~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~

It was Sunday morning.

He couldn’t believe that it was possible for him to have woken up earlier than 8 AM on his day off – a day without any group activities that he treasured so much. No photo shoot, no interview, no performance, nothing but accompanying Chanyeol to meet his old friend, Ahn.

The truth is he had initially refused Chanyeol’s request; but as a result, was ignored for more than three days. Of course, Kris surrendered in the end – not only because Chanyeol gave him pouts and a pissed off face – but also because of an ultimatum to terminate of any kind of skin-to-skin contact.

Any kind.

This was definitely torture for Kris’s physical and biological needs. And so, here he was, disguised with a black beanie, nerdy glasses, and wrapped by a Dior Homme jacket, sitting beside Chanyeol in the corner of Starbucks. Sleepy, but presentable enough for a public figure.

“Hey Ahn, this is my best friend,” Chanyeol poked Kris’s arm with his elbow.

Best friend? Last night you slept hugging me all night long. You even asked me to caress your back until you fell asleep, Kris thought. Does a best friend kiss on lips before sleep and after waking up too? Whatever.

Kris stole a glance at Chanyeol, who smiled friendly to the black haired guy in front. This ‘Ahn’ guy is quite handsome, but he’s not as tall as Kris – not that Kris is being conceited or anything.

“Hi, I’m Kris,” Kris offered his hand to shake, and smiled a little.

“Nice to meet you, Kris,” said Ahn while taking his hand. “Finally I meet the infamous Kris, a leader that draws many eyes just by standing and doing nothing,” Ahn smiled.

Kris was flattered and threw another smile, this time more sincere, but he couldn’t hide the sleepiness in his eyes. “Ah, you’re flattering me so early in the morning. I still might be dreaming.”

“Hey, he is famous for his expressionless face, you know. Hope you don’t mind witnessing it today,” Chanyeol suddenly commented before taking Kris’s Vanilla Latte and gulping it. Ahn chuckled and Kris threw an annoyed look to Chanyeol. The latter caressed the elder’s thigh gently under the table as he pouted cutely to ease his annoyance.

After twenty minutes of being a living statue for Chanyeol, Kris tapped the younger’s shoulder and whispered something. Chanyeol and Ahn had to catch up about their lives, but Kris couldn’t stand it much longer – he needed more sleep.

“No, hyung! You can’t do that here. It is not possible!” Chanyeol’s reaction confused Ahn and Kris was suddenly sorry to have tried to interrupt their small reunion for such a petty thing. Well, maybe not too petty. Sleep is more important than food to Kris.

“It’s possible,” Kris replied calmly. “You just don’t want it because you’ll feel embarrassed.” Kris ignored Chanyeol’s pout and motioned for him to sit on his chair while the elder took a chair beside Ahn.

“I’m sorry Ahn, but I just can’t stand it anymore.” Kris smiled uneasily towards Ahn and put the chair on the edge of the row. Kris could see that Ahn understood what he was about to do. He just smiled awkwardly toward Chanyeol. Kris then nonchalantly pushed the chairs so that there was no gap in between and sat on the third chair, putting his head on Chanyeol’s lap.

“Last night Kris-hyung arrived home at 2am, and I forced him to come with me this morning. I’m responsible for this,” Kris heard Chanyeol explain to Ahn, his hand caressing Kris’s head lovingly. Kris could sense that Chanyeol was being quite careful of not getting caught by people who passed their table.

But Kris didn’t give a damn about it. Flashing lights and papers to sign are scarier than a passerby. Kris was not in the mood for any fame right now.

~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~

“I don’t understand why they keep rejecting good offers.”

“Me too,” Kris sighed. “I’m disappointed.” Kris tossed Luhan’s black shirt to the floor, trying to clean up the older’s mattress from any fabric, so that it was comfortable enough to sleep on. “I really don’t understand why management let you and Kyungsoo act, while they haven’t allowed me.” Kris lied on the bed, not caring about how Luhan was looking at him – though it was obviously a disappointed face like Kris’s.

“You know, I believe that someday I will find your face on the big screen.” Luhan’s sweet voice consoled Kris. “In Hong Kong’s cinemas, China’s cinemas, or even Canada’s cinemas,” he crawled to the bed. “I believe it will happen,” he sat on Kris’s stomach and brushed his lips upon the younger’s.

This is what Kris liked about Luhan. Despite his angelic, sweet, and innocent face – Luhan knew how to use his charms on Kris. He knew that Kris liked to nibble on the elder’s bottom lip, how much he liked to sniff his neck, or how much he adored every inch of his body.

Unconsciously, the disappointed face Kris had was gone, and has changed into a grateful, blessing smile. Luhan’s face seemed to question the change of Kris’s – though Kris dismissed it with a ‘nothing’. Luhan pecked his forehead, nose, and down to his lips. Kris’s hand pulled Luhan’s nape down to kiss him deeper.

“I will watch any movie you’re in and buy two copies of it,” Luhan promised after Kris released his lips. “One copy for me to watch as much as I want, and one copy for my collection. It could be an extra as well if I lose the first one,” he added.

“What if I star in five movies, though in three of them I’m just a supporting actor, and then I release three mini albums for the soundtrack? Will you buy 10 DVDs and 6 CDs of me?” Kris grinned.

“Of course I will!” Luhan answered enthusiastically. “Even if your movie only available in Canada and will not be released on DVD, I will book a flight to Canada or wherever it is.”

“Really?” Kris smiled mischievously, enjoying Luhan’s eagerness. “What if it’s only available in Israel? You don’t speak English and if you can’t find a translator as well. What are you gonna do?”

The older straightened his slender body; he still sat comfortably on Kris’s stomach while his eyes wandered around on white walls in front of him. Luhan’s thinking form was entertaining to Kris – he looked like an angel that just fell from heaven. Dammit, Kris pulled him down into a hug and turned his position so that Luhan was beneath him, surprised and excited.

Kris noticed a small glint of lust in Luhan’s eyes – but Kris’s was stronger.

~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~

Kris was studying his surroundings when Chanyeol excused himself to greet the birthday girl. Kris was left beside a stage, and decided to roam around.

The club was popular among socialites. It was a two story, fancy club with rich lights that glowed gloriously. It was here that idols, comedians, actors, and other public figures made up the crowd.

Kris decided to wait for Chanyeol at a table near the bar. He restudied his surroundings, though this time with a small bottle of Jack Daniel and a can of cola. Even in a dimly packed room full of unfamiliar faces, Kris found Chanyeol’s figure in no time – he had a fluorescent light in Kris’s eyes. Besides, Kris was smart enough to pick a table where Chanyeol would never leave his sight, and likewise Chanyeol could easily spot where Kris was. Kris could see that Chanyeol was now walking in his direction, though he wasn’t alone.

“Guys, this is my handsome friend Kris!” Chanyeol introduced Kris to his friends.

Handsome friend, huh?! A week ago you sulked so much after the interviewer said I’m a handsome guy and you are a cutie pie. Kris smiled as the memory of the interview replayed in his head, though it gradually dropped as he noticed that Chanyeol’s smile was the one he normally gave when he met a senior he doesn’t like.

“You don’t need to introduce Kris to us,” said a red-haired girl with an arrogant voice. “We all know Kris.”

“Yes Chanyeol, even my little sister is a big fan of Kris. She said Kris is flawless,” agreed a boy who was probably the same age as Kris. “Hi Kris, may I take a picture with you?” the boy asked nonchalantly. “I want to show it off to my sister so that she knows that her brother is awesome.”

“I’m next!” exclaimed the red-haired girl. “My friends will envy me – especially Chaerin! She got her dad to pay a lot of money to get backstage access to see you.” The girl kept talking, “She said she skipped school and locked herself in her bedroom for two days to finally get permission. Damn girl! She knows how to use her parents’ wealth.”

“Yeah, she was a genius to get the Chanel bottle bag I wanted so much,” continued another girl who didn’t look interested on taking a picture with Kris. This girl’s appearance was more classy and arrogant among Chanyeol’s friends.

“You mean Rihanna’s bottle bag?” asked the red-haired girl.

The classy girl nodded then turned her head to face Kris. “I heard you like to accompany Tao to shop Gucci. Do you like Gucci too? Because I think flawless guy like you would match Salvatore Ferragamo.”

Kris smiled awkwardly once he noticed Chanyeol’s uneasy expression. His friends were so comfortable being around Kris, as if Chanyeol was not as attractive as him.

It pissed Kris off.

Of course, it felt good that people showed interest in Kris, but it didn’t feel good anymore when it started to hurt someone else’s feelings – especially Chanyeol’s. These youngsters freaked Kris out a little: they were too outspoken and he didn’t want to hear them chatting about luxury anymore. Kris then came to the conclusion that they must be the younger’s casual friends, ones that only meet up when there’s a party. Certainly, Kris didn’t need to remember a thing about them.

“Kris, I’m going back to the dance floor. Do you want to join me?” asked Chanyeol, breaking Kris’s chain of thought.

“No, I’ll wait here.” Kris was too lazy to mingle in a sea of people, especially with Chanyeol’s high-end friends who were able to attend the party solely because of their parent’s wealth. That was just not his style.

Chanyeol danced as Kris watched. He saw Chanyeol dance with a pretty girl who seemed to come out of nowhere, suddenly appearing in front of Chanyeol and seductively asking him to dance with her. The younger had the freedom to decide for himself. He was free to do anything with whomever he wants – even dating and . He never needed Kris’s permission, or agreement. Yes, the two were in a relationship. But not boyfriends. It was really hard to describe what kind of relationship the two had.

It was much like an unspoken agreement.  

Kris knew that Chanyeol told this circle of friends that Kris was just a friend. At other times, with different groups, Chanyeol had introduced him as a best friend, sometimes as a close friend. Kris wouldn’t complain with whatever Chanyeol addressed him as. It wasn’t important. What was important was that Kris was beside him and he was beside Kris. That was it. Others were unimportant.

As for Kris, his circle of friends always questioned what Chanyeol meant to the elder, but he had never answered. Was he only a friend? A best friend? A junior? A bandmate? None of those. Kris has treated Chanyeol as more than those titles. Kris would follow wherever Chanyeol goes, give him whatever he wants.

Kris has tried his best to make the younger happy, because to him, Chanyeol is the complete package of the aforementioned titles, plus lover and enemy.

But seriously, Kris began questioning himself, what was his relationship with Chanyeol exactly?

~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~

“Uhm...Infidelity?” Luhan mumbled while Kris backhugged him on the rooftop. It was one in the morning, and Kris was taken aback as Luhan told him about his nightmare.

“I don’t get it Lu,” Kris was careful with his words and gestures, afraid that Luhan would notice his dirty secret. “You had a nightmare and it’s about infidelity. Tell me again what happned in your dream? Did I cheat on you?”

Luhan nodded and Kris’s heart dropped.

“I saw you and Chanyeol in my dream. We had just gotten back from a concert venue, and were sharing a room together. Then Chanyeol came into our room saying that he couldn’t sleep, so the three of us had a chat on the balcony. When I excused myself to use the restoom, you kissed Chanyeol – behind my back. You didn’t realize that I could see you through the windows, but I thought it was just a part of my imagination so I kept walking towards the bathroom. When I walked back to the balcony, I saw you groping Chanyeol’s while kissing him deeper. I was so shocked and it felt like my heart skipped a beat. I was so scared Yifan.”

Kris gave a consoling kiss on Luhan’s head and tried to maintain his heartbeat. The smaller boy’s back was leaned comfortably on the taller’s chest, and Kris was afraid Luhan would hear his racing hearbeat – hopefully not.

“Don’t be. I’m here with you, Lu,” Kris tilted his head to kiss Luhan’s cheek and the latter turned his head to allow Kris to kiss his lips instead.

When the kiss broke Kris continued, “What make you dream that nightmare, I wonder?”

Luhan leaned back on Kris’s chest and again and continued enjoying the night’s view in front.

“Lu?” Kris tried.

“Hmm...  I think it’s because you’ve become closer to Chanyeol. You’ve often granted his request, and I know that you do the same for tao, but this seems different. Tao is the youngest of the group, and you take care of him because it’s an M member, while Chanyeol is not. Sometimes I wonder why you hang out a lot with Chanyeol.”

“Lu, you never enjoyed flubs and always reject our offer to go together.”

Luhan sighed, “I know. Maybe I’m jealous of your closeness to Chanyeol.” Luhan reted his hands on Kris’s. “I’m sorry.”

“No, no sorry. It’s just a dream.” Kris feels guilt and relief, but mostly worry.

Luhan kept silent and Kris finally joined him to enjoy the night view from the hotel’s balcony. Kris wanted to savor every moment he would have with Luhan tonight, because once the sun rose, he had to go back to his role as friend and M’s leader.

Regardless of the infidelity that Kris does, he had learned that dating the same gender itself is a taboo is South Korea. It’s hard to treat his boyfriend properly without people’s judgemental looks. He couldn’t hold Luhan’s hand when they talked together, or peck him on the cheeck when he’s being too adorable. Not at all. These things were much easier to do when he was in Canada.

“Yifan?” Luhan’s broke the silence.

“Hmm?”

“What are you thinking about?”

“Lu, do you want to live in Canada?”

~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~

Amnesia.

Kris reread the rainbow neon lights again, and came to the conclusion that the owner of the club was expecting visitors to forget all their problems while they were in the club. Kris secretly wished that he could forget some of his. If not all, then maybe just one – one that involved himself and Chanyeol. The two of them have been living in a grey area for almost a year now. It was something that only Kris and Chanyeol could understand, but didn’t know what to name it. It was just too complicated because they were comfortable, and there was a convenience of being around each other.

Kris was contemplating the very beginning where he and Chanyeol had become so… close. It started with learning dances together, having dinner after practice, and coming back home together. Then they started showering together, sleeping together, eating breakfast together, shopping together – so much togetherness that Kris couldn’t quite remember what started when.

There were also small pecks on cheeks, random bites from collarbones to hips, countless backhugs, deep kisses, and red-hot . All done in the dark, secretly – when no one paid attention or after the sky had gone black. Gradually, Chanyeol had become Kris’s favorite, besides Luhan. Dammit, I’ve become a greedy, egotistical bastard.

“Hey man, who is he? Your Korean friend? A bandmate?” Kris’s close friend from Canada approached and hugged Kris friendly. He had never watched any of EXO’s music videos or anything related to Kris’s celebrity status. He never cared for it, but cared about his status as being Kris’s close friend.

Kris smiled towards Chanyeol’s confused face. Kris knew that Chanyeol would get more confused, because his close friend, Andrew, didn’t speak Korean at all. “I don’t know. I even ask myself what he is to me.” Kris made an annoyed face at Andrew; he knew that the naturally blond guy was a trusted friend. All of his secrets were safe with him, and Kris noted to himself to treat Andrew well until his vacation in Seoul was over.

“Aw, you’re a bad guy!” Andrew turned his head to Chanyeol and offered his hand for a shake. “Hi, I’m Andrew. Nice to meet you.”

“I’m Chanyeol. Nice to meet you too.” Kris was entertained to see Chanyeol struggling with his English. The younger’s Korean tongue also became a barrier to follow his conversation with Andrew. Kris noticed that Chanyeol was enjoying the atmosphere inside the club rather than listening to him and Andrew.

“So now Blair is an ex?” Andrew smoked his Marlboro. Kris took a new stick from the box while Chanyeol frowned at him.

“She’s history now. Girls are not easy to deal with. I often didn’t understand what they wanted.” Kris smiled at Chanyeol and showed him his cellphone where he’d typed, ‘Sorry baby, let me smoke just tonight’.

Andrew noticed Kris’s act but continued, “Yeah. But they are delicate and soft compared to guys. For years we’ve been friends, and I could never understand how you can date both genders. I mean you dated many girls when you were in Canada. You know the difference, don’t you?”

Chanyeol looked at Kris and he seemed bored and lost. Kris pecked him on lips and the younger shyly took a glance to Andrew, afraid that the action would shock the Western guy. But Andrew was used to Kris’s impulsiveness. Kris continued, “I know the difference very well. I do agree that girls are delicate and soft while guys are rugged and hard. But you know me... “ Kris inhaled his cigarette.

“Yeah, I know you damn well. You don’t care about gender as long as they take care of you.” Andrew exhaled and blew the smoke to contaminate the air more, “So now you’re dating this guy?” Andrew directed his chin to Chanyeol.

“I don’t know,” Kris sipped his favorite liquor, Jack with a little cola. He liked the bitterness, but a little sweetness made it better.

“I don’t understand. It’s very clear to my eyes that he is special to you. Someone you’d fight for,” Andrew stated.

“He is. But It’s complicated, man,” Kris sighed, and both guys on his sides noticed. Andrew was curious while Chanyeol’s face was all confusion which Kris found quite attractive too. Kris couldn’t handle much more…

Kris put his cigarette down on an ashtray, sipped his Jack and turned his head to face Chanyeol, staring at him guiltily and lovingly. Then Kris moved his left hand slowly to pull Chanyeol’s waist close to his while the other hand was placed softly on his nape. Kris kissed him deep. His left hand pulled on him harder, demanding him to sit on his lap without breaking the kiss. The younger obeyed, both of his hands circling around Kris’s neck. Kris’s hands circled around his hips, hands on and squeezing his rear. Oh self, behave! Respect your buddy!

“in’ show-off!” Andrew exclaimed and Kris stopped. Chanyeol tried to climb off his lap, but Kris didn’t allow him. Kris smiled and kissed him again.

“Jesus, Mary and Joseph.” Andrew swore “Quit his in mouth, Kevin!”

Kris quit as per Andrew’s shout of his old name and grinned mockingly, “Did you just call me, dude?”

“Yes! I was calling a hell-sent demon, who is now looking at me like an idiot!” Andrew scolded Kris.

“Calm down, dude! I just gave you a good show,” Kris smirked to Andrew while Chanyeol embarassingly shifted to his original seat, and Kris let him because he sensed that the younger was blushing hard.

“Good show my !” Andrew lit another cigarette from his box. “I have witnessed many sinful deeds of yours, but it doesn’t mean I enjoy it! You’re insane, buddy.”

Kris was amused and ignored the blond’s jabs. “Chanyeol is hot, isn’t he?”

“For you. Not for me,” Andrew spat and shook his head a bit. “What you did just before gave me an idea about the complicated thing you mentioned and the importance of this guy.” Kris noticed Andrew’s face had become more serious. “Don’t tell me it happened again, buddy. That’s not nice.”

“I know,”  Kris remembered that 5 years ago he had the same problem was having right now. “You’re right. The history is repeating again. This time not with classmates, but with bandmates which means dormmates too. Twice as hard as before.”

“You’re so screwed, Kevin!” Kris heard his close friend’s disappointed voice, “You can’t be greedy and selfish.”

“I know. But both of them take care of me in their own ways. I like both.” Kris focused on Andrew, forgetting that Chanyeol was watching him in confusion from the conversation.

“Does Chanyeol know that you have someone else?” Hearing his name being mentioned, Chanyeol turned his head to Andrew then to Kris.

Kris smiled to Chanyeol, secretly sorry for the younger, “He knows. But Luhan doesn’t.”

“Is Luhan Korean?” Andrew wasn’t familiar with any Chinese name except for Kris’s.

“Luhan is Chinese,” Kris anticipated Chanyeol’s reaction as he mentioned Luhan but the younger kept calm as Kris continued. “I’ve been dating him for a year and half now. People know that he is my boyfriend. I even had him meet my mom in Canada before. I know I’m a bastard.”

Andrew nodded in agreement, and Chanyeol asked to be excused to go to the restroom, of which Kris halfheartedly allowed him. Kris sensed that the younger felt hurt towards the statement Kris had just said to his blond friend. Chanyeol would break down soon and he wouldn’t do it in front of Kris. Oh God, my baby…

“It’s good to know that you’ve realized it,” Andrew took Kris back from his reverie, and the friend showed his hesitanance through his face. “Did Chanyeol ever ask you about his status? About what your relationship really is?”

Kris knew it would come, this kind of hard as question. “Good question indeed.” Kris sighed bitterly. “He never asked.”

“,” Andrew was very vocal to any emotions he had. Kris had been friends with him since he was 13, and the blond man had never changed. “Then if someone asked you that question, and this someone could smell your fishy relationship, what would be your answer?”

Kris closed his eyes for few seconds. The memories where people asked him about his and Chanyeol’s relationship flashed back and forth. Then he opened his eyes, staring at the wall behind Andrew, “Mine. Chanyeol is mine.”

That’s right. Chanyeol was his and Kris didn’t give a damn about other’s opinions or what they thought about him and Chanyeol. He didn’t need their agreement nor their approval. A simple 'Mine' was more than enough.

~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~

The restroom of Amnesia was one of the most unique Chanyeol ever saw. There was no sign to differentiate for women or men. It’s probably uni, Chanyeol thought. He walked through the door and was quite surprised to see the standing toilets for men on his left while he could also see closed toilets on his right. Both toilets were separated by an open powder room. What a sight! Chanyeol then decided to go to a closed toilet instead of the standing one. He was not comfortable if girls walked into the restroom and could see he was doing his business.

In the closed toilet, Chanyeol remembered why he excused himself to go there.

 ‘Some people know that he is my boyfriend.’

Kris words were repeatedly screaming in his ears. He knew exactly what it meant and the he Kris refered to was not him but his bandmate, his angelic hyung. Chanyeol cried inaudibly inside the cubicle. Even though it was not the first time he heard Kris claim Luhan as his boyfriend, it is still hurt him to hear that statement. It reminded him of how nasty a dongsaeng and bandmate he was being. It remind him how much of a coward he was – too afraid to make Kris choose between two. It also reminded him what he was to Kris…

‘Chanyeol baby, whatever it is, let us have what we have now’

Chanyeol’s body trembled hard receiving the message. The three little words he had been expecting from Kris never came. It hurt too much and Chanyeol hated the way Kris read him like an open book…

Another message came: ‘you are mine’.

~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~