by the way.”

            “Huh? We’re not the one who took you home, hyung. Jaehwan-hyung was the one who took you home.” Taekwoon stops his movement for a moment before continuing it.

            “I envy you a lot, Taekwoon-hyung.” Hongbin says while mentally wishing the meats to be done soon.

            “Why?” Taekwoon says, flipping the meats on the grill.

            “You have such a great best friend like Jaehwan-hyung.” Almost there, Lee Hongbin. Just wait a bit.

            “Yeah right.” Taekwoon says mockingly. He’s still mad with Jaehwan. It’s been days since the last time he talked with him. He just can’t forgive him yet. Even after his countless apologize.

            “I mean it, hyung. I mean he’s cute, funny, kind. Hell, he even makes you lunch box every day. Even my boyfriend here never makes one for me.” Hongbin looks at Sanghyuk who gives no damn about it.

            “Lunch box?” Taekwoon stops his movement. Lunch box? What lunch box? Don’t tell me.

            “That lunch box, one inside your locker. Jaehwan-hyung always makes it for you and places it inside your locker before you come. Don’t tell me you don’t know it, hyung.” Hongbin furrows his eyebrows.

            “O- of course I- I know it. Hahahaha~ How can’t I now? I’m his best friend after all.” Taekwoon laughs awkwardly. His heart beats faster hearing Hongbin words. He takes out his phone and texts Jaehwan.

            To: Jaehwannie

            Jaehwan-ah. I’m so sorry for my words. Forgive me. Let’s meet up okay.

            Taekwoon shoves his phone into his pocket. He bites his lips anxiously. He feels so stupid right now. He decides to go to Jaehwan’s house to meet him. He stands from his seat abruptly, making both Hongbin and Sanghyuk surprised with his sudden movement.

            “Guys, I need to go to somewhere.”

            “But, hyung. You haven’t eaten the meat yet.” Sanghyuk asks him.

            “It’s okay. You guys can eat all of the meat. I’ll leave first.”  Taekwoon gathers his things and heads straight to the parking lot. He starts his engine and steps on the gas pedal. His minds drifts to everything Jaehwan has said to him.

            “Yeah. That person must like you so much to make you lunch box every day.”

            “Because I only cook for my loved one.”

            “Because he’s someone I can’t have. And he doesn’t love me back.”

            “Because he just sees me as his friend.”

            “I’ll wait for you, hyung. As long as you come… to me, I’ll wait for you.”

            “You’re right, hyung. I don’t know how painful one-sided love is.”

            His mind is in a mess right now. His breath is uneven and his heart is beating so fast. He speeds up his car. He needs to meet Jaehwan, he has to. He is driving without thinking right now. The only thing he can think about is meeting Jaehwan. He’s thinking about Jaehwan that he doesn’t realize there’s a car running to him. He only realizes it once the car is meters away from his car. He can see the blinding light from the opposite car.

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            A loud stretch can be heard. Fortunately, Taekwoon can avoid the car a few meters before the car collide with his. He continues his drive to Jaehwan home, now with better focus on the road. But he can’t focus fully because his mind drifts to somewhere, about something he’s been keep on hiding, or refusing.

            “What are you doing here, hyung?” Jaehwan asks Taekwoon. Taekwoon’s not supposed to be here. He has an interview to be attended.

            “I got a call from your mom that you feel from the staircase.” Taekwoon says while trying to regain his breath.

            “I’m all okay, hyung. It’s just slight injure. You don’t have to worry about me. What about your interview, hyung?”

            “Ah. About that. I overslept today so I couldn’t make it. Hahahahaha. Let’s treat your wound okay.” And Taekwoon doesn’t tell Jaehwan that he ran all the way from the office to his house, ditching his interview.

            “Woah~ This is for me?” Jaehwan asks Taekwoon as he sees the present inside the box. A complete set of Straw Hat Pirate Crews, limited edition one.

            “Of course, dummy.” Taekwoon knocks Jaehwan’s head lightly. Normally, Jaehwan will complain to him, but he’s too amazed with the present to do it.

            “But this is so expensive, hyung. Like reaaaaaaaally expensive since it’s limited edition. How did you buy it?” Jaehwan asks him once again, not tearing his gaze away from the present.

            “Uh. I- I got it from my fans. Yeah. Hahahaha.” Taekwoon laughs awkwardly.

            “But this is for you, hyung. You shou-“

            “Jaehwan, you know that I don’t like One Piece, right. I don’t even know why they gave me this.”

            “But hyu-“

            “I can take it back if you don’t want it.”

            “No! I love it. Thanks, hyung~ You’re the best~” And Taekwoon doesn’t tell Jaehwan that he saved almost all of his money to buy this. That there’s no fans, just him.

            “Stop crying, Jaehwan-ah.” Taekwoon tries to console his hurt friend.

            “I *hiccup* do I look*hiccup* ugly, hyung.” Jaehwan tries to say between his hiccups.

            “No you’re not, Jaehwan-ah. Your nose is beautiful” Taekwoon caresses Jaehwan’s hair.

            “But they said *hiccup* my nose *hiccup* is we- *hiccup* weird.”

            “It’s okay, Jaehwan-ah. Don’t listen to them. They’re just jealous of you.” Taekwoon envelops Jaehwan into a hug, letting him cry in his embrace.

            “it’s okay. Jaehwan-ah. It’s okay.” And Taekwoon doesn’t tell Jaehwan he beats up the bullies the next day..

          “Jaehwan-ah have you finish-“ Taekwoon looks at Jaehwan, who is sleeping on the table soundly. They have tests in a few days so they decided to study together. Taekwoon chuckles seeing this. He carries Jaehwan bridal-style and places him gently on the bed. Once he places him on the bed, he covers his body with a blanket. He lets out a chuckles again.

          “What to do with you, Jaehwan-ah.” And he doesn’t tell Jaehwan he spends most the night watching him sleeping.

            “Yah! Where are you?” Taekwoon asks him on the phone, sound all panic and worried.

            “I- I don’t know, hyung. I was- I was walking aimlessly. I’m so scared, hyung.” Jaehwan says in shaky tone.

            “Describe me the place.” Taekwoon grabs his shoes and walks out his house.

            “It’s so dark, there’re a lot of trees, and I can see a bridge here. Hyung, I’m so scared.” Jaehwan is crying right now.

            “Keep talking to me, Jaehwan-ah. Describe me the place in details.” Thirty minutes later Taekwoon finally finds Jaehwan, waiting for him under a tree. Taekwoon runs to him, hugging him tightly.

            “Hyuuuuuuunngg.” Jaehwan is crying loudly in his embrace.

            “Don’t ever do that again. Don’t. Never.” Taekwoon hugs him tighter. And he doesn’t tell Jaehwan he almost ran into a car, his arms, elbows and legs are bleeding.

          “Why haven’t you confessed to him, Taekwoon-ah?” Hakyeon’s question startles Taekwoon.

          “What do you mean?”

          “I see the way you look at Jaehwan. Don’t tell me you don’t like him.”

          “I don’t. What are you talking about?”

          “Don’t play dumb, Taekwoon-ah. You may be here with me, but your mind and heart are not here. I see your eyes go to Jaehwan whenever we’re together.”

          “No. You’re wrong.” Taekwoon grits his teeth.

          “Confess to him, Taekwoon-ah.”

          “I don’t like him! The one that I like is you, not him!” Hakyeon smiles hearing this. Just how clueless Taekwoon is about his feeling. Or maybe he just denying it.

          “What you have for me is just temporary fling. The one you like, no love is Jaehwan, it has always been him.”

          “No. You’re wrong. I don’t like Jaehwan. He’s my best friend. I don’t like him.” Taekwoon stands up in anger, or in denial.

          “Whatever you say, Taekwoon-ah. But you know I don’t like you more than a friend and I already have Wonsik, right?”

          “I- I-“ Taekwoon clenches his fist. He doesn’t know what to say.

          “Ask your heart, Taekwoon-ah, although I’m sure you already knew the answer. Go after him, before you lost him.”

            Taekwoon studies Jaehwan’s sleeping face. Today they’re having sleepover at Taekwoon’s house. Jaehwan said he wanted to sleep early because he’s kind of tired from his early activities. Taekwoon said he would sleep later since he had something to do.

            Taekwoon examines Jaehwan’s face slowly. His ears, his eyes, his nose… his lips. He brushes Jaehwan’s bangs to the side. He traces his fingers on Jaehwan’s face slowly and carefully. And with an exhale of his breath he mutters the words softly.

            “I think… I love you, Jaehwan-ah.”

          Twenty minutes later, Taekwoon arrives at Jaehwan’s house. He knocks the front door loudly.

            “Jaehwan-ah! Jaehwan! Lee Jaehwan! Open the door! We need to talk!” Taekwoon tries to open the door but the door is locked. He knocks the door again.

            “Jaehwan-ah, I’m sorry for behaving like that. I’m so sorry. Forgive me please. Jaehwan-ah, open the door please.” Taekwoon is still trying to open the door, turning the handle roughly.

            “Jaehwan-ah. I’m sorry. I was wrong. I’m sorry. Can you please open the door so we can talk?” He is still trying. After a couple minutes without an answer, Taekwoon decides to give up, for now.

            “I will come again. I will come again until you open the door for me, until you forgive me. I will come and I will wait.” Taekwoon lets go his hold on the handle. He goes back to his car and drives back to his house. As soon as he arrives home, he throws his body on the bed. All of his body feels so hurt, especially his heart. He’s crying his heart out. The pain is just unbearable. He’s crying his heart out when he remembers what his mother told him a few days ago.

            “Taekwoon-ah, Jaehwan left a letter for you.” Taekwoon’s mother shows him a letter one day.

            “I don’t care about that letter. Just throw it away, mom.” Taekwoon says without even looking at the said object.

            “But Jaehwan said it’s important.” Taekwoon’s mom insists.

            “I don’t care.” Taekwoon buries his face in his pillow.

            “Fine then. Just in case you want to read it, I will leave it inside your drawer.” Taekwoon’s mother places the letter inside the drawer then walks to the door. Before she closes the door, she says something to Taekwoon.

            “I don’t know what happened between you guys, but I’ve never seen Jaehwan this sad before. I hope you guys sort things out as soon as possible and reconcile. We don’t know what may happen in the future. I hope you won’t regret it later, Taekwoon-ah.” And Taekwoon’s mother closes the door slowly.

            Taekwoon opens his drawer frantically. He takes out the letter from the drawer. He walks back to his bed and sits on it. He reads the letter carefully. He can see some of the words are smudges, and he’s sure what the reason is. Jaehwan’s crying when he wrote the letter. Taekwoon cries again even before he reads the letter.

            To: Jung Taekwoon, my best friend

            Hi, Taekwoon-hyung. I’m sorry for what I’ve done. I was wrong, I’m sorry. I was wrong for saying that to you. For making you mad. For making you more broken-hearted than you already is. And mostly… For falling for you. Yes, Jung Taekwoon.

            I love you… I really do…

            I don’t know when it started but when I realized it, I already fall, deeper than I thought. Do you remember that day when I told you I couldn’t confess to him? Now you know the reason why, right? I don’t want everything around us change. I’m more than happy with seeing you from afar, although I do admit that I want to see you closer, much closer.

            That time, when I told you I would wait for you and you didn’t come, I decided to give up one you. I decided to throw my love away. But when Hongbin told me that you’re wasted at that club, I was so worried about you. That time, I realized that I can never give up on you, never.

            So I decided to go to you, for the last time. Because I know I can never give up on you. And I can never reach you…

            Because we’re best friends...

            So I decided to say goodbye.

            I don’t know whether you will open this letter or not. Maybe you won’t even bother to look at this letter. Maybe you will throw this letter away. But maybe, just maybe, you will have a heart to read this letter. Maybe.

            I don’t know which one is your choice. Either way, I respect it. And yes, this is a goodbye. Thanks for being my best friend. Thanks for helping me when I need your help. Thanks for making me strong when I need to be one. Thanks for making me happy even without realizing it. And thanks for making me understand what love is, although it’s unrequired one. I’m grateful for you for that. And this is my goodbye. Don’t bother to look for me because I won’t be there again. Because I won’t be near you again. Because I’m away, to somewhere far from you. So this is it. Goodbye… my love…

            From: Lee Jaehwan, your best friend

            Taekwoon clutches the letter close to his heart, his aching heart. He is in pain, so much pain. He barely can breathe. He cries loudly, so loud that he can hear nothing but his sobs. He’s crying as if he had a large open wound. He clasps into the letter in his hand, as if it’s the only thing that prevent him from broken into tiny little pieces. His sobs are stiffed at first as he attempts to hide his sadness, grief. And then a sudden wave of emotions washes all his defenses away, making him break down entirely. The loud sobs can be heard from the house throughout the night.

            I love you, Jung Taekwoon.

            I love you, Jaehwan-ah.

****

A/N: Okay it turned out to be longer than I expected. Ahehehehehe~ I hope I didn’t disappoint you guys. Anyway, let’s say it’s a present (?) from me for making you guys waited for my update for How Old Are You Again? for a long time. I’m in the middle of writing the next chapter so please wait for it a bit. I hope you like this present (?). Have a nice day everyone~