Byunghun never really knew where to start. 

It was when he had something on his mind, something that constantly bugged him and poked at him and reoccurred in his mind so much, that he couldn't bring himself to get work done or eat or sleep. The worst part was he couldn't even identify exactly what feelings he had. Anger? Grief? Jealousy? It was one of those. Or, all of them, really.

He lived in a fairly big and comfortable apartment with his best friend, Chanhee. Which, he was happy about. Waking up and walking out into the living room to see his older friend cooking in the kitchen (occasionally in only his boxers), being greeted by Chanhee casually with a smile. And when they would have conversations as they watched TV, or when they played video games together, and shared a ton of laughs. And when they shared a few drinks of cold beer and were a little closer than usual as they spoke. Byunghun loved that. 

That was an advantage to living with his friend. Then, there was that thing that he dreaded and hated with all of his being.

Every once in a while, more often as of recently, Chanhee would bring people home. Females home. Not only that, but what annoyed Byunghun even more was when he was sitting on the couch with even a little hope that these random girls would leave, Chanhee would say some sort of sly, dirty slur to whichever girl he was with and lead them into his bedroom. Disregarding Byunghun, completely forgetting that he was right there in the living room and walking past. 

Byunghun shifted onto his side on his bed and let out a sigh as he gripped lightly onto his own bed sheets. He at least wished that Chanhee would keep it the down or go somewhere else, like maybe not their house so he didn't have to hear the disgusting noises of some random female with him in his bed. So he didn't have to be reminded constantly that it wasn't him underneath Chanhee, that it wasn't him pleasuring Chanhee, or kissing him, or feeling his warm body, or falling asleep beside him and telling him that he loved him.

And every single time this dawned upon Byunghun, no matter how many times he had fantasies of being with his best friend, he felt nauseous. He felt this sudden rush of sorrow throughout his body that plagued him and made him sick to his damn stomach.

Now, Byunghun felt the tears stinging his eyes and he didn't even try to hold them back. God, he just hated this feeling so much. Byunghun wanted to fall asleep in Chanhee's arms, wanted to watch him sleep in his peaceful state, wanted to teasingly kiss up Chanhee's neck as he played video games, in hopes of distracting him or tickling his skin with his breath. Byunghun wanted Chanhee. He sniffled and rubbed his eyes and pressed his face into his pillow and tried to forget all about this girl in Chanhee's room, probably having the time of her life, just tried to forget it. He tried to forget Chanhee.

But he couldn't. No matter how hard Byunghun tried, he wouldn't forget about Chanhee. Why?

Byunghun sighed into his pillow and closed his eyes, breathing in and out slowly as the obvious answer went to his head again. I love him.