I live in a small town; before, with my grand-dad, now, alone. I work in the other part of her city, in a small law firm. Sometimes, i desperately want to go visit her house, but by the time i'm done with work it's too dark, too late. And it's a given that i have to take the last train home every day.

Annual visits are a regularity, a routine we have. She comes every weekend; on Friday night she waits for me at the station, and on Monday morning I send her off on the first train at 4am. She cooks, cleans, comforts and holds me close all through her stay, and i fear that she might think i'm not trying hard enough to hold on to her. Because i am. There is no me without her. And i try my best, always, to let her know that.

As far as i know, she's not too into her job. She works in a travel agency as a secretary. But having known her for quite some time, i know that she still holds her dream of becoming a novelist.

But there was this one time when she dreaded her ride home so much.

She tells me during dinner of the news she brought. She talks about how her week was. And that she has to leave on Monday afternoon to Japan. And she says she won't be back until the next Tuesday; a week and a day. I don't know how i feel about that, because truthfully, even though we technically are far apart, an approximate distance of 500 miles is a lot more discomforting compared to her being in another town.

*

| Changed to 3rd Person's Point Of View |

After a while...

"Will you be busy? You know..as in 'I can't talk. Gotta go. Bye.' kind of busy?" Jongin questions as he picks out the brocolli in his plate to another clean one.

"No, no. I'll just be hanging around, not much to do...just handing them files and stuff. I'll be available most of the time, just not during the meetings." She picks out the carrots silently from her plate, and exchanges them with Jongin's brocollis.  

"So, i can call during my breaks right?" Uncertain eyes look up to find her smile, just for reassurance.

"Of course." She says, with their gazes still locked.

Jongin sighs. This was not something they had planned for, and it just came so sudden that he's swallowing rather dryly and is drowning in his inner thoughts. "Baby, are you okay?"

It came by instinct, "Yeah...i'm...." And he trails off because he can't find it in him to complete that sentence. He knows, he knows so well that this is gonna be harder for her, but just for a moment he feels like he's the one leaving. He shakes his head and places his cutlery down as he stares at his plate.

And it suddenly hits him. Even with the distance he became too attached to her, to the point that he took her presence for granted.

"Don't think too much about it, it'll be over before you know it." She says as she takes his hands into her's. This was Jongin. Her Jongin. Her beautiful, adorably sensitive Jongin - who won't ever admit his infatuation over stuffed toys, who hates getting his hair cut, who stays up 'till 3am just to talk to her when she can't fall asleep. And this is Jongin before her - who just can't admit that he'll be missing her too much and that he's already starting to.

"You know...Sehun came by earlier today."

With that, he perks up. "What? You mean Sehun, my best friend who never told me he was back in the country, had the time to pay my girlfriend a visit?"

"You didn't know?" She laughs. "I think i just ruined someone else's surprise. Well, anyway.. he asked a really funny question." She started stabbing at the poor broccolis. And Jongin can guess that the topic that's about to come is a slightly serious one.

"What did he say?" He questioned uncertainly.

"He asked a lot about you, about just life these days in general, but somewhere in between we started talking about marriage and..." She trails off, and she can see him visibly stiffen. "All of a sudden, he asked me when we will tie the deal. It was so awkward." She tries to laugh it off, but to no avail. "Can you just visualize? The forever-sassy Sehun getting all serious?"

"Yeah, i know.." Jongin huffs out. This was what he had been trying to avoid for months. And one topic or another always led to this talk.

"Jongin." She knows.

"Please, don't." He tries to get up from the table but is stopped by her next words.

"Why? We're gonna have to sort this out at some point, right? Right? I mean, i know you have trust issues, and i understand that but-"

"No, you don't."

"Okay, let's say i don't, but we can't keep avoiding this. You know i love you, and i know you need your time and space, but we really need to talk about it. 'Cause everyone's been asking and i really don't know what to say to them. Mom and dad wants me to get married soon, and they love you, but they're on the verge of doubting you...and i'm starting to think i am too. And i hate that."

"You...doubt...... what?" Jongin murmurs, barely audible, with his gaze locked below.

"I'm not saying i doubt you, Nini. I'm just saying that everytime we start talking serious, you keep avoiding it at all cost. Almost as if you don't plan on getting real with me....."

"Why would you....i mean, gosh!" Jongin exhales and slumps down, cradling his head between his palms. "I'm really sorry. I..i don't even know why i...." He swallows hard, "....I'm trying, i really am."

"Nini, what are you so scared of? That i'll leave you? That i'll suddenly abandon you? That i'll cheat on you? 'Cause God knows i won't."

Suddenly, his form, his eyes, his expression - all turned rigid. "Yeah, mom said the same thing to dad."

And they leave it at that. And they don't talk about it for the rest of the night. Nor the next morning. Not even by the time she leaves.

"Hey. It's me. You haven't called..so, i just wanted to check up on you. I saw your call though, i missed it and couldn't reach you after. You're okay, right? Call me when you find the chance..or as soon as you listen to this. Okay, bye."

Jongin sighs as he presses the red button. He stares at his dinner take-out and comtemplates for a good 5 seconds, before he finally dumps it in the bin. Maybe it's the thought of her being so far away that makes the apartment seem twice lonlier.

He grabs his phone again. The automated voice tells him to leave a message after the beep. "Are you okay? Are you mad? Is that why you won't pick up? Because by my calculations you were supposed to land five hours ago. Am i bothering you? Sorry, i'm just being paranoid. I just needed to hear your voice, sorry." He hangs up.

The wall stares back at him. The silence hums a melancholic melody and it drags on and on. And he can't take it. So, he heads to the bathroom and pops a sleeping pill, and goes to bed.

***

The week goes on. He's so busy he barely notices anything anymore. He distracts himself with everything and anything and just somehow manages to pull through. Most of the week, he sleeps off in the office and pulls all-nighters. But when Friday night comes along, he's home, alone with his thoughts. There's no one to talk to, there's no intriguing drama or a basketball match to watch on T.V. There's no one to text or call. And he's never felt more alone in his life than he does now.

So, he picks up his phone again, like he's been doing all through the week. "These days have been hell." He starts after the beep. "I'm trying not to think so that it might make things a bit easier. Every thought leads to you, and i don't want that. I'm alone, at home, staring into space. Your absence is so significant that my head hurts. I need to hear your voice...i need to hear you talk...i don't want this automated one answering me all the time. I hate this beep. I want a conversation...even if it constitutes of you yelling and screaming at me, i will take it. I just need something, anything, a response or a reply. I....." He trails off, and presses the hang-up button.

He goes to wash his dishes, puts the garbage out, and slumps on the sofa. The flowers she'd brought last time were drooping from the vase now. And beside it is a vaguely lonely hourglass, doing it's best to make him feel even more alone. And it's not even 10 minutes later that he picks up his phone again. "This room is so dark and quiet that i can almost see and hear my thoughts. My loneliness is shouting out to you, but you won't even talk to me, so hoping this will be the last of me to you for now, i bid you good night. Now, i'm gonna go drink."

He gets up, heads to the cabinet and pours himself a glass.

*

| 10:48pm. |

"But you didn't....no...you didn't....even tell me." Jongin mumbles into the reciever.

"Jongin, we've been through this, i was trying to surprise you but something else came up. Plus, it's just because we ran into each other by chance." Sehun groans. "I'll visit as soon as i can. Why the hell did you drink, anyway?"

"Left...she...left...she....is in Jap-Japan and i am st-staring at walls."

"Oh my gosh, you are so drunk." Sehun guffaws. "I'd love to listen to your - no homo -  adorable drunk talk for blackmail material, but i really need to get back to work."

"You..no...you..." He pauses, "...okay...good...night.." Jongin mumbles sleepily.

"Okay." Sehun chuckles. "Good night, Jongin. Go to sleep before you jeopardize someone else's night." With that, he hangs up.

Alone, again.

*

| 12:56am |

"Do you remember the hourglass you gave me? It's dripping so slow right now that i feel like i wanna smash it to pieces. I want to see you. I want to solve this- this thing...whatever this is. I don't know how to, but i want to, so i'll find a way." He empties his lungs in a long exhale. "Time and distance should go kill themselves, and stop killing me. I don't know what to do! You're not here and i don't even feel like me so i don't think i'm here either. Maybe my soul is in outerspace. I don't even know anything anymore! Sorry, i'm about to cry. Bye."

A broken sob escapes his throat. His mom leaving him with his dad had never made him sad - just angry and betrayed. His dad leaving him with his grand-dad had never, ever made him sad : not even once. Because by that time being tossed around was something he had gotten used to. Being an orphan had never made him sad, but losing his drand-dad at 19 did make him sad. But by then, he was more than capable to take care of himself. Almost nothing in his life had ever made him as sad as he was now.

And he had never felt this lonely in his life.

*

| 01:32am|

*Beep*

"You know what? This doesn't surprise me anymore. Maybe you met someone better there in Japan, but that's just a possibility, and i doubt you would do that to me. You wouldn't, right? Not after everything. But maybe, just maybe, you met someone who is far more a better person than i am. Someone who wouldn't be scared to admit he loves you when the time comes; someone who would cradle you in his arms every night; someone who wouldn't be scared to ask you to marry him someday; someone who isn't me. But you wouldn't right? I'm not even sure if i'm asking you a question, or i'm just trying to convince myself. But i have to let you know, because now is when i'm at my boldest. Now, is when i have enough courage to ask you, will you marry me? When you come back from Japan? But i get it if you want to break this off. I know i've kept you hanging for so long, and i know i'm a lot to handle...but...i really, really, really, really - gosh i can't say enough 'really's but - i really love you. So, will you just please.. ugh!"

Then, a choked sob interrupts and he hangs up. That's where and when the night ends; with him knocked out, his phone cluchted to his chest, with dried trails of tears on his cheeks.

He starts the next morning with a groan, a grumble of sorts. And with a long whine, he reaches up to cradle his head as the hangover hits him hard.

"Oh? You're awake already?" Comes a voice from somewhere in the room. And for a second, his mind contemplates on whether or not to freak out, but he decides on the former due to his lack of energy.

With another groan, he slowly sits up and rubs the sleep out of his eyes. And with a few blinks, he opens them...only to be shocked out of his skin. "Huh?"

"Yeah, i know." She smiles wearily. "I came back early, landed last night and caught the first train i could find." But Jongin just keeps blinking at her.

"Why...you...where....i....." Is all he can make out. She approaches, but Jongin flinches back.

"I know i promised to call and i-" She pauses as she sighs. The guilty look on her face isn't what Jongin wanted to see. And that's when he starts freaking out - internally. He's scared, hurt and his mind is reeling - both post-drinking affect and a clash of emotions.

"Look...You can't just suddenly disappear from my life and then come back whenever you like it, okay! You can't just shut me out like that! Because the people in my life, the people whom i kept close to me, have and had a tendency of disappearing on me so often that i had to keep my guard. You can't do that to me. No, you can't let me do that to myself!"

He's wheezing with his eyes closed by the time he's done, and he's struggling so hard to calm down. But the fingers wiping his tears help - a lot. By the time he lifts his gaze, he finds her kneeling in front of him, soundlessly wiping his tears. She slowly reaches Jongin and beckons him to bow, and she places a soft kiss to his forehead. "I'm so sorry."

"No, i'm sorry, i'm just overreacting. It's just that-"

"Shh. You didn't do anything wrong." Another kiss. "You have every right to be angry." She smiles with a grace only she could ever possess. It's times like this that makes Jongin so sure that he's gonna die if he ever loses her.

"You.." He chokes. "You were just gone, and i was.. i was..." He wails. The first time he had ever cried before her - was right then.

She hushes him one last time before sitting beside him, cradling his head as he silently cries. Broken, but chaotically beautiful Jongin, with his face buried in the crook of her neck, bites his lips trying to muffle any sound threatening to spill.

"I am seriously, unbelievably sorry Jongin. But it was raining when we landed and i was juggling between calling you and clutching my bag and umbrella, and then all in a flash it happened - i dropped my phone right in a puddle, my umbrella fell, and i got drenched too. And i awfully underestimated our schedule. I'm sorry, i don't know what else to say."

"But you could've tried to c-call..." He hiccups.

"I did, actually. Multiple times. None of them went through."

"Then..that's just life ing with us." He finally smiles. "I'm sorry i overreacted. My emotions had been all over the place these days."

"It's okay. I understand, Jongin.... i always have." She pecks his forehead lovingly.

"Thanks. You know what?" He pauses a bit, as if trying to convince himself. "Let's get this over with." He stands up suddenly, with her gaping at him. He flexes and rubs his face with his hands. Slowly, he wobbles to the drawer, and takes out a box and smiles in secret.

"Jongin...?" She says, unsure.

"Okay." He walks towards her and crouches right in front of her. "I know you deserve the best and most romantic proposal in the whole damn world, and i know i'm supposed to kneel right now, but i'm still hungover so i beg your pardon." He chuckles, and takes her hand into his; the ring box in between their palms. "So, yeah, where do i start. You, my love, are the only stable thing i have in my life right now. You are the only, and i mean it, the only person i have left to share my worst and best times. Well, i do have Sehun, but he's an annoying prick..so." She laughs this time. "And you know i mean it when i say it - I love you to the moon, and back. I love you so much that i find myself grinning at the sky at 3am. And you know i mean it, when i say i want you to be the one i wake up next to every morning for the rest of my life. The one i come home to. The one who mothers my children. The one i'll grow old with. The one i'll love for an eternity and more. I want you to be all these things... because you are my only one. So, having said that... will you please marry me? The options are Yes and Yes."

"How about a big capital YES!" She smiles amidst her tears.

"Well, that could work too."

And he smiles, with heads inclining towards each other, and a kiss seals the deal.

That particular monday morning, the couple who were there every other monday morning, weren't there.

| Point of view changed back |

So, yes, i live in a small town; before, with my grand-dad. And I still work in the other part of her city, in a small law firm.

Her train left. But this time, she wasn't on it.