i.

At first it was a single white petal, a lily. It’s not at all surprising, as he looked up the meaning of said flower, heavenly and pure. He kept said petal by his bedside. It shines when the moonlight hits it just right, and sometimes it appears in him dreams, drifting in the wind far, too far.

ii.

Jisoo lived on like usual, lived on as if his lungs aren’t deteriorating, lived on as if his heart isn’t aching, longing for the boy he knew isn’t his. One slowly turns to two and then three, it’s never ending. His voice slowly turns hoarse, literally choking on his own feelings. The boy in question sure seemed concern every time he excused himself to purge his feelings down the drain, but when he comes back, the long-haired boy has preoccupied himself with another member. Maybe it's the way his twinkling eyes isn't directed at him, maybe it's the way he runs his hands through the mousy brown quiff. It's definitely the way his standing across the room so painful unaware, despite being a few steps away.

Jealousy, pricks through his skin like the roots slowly wrapping itself around his insides.

iii.

It was bound to happen, what with thirteen boys living in a dorm with a single bathroom, it was only a matter of time. Jisoo had his speech all planned out, from It’s okay, I’ll take care of it, down to Please, just please don’t tell manager hyung or Seungcheol, I can handle this myself. What he didn’t prepare for was to be caught by said person.

“Jisoo what are yo- JISOO!” He can feel someone wrapping their arms around his shoulders, slowly bringing him to rest against their chest. Those same hands slowly made it’s way to his back, rubbing in a circular motion. The petals fall pass his lips in a continuous stream, piling on his companions lap. Within the next minute or so, his heavy breathing starts to even out, with less and less lilies out his mouth. Regaining his composure, he looked up to peek at his aide, it was exactly who he thought it was, broad shoulders and long lashes in all it’s glory.

“Seungcheol-ah... I- I can explain.” His voice was strained, weak and muffled.

The other slowly sighed, “Who?” Seungcheol was staring at the door, the dim lighting of the bathroom made him grim, almost.

Jisoo answered tentatively, “Junghan." barely above a whisper, "but please don’t tell manager hyung, I can’t get the surgery,” The arms around him tighten, “I-I can not bare losing my feelings like that. I can handle this, I swear it’ll... it’ll be okay, I promise.” Jisoo buried his face where Seungcheol’s neck meets his shoulders. And most of all, please don’t tell him. He’s not sure if he thought aloud, but he could feel kisses pressed against his hair anyways.

Their conversation ended there, yet they stay like that, under a blanket of lilies.

iv.

The eldest now hovers around him during the day but mostly at night, yet his heart still hurts. It hurts even more now that more and more petals lay on his palms, spilling onto the floor, kinda like my feelings, huh? he laughs bitterly, to himself, alone. That’s how Seungcheol found him time and time again, his head to his knees, heaving and sobbing to no one in particular. His stares in particular makes him feel like an open book, the contrast scares him less.

v.

On the flip side, Junghan is still oblivious to all things Jisoo, he doesn’t hate him for being so... Well, Junghan. Carefree as always, he thought as the long-haired boy throws his head back in laughter. He’s with Seungcheol again, sitting close against the mirror of their practice, and this is exactly what tears him apart. Two sides of the same coin, others would say, Seungcheol’s discreet glances versus Junghan’s blank looks. Seungcheol’s caring nature as opposed to Junghan’s magnetic presence.

Why is it that I have to fall for Junghan?, his thoughts would swirl around this question, forever unanswered.

(But with these thoughts, Jisoo failed to noticed the missed stares and shared longing his object of affection throws his way, his companion following in suit.)

vi.

Domino effect. As his knees sunk to the floor, white surrounds his vision, in a blur of of s running to him, in the walls that close in on him, in the petals he seems to drown in. In the rush of it all, as his vision blurs into an array of monochromatic tones, a single splash of red caught his eye, a tulip.

vii.

“Jisoo-ya... Wake up.”

“...Joshua.”

viii.

His breath hitches. It doesn’t come.

His eyelids flutter against the bright lights beating down on him, eyes slowly focusing on two silhouettes resting against both of his sides. On his bedside table lie not one bouquet, but two of the most fragrant lavenders, oh so that's how it is. He noticed that both of his hands are enveloped in warmth, such that for once he felt, loved. It's a foreign feeling to him. It's new, yet... familiar.

Jisoo's stirring appears to have woken up one of the two figures waiting on him, his brown hair shifting in front of his eyes, slowly focusing the scene around him. As he registers Jisoo and his currently conscious state, Junghan's hands wound up to rest on Jisoo's shoulders, "You're awake... You're okay," his palms traced circles on his arms before moving down and around his back, "Oh my god, you're okay, you scared the living out of me, Jisoo. God," his hold tightens, Jisoo's breath hitches once more. "Don't ever scare me like that again."

He looked on behind Junghan's shoulder to see Seungcheol before them, a hint of a smile gracing his features. "I'm glad you're okay, Jisoo." He said as he approached the two.

ix.

three wilting buds lay on the bedroom floor, sweeped under the bed, along with their clothes for the day.

a lavender, a white lily and a red tulip.