It tugs and it clenches, bringing tears to his eyes that he couldn't cry. Ballet is a form of art, but ballet comes with the love that intoxicates him but couldn't feel it more like he couldn't feel it anymore. He would never obtain that satisfaction and the warmth ever again. Instead he obliges to feel the coldness of the round tires, his hands begins to become rough over time but applying lotion from time to time helps, not that it mattered. They said it wasn’t forever, that with hope and determination, there’s a chance but after 5 years, he gave up. He believed in time but like everything he loved, they let him down.

Kyungsoo grew accustomed to being in a wheel chair.

“You need to get out of the house more, it’s not good to stay in all day long, you’ve got to do something.” Yixing nags.

He just spares the Chinese man a blank stare before turning away like he usually does and there’s the usual dejected sigh from the man, but this time he doesn’t give up.

“You’ve got to do something, you can’t keep mopping around. It’s been 5 years, Kyungsoo, I know it’s hard but if you keep doing this it’s only making things harder on yourself.” Yixing kneels in front of him.

“I-I mean it doesn’t have to be a significant thing, you can always start small.”

“Leave,” His voice is clipped and cold.

“You’re not listening as usual,” Yixing rolls his eyes.

“Please leave me alone, I told you I’m not going to set my foot into that place again.” Kyungsoo’s hand forms a fist.

“I’m not asking you to, I’m just asking you to get out of the house more, see the world again. I can take you where you want to go, just call me. If it means that you’ll have an ounce of hope in that big heart of yours again, I would drop the world for it.” Yixing says.

Kyungsoo snorts, “That’s going to take a while or even, it’s never going to happen.” Kyungsoo looks at Yixing.

It’s quiet again after Yixing left, leaving him to dwell with his sadness alone. Kyungsoo stares at his own reflection in the mirror. Kyungsoo grabs a book that laid on his coffee table for quite some time, the motion threatening that the mirror –which was installed a few weeks back, were about to be destroyed again. This was his – he lost count of how many mirrors he broke. This time around he put down the book; it’s a blue book, with its title written in gold.

It’s Alice in Wonderland.

Kyungsoo open the book, his fingers touch the dried black ink that wrote the name of the owner, Kim Kai.

Seeing that name, Kyungsoo quickly closes the book and drops in on the floor.

 

Yixing walks into his dance studio, in a few minutes his students were going to come in. He teaches ballet, ballerinas and danseurs. Years ago, he was just a man dancing for fun, dancing along with the biggest names in the industries just because he knew them personally. But now he’s a top notch ballet instructor after the world found out he was the one who help Kim Kai out of his slump.

Yixing never wanted all those attention or the awards.  People come to him hoping he could make them a star like how they believed he did to Kim Kai, but Kai was born with the talent. He was just helping Kai to help himself.

“Good morning sir,” A timid boy comes in.

“Morning Jongin,” Yixing smiles at the boy.

This boy always comes earlier than the rest, Yixing finds him amusing, as how he is timid but brazen enough to colour his hair pink. This boy is usually restless but today he just looks anxious.

“Jongin, are you okay?”

 

It took him half an hour just to get to a place that actually is 20 minutes away, it takes him a total of 10 minutes just to get on and off of the cab. Look he may have a house to himself and for a guy who hasn’t work for 5 years, he still have a sum of money in his bank account, sure it’ sufficient to get him by but hiring a personal driver would cost so much more and he can’t afford it.

His breathing is hazardous after the cab drive away, he grabs onto the wheel and before he could push himself forward, he finds himself being pushed. But obviously he knew who is pushing him.

“It’s been a long time since you came here,” Joonmyeon the caretaker of graveyard is the one who’s pushing him.

“Hello, Joonmyeon.” Kyungsoo smiles little.

“You look better, how have you’ve been these days?” Joonmyeon pushes him towards the grave.

Kyungsoo looks down to him lap, a bouquet of lilies, he doesn’t know what flowers Kai likes at all. So he just bought what came to mind, “Just the same old me.”

“But you’re out of your house, it must be a progress.” Joonmyeon says.

“That blabber mouth,” Kyungsoo curses Yixing.

Kyungsoo sees a familiar figure standing before Kai’s grave, “Joonmyeon, I can go on my own now.”

“Alright then, I’ll check up on you later.” Joonmyeon lets go and walks away.

Kyungsoo proceeds to push himself closer.

“Sehun,” He calls softly.

“Hyung,” The male looks at him with surprise painted on his face.

“It’s been a long time,” Kyungsoo tries to smile.

“It sure has,” Sehun takes a step back.

“How have you been?” Kyungsoo asks.

“H-Hyung, I’m sorry.” Sehun kneels in front of him.

“I asked you how you have been, I didn’t ask for an apology!” Kyungsoo says while gritting his teeth.

“I can’t live with myself I don’t apologize to you. The past 5 years is hell for me, I keep dreaming of you. I can’t-“Sehun runs his fingers through his hair.

“Sehun, stop,” Kyungsoo lets out a sigh.

“I destroyed your life.” Sehun’s eyes filled with tears.

“Sehun, enough it’s the past. As much as I resent what you did, I can’t hate you anymore.” Kyungsoo holds out his hand towards the young man.

“Hating you and resenting you is just blocking me from moving on with my live. I forgive you Sehun,” Kyungsoo says softly.

“I realised some things when I was busy dwelling in my sadness, boo hoo.” Kyungsoo rolls his eyes at himself.

“Hyung, can I put you on the ground? You look uncomfortable,” Sehun stops him.

“Sure,” Kyungsoo nods.

Sehun carefully lift the male from the wheelchair and places him on the ground. Carefully, Sehun rearranges Kyungsoo’s legs. Kyungsoo sees the sadness in Sehun’s eyes, maybe it was pity. Whatever, Kyungsoo has never been good on emotions.

“These legs used to be the strongest legs that I have ever seen on the dance floor, I envied you.” Sehun says.

“Stop,” Kyungsoo hits Sehun on the head playfully.

“Ouch,” Sehun hisses.

“You were saying hyung?”

“It’s nothing much, it’s just Kai and I never really had a connection that we really think we had. It wasn’t the one I was imagining.”

“We hated each other, frankly.”

Sehun chuckles, “I never liked him at all.”

“How would you explain what happened then,” Kyungsoo frowns.

“I was drunk,” Sehun shrugs.

“You heard that Kai, you er!” Kyungsoo yells to the grave.

“We hate you!” Kyungsoo yells again.

“Hyung,” Sehun places his hand on Kyungsoo’s shoulder softly.

“I don’t think Joonmyeon would like us cursing at someone who’s dead.”

“I couldn’t careless,” Kyungsoo scoffs.

Sehun just keeps quiet and looks at his former mentor, letting the male curse at the grave. His hands balled into tight fist, he holds back from doing what he wants to do as it would hurt the older. So he just watches as Kyungsoo curses Kai out with tears and snot running down his face.

Sehun decides that it’s time for both of them to leave when Kyungsoo throws the bouquet of lilies down onto the grave when he runs out of curse to mutter. Sehun proceeds to lift the male back up into his wheelchair and wiping the tear stains with his sleeves.

“I’m so useless, sorry for staining you shirt.” Kyungsoo mutters.

“You’re not useless,” Sehun says as he push Kyungsoo’s wheelchair.

“Well, I’m too dependent on people now.” Kyungsoo shrugs.

“You were too independent before, so I don’t it’s a bad thing.”

They both were silent after that, Sehun focuses on getting back to the front without making Kyungsoo have a bumpy ride as he is still feeling guilty over everything that has happened between them.

“I’m sorry,” Sehun mutters.

“I swear to god, if you say you’re sorry one more time I will- trust me when I say I will hire a conman to kill you!” Kyungsoo says.

Sehun chuckles, at least Kyungsoo is back to his normal self again.

Kyungsoo sighs, “Yixing said the first step is to forgive, I want to move one now. So I’m forgiving you, Sehun.” He says in a soft voice.

“Thank you hyung,” Sehun smiles feeling relieved.

“So stop feeling sorry, things happen for a reason.” Kyungsoo says.

“Kai,” Kyungsoo’s breath hitches.

 “Do you miss him?” Sehun stops walking.

“I do, from time to time, what about you hyung?” Sehun continues again.

“Always,”

“I’ll always miss him.”

The car stops in front of Kyungsoo’s house, Sehun is an angel for sending him home. Kyungsoo knows that it means Sehun’s going out of his way just to make sure he gets home safely.

“I look forward to see you again,” Kyungsoo says once Sehun placed him in his wheelchair.

“Thanks by the way,” He adds.

“I’ll come to visit you more often.” Sehun smiles brightly.

“You should go I’m sure you have things to do.” Kyungsoo waves him off.

“Hyung, if you ever want to return to the industry. You can just come to my studio; I can offer you a spot as an instructor.” Sehun says.

Kyungsoo laughs, “Sehun, I can’t dance anymore.”

“But you have the eye to spot raw talent, and leave the teaching to Yixing hyung.” Sehun says.

“I don’t know Sehun,” Kyungsoo sighs.

“Just in case, if you ever want to.” Sehun says.

“Alright then, if I ever want to.”

 

It didn’t take more than 3 weeks for Kyungsoo to pick up the phone to call Sehun. Who is he trying to lie to, dancing is his passion, and ballet is his life.

“Hyung,” Sehun answers while panting.

“I’m up for it,” Kyungsoo says.

He could hear the smile, “Great, I’ll send someone over there to pick you up.”

“Alright,” Kyungsoo says before he hangs up.

Kyungsoo quickly goes to his room and takes out his dusty duffel bag that he used to bring to his classes. He didn’t quite know what to bring, so he just puts some towel in it and a filled water bottle, he finds it odd because he isn’t going to dance anyway.

Kyungsoo goes to his closet and takes his dance clothes, he gets down from his chair and sits on his bed, slowly stripping his own clothes and replacing them with the new ones. And it takes another hard effort for him to get back into his wheelchair. He remembers the early days of him in a wheelchair; he broke down a couple of times just because he couldn’t get into the chair and the scrapes that he got by falling while trying to get into the chair.

“Kyungsoo,” A boisterous voice that booms into his ear drums.

“Chanyeol, is that you?” Kyungsoo wheels himself to the living room.

“Yea, open the door. Sehun told me to pick you up.” Kyungsoo grabs the door handle.

“Long time no see.” Chanyeol gives him his signature creepy grin.

“First of all, good to see you and secondly, what the hell is up with your hair? It looks ugly.” Kyungsoo frowns.

“Is this how you greet your friend?” Chanyeol shifts his weight on one leg.

“Yeah, pretty much.” Kyungsoo nods.

Chanyeol just smiles at him and takes the duffel bag for Kyungsoo. “Soo, can I push you?” Chanyeol ask when Kyungsoo is out of his house.

“If you want to but not too fast,” Kyungsoo warns.

“Alright then,”

Kyungsoo smiles, maybe Sehun is right, maybe being dependent isn’t a bad thing.

 

“Yixing hyung,” Sehun pops his head into Yixing’s class; it hasn’t started yet so there is only him and the pink haired boy with a little puppy in his hand.

“What’s up?”

“He’s coming, he’s finally coming.”

“Took him long enough,” Yixing smile.

The pink haired boy look back and forth from Sehun to Yixing and back to Sehun again as the too shares a look that he couldn’t understand.

 

“Shut up Yixing,” Kyungsoo glares when he sees Yixing smirking.

The studio is almost filled with students; Kyungsoo sits at the side but still centre enough to have a good view of the class.

“So today we’re learning how to pirouette.” Yixing says with his hands claps together.

“First it's Pirouette, then the fouette and lastly it would be arabesque.” Kyungsoo snorts.

“Kyungsoo these kids aren’t like the ones you’ve mentor.” Yixing looks at Kyungsoo with wide eyes that tell him to shut up.

“I’m just saying what you really want to do,” Kyungsoo shrugs.

“Brat, shut up.” Yixing mutters.

“Okay, so I think most of you know how to do it but of course, I like to perfect things. So let me demonstrate it first.” Yixing says.

Yixing gets into the first position, and follow the sequence he demonstrates it, Kyungsoo’s eyes analyze Yixing, hey, he can’t help it. It’s second nature to him.

“You improved a lot.” Kyungsoo says.

“Of course I did.” Yixing gives him the ‘what-the-hell-dude’ look.

“Okay, I’ll shut my tramp.” Kyungsoo rolls his eyes.

Kyungsoo keeps on observing the class; the purpose of him being in the class is to pick the raw talent. Sehun promised that he’d get the boy to mentor, if Yixing lets him that is. But Yixing probably would anyway.

This continues for half an hour of fooling around and Yixing helping the students who needs help personally, Yixing as always being a sweet heart, taking his time to help the student. If it was up to Kyungsoo he would just point out the mistakes and make them fix it on their own. Yea, Kyungsoo is a lazy teacher.

“Okay, take 10!” Yixing says halting the dancing.

It’s time for Kyungsoo to speak up.

“You,” Kyungsoo points to the boy in front.

“Your pirouette ,” The boy snorts at his comment.

“What do you even know about ballet? You’re wheelchair bound.” It reeks with smugness and self love.

“Oh, please! You have to get over yourself,” Kyungsoo rolls his eyes.

“Oi, pink hair boy, you back there!” The boy’s head shot up from looking at the floor.

“Y-yes,”

“Come here and show me your pirouette.”

“M-Me,” The boy points a finger at himself. The poor boy’s eyes were about to fall out of their socket.

“Who else in this room has pink hair?” Kyungsoo scoffs.

The pink hair boy looks down as he makes his way to the front, eventually bumping shoulder with the smug boy. They all watch as the boy spins unstable and almost losing his footing. A scoff is heard from the smug boy along with some snickers across the room. Kyungsoo snap his tongue, what is with kid’s attitude these days.

“What’s your name?” Kyungsoo asks.

“J-Jongin,”

“Okay, Jongin take a deep breath and do it when you’re ready.” Kyungsoo’s voice softens.

He watches as the boy nods and closes his eyes while taking a deep breath with a hand placed on his heart before he gets into position and does the pirouette again. This time his footing doesn’t run and it's a lot more stable than before and significantly better.

Yixing notices a small smile that plays on Kyungsoo’s face. He can see why he’s smiling too and Yixing can’t stop himself from smiling too. But what Kyungsoo says after that surprises him.

“Stay after this, you’ll be my mentee.”

“How the hell is this kind better than me?” The smug boy says.

“His footings are off, unstable and just look at him! He’s weak,” The boy pushes Jongin’s head roughly.

“Taemin, stop,” Yixing warns.

“I am looking at him,” Kyungsoo says calmly.

“And I see raw talent,”

“And potential,”

Jongin’s jaws drop.

“So you can call him whatever you want and it won’t change the fact that he has talent. And you commenting on my disability don’t change the fact I trained the late Kim Kai.”

 

Kyungsoo watches as the class emptiness even Yixing mutters about going to get some water as his ran out. Jongin picks up his bag and a puppy pop out the bag.

“Come here sit, and just cool down.” Kyungsoo says.

Jongin places his bag near Kyungsoo and begins to cool his body down while Kyungsoo is distracted by the puppy that is now playing at his feet. Kyungsoo scoops up the puppy and brings that little angel up to his lap, he rubs the puppy’s tummy making the puppy coo in pleasure, and he rubs behind its ear again the puppy coos in pleasure. Kyungsoo looks up to see Jongin smiling at what he’s doing to the puppy, he then pats the puppy once it sits comfortably on his lap.

“She’s an angel isn’t she,” Kyungsoo wonders if Jongin’s face hurts from smiling that wide.

“She’s cute,” Kyungsoo nods.

“I haven’t named her yet; I just adopted her before coming here.” He says.

“I was almost late to class to get her vaccinated.” Jongin plays with the puppy when it jumps of his lap and goes to Jongin.

“Why don’t you name her now?” Kyungsoo looks at how Jongin plays with the puppy.

“What should I call you?” Jongin lifts the puppy to his face before pressing a soft kiss on her.

“How about angel, because you keep saying she’s an angel.” Kyungsoo suggest.

“That’s nice, and then I’ll call you angel.” Jongin smiles brightly.

Kyungsoo feels as if he’s getting into that smile but shakes it off. Jongin then place the puppy back on his lap.

“Angel-ah, this is the man that named you. Call him, umm....” Jongin ponders.

“You can call me Soo,” Kyungsoo talks to Angel.

“She’s my fourth,” Jongin plays with his finger.

“I can’t even have one, and you have four. I envy you, Jongin.” Kyungsoo sighs.

“Maybe one day you can have one or maybe even two. Who knows what the future holds.” Jongin says.

“I never got your full name,”

“Kim Jongin, what about yours?”

“Do Kyungsoo.”

 

You really can never know what the future holds, Kyungsoo smiles when Jongin walks in the studio that Sehun gave him to use when he’s teaching Jongin. It’s been around a month since their first meeting, just like how Jongin’s hair is fading in the pink colour, Kyungsoo’s cold demeanour is melting thanks to the warm smiles of a boy named Kim Jongin.

Sure, when he first saw Jongin, he saw Kai. The talent that Jongin had in him could match up to Kai, they even look alike which scared Kyungsoo at first. He keeps seeing Kai in Jongin. It’s taking a toll on him, but recently when Jongin has been smiling that lazy smile, Kyungsoo realises that Jongin is Jongin and not Kai. Kai is the past.

“Hey,” Jongin gives his the usual lazy smile.

“Hey, why don’t you start with your warm up,” Kyungsoo smiles weakly.

“Hyung, are you okay?” Jongin asks.

“It’s nothing,” Kyungsoo feels tired and with the fall he got earlier that morning, he wants nothing more than to curl up against someone that’s willing to cradle him. And somehow seeing Jongin didn’t help, because tonight, all he sees is Kai.    

“Hyung, you’re not alright.” Jongin puts his bag down.

“Come on hyung, I thought we were friends, you can tell me anything.” Jongin sits beside Kyungsoo although he’s sitting on the floor.

“Get me down; it’s weird talking like this.”  Kyungsoo frowns.

Jongin lifts Kyungsoo out of his wheelchair and surprisingly, places Kyungsoo on his lap. Kyungsoo blushes at the boy. He wasn’t used to being treated like this, especially being cradled in someone’s arms.

“I’m just feeling tired, and I fell earlier.” Kyungsoo says.

“That’s not it,” Jongin says softly but sternly.

“It’s just-seeing you, you look like someone I know.” Kyungsoo looks down.

“I do? How much do I resemble him?”

“You look like him a lot, it’s just you’re kinder, warmer, and more caring than him.” Kyungsoo whispers.

“Do I look like Kai?” Jongin asks.

“I’m guessing you heard that a lot?” Kyungsoo cracks a small smile.

“Yea,”

“How well do you about Kai?” Kyungsoo looks down at his legs.

“You mean that snobby, self centred, obnoxious ballet dancer?” Jongin scoffs.

“S-sorry,” He quickly adds.

Kyungsoo laughs and leans into Jongin with a content sigh, “You summed him up perfectly.”

“His news took the world by storm,” Jongin shrugs, “Everyone in the dancing world knows who he is.”

“His death was shocking,”

“It was in that same accident that I lost my legs, but I guess you can’t compare my legs to his life, after all he’s the amazing dancer while I’m just in the sidelines.” Kyungsoo smirks.

“Did you know Kai personally or was it just a professional relationship.” Jongin asks.

“Slightly on the personal side,” Kyungsoo whispers.

Jongin takes a deep breath, “Was he umm-your boyfriend or something?” Jongin asks warily.

“He was,”

“Oh,”

For a moment, silence just sits between them but Kyungsoo didn’t find it uncomfortable at all.

“Didn’t think he’d swing that way eh,” Kyungsoo chuckles.

“Yea, I mean he was surrounded by women.”

“Understandable,” Kyungsoo nods.

“He was really careful from getting out relationship know,” Kyungsoo sighs.

Kyungsoo has a bitter smile now.

“I was going to lose him anyway,” Tears begins to prickle in his eyes.

Jongin nods, not knowing what to say so he listens instead.

“We were rocky from the beginning, we were always up to no good and now that I look back at our relationship, it was based on . We were just lonely and needed someone to hold so that we could sleep at night.” Kyungsoo says.

“What happened that night?” Jongin asks with a shaky voice.

 “We were having a fight, after a disaster dinner at our favourite restaurant,” Kyungsoo fiddles with his fingers, “We both had a little to drink and I kind of got angry at him after knowing he was banging my mentee behind my back,” Kyungsoo grits his teeth.

Kyungsoo takes in some air, “We drove to go home while screaming at each other after being kicked out from the restaurant and the rest, let’s just say you can find out about it on the internet.” Kyungsoo daringly buries his face in the crook of Jongin’s neck.

Jongin hold Kyungsoo even tighter in his arms when he feels wet droplets on his neck.

“Don’t cry hyung,” Jongin whispers.

“It’s just that I see him in you. I miss him, even though he can be such a jerk.” Kyungsoo weeps.

“Hyung, did you love him?”

“No,”

“Then, can you love me instead?”

“What,” Kyungsoo looks up with tears staining his face.

 

Jongin is a shy boy, Kyungsoo knows that but when you approach him the right way, you can find that cheeky boy in him. And Kyungsoo loves that about Jongin, it’s like a privilege of being special to Jongin. Behind that jumpy boy is an amazing dancer; behind that quiet demeanour is a cute little puppy.

How can Kyungsoo not fall in love with someone like this, but then again he is Do Kyungsoo. Kyungsoo didn’t fall in love with Jongin.  Although Jongin didn’t stop trying to court him for weeks in the midst of their training, he has to give to the kid for being strong willed.

 

“Why don’t you give the poor boy a chance?” Chanyeol laughs.

“I’m not in the mood for relationship, my last relationship ended with a death and the lost of legs. I think I deserve some more time to recover from all that before jumping into a new one.” Kyungsoo rubs his temples.

“For your information, it’s been 5 years and lover boy seem decent enough for me.” Chanyeol shrugs.

“Lover boy,” Kyungsoo frowns.

“Your lover boy, that’s all sunshine and rainbows.” Chanyeol says.

“I swear I’m going to kill you one day.”

“No you can’t, you haven’t met Baekhyun yet, I need to introduce you guys.” Chanyeol says.

“Who’s Baekhyun?”

“My girlfriend, she’s the bomb.” Chanyeol says.

“She must be amazing to be able to put up with your .”

“Yeah, she is.” Chanyeol nods.

“So, do you have a picture of her?”

“Ah yeah,” Chanyeol takes out his phone and shows a picture of Baekhyun.

Kyungsoo nods approvingly, “Perfect for you.”

“Oh, yeah, before I forget. She’s inviting you guys to lunch next week, you and your lover boy. So you two must be there!” Chanyeol opens the car door.

“Ugh, fine I’ll tell him tomorrow.”

“Alright, I’ll text you the details next Monday.” Chanyeol lift Kyungsoo into his car and then folds the wheelchair, he’s on duty to send Kyungsoo home today.

 

“So, he invited me too?” Jongin says while trying to do tour en l’air.

“Apparently,” Kyungsoo plays with angel; Jongin brings her or sometimes his other dogs.

He has met the other dogs from that one day at the park which is a result of Jongin pleading him for hours and hours. Kyungsoo envies Jongin even more after seeing his other dogs and how beautiful they are. And he begins to pity himself because he can’t have dogs.

“I’ll try to come,” Jongin shrugs.

“Hey,” Jongin stops and looks at him.

“What,” Kyungsoo says but doesn’t look away from angel.

“Do you want to grab dinner after this?” Jongin asks.

Kyungsoo looks at Jongin and ponders.

“Jongin, do you want date me?”  Jongin who was drinking his water ends up spraying it out.

Jongin looks at him with wide eyes and a flush spreads across his cheeks.

“W-What,” Jongin asks in disbelief.

“Do you want to date me, Kim Jongin?” Kyungsoo rolls his eyes.

“I-I – Of course I do!” Jongin winces when after saying that.

“Was that too desperate?”

“100%,” Kyungsoo chuckles at the boy’s pout.

“I’ll give it a try, but let’s just go really slow, like snails.” Kyungsoo frowns at his own words.

“Like snails?” Jongin lifts a questioning brow.

“Shut up, I don’t know why snails just popped into my head.” Kyungsoo flails his arms around.

“If you want to go slow like snails, then I’m obliged to follow. We’ll just follow our own pace,” Jongin smiles at him.

Kyungsoo manages a small smile and nods.

“So, is the dinner still on?”

 

And so, Kyungsoo hugs Jongin’s bag tightly and the latter wheels him through the crowded street. Kyungsoo wish he could see Jongin instead of being wheeled by Jongin. He wants to watch Jongin’s hair being blow by the wind; he has grown to the fading colour of the boy’s hair. He wants to hold the boys hand, feel those strong arms that are so familiar to lifting him, and how Kyungsoo is also used to wrapping an arm around his neck while he is lifting Kyungsoo.

Maybe, Do Kyungsoo can’t resist Kim Jongin’s charms after all.

Instead he is obliged to look at the sea of people in front of him. People who just got off of work in their mundane colours. Those were once the colours that he used see, along with a strong colour of blonde hair. But now, it’s the colour of light pink and chocolate orbs.

Kyungsoo finds it cute that Jongin is wear a sweater that is in the matching colour with his hair and khaki shorts with his white almost worn out shoes.

“You should get new shoes.” Kyungsoo says.

“I didn’t hear you,” Suddenly Jongin bends down and his face is next to Kyungsoo’s.

“I said you should get new shoes.” Kyungsoo says softly.

“I wish I could, I’m on a tight budget with college and all.” Jongin sighs.

“Oh,” Kyungsoo looks down.

“I’m paying for tonight’s dinner,” Kyungsoo adds.

“What, no! I’m still paying.” Jongin pouts.

“Are you sure? I don’t want to add up to your burden,” Kyungsoo asks warily.

“I have food allowance and dance class allowance,” Jongin shrugs.

“I’ll explain later,” Jongin adds when he sees Kyungsoo frowns.

 

“So why do you have food and dance class allowance but on a tight budget on things you need,” Kyungsoo asks when they were seated in a simple cafe.

“That is because; I used to be a brat. My parents paid for everything and when I entered college they cut the funds except food and dance class.” Jongin says.

“You were a brat?” Kyungsoo snorts in disbelief.

“Somehow college made me socially awkward,” Jongin shrugs.

“Liar,” Kyungsoo blows a raspberry, totally ignoring the looks he was getting.

“Okay fine, I lost some confidence when I saw kids like Taemin in my class. They were so much better than I was.” Jongin sighs.

“Awww, you cute little pup.” Kyungsoo pinches Jongin’s cheeks almost painfully.

Well, painful enough to make Jongin’s cheeks become red.

“That hurts hyung,” Jongin rubs his cheeks.

“Be a man,” Kyungsoo rolls his eyes.

“But I am already one,” Jongin frowns.

 

The following week, the day he is finally going to meet this Baekhyun. The girl Chanyeol keeps saying that she is the one. Kyungsoo just puts on something simple, and honestly it’s hard for him to dress up, he needs help most of the time but there was no one around to help him. So he keeps it simple with a white dress shirt and a pair of black jeans along with a pair of sneakers.

“Sehun,” Kyungsoo smiles when Sehun’s car pulls up in his drive way and Kyungsoo spots a fresh face that hops off the car with Sehun.

“Hyung,” Sehun hugs the older male.

“Who’s this?” Kyungsoo asks Sehun.

“My name is Luhan,” The man gives him a smile and holds out a hand.

“Do Kyungsoo, pleasure to meet you.” Kyungsoo takes his hand.

“Pleasures all mine.” Luhan says.

“Alright, let’s get going, Chanyeol is already with Baekhyun at her restaurant.” Sehun says.

“But first, you have to get me in the car,” Kyungsoo smirks.

“Not a problem, you’re so light hyung.” Sehun says as he lifts Kyungsoo out of his wheelchair.

Luhan then folds his wheelchair, looking like he has some experience with this.

“There, all set.” Sehun says when he buckles Kyungsoo up like a little kid.

“You know I’m not a kid.” Kyungsoo glares at Sehun.

“Do you not like being pampered?”

“I love it actually but I’m not a kid.”

 

“Where’s lover boy? You said he was coming!” Chanyeol attacks him when he arrives without Jongin.

“He’s driving here; he had a class before this.” Kyungsoo rolls his eyes.

“He’ll call when he’s almost here.”

“Yeol, stop harassing your friend.” The female voice immerges.

And then Kyungsoo sees a petite female, Baekhyun.

“Hello, you must be Kyungsoo.” She walks to him.

“So you’re Baekhyun.” Kyungsoo nods.

“How the hell do you keep up with this dumb ?” His words make Chanyeol pout.

“I don’t even know, somehow I can tolerate him and his occasional dumbness.” Baekhyun looks at Chanyeol with a certain fondness.

“Yea, you’re good, Park Chanyeol, if you hurt her please be prepared to die.” Kyungsoo wheels himself to their table.

He sees Baekhyun giggling at Chanyeol, before Chanyeol pokes her side making her swat his arms away and gives him a warning glare but it all melts away with a quick kiss that Chanyeol gives her.

“Ewww, keep your PDA’s on a minimum.” Luhan makes a gagging sound.

 

Kyungsoo was about to say something but then his phone wails a tune of a song. Kyungsoo takes his phone and answers the call.

“Hey,” Kyungsoo melts inside when he hears the voice.

“Hey,” He whispers.

“Are you already there? I can hear Chanyeol,” Jongin chuckles.

“Yeah, I’m here. Are you almost here?” Kyungsoo motions his friends to quiet down.

“Lover boy is coming!!” Chanyeol yells.

At times like this Kyungsoo wishes he could walk so that he could walk up to Chanyeol right now and smack the life out of Park Chanyeol. Kyungsoo just hopes Jongin didn’t hear what Chanyeol said.

“Yea, I can see the shop now, bye.” Jongin hangs up.

“I wish I could kill you right now Park Chanyeol.” Kyungsoo glares at him.

Chanyeol gives him a terrified grin.

The door swings open and Jongin walks in with washed out jeans and a black leather jacket on top of his plain white shirt.

“Kai,” Kyungsoo accidentally says.

An awkward silence hangs as Kyungsoo covers his mouth, Jongin just smiles awkwardly. Kyungsoo swears he is going to beg for forgiveness tonight.

“Jongin,” Kyungsoo says as he sits down.

“Yes, that correct. I’m Jongin, not Kai. Remember that, my name is Kim Jongin, and I’m just another ballet dancer.” Jongin pinches Kyungsoo’s nose playfully.

“Sorry,” He mutters.

Jongin just smiles at him.

The lunch goes smoothly after that and by smooth it means Kyungsoo being teased, and teasing a lot. Jongin couldn’t help but to smile at Kyungsoo whose cheeks were dusted with a cute light pink. He resists with every inch of himself from cradling the older male and peppering those lightly dusted cheeks with kisses.

“Sehun stop staring, you’re scaring the poor boy.” Luhan says to Sehun.

“It’s not that I want to scare the boy, it’s just he looks like him so much.” Sehun frowns.

“But better personality,” Yixing points out.

“Less talented,” Jongin adds.

“You told him about-” Kyungsoo cuts Sehun off with a nod.

“Wait, Kyungsoo was your mentor?” Luhan looks at Sehun with questioning eyes.

“Yes,”

“I’m lost.” Baekhyun chirps.

“Its okay babe, it’s about an old friend.” Chanyeol pats her head.

There was an awkward tension after that.

“Sehun, can you help me to the bathroom?” Kyungsoo puts down his utensils.

“Oh, it’s on the left,” Baekhyun says,

“Sure,” Sehun gets up and helps Kyungsoo out of his chair and into his wheelchair.

Sehun then proceeds to wheel Kyungsoo towards the bathroom.

 

“You know, we should stop looking at the past and see what’s in front of us,”

“We should,”

 

Jongin volunteers to drive Kyungsoo home and so now they are in the car on their way back.

“Jongin, I’m sorry for calling you Kai just now.” Kyungsoo starts softly.

Jongin sighs harshly,” Is that what you see in me? Kai, do you only see him and not the real me?”

“No, of course not Jongin, I mean when you dance yes, I see Kai. Right from the beginning I’ve been seeing Kai.” Jongin slams the wheel making Kyungsoo jump in surprise.

“You know that hurts, you seeing your ex in me. It doesn’t matter if he died. You see your ex in me.” Jongin sounds beyond hurt, betrayed even.

“I’m sorry but trust me, I don’t see him in you anymore, not when we’re talking and I’ve not seen Kai in you while you dance in a while. From time to time yes I do see him but not as often. Earlier was a genuine mistake.” Kyungsoo pleads.

“Hyung, look at us right now, it hasn’t even been more than two weeks since we agreed to try and we’re already fighting. Why is that? It’s all because you love Kai more than you love me.” Jongin says.

It’s like déjà vu for Kyungsoo, he’s scared. He doesn’t want this to repeat, he doesn’t want to see Jongin’s face etched with anger and disappointment. All he wants to see is his warm smile and hear his laugh. Maybe the terror showed on his face because Jongin stops at the road side. Jongin then unbuckles his seatbelt and Kyungsoo’s too.

“Hyung, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to bring it up.”Jongin covers his face with his hand.

Kyungsoo closes his eyes, trying to calm himself down, remember that its Jongin, This is Jongin not Kai, Kai is dead. The chanting didn’t really help maybe it made it worse but when the strong arms holds him close it made him feel secure and save, he manages to calm down. He tells his brain again, this is Jongin, remember how Jongin feels. He begs his brain to remember how Jongin’s feels.

“I’m sorry for snapping at you,” Jongin whispers.

“N-No, I think I should have told you more about me and Kai.” Kyungsoo sniffles.

Jongin sighs, his lips against Kyungsoo’s temple.

“Do you want to come to my house?” Jongin wipes the tears Kyungsoo spilled.

“Would it be alright?” Kyungsoo looks at Jongin with puffy eyes.

“You’re not going to bother anyone, and I live alone so you can stay for the night if you want to.” Jongin shrugs.

“Okay then,”

 

Kyungsoo is now out of his wheelchair and on Jongin’s lone couch after some difficulties on getting in his apartment. Jongin offers him a cup of hot chocolate since his apartment is a little chilly.  Jongin scoops Kyungsoo onto his lap.

“Kai, he has been there since forever,” Kyungsoo opens up.

“Sure our relationship was a disaster but being with him taught me something. But first I need you to understand that he will forever have a special place in my heart but maybe with time you would overcome him.”

“He is kind off the least I have to worry about, because you’re so adorable and people might hit on you.” Jongin grumbles.

 “Don’t worry, I don’t fall in love so easily, so if I will inevitably fall madly in love with you. You don’t have to worry about other people hitting on me.” Jongin smiles slightly.

“What did he teach you?” Jongin intertwines their fingers.

“He taught me that everyone have their flaws and demons,” He pauses, “And when it comes to love and relationship, any relationships actually not just lovers. You have to learn to accept that part of someone, even if you hate it.”

Jongin looks at Kyungsoo with fondness.

“Acknowledge that the person has that trait you hate, but don’t love that person any less. Love just the same and even a lot more. And if you’re mature enough, maybe there are ways to change that habit without changing the person.”

Kyungsoo shrugs, “If it’s something they’re born with, maybe it’s time for you to try and accept it and put up with it.” Jongin touch Kyungsoo’s cheeks.

“Like Baekhyun and Chanyeol, I still wonder how she puts up with him.” Kyungsoo blushes at Jongin’s action.

“Give and take, that is why it’s important, you can’t keep on taking.”

“So if you see something you don’t like about me, tell me. We will work out together.” Jongin says.

“And take all the time we need,” Kyungsoo squeeze Jongin’s hands.

“Soo, can you be honest with me?” Jongin plays with Kyungsoo’s hair.

“Yea, sure,” Kyungsoo nods.

“Why are you afraid of falling in love?”

The question makes Kyungsoo smile and chuckles as he leans into Jongin’s neck, nuzzling against it.

“Up until now, everything I loved has let me down. I just don’t want to be let down ever again,” Kyungsoo sighs.

“I don’t want to make promises, so I’ll just say I’ll try my very best.” Jongin says.

“I might just have fallen in love with you a little more, Jongin.”

“I like you a lot Jongin,”

“Love is actually a heavy word for me,” Jongin confesses.

“Really, then it’s okay, we’re taking it slow anyway.” Kyungsoo smiles into the crook of Jongin’s neck.

 

 

Kyungsoo wakes up the next morning, being wrapped up in blankets and most importantly. Jongin, he touches the boys light pink hair. Jongin, Kyungsoo feels all warm inside, he thinks he might even puke rainbows by the feeling of the subtle butterflies in his stomach. 

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6.7K of Kaisoo meh-ness from yours truly! Hope you guys like it~ Please comment down below on how you think this is! Feed back are loved~ Please check out my other fic if you want to! OUO