I woke up in the middle of the night having the urge to spill everything I ate from last night. I run into the bathroom, not wanting to spew at the floor. 

 

My stomach grumbles as I fell on my knees at the toilet bowl to empty my inside when the only thing that came out was a small petal of a flower. I decided to put my finger to my tonsil to empty my stomach again but the only thing that came out was a petal. 

 

 A white, lonely and dry petal. 

 

  I sat down beside the bowl, remembering the thing I’ve read a few weeks or months ago. About an abnormality of vomiting flowers. It has something to do about pain and unrequited love that made me read that article but I cannot grasp what is the right term. Ha..nanaki? No, not that. Hana byou? 

 

 Ugh, damn I can’t remember it and my head hurts more than before I slept this night. I stood up and returned to my bedroom. I looked at my bed, whose full of used tissue papers and a crumpled photo. 

 

  I picked up the photo and uncrumpled it. I smiled bitterly, looking at those three happy faces staring at me, with teary eyes. The same stomach-wrenching pain came back and this time I did not run to the bathroom. I let it out and petals started to spew from my mouth. I wiped my tears and another tear fell. I cried until my clock alarmed and my mother started to knock at my door. 

 

  I stood up, crumpled the photo again and got ready for school. 

 

 "Did you cried all night Kyungsoo?" My mother asked while I spread butter to my toast. 

 

 "I watched Miracles last night and-" I just shrugged the rest of the sentence. 

 

 "Oh right, that damn movie. Stop watching it whenever you have classes the next day, it’s not good for you." 

 

  I smiled and started eating. 

 

 ❀

 

 "Hey!" 

 

 That familiar voice. 

 

 "Kyungsoo!" 

 

 My stomach hurts badly. 

 

 "Hey Kyungsoo! Stop!" 

 

 I want to vomit, but I don’t want others to see I’m experiencing hana... oh , whatever. 

 

 "Hey, are you angry?" 

 

 Some hand reached out to me and stayed me still. He pulled out my earphoneswhich was not playing any songand made me  face him. 

 

 Him. The reason why I cried last night. 

 

 Him. The reason why tissue papers were on my bed. 

 

 Him. The reason why I vomit flowers. 

 

 Him. My unrequited love. 

 

 Of course, I can’t voice that out, not to my best friend. Not to the one I love. 

 

 "Hah? Nah, I cannot hear you. What is it?" I said while looking at his eyes. 

 

 The set of eyes I love and adore. 

 

 "Uhm.. I thought you’re angry." 

 

 "Nope." 

 

 He scratched his head, reluctant of what to say next. 

 

 "...uhm, you know my cousin? Chanyeol?" 

 

 "Yes?" 

 

 "He’s experiencing Hanahaki Byou." 

 

Hanahaki byou. Right. That’s it. 

 

 "You mean, the one that vomits flowers?" 

 

 He nodded. So I followed up with, "And so?" 

 

 "How can I make him happy? I can’t bear to see him almost lifeless with flowers surrounding him." 

 

 My heart skipped a beat. My mind suddenly bursted and all the emotions I kept welled in my eyes. I want to shout at his face. I want to push all the pain out of my heart and life. 

 

 "I’m experiencing that too! I’m spewing flowers and it’s your fault! It’s your fault that you can’t love me too! I hate you! You’re so dense, so ing dense for not sensing these feelings I kept for you! You’re an , for not knowing everything. You’re my best friend? But you’re not asking me if I’m feeling down or sad. I’m so done loving you! I’m so tired of everything, so tired of pretending I’m okay. Why can’t you love me back? Why? Why?" is what I wanted to say but ended up smiling at him. 

 

 I was about to speak when I felt something is stuck at my throat. The flowers, my mind told me. I excused my self from Jongin, and he kept staring at me like he was wondering what-the- is wrong with me. I just lift my hand and ran to the bathroom, entered a cubicle, locked it and tried to empty my stomach. 

 

 Flowers flew in the air. My eyes sting from pain that I’m feeling and the flowers almost filled up the rim of the toilet bowl. My knees gave up and I sat at the floor, hands on my heaving chest and head rested on the pillar of the cubicle. My hand reached the flush and I heard a knock at the cubicle’s door. 

 

 "Are you okay Kyungsoo?" 

 

 Tears started to flow from my eyes but I managed to answer on a gargled voice, "Y-yes." 

 

 "No, you’re not okay." 

 

 "Yes I am Kim Jongin. Will you just leave me alone?" 

 

 "I can’t Do Kyungsoo. I’m your best friend, your companion. I cannot leave you alone. What’s happening? Tell me." 

 

 "No, seriously Jongin. I’m fine." 

 

 "You’re not. Come on, tell me. I’m your friend right?" 

 

 

 And that’s all we can ever be... "I’m okay! Stop bothering me." 

 

 Silence followed and I just sat at the cubicle until the bell rang. After a while, I stood up, neglecting that I have skipped classes this day. I want to be alone. I really need to. 

 

 I opened the door and saw a small piece of paper at the floor that says For My Kyung. 

 

 I held the letter on my heart and squeezed it, as if it can be the source of salvation. It may be, or it won’t. I put it beside the crumpled photo at my back pocket and got out of my school so that no one will ask me what is wrong. 

 

 "Kyung!" 

 

 Another familiar voice. 

 

 "Kyungieeee~" 

 

 I stopped at my tracks and the tension on my throat tighten again. 

 

 "Where are you going?" 

 

 "Where’s Jongin?" 

 

 "Have you seen my boyfriend?" 

 

 "Hey Kyung?" 

 

 Questions bombarded my ears. I remained silent until the owner of the voice is now facing me. He smiled sweetly. I can’t help but to smile too. 

 

 "Are you okay?" 

 

 My hands reached my pocket and my fingers touched the letter. I looked at the boy on my front. He’s one of the reasons why I’m broken hearted and now an abnormal boy. 

 

 "Yeah. I think your boyfriendJongin is in his class right now. Sorry Luhan, I have to" before I can finish my sentence, flowers start to flow from my mouth. Luhan was in shock and I let him be as I put my hands on my mouth to stop it. I was about to run when Luhan stopped me by putting his hands on my shoulder. 

 

 "You love Jongin right?" 

 

 "It’s none of your business!" 

 

 "Yes it is! You didn’t tell me that. You got hurt when Jongin chose to love me and court me." 

 

 "No!" 

 

 "Stop saying that! You won’t experience flower vomiting if you’re not in love with Jongin! I’m sorry. I’m so sorry Kyungsoo." 

 

  I hate my self. Luhan is crying infront of me. I hate my self for hurting others. I hate my self for loving my own best friend. I hate my self for hating my childhood friend because he’s the one Jongin loved, not me. I hate my self for blaming everyone. 

 

 "It’s okay. I’m sorry too." I mumbled and ran away. 

 

 ❀

 

  It was a nice day, Luhan and Jongin is by my side and we were talking about having a coffee at Luhan’s favorite shop. 

 

  I glanced at Jongin, who smiled at Luhan with so much gusto. My heart clenched and my stomach grumbled but I ignored it. 

 

 They were my best buds. Luhan was my childhood friend from elementary until college and I met Jongin when I was in junior high and he became my best friend. The three of us clicked and became a group. But I fell in love with Jongin and not even Luhan knew that. I just kept it for myself. I don’t want him to know, because I want him to approach me first and tell me he loves me more than a friend because I feel that he do. 

 

 We approached the cafe when Jongin suddenly held Luhan’s hand and kneeled in front of him. 

 

  I was left dumbfounded on the background. 

 

 A staff from the cafe brought a big bunch of dandelions, Luhan’s birth flower and said words that made my world crumble into tiny pieces. 

 

 "Luhan, all these times that we were together, I can’t take my eyes off of you. My heart beats everytime I hear your name. I love you so much. I do, more than anyone else in this world. Be mine Luhan, be mine." 

 

 "Yes." Luhan took the dandelions and hugged Jongin. They looked at me and motioned me to join the hug. I just smiled and shook my head, while watching them smile and kiss each other. 

 

 My stomach grumbled. 

 

 My world crumbled. 

 

 ❀

 

 Kyungsoo, 

 

  I love you, dearly. Thank you for bringing Luhan in my life. Thank you for those times that you made me feel I’m important. I love you, because you’re the best friend I ever had. Thank you Kyungsoo, for everything. I want you to tell me everything. Every little thing that is running on your mind because I’m your friend. Me and Luhan is just here for you. I love you more and Luhan most. I need my jolly Kyungsoo back. I love you. 

 

 -Jongin 

 

 - 

 

 Kyungsoo’s mother was crying, and gave Jongin a letter. 

 

 Jongin took it with a shaky hand and opened it. As he reads the first line, tears immediately fell from his eyes. 

 

 To my first love a.k.a the guy I’ll ever love, Kim Jongin, 

 

 When you read this, I’m probably dead so I’m sorry. I cannot bear it, I suppose I told you I hate flowers, I’m allergic to them, I loathe them. One time I read an article, there was an abnormality called Hanahaki Byou, a disease of the human system that coughs up flowers due to severe one-sided love. I had that, just last night. You were my unrequited love, the reason of my one-sided love, the reason why I had Hanahaki, the reason why I’m probably dead right now. 

 

 But no, I don’t blame you. It was my fault, I fell for you. I fell and I didn’t tell you those feelings. You were the best friend I ever had too. A brother that I never had, a father, my human diary, my lector, my preacher, my companion, my all. I love you for that. I really do love you for that. I’m thankful, that even though I’m gone is that you have Luhan to accompany you on your saddest days. 

 

  Remember that day? When you sat beside me at the first day of class in junior high? I was an introvert, but you converted me into a happy person. You were my savior, thank you. 

 

 

 You’ll probably blame yourself that I died. No, please don’t. Because it was not you. It was the abnormality. It was the dandelions. It was me. 

 

  Remember this Jongin: You could break my heart into tiny little pieces, and I’ll still pick them up and put it back into your hands again. I love you this much Jongin, I love you. 

 

  I’m also happy for you. Luhan is a good guy. He’s the best guy you can ever love. Don’t make him sad, don’t fight for trivial things, love him and him only. For if you do, you will make me contented wherever I am. 

 

  Lastly, Kim Jongin, I love you. Thank you for being a chapter to a book of my life. I adore you, I love you. I’m sorry. I love you. 

 

 -Do Kyungsoo. 

 

 ❀

 

 Beside his urn was his smiling photo and beside that there was a crumbled photo of three people smiling and a small, white, dry  and lonely petal.