Jong Suk x Shin Hye

(JongHye? SukHye? SukShin? Suction? it, I’m calling them Suction)

 I yawned softly, beginning to stir. The feather stuffed comforter felt cool and refreshing on my bare arms as I to my side. I rubbed the sleep from my eyes. My head was a little sore, but ultimately I felt well rested. It was likely from dehydration.

I snuggled close to Jong Suk, my nose brushing under his chin. I could still smell the earthy soap smell of his body wash, despite having sweat quite a bit, the previous night. I chuckled softly when two muscled arms wrapped around me, pulling me into a bear hug.

“Morning~” his deep voice, smooth as honey, called against my hair. I smiled against his chest as I listened to his heartbeat, my own racing with joy.

“Happy one month, Oppa~” I said softly, admiring the ring on my finger.

“And to you,” he leaned down to kiss my hand. My cheeks flushed softly, excitement overcoming me again as I remembered what day it was. “You’re in a good mood this morning,” he noted with a soft chuckle.

“I’m always in a good mood when I’m with you,” I said as I sat up happily. Today was the day. I pushed through the silky bed curtains, my shirt falling loose against my calves as I went to get the small box from my purse. I'd been scared to jinx my chances by checking too early but I knew it must have been safe now.

I closed the bathroom door, a smile still on my face. I was optimistic, this time, it would work. I'd even prepped for the morning, drinking extra water before I went to bed. "This time for sure," I had told Jongsuk. "I can feel it."

"How'd it go, champ?" He asked when I brought the test back to my our room. I couldn't help chuckle; sometimes he reminded me more of an older brother than anything.

"Fine~"

"Well let's see," Jongsuk's smile was something else, though. Something too special to only glance at. Jongsuk sat leaning against the headboard, his hair tousled but perfect. I bit my lip softly staring at my beautiful husband.

"Babe?"

"Sorry," I crawled onto the bed, hoping, praying, the test would show positive. Please...please... I took my finger off the little screen.

Not Pregnant.

My heart sank. Not again...the tiny black lettering blurred together as my eyes stung with tears.

"I'm so sorry," I could hear Jongsuk murmuring beside me.

"It's not your fault," I rubbed my eyes with the base of my palm. "There's probably something wrong with my eggs...fertility problems run in the family.."

"Or it might be a problem on my end," Jongsuk's arms wrapping around my waist, his chin resting on my shoulder. "We can schedule a doctor's appointment and see what's going on...we can always try again; we're still young—"

"We've tried four times in one month and nothing," I sniffled.

"So maybe it's time to take a break, sweetie. It'll be okay.."

"I don't have forever, Jongsuk...do you know how many people have kids in their thirties?"

"You're overreacting, having a kid in your thirties probably isn't as bad as people make it out to be," he said pecking my cheek.

"You're not the one who has to carry the baby for 9 months.." I sighed. "The older the woman, the more risks for her and the baby—not to mention the judgment that comes from your age.." I tossed the pregnancy in the garbage. I couldn't stare at that contraband any longer; it was only making me more upset.

Maybe I was overreacting. Four times wasn't that many, maybe there was still hope. I just needed to wait a while. Or maybe it was time to call it quits on unprotected and look at other options.

"Can we eat now? I'm hungry," I whined, pouting cutely.

That charming smile of his returned to his face. "Sure,"

It was Jongsuk's turn to make breakfast. I always loved it when he cooked, mostly because he never burned anything.

"Here we go," Jongsuk placed the bowls on the table, sitting across the table from me.

"Ahhhh~"

Jongsuk shook his head and picked up his chopsticks, placing a piece of egg roll in my mouth.

"Mmm~" I hummed as I ate. A smile wasn't making it any easier to keep my food down, what with the lump in my throat.

The day seemed to drag on longer than ever. I just couldn't get my mind off the damn pregnancy test.  Everything reminded me of babies...everything.

"Shinhye-ah," Jongsuk kept sighing softly. "Where's the happy girl I married? Can I see her smile?"

"Maybe..." I murmured, rolling a pen between my fingers. So I was upset...why couldn't I be upset?

"Yeobo~~" Jongsuk cooed, his fists curled by his chin the way I did when I wanted something.

"Wae..?"

"Do something with me~?" He whined gently, his pouty lips just begging me to kiss them. I chuckled softly, nodding.

Jongsuk then took my hand and lead us outside, telling me the ‘something’ we were doing was a secret. I smiled and willingly followed. I had no reason to believe I was being lead to anything remotely dangerous, what was the worst that could happen?

The sun was setting, leaving the sky a pink and orange ombré. The evening was warm, hardly anyone was out. It was Saturday. The teenagers, not busy studying would be heading to the clubs once the sun was down; I was sure of it.  

“Oppa~” I called softly. “Are we almost there?” We’d gone quite a ways from home. The buildings were getting less and less familiar the further we walked. I wasn’t angry, though. If anything I was pleased I was wearing flats for once, instead of the heels I normal wore. They were light brown wedges, with blue jeweled straps. I got them for my birthday that year...they were wearing out, but I still wore them as often as I could.

“Almost,” He smiled back at me. “I’ve only passed it once before, hopefully, we didn’t go too far,” he laughed sheepishly.

“Yah, if you get us lost, I swear,”

“Relax~ if we have to call a cab, I’ll pay—ah! There it is,” Jongsuk tugged my hand to a place on the corner with a sign outside that read Taehyung’s Karaoke downstairs. The building seemed a little strange, though. It was a tall building, most of the windows were out. I looked for a sign...maybe we were on the wrong side of the building, or maybe Taehyung, or whoever the owner was just recently opened and still renovating upstairs. I didn’t get much longer to stare in confusion at the building before Jongsuk tugged me downstairs.

“Oppa—is this really what we came all this way for?” I followed down quickly. “Why couldn’t we just go to the karaoke bar close to us? Jiyoon hasn’t seen us since the wedding...you know she’ll want to hear about it,” I said once we reached the bottom. The karaoke bar was mostly dark, mainly illuminated by neon lights and glow sticks. It honestly felt more like a club scene than a karaoke bar, but perhaps I just haven’t been to enough karaoke bars to know.

“I thought that sort of gossip was best saved for the hairdressers,” Jongsuk teased. “C’mon, it’ll be fun. This is something new,”

“I don’t know...this place makes me uneasy,” I pouted, hugging my husband’s arm. It was mostly the out windows, I’d never seen that on any building that wasn’t haunted or the location of a crime scene.

“Do you want to leave?” Jongsuk asked loudly when we were suddenly competing over music from the room closest to us.

I felt bad. As much as I was still upset about the baby thing, this was something for Jongsuk. It was important to me that Jongsuk could still be happy even when I couldn’t. “Ani,” I pecked his cheek. “It’s something new remember?”

Jongsuk smiled back and started walking towards the back where there appeared to be a bar with Taehyung’s Karaoke written in neon letters above the bartender. We rented out one of the smaller rooms for an hour and looked at the song selection. There were so many to choose from.

“I’m ready for my debut,” Jongsuk shouted into the mic, waving his peace sign. I couldn’t help but laugh when I heard the first notes of Gee; someone should have gotten him a wig. “Listen, Girl~” he turned and pointed to me. “My first love story~”

I laughed the whole time, clutching my stomach by the end of the song. Jongsuk was so precious. I knew he wasn’t the next GD or Taeyang, but I wondered if he was singing extra bad this evening to make me laugh.

“Your turn, superstar.” Jongsuk winked. I nodded and stood up from the little couch that was there, taking the mic and the remote. I decided to sing a ballad, hoping it would get my emotions out. It was an odd thought since I had just been laughing for three minutes straight. Could I even take it seriously at this point? Of course.

“Wuah..such a hard decision,” I scrolled through all the ballads, even coming across some from popular English movies.

“Hurry up so we have more time to sing!” Jongsuk called.

“Yah, don’t rush me!” I pouted.

“Park Shinhye I’m your biggest fan—saranghae!”

I shook my head and selected one that looked familiar. “My Immortal..” I murmured out the name in English and selected it.

“Ohhh what song is this?” Jongsuk asked after listening to the soft opening of the piano.

“I’m so tired of being here...Suppressed by all of my childish fears” I stared at the screen, singing along as best as I could. I knew I’d heard the song before; I just didn’t realize it was this song. “If you have to leave...I wish that you would just leave…’Cause your presence still lingers here…And it won’t leave me alone. These wounds won’t seem to heal, this pain is just too real, there’s just too much that time cannot erase..”

There was a lump in the back of my throat. I could feel tears in my eyes as the background vocals kept singing.

“Shinhye-ah..” Jongsuk called.

My eyes were locked on the screen, the lettering blurring together again like it had on the pregnancy test this morning. I started to back away from the machine. What was wrong with me? Why couldn’t I just forget the pregnancy thing and just enjoy myself for once? Jongsuk was right...I was overreacting…“Mianhae..” I murmured, swallowing thickly. The lump in my throat wasn’t getting any smaller.

“Baby? What’s wrong?” Jongsuk stood, coming over to hug me tightly.

“I’m sorry,” I sobbed. “I’m sorry..”

“Shh shh shh it’s okay,” he whispered, my back. I wish he knew what I was feeling. I wanted a kid so bad.

“I ruined everything..”

“No, no, no, you didn’t...I promise..come, let’s get you some water,” Jongsuk pulled me out of our little room and to the bar at the back.

“Hey there, folks. What can I getcha?” The bartender asked cheerily, his smile fading when he saw me. “Omo...are you not having fun at my karaoke bar?”

“Are you Taehyung?” Jongsuk asked. I was wondering the same.

“Yes sir,” Taehyung saluted playfully before tapping his name tag. “It’s been quite the journey getting this place up and running, but it’s finally open. What are your guys’ thoughts?” he asked. I could hear the eagerness bubbling in his voice.

“It’s um..”Jongsuk looked around as if for an answer. “It’s pretty outgoing. I like the neon lights,”

“Thank you! I love them too,” Taehyung smiled. “Now, what can I get you to drink?”

“Do you have any beer?” Jongsuk asked.

Taehyung's face suddenly scrunched up as he inhaled through his teeth. “Sorry, we're still trying to secure a liquor license...But there's a bar upstairs,” Jongsuk nodded before ordering water for me.

“I'll be right back,” my husband murmured in my ear. I nodded and sipped at the water on the counter. My cheeks still felt wet from crying.

“Is there anything I can do to make your stay more comfortable?” Taehyung asked gently. I couldn't help but chuckle; he sounded like a hotel manager, not the owner of a karaoke bar.

I shook my head. “I'm alright, it's just been a long day,” a long day doing nothing but feel hopeless...

“Oh ... need someone to talk to?” He asked, leaning on the bar. “I'm a good listener,”

I wasn't sure I wanted to take the time to explain. For all I knew I might be able to buck up the courage to tell Jongsuk I didn't want to come back again, making this conversation pointless. I also wasn't sure I liked the possibility of being told I was overreacting again.

“Well...” I decided maybe it wouldn't hurt to say what I was thinking out loud. So I told him everything. How Jongsuk and I had been dating and how I always wanted children but wouldn't try to get pregnant until we were married so that the baby could be raised by both parents. I told Taehyung about how we'd been trying for a child for the last month with no luck. I told him that fertility problems ran in my family, and there was a chance I was the reason we couldn't conceive.

“I'm so sorry...” Taehyung murmured with puppy eyes. He'd been listening with his hand over his mouth as if I'd just given some sort of eulogy, “Have you considered false insemination?” Honestly, I hadn't. When I first learned about what false insemination was, I thought it was designed for single mothers who either couldn't, or didn't want to find a father.

“I'm going to see the doctor soon...I can ask about my options then,”

“Then all hope is not lost,” Taehyung smiled. “Maybe you should look into one of those two. I'm sure there are many children who could use a mom like you,”

It was a nice thought to have, but since I was little, I really wanted to have that pregnancy glow, I wanted to know what it was like to carry a bundle of joy for nine months...I wanted a child of my own flesh. Adopting someone's child just didn't feel as meaningful to me. Of course, I was giving a child a well-deserved home, but I really just wanted one of my own...I sighed. That was such a stupid and selfish desire.

“Thanks,” I said softly, drinking the rest of my water. The conversation died after that. I stared at the wood of the counter. Jongsuk should have been back by now, how long did it take to grab a drink and come back with it?

Jongsuk came back ten minutes after we'd gone silent and Taehyung went to rent out more rooms. “Sorry I'm late,” Jongsuk set his beer glass down; it still looked full. What in god's name was he doing up there?

“What took you so long?” I tried not to sound too impatient. I was upset and wanted the company of my husband, not sitting awkwardly at a bar that doesn't even serve alcohol.

“Sorry jagiya,” his warm palm cupped my cheek. “There was a bit of line and then I got caught in a conversation with the bartender; he's a nice guy,” Jongsuk smiled down at me, kissing my forehead. I closed my eyes momentarily, relaxing into his touch. I wish we'd just stayed in.

“We should probably get going, neh?” He turned to Taehyung. “Nice meeting you,”

“No, please, thank you and come again!”