"And you said that something in particular triggered it?" Sehun nodded, refusing to make eye contact with his therapist. He knew this wouldn't help him, but he had listened to Junmyeon anyways. He cursed himself for letting his words get to him. "Do you mind telling me what that was exactly?" she asked calmly. Finally, he looked directly at her with his cold, tired, empty eyes, the most seriousness in them that she had seen all session. "Are you sure? My story doesn't...sit well...with some people," he told her sternly.

 

She nodded in response. He sighed, once again looking out the window. "Fine." He paused, contemplating whether to really tell the truth despite her confirming she was okay to hear it. But he didn't have a good lie in him at that moment. And so he began.

 

"Me, Luhan, and Baekhyun were really close, ever since kindergarten." He laughed softly. "They had always bonded over the fact that they were both gingers for some reason. So had Baekhyun's younger brother, Minseok. Sometimes I felt a little left out as a blonde, but I got over it, I guess. Anyways, at the beginning of seventh grade, Minseok disappeared. Of course, it was hard for Baekhyun, but he was very strong. He held his head up, and somehow continued to be happy even though him and his brother had always been really close. Then, about a month later, Luhan started to act weird. He was so nervous all the time. He was antsy, and he'd wheel around at the slightest noise. I was concerned, but for some reason I didn't say anything. He was always a secretive person anyways, so I had a feeling he wouldn't tell me even if I asked. I assume his parents didn't notice, they often didn't really notice things anyways. A couple days after Luhan's thirteenth birthday, it seemed particularly bad. That was the day I finally asked him, when we were walking home from school. But, just as I thought, he just said it was nothing. He did give me a huge hug before actually heading back to his house though, which obviously I've never forgotten. Anyways..."

 

He hesitated; he was at the hard part of his story. He looked up, and she was waiting patiently for him to continue, with understanding eyes gazing gently at him. He took a deep breath, and then started to tell her about the day his world had fallen apart. "He had been absent from school the next day. I was really worried, considering what had happened the day before. I had tried to call their house, as Luhan didn't have a cell phone yet, but he hadn't answered. I went to his house after school ended, knowing his parents would be working. When I got there, I knocked, hoping he was just sick, but for some reason feeling that that wasn't it. I tried to convince myself that he was just asleep at the lack of an answer. I knew where they kept the key, so I took it upon myself to go in. I checked in his room; empty. I checked in a couple other places too, before I made it to the kitchen. There was a small sheet of paper on the counter."

 

Before, he had been speaking rapidly, seemingly trying to spit the poisonous words off his tongue before they ate away at him like acid. But now, he had begun to slow down. The words had become more gradual: involuntarily, of course. Speaking slowly when his emotions felt weak was a painful habit of his.

 

"I picked it up. I read it slowly," he mumbled out.

 

"Mother, Father, Minseok, Baekhyun, Sehun,

 

I can't believe I'm finally doing this. But when I leave, I don't think it could hurt you half as much as it hurts me to stay. It's so painful. And I would rather burn, than stay one more second in this world.

 

I love you. I'm sorry.

 

Luhan."

 

The words that he had memorized from the countless times they had swirled through his head tumbled painfully off his tongue.

 

"After that, I had this weird...gut feeling, I guess. I went to the place where we always had bonfires."

 

He paused again. This didn't feel right. But his mouth continued to move after a couple seconds.

 

"And sure enough...there was a body."

 

His throat started to knot up, but he refused to let himself be so exposed in front of this woman of no significance to him. He forced the tears back, and took a moment to compose himself. Then he carried on.

 

"I didn't have any idea what to do at first. I kinda just sat there and stared at him 'til I couldn't bring myself to look anymore. Then after a while I called his parents. It's kind of a blur from then. All I know is that they ended up identifying the body as Luhan. I didn't want to get into the details, as it obviously wouldn't help my fragile emotions. Afterwards, I started to suffer from severe depression, and though Baekhyun never left my side, it never really got better. And, ta dah, here I am," he finished, with a light note of sarcasm in his voice to try to make the mood less serious.

 

He finally made himself make eye contact with her. Most of her face kept its previous composure, but her eyes seemed quite stunned.

 

Sehun fought off the temptation to smirk.

 

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Okay guys, so first chapter, check. I hope you enjoyed, please do tell me your opinion in the comments; I'd really appreciate it! I'll be back soon with another! Love you all! ~