Warning: LOTS of angst, assumptions and wishful thinking.

:At present//Changsa~4 pm:"Lu, what are you doing?" asks Lao gao upon seeing Lu Han rolling down the car window. The warm breeze brushes across the latter's somnolent face as he pulls off his sunglasses and peaks outside. Curious, Lao gao glances to where Lu Han is looking. "Oh. The boys are here." Lu Han nods weakly. His eyes are glued on a particular poster hanging on the balustrade of the concert arena. The car passes by quick and before he knew it, his eyes already left the familiar face that makes his heart throb in bittersweet memories.

Kim Jongin looks over the empty stadium where EXO's concert will take place later that day. He stands alone in the middle of the stage while the other members change their clothes after the rehearsal. While wiping away the sweat on his face, his eyes wander around the vicinity; searching for lost memories that were left in that place a year ago.

"Jongin?" Chanyeol calls, curious why the former is still on stage. He hands a towel to Jongin and pats his shoulder, "What's wrong? Are you looking for something? Do you need help?" Jongin forces a smile and shakes his head, "No." Chanyeol just stares at him, studying his face. Something is definitely wrong. But knowing Jongin, he prefers to keep everything to himself which is a self-torture; dealing with the problems all by himself and repressed it as much as he can. Whether it's an act of consideration to not upset the other members, Chanyeol strongly believes that it's better for Jongin to just say it and seek comfort. He tries to console the dancer by furthering, "Jongin. I am serious. If you need someone to talk to, just tell me. Don't just mope alone. We can have a drink or something; eat and spend some good time with the rest after the concert is done." Jongin turns to him sluggishly. His jet-black hair soaked in sweat are splayed above his reddened eyes, obscuring the jaded orbs. "I appreciate it a lot" he mutters. "I wish it's as easy as that."

Chanyeol swallows harrowingly. Jongin's forlorn expression moves him to the core. The younger one looks at him in silence, as if asking for a lifeline. Eyes full of questions; why he has to endure such unfathomable longing? why does everything has to end? why does it hurt him so much? Chanyeol could only return his stare with sympathy, "It's been a rough year, I know. I understand if you are feeling hopeless right now. But you need to be strong, Jongin. We need to be strong for one another. We are by your side. You are not alone."

Jongin turns around before he clenches his teeth. He grips tightly on the towel around his neck and chuckles softly, holding back the tears in his eyes, "But there's something you guys cannot stand in for. There are things you just can't replace." 

~A year ago (140727) Changsa~

"Back off!" grumbled Jongin while pushing Baekhyun too hard. The latter froze in a mixture of shock and fear--cheerful at first, but now he began to look troubled. He was just ruffling the younger one's hair and complimenting his y dancing skills when the latter snarled at him as if he committed a crime. The other members looked at each other in query. Chanyeol approached Baekhyun and pulled him away from Jongin. There was an awkward silence in the dance studio while they observed Jongin piling up his clothes in the bag with a deadly expression. They just finished the fourth round of their rehearsal for MAMA and were planning to grab a lunch at the lobby of the hotel. Now, seeing Jongin in that state, the members decided to leave the area one by one. "He needs to cool off," murmured Suho. The rest agreed. 

Luhan was in a hurry to pack his things as well. The othe members were already out of the studio and he was getting anxious, knowing that he and Jongin were the only ones left in the room. He was afraid that the latter might get irritated by his presence. He didn't want to get involve in an argument since he's already beat. While in a hurry, his phone and charger dropped on the floor. He clicked his tongue and gathered them nervously, without knowing that Jongin was observing how apprehensive he looks.

"Hyung."

Luhan jerked and turned around with wide eyes. He smiled dryly, "Y-yes?" He was focused on Jongin's biting statement a while ago that he missed to see the shift in the latter's expression; from angry to weary. 

"I noticed something."

Luhan looked away and carried his bag. He was trying to show Jongin that he was leaving and has no time for more talk. "What is it?" he asked politely.

"The way you danced," stated Jongin with his deep voice. "Something's off."

He noticed. I did execute the wrong steps earlier. Luhan bowed at once and apologized. A disappointed look came into his face and quickly deepened into an expression of despondency.For a moment, he looked like a dongsaeng getting reprimanded. "I'm sorry. I forgot some steps." With his head lowered, Luhan watched as Jongin walked briskly towards him. He was curious what the younger one will do but decided to stay still while looking down. Jongin stopped in front of him and reached out for his face. He gentle lifted it up to Luhan's surprise. "What are you doing? Don't bow at me like that, hyung," says Jongin, concerned. His voice was low and musical; his eyes deep and melancholic. "Are you sick? You look really pale."

He noticed. Again. "Ahhh this is nothing," lied Luhan with a huge smile; forced. "Just tired and hungry. No big deal."

"I don't think so," replied the younger one plainly. He pressed his palm against Luhan's forehead to feel his temperature. Confusion filled Luhan's eyes. He stared at Jongin, brows slightly puckered and mouth opened in a small "o". It took a while before he found the will to speak, "I-am-fine-really." Not withdrawing his eyes from the Luhan's peering face, Jongin swept his hand along the latter's temples; slowly travelling down to his cheek. His touch was gentle that Luhan could feel goosebumps all over his body. Jongin was never that sensitive about him before. The young man is the type who's easily engulfed in his dancing and usually forgets the presence of other people around him. Everytime they rehearse, Jongin would watch himself in the mirror; checking himself and making sure he doesn't commit any mistake. That's why Luhan was so surprised when the dancing machine noticed the errors he did while practicing. It's odd. "Jongin?" 

"You're not okay, hyung." 

Luhan took a step backward and laughed evasively, "That's because I am hungry. Why don't we eat now before w--" Luhan was cut off when Jongin frowned in pain all of a sudden. He cupped his waist and grunted. 

"Jongin, your waist."

Not sure what to do, Luhan paced back and forth, "Do you want me to call, Manager-hyung? Sit down and I'll find him." He dashed to the door and was about to leave when Jongin called out. Luhan turned around and saw the latter shaking his head, telling him not to go anywhere.

"But--"

"You're not feeling well, too, hyung. Sit back here and... let's rest."

~Luhan's eyes wandered around the dance studio. It's past noon and he hadn't eaten lunch yet. He was alone in the room, waiting for Jongin to return after the latter offered to buy him lunch so they can eat together. He insisted for them to join the rest but Jongin almost plead to him not to do so. "I wonder what the other did to him that made Jongin avoid them," Luhan pondered. While waiting, Luhan remembered Jongin's remarked about his dancing earlier. Despite feeling worn-out, he decided to rehearse by himself. "I think this is the part where I messed up. I have to make sure I don't forget," he murmurs. The quiet room was filled with the loud music as Luhan positioned himself to begin. 

"I, 2 turn-- right left right left, up and turn." 

Luhan became absorbed in his work by and by. He neglected the thought of hunger and illness as he forced his body to move according to the rhythm. It's a strenous routine-- seems like a never-ending cycle; dancing, singing, dancing, singing. While Luhan was immersed in practicing, he had no idea that someone was having a flustered heart just by watching his every movement. Jongin was standing on the other side of the room. He was looking through the one-way mirror which enabled him to watch Luhan in secret. He was holding a paper bag; inside was Luhan's requested meal. The latter felt tired and decided to pause for a while. With heavy-lidded eyes, he stared at his reflection in the mirror. He looked a dying man-- blood all drained from his face. His persperation formed across his forehead and the bridge of his nose. "I look pathetic," he thought. He wished to lie and just escape from everything if he can. But he remained standing. For some reason, his eyes couldn't leave his reflection. Faint foosteps. Jongin slowly approached the massive glass separating them; taking every step in accordance to Luhan's movements. They were both walking towards each other, but only Jongin knew. "Jongin was right. I look so pale. It's so obvious," mutters Luhan while his almost swollen cheeks. He sighed and rested his forehead against the mirror. 

Jongin smiled and did the same.

Despite the cold and exhaustion Luhan was enduring, Jongin couldn't deny his beauty. He is shinning; his little smile blinding. For him, Luhan is precious. Jongin traced the latter's lips against the cold glass. A smile of adoration appeared. He probably looked so creepy, trying to get a feel of Luhan through the mirror. If only he can touch him and feel his lips against his. He was close yet far. Luhan's eyes never left his own face for a moment and Jongin found the chance to stare at him in the closest distance longer. What was he thinking, only the older one knows. But in silence, Jongin was wishing that Luhan thinks about him; hoping that the moment was meant to be. "Hyung," he whispered, wishing that his word can somehow reach the other. "I love you."

Luhan breathed out deeply before he slowly closed his eyes, making Jongin's chest tremble for a moment. He then chuckled amusingly, "What am I thinking? He cannot hear me obviously." Luhan frowned a little and moved his head away. Jongin finally let out a laugh, fascinated by Luhan's reaction as if he they are talking. "If someone sees me right now, he'll probably think that I am crazy." He grazed his palm along Luhan's face before he continued, "I won't deny it though." 

"I wonder what's taking Jongin so long," Luhan wondered. His thoughts were interrupted when the door opened. Jongin went in carrying a paper bag. 

"Oh Jongin. You're back."

"Hm."

"I was wondering why you haven't come back. I thought something happened. It made me worry," uttered Luhan without holding back. He took the paper bag from Jongin and said his thanks while the latter looked at him, face flushed in red. He laughed.

"What's funny?" inquired the oblivious Luhan.

 "Nothing," muttered Jongin as he took his own share. He grinned discreetly when he turned around. So he was really thinking about me.

~An hour before the concert

All the members were already dressed up and settled. They were on the waiting room and listening to their manager's final instructions. Jongin was seated next to Luhan and observing the latter through the corner of his eyes. He wasn't really paying attention to the manager that he didn't notice the latter talking to him. Suho had to elbow Jongin for him to get back to his senses. The discussion continued until there was a signaled for the members' grand entrance. The flicking lights across the stadium set the mood for the night. With a loud cheering from their loyal fans, EXO breaks through and pulled off their best shot. 

~Half the time, Luhan succeeded to perform with the rest-- trying his best to enjoy and entertain the fans despite being groggy. He was feeling more and more exhausted as time passed by. A number of dance performances aggravate his already sick body. He struggled to make it through, swearing to himself that he is strong and that everything will end soon. During this whole time, Jongin also endured his own waist injury. Tao, with his bruised ankle and legs, was being supported by Suho as they continued singing. By the time the ending ment started, Luhan went missing. 

"Hyung?" Jongin's heart sunk when he realized that Luhan wasn't there beside him. His eyes searched everywhere to find the older one but to no avail. "Wait, where's---" Tao gave him a nervous glance when he, too, found that Luhan wasn't able to come out for the talk. Without wasting anymore time, he ran offstage with Chanyeol and Sehun watching him wearily.

Jongin POV

Luhan hyung is worse than I thought. I found him backstage sitting on the bleacher with one or two staff giving him brief attention before he is left alone again, dealing with his own sickness. I never felt so hurt before--like being stab in the heart, the pain of watching him cough and cup his swollen cheeks is unbearable. Manager hyung frowned as he saw me leaving the stage but I ignored his inquiries and immediately approached Luhan. He raised his head weakly--eyes inflamed and watery. I saw his failed attempt to hide the discomfort he was feeling. At that point, I totally lose it. I reached for him and wrapped his fragile body around my trembling arms. 

"Jongin..."

His warm breath brushed along my neck and I realized how high his fever was. 

"Hyung, you need to go to the hospital."

He shakes his head faintly, "No. I need to finish the concert first."

Right. He always make sure to finish everything before he thinks of himself. He went to the hospital a few weeks ago because of edema or swelling. His knee injury is not fully healed as well, making him giddy during the dance performances.

"You stay here, hyung. We are done after "Lucky."

"I need to go back," he murmurs before coughing uncontrollably. One staff handed me a bottle of water and a capsule for his cough. I helped him drink it before our manager called out for me to get back onstage. "Go," said Luhan. "People are waiting. I will..follow." He gently pushed me away from him.

"No way, hyung. You might faint. You can't risk your life. The fans will surely understand."

"You don't understand, Jongin. Tao. He is also enduring his ankle injury, yet he is staying onstage to get through the routine. I have to be there, too. I ...am just dehydrated."

The manager approached and pulled me away, "Get back onstage!"

"You can't be serious!" I couldn't believe my ears. In anger and frustration, I almost shoved him on the floor. "Luhan needs to go to the hospital now!"

"He will after this, Jongin. Go back and don't make the people wonder!"

"Wha--BULL!" I cursed while he dragged me away from Luhan. He is watching me as if I am the one suffering. I swear that time I could have pushed our manager onstage instead of me. He kept on telling me to act normal, to stay focus, to be professional. All unreasonable words. How can I act normal and stay focus when the most important person in my life is in so much agony?

"Now KAI, walk straight and be casual."

~Jongin was walking back to join the members but his eyes couldn't leave the backstage. He kept looking back again and again. Tao was watching him, asking how Luhan is through his eyes. Jongin shakes his head briefly which made Tao roll his eyes in vexation. The other members secretly glanced at each other. With the loud cheering, they sent messages to each other in the most subtle ways. 

They smiled.

Laughed.

Tried hardest to enjoy.

But there are some things they can't deny. They were at the lowest point that time; physically and emotionally. They were on the verge of breaking. 

The last song they have to sing was Lucky. Jongin waited anxiously, wishing time flies fast so he can check on Luhan. He was fixing his earpiece nervously-- mind filled with the latter's thought. "Please be okay, hyung. Please be okay. Just a little more time." His eyes opened wide when he saw Luhan walking back onstage. With a towel wrapped around his neck, he ran to join the others.

No. Not really.

He ran back to join Jongin.

The younger one was somehow relieved to see him able to walk straight, but deep inside he knows that Luhan was sustaining it. He leaned his head towards him, waiting for the older one to speak--to tell him if he's feeling better or worse. When Luhan didn't say anything, he glanced at him; faces drew close to each other. Their eyes met briefly and Luhan understood. He whispered, "The medical team  finally arrived and checked me. They said I will be fine. Don't worry."

Jongin didn't believe it. But he acted as if he understood to make Luhan feel at ease. With a gentle pat on the latter's shoulder, he turned around to join the member he has to be with during that song with a heavy heart. 

Luhan was left alone.

Again.

The other members asked how he was through their touches, the handshake and the patting on the shoulder. Sehun, as much as he wanted to approach Luhan, stayed away due to the management's order. Good thing, he found the opportunity to ask Jongin when the latter passed by him. "How is he?" he mutters discreetly while adjusting his earpiece. Jongin tilted his head to the side and replied, "Not good."

Luhan was standing on center stage while the rest were running across the platform. He sang his part. He waved to the fans. He smiled. He watched the other members working hard to please their fans.

"So lucky to be your love, I am... oohh..."

Jongin looked back upon hearing Luhan's voice. He stared at him for a moment-- almost forgetting that they were in the middle of a performance. Luhan is alone at the back, exerting efforts to look lively even though he was obviously pained. Jongin couldn't fight the urge to go to him anymore. While waving at the fans, he made his way back to where he think he belongs; next to Luhan.

When the latter saw him coming, he smiled slightly. Jongin was glad that there was a chair at the back. He quickly got it and asked Luhan to sit. 

"No. You sit down, Jongin."

"Hyung, rest."

"I'm fine."

"Please," Jongin plead as he pulled Luhan to sit. The latter finally did.

Jongin POV

If I can, I would have hugged him. As he set my eyes on me, he proved how much he loves us, how much he values EXO and his fans.

Hyung, you're amazing. 

I hope you know that. As I am walking towards you, fear was being casted in my heart. What if this will happen again? What if you will have to endure such misery again? I can't bear to see you so helpless-- to see your smile hiding the fatigue and stress. Hyung, what if this happens again? Will there even be a next time? I am afraid to think about it. I feel like losing you at this moment. 

~Later that night//Hotel

The members attended to a few post-concert activities before they finally settled in their hotel. Luhan was nowhere to be found. The last thing Jongin knew was some staff brought him to a private hospital due to dehydration and heatstroke. The young man hit the wall of his hotel room a couple of times after knowing. Kyungsoo and Suho stopped him at once and assured him that everything will be okay. "You have no idea what happened to him backstage!" exerted Jongin. Suho sighed, "I understand how you feel. But it's not right to hurt yourself, Jongin." Kyungsoo stood beside them, looking all drained and weary. "He performed with a heatstroke! Are you ing kidding me?! The management knew about it, didn't they?!"

"Calm it down. He is now being treated. Luhan hyung will be back soon."

"He shouldn't be back because he needs more rest! I want to go to the hospital--"

"Jongin, you can't. Manager hyung told me--"

" him." Jongin quickly paced towards the door and opened it to see Baekhyun outside. The latter gulped and muttered, "Luhan hyung is back."

~Luhan was lying on the bed, about to take a nap. Yixing and Minseok went out of his room to let him rest. They met Jongin in the hallway and told him what happened. "He is now sleeping in his room. Minseok will join us in our room so Lu-ge can rest well," said Yixing. "Can I see him for a while? I promise I won't wake him up. I just want to see him," uttered Jongin, almost pleading. Minseok and Yixing looked at each other and nodded. They knew how much Jongin loves Luhan more than anyone else and the last thing they want to do is to see the former sad for not being able to check Luhan's condition.

The door swung open and Jongin went inside as quiet as possible. Luhan was tucked under the comforter, sleeping peacefully with dim lights; his face still lacks color. Jongin sat carefully to make sure he doesn't wake up the older one-- and partly because his waist hurts like hell. His eyes were fixed on a particular bruise under Luhan's left eye. It was a heat-wrenching sight and he went teary-eyed at once. He couldn't imagine the ones hidden under Luhan's clothing; the wounds left unhealed through time. Jongin gently caressed his face before he laid down next to Luhan. He wasn't sure what he was doing. All he knew was he needed to stay by his side. He needs to be with Luhan. He silently wished for a better tomorrow for Luhan, for him as well...for them---for the both of them.

~Jongin blinked a couple of times before he realized it was morning. He turned to the side to find an empty bed. Luhan wasn't't there next to him. Worried, he jumped out of bed. Luhan heard him scampering and went out of the shower, "You're awake."

Jongin halted in front of the door and looked back at Luhan, "Hyung..."

Luhan smiled pleasantly, "You were sleeping peacefully so I didn't bother waking you up. But now, I guess you need to hurry up and change. 7 am call time."

Luhan's words didn't register in his brain. He immediately walked towards him and pulled the former to a warm embrace; light broke on his face. "Are you feeling better?"

Surprised, Luhan stayed still and didn't respond. He took a furtive glance at Jongin before he arched his body away, slowly. "I am fine. Don't worry about me. What about your waist? Is it hurting still?"

Jongin, again, failed to hear his questions and smiled, "I am glad you're okay. But you still look tired, hyung."

"It's fine, Jongin. Thank you for your concern. I appreciate all the things you did to me during the concert last night," said Luhan gratefully. "You're so kind." Looking through Luhan's eyes, Jongin realized how sincere he was. He felt content after hearing his expression of gratitude. His heart warmed with joy and he couldn't help but blush a little.

"You are special to me, hyung. That's why I am doing this."

As Luhan turned his back, his smile slowly dropped-- his cheery eyes shifted into a curious expression. Jongin realized he slipped the words he had been keeping for months. The change in Luhan's expression worried him, but since it had come to that point, he decided there was no turning back. 

He held Luhan from behind and planted a kiss on his shoulder. He then moved his lips to the latter's ear and whispered the three words which made Luhan dumbstruck--but thrilled at the same time. He turned around to meet Jongin's eyes--they were passionate, filled with love and care. Jongin drew closer to his face and Luhan slowly closed his eyes. Their movements were in synch. Jongin could feel Luhan's arms slowly creeping along his shoulders as he welcomed the kiss. The happiness was indecipherable when he realized that Luhan wasn't moving away--instead, he held Jongin as if he had been wanting to do it for a long time. Secret feelings flowed freely as they furthered the kiss; hands gently traveling along each other's backs. Jongin brushed his lips along the pale cheeks and tenderly kissed Luhan's bruises. He hoped somehow, it would ease the pain the latter was feeling. He got a hold of Luhan's hand and lifted it up. Shot marks covered the back of his hand. Jongin kissed each one in the most gentle way possible. He was tearing up as he clung to Luhan--not wanting to let go. 

Ever.

But things changed so fast.

People change so quick--or so does Jongin think.

***

"Jongin. Stop it already. You're drunk," reprimanded Chanyeol while carrying Jongin back to their dorm. Suho opened the door to his room and Chanyeol laid him down on the bed at once. 

"He hasn't called me," mumbled the drunk one. "Luhan hasn't called me."

Chanyeol and Suho sighed simultaneously. 

The leader approached him and patted his shoulder, "Jongin. You have to understand. This isn't going to be easy for Luhan. He is probably..busy..or ..or tired and he needs rest away from everyone."

"He hasn't called me since he left...I will never understand it. He said he loves me...he said we can still be together...Why leave me hanging now?" Jongin rolled over the bed and buried his head on the sheets. With a muffled voice, he continued, "I just wanted to know ...how he is... I ..I miss him so much..."

"Jongin, I am sure Luhan hyung misses you, too," assured Chanyeol. "Just give it sometime, okay? The management is keeping an eye on us, making sure we cannot retract their orders; and that includes communicating with Luhan. I am sure if Luhan has a chance, he would meet you now."

Suho added, "Chanyeol's right. Be patient and stop doing this to yourself. Luhan won't like it. He'll probably strangle us when he finds out that we let you drink like mad. You have to trust him. When "things" get better, I am sure you'll gonna see each other. It's just impossible for now."

But those words didn't reach Jongin. He squeezed his eyes shut in unfathomable longing. "I miss him so much," murmured the young man repeatedly as he clawed on the pillow tightly. 

At present//a year later~Wanda Vista Hotel

"Lu? Where are you? We need to go to the studio at 5 pm," asks Lao gao over the phone. "I am still in my hotel room. Just a moment. I'll be there at the lobby in ten minutes," replies Lu Han while carrying his pulling his trolley out of the room. Lao gao meets him at the lobby and they quickly proceed to their service car. 

"By the way, what was that you were asking me a while ago? If you have free time around 10 pm?"

Lu Han nodded.

"I'm sorry but no. You need to sign contracts and meet with your lawyer later on," tells Lao gao as he reads Lu Han's schedule for that night. The latter controls a sigh. 

*silence*

"Oh man! I forgot something," states Lao gao all of a sudden while scratching his head. "I think I left my scarf on the couch while waiting for you. I need to get it."

"I'll get it for you then. It's my fault for taking too long." Lu Han goes out of the car and paces back to the hotel lobby. He searches for the scarf for a while, "Where..where..where..?"

"Oh! So this is our hotel for tonight, huh? Looks greater than any other hotel we stayed in before here in Changsa," remarks Baekhyun as he walks side by side with Chanyeol and Jongin. The other members are still on their way to the said hotel. The concert will start at 8 in the evening and they have to check in at the hotel first before going to the stadium, just a few kilometers away. "You're right. The riverside promenade is a bonus. We can stroll there tomorrow before the rehearsal for the second night of the concert," suggests Chanyeol. Jongin doesn't say a word and just continues browsing his phone---not paying attention to the chitchat of the BaekYeol tandem. They go inside the elevator across the hotel's entry to reach the 7th floor where their rooms are located.

The elevator closes with Jongin watching Lu Han's MV of Our Tomorrow, his lifeline, on his phone. He is filled with reminiscence of the most wonderful person he met once, who, without his knowing, is just a few meters away from him.

If only Jongin looked up.

If only Lu Han looked back.

~

A/n: I was having a hard time getting through this. Remembering how Lu Han dealt with all the stress and pressure stings so much. T^T 

What Jongin showed to Lu Han during the concert makes me see him with high regards. Such a gentleman. Good going, Kim Jongin. Lulu was lucky to have you during that time. :)

Word count: 5000+ words 

Inspiration(s): To Make you feel my Love, Our Tomorrow

Thanks for subbing.