No one can start a new beginning with a lover…. love is like a mirror , you can fix it, if it's broken , but you will always see the cracks in your reflection .

 one night you said to me "love is just pretend "….it really saddened me how you view love, but today I think a lot about what  has been between us, and things got mixed up, definition ,standards, how to view things ….eunjung ,our love was just pretend? lie ……status we adopt because we want to be a part of it….. I don't know  really…. it's sad to say after all this year's I don't know…… sometimes I feel like I never knew you,  I get confused about my feeling , enough to make all my previous convictions collapse ,to be replaced with question marks , Without answer without response ,today I need you to come back to me ,I need you to come back and explain to me the past ,to translate all your ambiguous behavior, I need you to lighten a dark road you force me to walk in…. but I don't think you would…..

  I still not aware …I still not aware how you played with my feeling without thinking for second about what's going to do to me, how you played me after you  got my heart in your palm of your hand…… you weren't the girl that I love, you were the world to me ,so how you found it in your heart to play me like that. now I only dream to get over you…. of all of this , I would lie to you if I said I didn't think of crushing  you ,but I am too tired to even crush an ant …. and you like to crush ants , and I was always say to you that God going to punish you and you laugh and say "you still believe that we are going to transform that day , to be crushed by the real ants  as a punishment for what we did to them in life?"

You are always mocking the logic of judgment and retribution, punishment and reward you did everything, but never consider the consequence ,or the day you are going to be judged ,after all what comes around goes around.

*******

 I don't like when you invited me to visit Robert and Patty ,and then ignore me to do other things , I don't know why you bother asking me and you know very well that I am going to spend my time watching you  and nothing  more,  you know how bored I was watching you study in front of me, in the meantime Robert the middle-aged Canadian that you live in his house for the past 5 years and his wife and their friend plays poker in the corner of the room , you were busy with your study when I was dying from boredom .

I called you: Eunjung

 you answered :hmm

Eunjuuuuuung

 what?

 I am bored

 you said without lifting your head from your papers "you should read something".

 I am not in the mood to read

"write"

 I'm not in the mood to write either

"think "

about what?

" me"

Eunjuuuuuuuuuung

what?

 Can I play with them?

 You lifted your head and your eyes filled with anger, I whisper to you,  you gamble .

"I am bad ".

and I said to you" I am bad too ".

 "Really!! that's a problem.... because I don't like bad girls".

*******

 I still remember the day we fought about my study, I know I am going to finish my study in a year and half and returned home, the home that if I didn't leave it ,this would never happened......  maybe you are my punishment for leaving the country that I called home. Eunjung …you might be....you