DARK HORSE

間違えている箇所もあります。

….

3

What you see
May not be what you think it is

‘If you want to see Arch in person just go wait at ‘The Answer’’

It was one of the phrases that was more than true. Luhan was laughing at the story from moments ago, it was about a band that paid three hundred thousand won just to perform here, hoping that Arch would see them and cast them into the company. It was true that they liked this bar, but they didn't come here just to find juniors to decorate their company.

 The last time that a performance grabbed their attention was from two years ago. Yes, it was the performance of the guy who is now drinking his whiskey in silence at the corner of their table. At that time, their eyes looked towards the same person, and it was no doubt that they were also thinking the same thing.

It was a good thing that Arch was stubborn, to the point that manager Kim allowed them to celebrate without a reason, but one thing that was not allowed is that they were not allowed to get drunk and cause troubles. Yifan also agrees which is why he always warn Jongin to take good care of Luhan, last time when they were walking Luhan to the car, Yifan and Minseok almost fainted.

Yifan went and sat next to Chanyeol, hand grabbing the whiskey while looking at the latter drinking the same drink as him. He wasn't worried about Chanyeol, if they were to have a drinking contest, he was sure that Park Chanyeol would win.

“Why don’t you come sit with us?”

“Just needed time to think about something”

Yifan listened to that irritating answer with a straight face, he then turned around while grabbing Chanyeol's glass and refilling it for him before handing it back.

“It’s been two years, haven’t you thought it through?”

That question didn't make Chanyeol feel good. Park Chanyeol seems to have interest on objects more than s ever since he stepped into Neighbor, he was not a bad person, but it would be better if Chanyeol actually believed that he was a part of Arch.

Chanyeol didn't want to talk about this but finding a new topic seems to be too hard for him. For the past two years he has always been thinking about it, he didn't even remember if he ever stopped thinking about after signing the contract with Neighbor and forgetting his life at the countryside.

“Have you ever forgotten your birthdate?”

Chanyeol smiled,throwing a question to the person beside him, Yifan didn't even have to think.

“Very often, until I became Arch”

Both of them laughed knowing that they were at the same point. Before this their lives were simple, eating,drinking, hanging out with friends,playing music,and just having fun in life but now it was not that easy, Arch is now part of millions of people's life,they are too important for others to the point that they were unable to throw their popularity away and had to change themselves.

Starting with Luhan who had to quit smoking because his life was his voice, Jongin needed to throw away what was just in front of him, and Yifan--

“It’s been too long Chanyeol”

“....”

“We gave you so much time to think” Yifan saw that the glass was now empty but he did not refill it like the first time he did.

 “No matter what you’ve thrown away, Arch needs to move on”

“I --”

“Believe in who you are, just like what you said today”

“....”

“And believe in us too”

Yifan finished what he was going to say before refilling Chanyeol's glass and walking away to the other members. The thin layer of tension between the members was a small spot which makes the members not as close as they need to be and it has been long enough now just like what Yifan said.

Park Chanyeol was Arch's guitarist but he has never once been Arch.

He was a student who is barely finished with his studies,his life goes on and on aimlessly, Chanyeol never thought that he is good at anything except for breathing. He sold his house at a low price after his grandmother passed away, found a job to earn money for his tiny room rent until he got his first instrument at the age of fourteen, at first he strummed the strings without any skills, but as time passes by, it seems to color his life bit by bit. Now he's working at the shop with a goal to achieve.

After that, Park Chanyeol became a musician .

Throughout his life he only knew about the act of throwing away, since he was borned he was left with his grandmother,he threw away his schoollife, he threw away his house, threw away his social life,and he threw away his old self making himself more mature than other teenagers. He threw away everything.

Chanyeol said goodbye to Jongin who drove him to his hotel, he pulled his cap down until he passed through the lobby and into the elevator. His mind was filled with what Yifan just said at the bar, lips pressed into a thin line before scanning the key card into his room.

 'Chanyeol is frustrated because of where he is now' That was what Yifan said to the band members.

Chanyeol placed his hat on the table that is filled with music sheets before removing his black shirt and putting it in the laundry basket. He rested on the sofa, hands reaching out to the cigarettes, when he suddenly remembered something which stopped him from lighting it up.

He sat up before walking towards the shelf to take something out and putting it beside his hat. It was a small glass bottle that was able to be molded into a tube for smoking. He brushed all the papers aside,not caring whether they fell or not. Just when he was going to open the paper that was folded into a small box he was interrupted by another thought.

Chanyeol wanted to stop this behavior,depending on was not right, but he can't whenever he thought about what happen two years ago.

‘I don’t want to see your face’

“....”

‘I said get out!’

“....”

‘Just off.’

Chanyeol crumbled the paper in his hands and left it on the table. His trembling hands quickly went to the cigarettes before lighting one up and smoking. He relaxed on the sofa, breathing in the nicotine before breathing out smoke, he didn't like it one bit when the smoke actually became an image of a certain person.

 More images flooded through his mind, starting from the moment that he was inside the men's restroom, smoking out all his stressed, ten more minutes and Glay would go up on stage again, but everyone was acting like the mistake in the first performance was nothing.

 Chanyeol always knew that the way he played the guitar did not go along with Junmyeon's bass and Kyungsoo' drum well at all, but Baekhyun and the others would always brushed it of like it was a small mistake. Chanyeol was a musician, he composed and wrote all the songs and the longer the time passes by, that small mistake became bigger and bigger, he always knew that he was the black hole in the group.

 Chanyeol's music was too harsh, the harder he tried to go along with others, he felt like killing himself again and again. Whenever he tried to tell the members when they were discussing, it always ended with an 'It's okay' which was weighing him down deeper and deeper until he was now in the darkness.

Rrrr

He looked at Yifan's number displayed on his phone, he knew it would be about his decision that he was always thinking about for a whole month, it was hard for him, he couldn't leave Glay, but he can't go anywhere either.

-------------------

Screech

And that's what made him sink down deeper into the darkness, he stood still on the stage just because he couldn't play Glay's song, the performance would've stopped if Baekhyun didn't continue on singing to make the situation better. Chanyeol's mind went blank, his breathing hitched, his ear not able to hear anything except the whispers throughout the crowd, and even though they finished the performance neatly, Chanyeol thought that it made Glay fall a step down because of him.

‘It’s okay, everyone makes mistakes’

Baekhyun would be the person who knew best that Chanyeol wasn't the one who made mistakes, but it happened many times as time passes by to the point that Chanyeol thought that he shouldn't belong on this stage,still, the others would always brush it of like it was nothing.

‘What happened today was nothing’

‘Don’t think too much about it’

‘Glay performance was still great, right?’

That was what made Chanyeol answer Yifan's call, he did not belong there.

“Did you reach your room safely?”

 Chanyeol asked Luhan who called after He ended his call with Yifan. Luhan was speaking nonsense at the bar so Yifan suggested everyone to go back to their hotel rooms.

(Yep, Yifan just finished complaining and he already went back)

Luhan was babbling nonsense, it was funny that he would always call Chanyeol to complain when he would always receive silence as an answer. Maybe it was a way to get closer to each other?

Two years passed by and Chanyeol actually did a great job in completing Arch.

“Tomorrow’s work starts at 10 AM, if you wake up late again maybe this time Minseok hyung will also get in trouble.” Chanyeol tried to threaten Luhan, knowing that the latter would hang up soon.

( I know I know, I’m going to sleep now, you didn’t have to complain too)

Chanyeol chuckled before throwing away the cigarette and going inside the bedroom. He put his phone between his ear and shoulders before picking up his a year and a half old guitar and strumming random chords when the person on the other line asked.

( What are you doing? )

“Go to sleep” Chanyeol answered, his lips curving into a smile when he thought of the song that Yifan had chosen to be in their new album.

“I’ll sing for you”

He took out his ring, exposing the black ring tattoo on his right run finger. He rubbed it a few times before putting his phone on speaker and putting it on the bed next to him. He started strumming his guitar and started to sing a low melody of the song softly.

“This time, This place

Misused, Mistakes

Too long, Too late

Who was I to make you wait

Luhan was already quiet, maybe he was actually listening just like what Park Chanyeol told him to do. Even so, Park Chanyeol's mind was filled with a person who is now far away. The person who would kiss him instead of praising, the person who pulled him up from carrying the whole world over his shoulders and telling him that he was not alone anymore.

 At that time, Chanyeol just wanted to say 'Would you want to go together?' He wanted to hold Byun Baekhyun's hands and plead him to let him finish speaking, but suddenly his fear made him stop. Chanyeol was silent before taking out his guitar and wallet and quickly walking out of the room.

He walked to the subway and brought a ticket before boarding the first train that day. People started to fill in but everything he saw was not as colorful and before.

It was empty.

‘Just one chance

Just one breath

Just in case there's just one left

'Cause you know,

You know, you know

He chose the seat at the very back, his guitar beside him, he looked around, it was quiet, as if he was the only person in this whole world.

His hands pulled out the broken leather necklace inside his pocket, the charm still hanging in its place, it flashed the image of those red and angry eyes, it was blurred though, he didn't know whether it was blurred because of the object or because of his own tears.

He held his head down,suppressing his sobs to the point that he lacked oxygen, his breathing became uneven, and his heart ached. Everything stopped and his whole world crumbled down at the thought that he was left with his one and only guitar.

Yes, this was what Park Chanyeol's choice

He chose to suffocate himself

‘That I love you

I have loved you all along and I miss you

Been far away for far too long

I keep dreaming you'll be with me and you'll never go

Stop breathing if I don't see you anymore

 He hanged up not knowing whether Luhan had fell asleep or not. Even now, the only thing beside him was his guitar. Chanyeol knew that in everyone's eyes, he was like a music robot that lacked battery, he can't see anyone, and his life lacked color. He was thirsty for happiness, for what he threw away in exchange for trust and existence.

Chanyeol also knew that he should force himself to sleep now. He reached out to close the lamp and watch the light slowly fade away. He hoped that he would be a able to sleep peacefully today, hoped that "somebody" won't come into his dreams to wake him up in the morning. The somebody who he was able to embrace, the one who was his world, the one who he thought was a mistake to love.

 When his hands reached under the pillow, it was met with the cool feeling of the key charm that he slept with everyday.

 Chanyeol also didn't know how would he be able to succeed.

TBC