Baekhyun didn’t show up the next day. Nor the next. After a week of his absence, people began to grow worried.

 

“I wonder what happened to him, is it only because he placed fifth?” Minjun speculated.

 

“Fifth isn’t even bad! Oh god, he’s such an overachiever, my Baekkie. I wish I could be there for him, but nobody knows where he lives,” said her friend Seoyeon.

 

I snorted. Half of the girls I knew were delusional, thinking that Baekhyun was in love with them.

 

“Get a grip,” I muttered under my breath.

 

It must have come out louder than I intended, because Seoyeon whipped her blonde head toward me and bared her fangs.

 

“Excuse me?”

I was unfazed.

 

“You’re excused.”

 

Seoyeon placed her talons on her hips and glared at me with her beady eyes. She was a full head shorter than me, so it was comical.

 

“I bet you’re glad that Baekkie is gone, aren’t you?  He’s always been better than you, hasn’t he? You’re nothing compared to him, Myunghee. You’re just a jealous, hating who doesn’t know how the to--”

 

She never got the chance to finish her sentence. Right then, Hana came by behind her and pretended to trip, causing her bottle of pomegranate juice to spill all over Seoyeon.

 

Hana giggled sweetly.

 

“Oops, sorry! Silly me, I’m just so clumsy, you know?”

 

Seoyeon’s mouth hung wide open as Minjun took her arm and led her away. We watched as the two of them disappeared down the hall, minutes away from a girly freakout. Hana let out a sigh.

 

“It is weird though, isn’t it?”

 

“What?”

 

“Baekhyun. It’s unlike him to miss so much of school. And barely anybody knows where he lives, isn’t that strange? It’s like he’s got dark family secrets he doesn’t want anyone to find out.”

 

I chewed my lip. The only reason why I knew where he lived was because of the third grade project. It never occurred to me that so many people weren’t aware of his place of residence. I supposed that I had always taken that bit of information for granted.

 

“I’m going to see him,” I said.

 

“What?” Hana asked, “You know where he lives?”

 

“Yeah, but, don’t tell anyone, okay?”

 

As I rode the bus home, I scrolled through our old texts. Maybe he was alright, and just needed to distance himself from school. The last time I texted him was the night of his panic attack. He hadn’t replied since.

 

I got off three stops early, at the bus stop at the edge of his neighbourhood. His house was located at the end of his street, right by the woods. I clutched the straps of my bookbag as I rang his doorbell. His house was quaint. In the daylight, it was well-kept and clean, like something out of a picturebook.

 

“Coming!” Somebody called.

 

The door was opened by a woman in her early forties, presumably Baekhyun’s mother. She looked like a model: atypically young for somebody of her age. Her dark hair was styled in an updo and her lips were accentuated with red lipstick. Somebody could probably mistaken her to be his sister instead of his mother.

 

She smiled, and the corners of her eyes crinkled. Baekhyun inherited that aspect from her.

 

“Hello,” she said, “can I help you?”

 

I cleared my throat nervously.

 

“I’m here to see Baekhyun? Is he here?”

 

Her smiled faltered, but it was still present. Perhaps a little bit more forced.

 

“Yes, but, I don’t know if he’s really in the mood to see anyone right now.”

 

“Oh.”

 

“I’m really sorry.”

 

“It’s okay.”

 

Mrs Byun smiled again, more teasingly, this time.

 

“Are you his girlfriend or something?”

 

“NO. No. No, I’m ah, not,” I said, a little too loudly.

 

She laughed, and it shocked me how much it resembled Baekhyun’s.

 

“I was just kidding.”

 

Baekhyun seemed to have such a perfect family, why would he try to hide it?

 

“Can I just see him? Really quickly?” I pleaded.

 

Mrs Byun seemed really tentative to let me in, but eventually, she caved.

 

“Okay, okay. You seem like a really nice girl. Go ahead, I’ll try to call him down.”

 

I thanked her as I followed her into their house. I sat on a couch in the living room as I waited for Mrs Byun to call down Baekhyun. I twiddled my fingers and looked around. The house was as neatly arranged as their lawn. Picture perfect. Almost too perfect.

 

My eyes fell on their coffee table, where the first thing I spotted was a business card. Tentatively, I examined it.

 

Kim Junghoon, MD.

Psychiatrist.

 

“Baekhyun doesn’t want to come down. Do you want to go up?”

 

Baekhyun’s mother stood at the edge of the staircase.

 

“Sure, thank you.”

 

“Baekhyun’s room is the one at the very end, on the left. I’m going to do some gardening but feel free to call me if you need anything, sweetie.”

 

“Okay.”

 

Their staircase was perfectly polished and not creaky, unlike mine. Baekhyun’s door was open, and his room was as neat as the rest of his house was. He lay motionless in his bed, the only thing that was a mess. He was pale and gaunt.

 

“Baekhyun?”

 

He opened his eyes, but they lacked light. They were so sullen, it was like they weren’t even his.

 

“Are you okay?”

 

“ off.”

 

Wow. Okay.

 

“Why haven’t you been coming to school? You’ve missed an entire week!”

 

“I said off.”

 

I had expected my blood to boil, but it didn’t. Instead, I felt something different, something I wasn’t familiar with.

 

Confusion. Frustration

 

Baekhyun was never like this. He was never lifeless, and never this cold.

 

“Why are you like this?”

 

When he didn’t answer, I said it louder.

 

“WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS?”

 

I hated feeling confused. I always knew everything, and this time, I had no idea what was wrong with him. I began to lose my cool.

 

“What the , Baekhyun?” I screamed, “Have you not left your bed in a week? What about school? What about your friends?”

 

“Pointless,” he uttered, “I’m worthless.”

 

I couldn’t believe my ears. Byun Baekhyun, king of arrogance, claiming he was worthless?

 

“How the could you say that?” I shrieked, louder.

 

He didn’t respond.

 

“What the is wrong with you?” I shrieked again. I was grateful that Mrs Byun was outside, so she couldn’t hear my hysteric screams.

 

I turned to leave. If I stayed any longer, I would’ve lost it completely and thrown a fit. My heart hammered in my chest as I grabbed the business card on his coffee table and raced to the bus stop.

 

I was determined to fix him. The Byun Baekhyun I knew would’ve tormented me endlessly if I had beaten him.

 

I never thought I’d ever admit it, but I liked that Baekhyun. That morose boy lying in his messy sheets was not the Baekhyun I knew. He was somebody else, somebody entirely different.

 

And it scared me.