We Can't Be
We Can't BeWe Can’t Be
Sometimes I wonder late at night
How you have been ever since that time
Replay it in my mind, all of the goodbyes
Still hang on my lips
How you have been ever since that time
Replay it in my mind, all of the goodbyes
Still hang on my lips
Those stares of longing, the lingering traces of your touch…
All the things that we can’t have.
Have you ever noticed me staring at you a little longer than I’m supposed to? Have you ever felt my hands lingering just a little before letting go of yours
In these moments, I remind myself that we...
But… we can’t be, Seungwan-ah...
Not now.
Not ever.
“Welcome home… you were out late again…” a voice broke the silence and the shorter girl became visible in the light with her brows scrunched up.
You always had that worried look written across your face whenever I was late. Your eyebrows were always scrunched up.
“Have you eaten yet?”
The question was lost in the silence. Before the answer could be said, a low grumble broke the silence.
Breaking the tension.
Your lips curved up into a smile; you sighed taking my hand and dragged me to the dining table, without hesitation.
The warmth… The sparks… all of which only happens for a moment.
“I’ll make you some ramyun...”
“Seungwan-ah…”
“I know…”
Drip. Drip.
She quickly reached up and wiped the small streams of tears staining her rosy cheeks. Staring down at the cold bowl of ramyun noodles staring back at her.
Ramyun… yours was always the best.
“I’m going out.”
“Again? Will you be out late again?”
“I don’t know. I’ll see you later. Don’t wait up for me.”
But you always did.
If only I knew there would be a day when you wouldn’t be there.
If only I knew that those were the last words I get to say to you.
If only I knew that, that was the last moments I’ll have with you.
If only I didn’t know that we couldn’t be…
2Am, I'm thinking about us again
How you said we'd stick it out until the end
It wasn't worth the fight
I wish that I could change your mind
And you would see me in your dreams tonight
How you said we'd stick it out until the end
It wasn't worth the fight
I wish that I could change your mind
And you would see me in your dreams tonight
Everything has become a routine. A daily motion, a monotonous life.
Ever since that day.
The day when everything went dark.
The day when the only sunshine in her life no longer shined upon her.
“Why do you always stay out so late?”
“Why do you care..?”
“Why do you always leave when I’m around?”
“I… don’t know. It’s just a coincidence.”
“Do… you… hate seeing me that much?” her voice started to break as she uttered those words softly.
No… Seungwan-ah… it was quite the opposite. I loved seeing you. I loved seeing you so much it hurts.
You’re the only one I wanted to see…
But this feeling…
We just can’t…
*katalk*
*Hey… it’s late. You should get some sleep. Stop playing with your phone.*
*How did you know…*
*I know you…*
She sighed, holding tightly onto the phone for dear life. She started to type out a few words but quickly deleted it.
*katalk*
*It’s 2AM… go to sleep.*
“Seungwan-ah… I miss you… Goodnight…” she whispered into the night.
Baby, I've been thinking bout you lately
Won't you come over and save me from my memories
Yeah I know it might sound crazy
Like do you ever maybe miss me
Cause I wish you were here real badly
But I know we can't be
I know that we can't be
Won't you come over and save me from my memories
Yeah I know it might sound crazy
Like do you ever maybe miss me
Cause I wish you were here real badly
But I know we can't be
I know that we can't be
I always thought it was the best thing to be able to live with you.
But things were never that simple, were they?
Things slowly changed, but I was too blind to notice them.
You slowly stopped smiling brightly.
We barely spoke a word to each other.
Until one day…
“Seungwan-ah~ I’m home!”
“Oh! Come meet my friend! This is…”
I remember that moment when you introduced me to your “friend”.
I honestly wanted to be happy for you. I really did.
But I hated it. I hated the fact that there was someone else that could make you smile so wide.
But that… that was no one else’s fault but mine.
*Seungwan-ah…*
*I know…*
That’s all I needed to hear from you. And that’s all you ever needed to say to me.
In these moments, you always knew.
I knew…
We both knew that we…
It's plain to see, I couldn't be what you need
Running in circles lost following your lead
I'm hanging by a thread, wake up with an empty bed
I wish I took back all the words I said
It's plain to see, I couldn't be what you need
Running in circles lost following your lead
I'm hanging by a thread, wake up with an empty bed
I wish I took back all the words I said
How long has it been? Are you happy now?
I never did rent out the room. No one will ever be able to fill your place.
I always had hoped that you would come back.
Days turned to weeks. Weeks turned to months.
The new year came and you’re still not here.
She pulled out the wooden chair and sat down at the dining table, placing down the hot bowl of ramyun in front of its new owner.
“Eat…”
She let out a sigh and sat in silence looking at the sight in front of her.
“We need to talk…”
The words that you spoke so softly. So hesitantly.
It still cuts me so deep.
“He asked me to move in with him…” she said slowly and waited a bit before continuing. “I think I’m going to say yes.”
“Are you happy?”
“I’m… content.”
She slowly got up from the table and trudged away.
“You know I’ll stay if you want me to…”
“Just go. Do what you want. I’ll just rent out the empty room, if I need to.” She replied gripping tightly onto the pair of chopsticks in her hand until her knuckles turned white.
I should’ve stopped you. I should’ve bit my tongue, held back those words.
But I can’t be what you want me to be.
We can’t be what you want us to be.
I'll watch you go on and live your life
I can't help wish I was her but hey that's fine
If I could go back to that time I'd make everything right
And you would still mine
I know that we can't be
I'll watch you go on and live your life
I can't help wish I was her but hey that's fine
If I could go back to that time I'd make everything right
And you would still mine
I know that we can't be
“Hi… I’m glad you agreed to meet me.”
“Of course. It’s been too long hasn’t it?”
“One year…”
“One year…”
They both stared at each other in silence, but she was the first to turn away as usual.
Wendy shifted in her seat and reached into her bag, pulling out a white rectangular envelope.
“You’ll come right?” she said, putting forth a rectangular object towards the other girl.
“Yeah… of course. I wouldn’t miss it for the world.” She replied reaching out to take the card and faked a smile even though she’s breaking down on the inside.
Congratulations Son Seungwan… you’ve finally found your happiness.
“Seungwan-ah…” she called out as Wendy walked away.
“I know… I do too…” Wendy replied with her back turned, her voice breaking. Just a little, but not enough to be noticed.
I’m sorry…
I’m sorry we couldn’t be…
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