BURST

Jinyoung thinks Mark doesn't mention it because they're busy. Another single means another packed schedule. Photoshoots, rehearsals, shooting for their Youtube series, signing copies of the album, arranging their schedules for the upcoming promotions. Or maybe he's just forgotten it all together. He's in another country now, and there aren't the little reminders all over the place he surely had back home. But in the back of his mind, he wonders if Mark misses it. Jinyoung has seen the pictures of it before, the pretty firework displays, the greasy grill out food, the flags flying, the brassy bands playing anthems, the repeated colors of red, white, and blue. It's a part of Mark's old tradition, and he knows well enough that you miss tradition when it isn't there anymore. Even if it's a routine and nothing more, you feel the absence of something that was always a part of you, something you once took for granted and no longer have. And missing the things you've lost is just a part of being human. He wouldn't blame him for it.

But maybe independence would be a strange thing to celebrate as an idol in a foreign country. They enjoy themselves, but they're still chained to a schedule. They take their freedom in little ways, but it isn't the same thing as what the holiday celebrates, to Jinyoung's knowledge. Anyways, it would be strange for their country to have firework displays for one unrelated country's liberation from another. Mark would have to see them at some summer festival. They're still as busy as ever, and today's not a holiday for the majority of them, and since Mark doesn't mention it, he leaves it at that.

They're stuck in the dance practice room until late at night. By time they finish, their feet are aching and they're covered in sweat. Jackson and BamBam are whining about showers and the others are whining about eating. Mark is still jumping around on the balls of his feet, looking like he could still go for a few more hours of practice. Jinyoung smiles. Even when he's not practicing, he always looks like he's two seconds away from doing a flip and surprising all of them out of nowhere. He never knows if it's a part of Mark's unpredictable air or just an excess of energy before he crashes, but he likes watching nonetheless.

“Is the van here yet?” Yugyeom asks, yawning into his hand.

“Let's go to the lobby and wait. It smells in here.” Youngjae tugs on JB's shirt. He's still the deciding vote, so the others wait for him to give his permission before leaving.

“Yeah, we can get out of here. Just make sure to take all of your stuff out this time if you don't want the cleaning crew to accidentally throw something out.”

It's instantly a rush of the members grabbing their things and making a bolt for the air conditioned lobby. Things are inevitably left behind. Jinyoung stays behind to pick the things they wouldn't want to lose up for them and tucks them into his own bag. It's a bother sometimes, but they'll thank him later, which he doesn't mind. They're spoiled, but at least they're grateful about it.

Mark also stays behind. There's one window in the back opposite the glass mirrors which is kept closed and curtained to avoid people peeking in, but he pulls it open anyways and leans out, letting in the cool night air.

“You could always go to the lobby to cool off,” Jinyoung reminds him. “I'll be there in a second.”

“I want to look at the sky.”

“How is it?”

“Empty.”

Jinyoung turns around to look at him. He can't see his face with it partially out the window, and his tone of voice doesn't give anything away. He doesn't know how Mark feels, and that bothers him a little. He's supposed to be the best at understanding the members' emotions and making them feel better, but Mark is a difficult case. He doesn't wear his heart on his sleeve as much as BamBam or talk as much as Jackson and JB. Sometimes you have to pester him to find out how he feels. And sometimes even then, he won't tell you. He doesn't want to be a bother. Not understanding that he could never be a bother to Jinyoung, ever.

“No fireworks?” Jinyoung asks tentatively.

Mark turns around. “You know about that?”

“Of course I pay attention to the important things about your countries! You all celebrate Chuseok when you're here, so I think about your holidays, too. I think we should do something more to celebrate them.”

“So where's my hamburger?”

“Er...”

“I was just kidding.” He smiles. “Besides, our time doesn't match up. They're not even celebrating it back home yet.”

“Oh yeah.”

“Yeah.” He exhales. “And it's not worth making a fuss over. Just fireworks.”

“Mmm.” Jinyoung reaches into his bag, pulls out a box, and throws it over to Mark. “Guess you won't need this, then.”

Mark turns it over in his hands, lifting an eyebrow. “Sparklers?”

“I thought we could set them off this evening. I didn't know dance practice would take this long. It's probably too late now. Everyone's going to want to shower and sleep when we get back.”

Mark says nothing. He opens the box and pulls one out. And then stares at it for a minute, doing nothing. He turns to Jinyoung. “It's not just going to light itself.”

“It's not like I have a lighter.”

“Well, what am I supposed to do with it, then?”

“Find someone who has a lighter?”

“That involves leaving the room.”

“They're expecting us downstairs anyways.”

“If I do this, I'd like to do it with you. Here. You're the one who remembered, after all.” His lips quirk, and he puts the sparkler back in its box. “You know what, I don't really need to set it off. You thinking of it in the first place is enough.”

Jinyoung frowns. “But the whole point is you celebrating.”

“It's not going to feel the same here as it does back home. There are other things to celebrate here.” He tucks the box into his own bag and slings his arm around Jinyoung's shoulder. “Come on, let's go home.”

“Are you sure?” Jinyoung still hesitates. For some reason he still wants to see Mark with the lit sparkler in his hands, a sign that he at least kept one of his traditions, that it wasn't lost like so many things are.

“Yeah.” He reaches out and brushes Jinyoung's cheek with his thumb. “It already feels like there were fireworks.”

“Huh?”

“They're not just something you see, right? It's something you feel, too.”

Jinyoung isn't sure he understands, but Mark is smiling and pulling him close, so maybe it's okay that he doesn't get it completely. Or maybe he does. There is something that goes on in his heart during times like this, something like a beautiful burst that leaves him in awe each time it happens, a lingering tingling washing over his body, a feeling of brightness coming in a sharp flash that captures him until the moment Mark drops his hand away from his body and it starts fading little by little. It doesn't go all the way away, though. The amazement always lasts. The breathlessness doesn't go away, even when he does.

0o0

It isn't a holiday in their culture, but because no one can resist dressing up, they still celebrate it anyways in their own little way. They don't go around knocking on doors asking for candy because that part has always seemed strange and maybe a little bit unsafe and definitely unhealthy, but if they're not busy doing something else, they do the part where they wear costumes and then do silly things in them.

Mark tells him to dress as a vampire. “Because you used to have that widow's peak when we debuted, like Dracula,” he says. Jinyoung assumes he doesn't want a modern, sparkly vampire and digs around their makeup for cream to make his face pale white. He even puts on lipstick to make his lips bloodred and slips in plastic fangs that make his mouth feel weird and stretched out. The members love it, though. They snap pictures with each other for SNS, for themselves as much as their fans.

Mark dresses up as Harry Potter and looks nothing like him. With his blonde hair, he would look better as Draco, but he doesn't have a green tie, only a red one to go along with the fake round glasses and the scar penciled in with eyeliner. Every time Jinyoung looks at him, he can't help but snicker at how silly it is.

He feels a little jealous when Jimin comes in with her golden snitch costume leftover from her hosting gag last year. The two of them play around well together, and of course Jackson gets involved, as he always does. Sometimes he feels on the fringes when it comes to them. He doesn't like the feeling of wanting to monopolize people, but he also doesn't like the feeling of missing out on something he wants to be a part of. But he spends enough time with Mark, if he thinks about it. They're in a group together, they wind up on schedule after schedule together, and even if they don't have the same schedule, they wind up at the same dorm every night. Mark is free to spend his time with other people. And speak his native language to his heart's desire, most of all.

He hates himself, sometimes, for always thinking he needs more out of Mark's time, knowing how much he already has. That he somehow deserves it.

Mark comes over to his side later, still in a spirited mood. “You're missing your widow's peak,” he says, tugging on Jinyoung's bangs.

“I gave up that style awhile ago. You're missing your dark hair.”

“Do you like it better that way?”

“I don't mind it either way. What about you? Should I get my widow's peak back?”

“Either way.”

Jinyoung smiles to himself. “Do you want candy, by the way?” He pulls out a box of pepero and sets it in Mark's hands. “Everyone always skips the candy part.”

“You're doing it wrong. I have to say trick or treat first.”

“Well, you said it now.”

Mark rolls his eyes, then takes a stick of pepero out of the box and slides it between his lips. “Wanna play?”

Jinyoung's eyes widen. He thinks if he asks if Mark is serious Mark won't be and will swallow the stick down and laugh about teasing him. So he doesn't ask and leans in. He can't bite down on the stick properly with his plastic fangs, but he tries anyways and stumbles through it. He is too busy concentrating and misses the critical moment when he's supposed to snap it and break away. Mark does it a beat later, but he thinks they touch for a moment, though it's hard to tell with his lips squeezed awkwardly with the plastic fangs and desperately trying to chomp down on what it can't get ahold of. He pulls back, flushing, wondering if there's even anything worth flushing for.

But there it is. The slightest smear of red lipstick on Mark's lips. Jinyoung stares at it, heart beating erratically. It happened to him, those were his lips that left that mark, but he doesn't remember anything about it other than the slightest touch before pulling away. It's kind of a kiss, but not really. Probably the closest he'll ever get, and he doesn't even remember it properly.

“You sure took your sweet time there,” Mark comments, eating his part of the pepero. “I almost thought you wouldn't break it.”

“It's not like you were in a hurry, either,” Jinyoung says defensively. Not that Mark can see his cheeks flushing under his white make up, but he feels the need to defend himself from the implications anyways. As true as they are.

“I wasn't.”

“You-- what?”

He slides a finger across his lips, and looks down at the slight bit of red that appears on it. He smiles at it, then starts laughing.

“W-what?” Jinyoung stammers. Ready to defend himself again.

“Oh, nothing,” Mark says. “Just what kind of couple is Dracula and Harry Potter, though?”

0o0

Chuseok isn't the same thing as Thanksgiving, though they're close enough on the calendar for them to get absorbed into each other for Mark. According to him, they have the similar sentiment of coming together as a family, but the American holiday has weird historical roots no one seems to care about any more. Mark explains that there's a story about pilgrims-- whatever those are-- getting together with the Native Americans to share the bounty of harvest, but he explains that it rings a bit hollow since the pilgrims subjugated the people they were supposed to be buddy buddy with in the story, and now people just eat turkey, drink beer, and watch football and don't try too hard to romanticize the past.

Jinyoung looks up some of the foods Mark might have eaten when the holiday rolls around, but all of them look beyond him. A whole turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes, gravy, pumpkin pie. He isn't sure if Mark's family really ate all that, or if they even celebrated the holiday American style given their cultural background. He's pretty sure Mark doesn't watch football either, not that their broadcast station would be playing a game, anyways.

Still, he digs around the kitchen for something, some kind of offering to acknowledge the fact that Mark isn't with his family and make up for it. Or maybe acknowledging it wouldn't be a nice thing to bring up. Mark isn't thinking of it, clearly. He's on the couch playing Playstation with Yugyeom, laughing, not dwelling on what he isn't doing.

Jinyoung pulls out a few pots and pans, thinks of what he could possibly make as a generous offering, and comes up with nothing. He sits on the kitchen floor and stares at them, willing them to magically fill with the delicious foods in the picture. It doesn't happen. He just winds up looking like an idiot strewing their kitchen floor with things he isn't even using and staring at them blankly as if he can't figure out how cooking works.

Mark comes in later and looks at the scene in front of him. He joins Jinyoung on the floor, scooting the pots and pan around to make room.

“You can't make a pumpkin pie by staring at them,” he says, a note of laughter in his voice.

“How did you know?”

“I know you. That's enough.”

Jinyoung leans his head back and closes his eyes. “Sorry.”

“Why?”

“Because I can't make pumpkin pie.”

“No. I mean, why do you do these things in first place? I'm not broken up about missing Thanksgiving.”

“I want you not to miss home.”

“Really? Isn't it healthy to miss it a little?”

Jinyoung nods. “That's not what I mean.”

“Then what do you mean?”

“I want you to feel like this is your home.”

“Ah.” Mark scoots closer to him. “Then maybe it's okay to do things differently from my other home, right? It can't be the exact same place or feel the same, so it should feel like something else.”

“Like what?”

“Like a place where I can do things I can only do here, things that will make me feel a little homesick when I'm at my other home.”

“Like what kind of things, though?”

Mark takes Jinyoung's hand and squeezes it. “Like this.” He doesn't let go afterwards. He keeps on holding it and Jinyoung feels the beautiful bursts inside him again, though it's the wrong holiday and he doesn't know how it's supposed to feel on Thanksgiving. Grateful? There's that, too, but far beyond basic gratitude. More like want. Are you supposed to want things on Thanksgiving, or just feel happy for them? Does it really even matter?

“Although it's alright this way, too,” Mark says quietly. “You trying to make me happy, that's good, too. Although you don't have to.”

“I don't?”

“I already pretty much am, you know.”

He starts leaning in, then. Jinyoung's eyes widen. Then he remembers they're supposed to close. He shuts them, too tightly. They're wrinkly at the corners and he feels like he's doing it wrong again, but he doesn't know because he hasn't done something exactly like this before, and then a second later he forgets about wrong or right because Mark Tuan's lips are touching his and they are perfect and soft and he can actually feel them this time, he can intensely feel it, and a thousand things resound in his heart and he doesn't know how to describe a single one of them but it doesn't matter because he understands at least one of them is happiness.

Mark pulls away and Jinyoung's eyes open and he can't help smiling because Thanksgiving is the perfect holiday even without pumpkin pie and if he can make it like this every year, he doesn't care any more if it isn't like the pictures and he can't cook any of the foods Mark wants. This is enough. Everything-- the feeling of fireworks, the candy kiss, the empty pots and pans on the floor without food in them and the hand holding his most of all-- is holiday enough.