Like a fool, I’m blankly standing here

Waiting.

It’s the only thing I’ve been doing since I let you go. Waiting for you to give me even a glance; Waiting for you to smile at me the way you used to; Waiting for you to call my name with so much love and adoration; Waiting for you to notice my song, for in it, I have put the words I can’t utter whenever you’re near.

I’m looking at her, getting farther away

She becomes a small dot then disappears

Will this go after time passes?

I remember the old times, I remember you

I’m vacantly staring at my phone, hoping that somehow you’ve stayed up to watch and hear my song, just how you used to. Yes, I’m still hoping like a fool that I am, though I know you’re slowly slipping off.

Day by day, I know I’m slowly losing you, for you have spread your wings to see how far you can fly. You used to lie contentedly in my palms, like the shy butterfly you were. Now you have learned to use your wings and you’ve become a social butterfly.

I remember the times when you wanted to be the first one to congratulate me, to tell me that that I have done great.  I remember the time how you discreetly tell the world how proud you were of me, may it be by word playing or things that remind you of it.  You were always there.  But now, I can’t seem to find you.

If you, If you

If it’s not too late, can we get back together?

Yes, yes, I’m still hoping. I’m still dreaming to be back in your arms. I’m still wishing to hear you say that you still love me.  Even how selfish it may seem, even after all the pains that I’ve caused you, I still need you to need me.

If you’re struggling like I am

Can’t we make things a little easier?

I want to make myself believe that it’s hard for you too. It’s hard for you to see me like this. That you still get jealous whenever you see me with another girl.  That it pains you to see any picture of me with another woman, just how it kills me to see any picture of you with another man. I still selfishly believe that somehow, you still care.

I should have treated you better when I had you

I should have, but I never did. I took you for granted, thinking that no matter how fool I was, you’ll never let go. I had so much confidence, that I assumed no matter how I push you away, you’ll clutch on to me, tighter than you used to.  But regrets do come at last.

How about you?

Are you really fine?

It’s vain of me to ask you if you’re fine. I know you are, even if it hurts to admit it. You’re slowly reaching your dreams. You’ve started acting again, one thing that you can’t do when you were with me, because you got worried that I may get upset.  How selfless of you to still think of how I felt when I don’t even give a damn if it might hurt you to see me with her.

You started socializing, gaining more friends, going out with your old friends; the things that you weren’t able to do so because I selfishly forbid you to. It was selfish me of to stop you when I was doing worst.

I should forget you, but it’s not easy

I tried; God knows how much I’ve tried. I have drunk myself to sleep, hoping that in the morning when I wake up I will not be sober enough to remember the reason I did so.  I tried turning my attention to her, thinking that if I do so I can transfer the feelings I have for you to her.  I wanted to forget and let you go, but just like writing a song without you in it, I don’t know how to start.

On days where thin rains falls like today

I remember your shadow

Our memories that I secretly put in my drawer

I take them out again and reminisce by myself

Now, all I’m able to do so is to look at the pictures of us together; smiling by myself by just merely looking at your smiling face.  Will I be able hold you close like this again? Will you smile like this at me again? Will your eyes gleam with your love for me again? Will I be able to hold your hand again? Will I ever again be the man you dreamt to be with forever?

I miss you. I miss you so much. I need to hold you once again in my arms. I need to hear you say that you still love me. I need to taste those sweet lips of yours. I need to hear your heart beating next to mine. I need to hold your hands again and I swear this time, I’ll never let you go.

Please, I beg you; I need you to need me again for I’m slowly losing my grip of reality. What is this world without you? I’d rather sleep and dream of us together, once again.

Why didn’t I know the weight of sadness that comes with breaking up?

Now I’m clutching my heart for the pain is too much. Even just a sign. Please Dara.

If you

If you

If you heard my song, please come back babe.