"Hey, it was serious!" I protest, not one of genuine outrage in my voice. He turns his head in my direction and this time, directs his laughter squarely at me. It's like being syringed square in the heart with the fuzzy kind of love, undiluted. Six moths ago, just the talk of fuzzies would have caused me, at the very least, to roll my eyes.

"You stay awake all night to pop off Santa with a BB gun!" Why is it I'm willing to do anything to make him laugh like this? To make sure his smile is directed at me? Even if it's at my expense.

"I wasn't about to let some strange guy into my house!" I only aimed to make him laugh harder and when he did, it was like the fuzzies had grown thousands of arms and were reaching all through my body, trying to find some way to get to him.

Seconds pass.

"What do you want for Christmas, Kimbap?" The question takes me off guard, allowing a barrage of answers to flood to the surface.

For you to keep laughing.

For you to keep smiling at me.

For me to be able to get up the nerve to give you what I wrote for you.

To not be such a damn coward.

For you to kiss me.

For you to love me as completely as I love you.

"Please, he won't even tell me what he wants." I turn to see Jinhwan and Junhoe re-enter the room, carrying the popcorn they left to make. movie night. My eyes drift back to Hanbin. To his expectant eyes, his smiling mouth. Briefly down to his hand that's resting on his own leg but is, ever so slightly, resting against mine too. To his face, that is oblivious.

"A car?" Everyone gives me a 'keep dreaming' look, and then everyone is laughing again. Okay, so I'll keep pretending for a while. It's not so bad. It's enough to have him close. It's enough to be able to talk now, to be his friend. Just having him near is gift enough....for now.