So this new story is extra special for many different reasons. But it's mostly because it signifies the end of my romance-famine. Not that I'm suddenly jumping on board the Love Mobile again. I guess I'm slowly realising that love isn't about the big moments and the grand gestures. It's about the small moments that you share with someone special that stay imprinted on your mind for years to come. So this story is for all of you out there, looking to be swept away by the sweetness of falling in love. Winter86, you got to me again and made me think outside of the box, so a big thank you to you

Here's a playlist of songs that inspired this piece:

1) 'The Mother We Share' by Chvrches

2) 'Hug Me' by Crush ft Gaeko

3) 'Break So Easy' by Jonathan Rice

4) 'The Blower's Daughter' by Damien Rice

5) 'I Found My Smile Again' by D'Angelo

6) 'Write It In The Sky' (Ken Loi Remix) by Kina Grannis

Enjoy!

---

Kang Seulgi wasn’t someone that you could call scandalous in any sense. She was like most ordinary 17 year-old girls that you came across. She went to an ordinary high school with ordinary friends, she lived in an ordinary house. She even had an ordinary family. It consisted of her, her older sister Taeyeon and her dad. Her mother had passed away when she was 3 years old, so she only had vague memories of the woman who’d given birth to her. But even with that tragedy that had occurred a long time ago, Seulgi was reasonably content with the life she led. Her dad had a great job and was also a devoted father, so she and Taeyeon never wanted for anything their whole lives.

Everything was perfect.

And then her dad just had to go and ruin it by saying four words that children of a widowed parent never wanted to hear:

“Girls, I’m seeing someone.”

Taeyeon took the news in her stride while Seulgi panicked inwardly. The last thing she wanted or needed was anything changing in her life. Not to mention the fact that her father dating like a normal person with lustful desires was beyond creepy.

But her dad made his announcement and it wasn’t mentioned again. Life carried on normally for a good 2 months and Seulgi thought she was in the clear. It didn’t even upset her that much when her dad introduced his new girlfriend to her and Taeyeon during a family dinner. Seulgi even thought that she liked Daeun and she was sort of perfect for her dad. Daeun had a daughter that was Seulgi’s age that she wanted her to meet. Seulgi kindly thanked her dad’s new girlfriend and put the matter out of her head. There was no way that she and her dad would be together long enough for her to get to know this mystery daughter.

And then Seulgi’s dad dispelled that happy dream by saying four more words that turned hers and Taeyeon’s lives upside down:

“Girls, we’re getting married.”

<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3

After that, everything happened at breakneck speed for Seulgi. There were trips back and forth to Daeun’s house to help her and her daughter move into the Kang House. There were outings and dinners for the new families to meet and get better acquainted. A multitude of ahjummas and ahjussis kept approaching Seulgi during one family dinner in particular, wringing her hand and telling her how wonderful it all was.

Seulgi really couldn’t see the ‘wonderful’ part of any of it.

When it finally became too much, Seulgi fled the massive dinner table at the expensive Mandeu restaurant the family had reserved in Myeongdong and sprinted outside. The frigid air hit her windpipes like a boxing punch and she caught sight of Taeyeon standing in the corner of a pillar in the shadows, smoking a cigarette with serene nonchalance. Seulgi came to stand next to her and was immediately offered the same cigarette she’d been on moments before. Seulgi accepted it gratefully from Taeyeon’s hand, taking a long and raspy drag of the tobacco goodness. She only smoked on rare occasions when she was severely stressed out. She’d picked up the unfortunate habit on both accounts from her older sister, who was probably smoking for the exact same reasons. It was a clear, night sky that stood before them, the stars resembling broken shards of light that capitulated with the growing darkness. 

And off to the right, seated at an ancient wooden table sat a girl that looked to be about Seulgi’s age. Her hair was as black as the night and fell to her shoulders in a flawless, voluminous curtain. Even though it was a cold night, she was only dressed in a filmy and sleeveless white dress and black peep-toe high heels. Her pale arms were bent at a rigid angle, her hands pursed as she leant forward and continued staring at something that only she alone knew. Seulgi could only see one side of her face, but that profile alone was an artistic delight comprised of a small, oval face, a tiny dimple that kissed her cheek and thin lips that parted with every wispy, pensive breath she took. It was a face that was plainly carved with idle perfection by a divine Maker.

Taeyeon caught sight of her baby sister staring at the girl and smirked. “That’s her. Joonhyun, or Irene as she likes to be called. Our new sister.”

Despite the misery that engulfed Seulgi’s chest thinking about how her life was drastically changing with every merciless second that ticked by, she couldn’t resist inhaling more of Irene’s sweet, enigmatic aura in that moment as  the indigo night droned on.

<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3

Gihyun and Daeun’s wedding was a small and private affair with only their family and closest friends in attendance. Taeyeon, Seulgi and Irene were all directly involved in the union of their parents as bridesmaids. Despite being wedged between Taeyeon and Irene as they all walked down the aisle, Seulgi spent most of that surreal time during the wedding festivities not talking to Irene and bothering to get to know her. In Seulgi’s defence, Irene wasn’t exactly breaking her back trying to do the same thing either. And so it remained like that till after their parents returned from their honeymoon and explained the new living arrangements to them.

Before Daeun had come into the picture, Taeyeon and Seulgi had enjoyed having their own bedrooms in their three-bedroom house and with that their sense of privacy. While Taeyeon would still enjoy that privilege as the oldest, Seulgi and Irene would now have to share Seulgi’s bedroom.

Seulgi took all of this news with polite stoicism, but inside she was seething. Her whole life was being turned upside down and she was sharing her whole world with a girl she didn’t even know just because her dad wanted to get laid!

As Daeun and Gihyun murmured sweet nothings in each other’s ears while unpacking her things, Seulgi muttered curses under her breath while helping Irene unload her boxes in their shared bedroom. Taeyeon had somehow escaped the merriment of Moving Day and was now lying on her bed in her room talking loudly on the phone with her best friend Tiffany about a house party she wanted to go to.

Seulgi placed a box filled with Irene’s clothes and CD’s unceremoniously down onto the floor in front of Irene’s single bed, massaging her stiff back which felt more like a pretzel. Irene’s bed only had the mattress on top without any sheets or duvet to cover it.

The owner of that bed was standing with her back to Seulgi looking out of the wide, French window onto the street below. Her arms were folded across her chest and her aura was seemingly serene. Up till this point, Seulgi still hadn’t had a proper conversation with her step-sister, considering they were going to be sharing the next two years of their lives. At least till they went off to college and didn’t have to see each other save for family gatherings.

“Here’s your stuff,” Seulgi grunted out, feeling self-conscious.

Irene turned around and her long hair fell across her cheeks in shimmering lines that made Seulgi’s heart pulse with unnerving excitement. “Thanks,” she murmured audibly. Her voice registered at a slightly high pitch, but had a low and alluring husky undertone. In that moment, Seulgi swore that she’d never heard something so lovely before.

“You’re welcome.” When it didn’t look like Irene was going to say anything else, Seulgi stretched out a toe on her bare foot and scraped it lightly against the hardwood floor of their shared bedroom. “So…I guess we’re sisters now, huh?”

Irene turned around and stared at Seulgi with an unfathomable look. It was almost like she was subtly sizing up the taller girl. “I think it’s too early to call us that. Don’t you think?” she asked somewhat coolly.

Seulgi immediately felt herself backpedalling on her initial attempts to be civil to the enigmatic girl standing in front of her. “Uh, I guess.”

“Still…” Irene trailed off and Seulgi felt herself gravitating automatically towards her step-sister’s compelling orbit. “I hope you won’t regret having me around too much.”

She left it at that and started taking out a duvet, pillow case and a sheet from her boxes to dress her bed with while Seulgi stood watching her, looking and feeling utterly perplexed.

<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3

Irene was enrolled at the same high school as Seulgi, so they saw each other every day; they even shared a few classes like Physics and English. But they had different friends and separate social calendars. Seulgi would’ve made more of an effort to include her step-sister in her scholarly life, but that was taken care of immediately when Park Sooyoung (whom everyone at school knew as Joy) walked up to Irene on her first day and invited her to sit with her group. They were smart, charismatic, beautiful and popular. Seulgi couldn’t have thought of a better fit for her stunning step-sister. She herself belonged to an equally scholarly, but more sports-oriented group of friends since she played field hockey. That was how she’d met Wendy, her best friend since middle school, because of their mutual love for hitting people in the face with clubs.

“Dude, can you believe my mom actually said that to me?!” Wendy trilled violently.

Seulgi was only half-listening to yet another one of her best friend’s rants about her puritanical mother. Her attention was focused on Irene, who had just sauntered into view close to the drinking fountain in the middle of the quad. She was talking (or rather, listening) to Joy, who was also gesticulating wildly with her hands as she spoke. Every non-verbal gesture that Irene did when she was with other people or alone intrigued Seulgi to no end. Like the way her lips parted ever so slightly to emit the tiniest of breaths when she sighed or how her hair fell into her face naturally when she laughed. She was unlike anyone that Seulgi had ever known.

“Do you wanna come over to my house tonight and study for our Calculus test?” Joy asked of her friend.

Irene scrunched up her nose with intense concentration while she thought it over. “I don’t know, my parents might expect me to be around for dinner. They’re super big on ‘family’ these days.” Seulgi couldn’t help deflating just a little at the grimace that had accompanied Irene’s words when she’d said the word ‘family’. Were they really that much of a burden to her? But who was she to judge? She’d been battling with similar feelings for the last few months as well.

“Aww come on, your parents won’t miss you for one night! Plus, Seulgi and your older sister probably won’t even care that you’re not there.” Seulgi wouldn’t dare admit just how wrong Joy was about that.

“Well…”

“No more excuses! My mom’s making galbi. And since I’m vegan, you can eat my share.” Joy teased.

“Ok then, I’m in.” Irene said more readily, a natural smile appearing on her face.

“So after we argued about it for a good 10 minutes, I finally told her that I won’t go out with him. But I’m totally gonna sneak out tonight to see him anyway. I mean, it’s not that creepy that my boyfriend is 6 years older and works as a bouncer for a night club, right?” Wendy frowned when Seulgi made absolutely no response and kept looking at something (or someone) in the opposite direction. “Seulgi!”

The taller brunette glanced back at her friend in bewilderment. “What?”

“Dude, have you been listening to a word I said?”

“Of course I have. Your mom’s evil and trying to ruin your life – yada yada.”

“Oh ha ha,” Wendy quipped, which made Seulgi smirk at her. “You’re going to burn a hole in Joy’s back staring at her like that.”

Seulgi turned around to face Joy and Irene again, who were still chatting near the water fountain. Then she looked at Wendy once more, who was grinning with all-knowing mischief dancing in her eyes. “I was looking at Irene, you moron.” Wendy’s eyes opened wide and Seulgi clapped a hand over when she realised her faux pas. 

“Seriously?” Wendy looked at the two girls and Seulgi scowled at the non-too subtle once over her friend gave Irene’s side-profile. “I suppose your step-sister is pretty hot. If you’re into that uous .”

She started laughing hard and Seulgi realised that Wendy was only messing with her. She flung a loose bottle cap at her friend, which missed by inches and the two of them continued laughing raucously together.

But at the back of her mind, Seulgi couldn’t help thinking that Wendy had gotten uncomfortably close to her confusing feelings towards Irene.

<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3

3 months flew by and Irene had stopped being the idle talk of gossipers for being ‘the new girl’. Instead, those same gossips talked endlessly about her quick rise to popularity for being top of the class with her grades, for being elected to the role of Treasurer on the Student Council. And more importantly, for the fascination she held for the boys.

It was no surprise to anyone, not even Seulgi, when Im Jae Bum, the president of the Student Council and captain of the soccer team, asked Irene out not too long after that. While everyone else fawned over the couple and the girls envied Irene for being in such a fortuitous situation, Seulgi was trying her hardest not to fling her backpack at JB’s face every time he hugged Irene or so much as looked at her on campus.

The bell had rung for the day and she was preparing to walk home when she caught sight of Irene and JB talking intimately near the security guard’s little hut in front of the school entrance. She pretended to be looking for something in her bag while she crouched beside a rose bush and eavesdropped blatantly on their conversation:

“Are you going to walk me home today?” Irene questioned.

“I’d love to, sweetie, but I can’t. Junior (whose real name was Park Jinyoung) asked me to help coach him on his three point shots.” JB said with an apologetic smile.

Irene looked disappointed for a split second, but fixed her boyfriend with a good natured expression nonetheless. “You don’t even play basketball,” she joked lightly.

“And neither will Junior if he doesn’t start shooting at least 60% or higher. Coach’s orders.”

“Fine. But you owe your girlfriend a romantic date when you bother to think of her above your goofy friends.” Irene declared with an adorable pout on her face.

“I’m always thinking about you,” JB murmured softly before engulfing Irene’s lips in a short and sweet kiss.

Seulgi had to restrain herself from stabbing her hand with a thorny stem on the bush she was hiding in while listening to this icky conversation between her step-sister and her douchey boyfriend.

Irene gave JB a playful shove and started steering him towards the direction of the gymnasium. “Go on then, before the coach replaces Junior with someone who can actually shoot.”

“It’ll be the third time this week!” JB called out laughingly as he sprinted off.

Irene watched him go and shook her head, chuckling to herself.

It was at that time that Seulgi finally ‘found’ what she was looking for in the rose bush and cautiously approached her step-sister with her backpack slung over her shoulder. “Hey.”

Irene caught sight of her and smiled slowly. “Hey.”

“So, um…I’m gonna head home now. Wanna walk with me?” Seulgi had asked Irene this question for the first two weeks of Irene moving to her school and her step-sister politely declined each time, since she’d had her new friends (and now her boyfriend) to walk home with. So Seulgi had given up asking after a long absence. But for some reason, she was feeling a little more hopeful than usual today.

“Sure,” Irene said with absurd simplicity, picking up her backpack and following after her step-sister.

They soon fell into step after they’d cleared the school gates and begun the slow and arduous ascent up the hill that led back to their house; it was only a 15-minute walk from school. The neighbourhood where Seulgi had grown up her whole life was a cheerful place to live with cherry trees that littered the streets in thick, pink streams of confetti and an array of lush mountaintops that dotted the bright and unyielding horizon. The houses in the neighbourhood ranged from traditional Korean dwellings with gabled, hanok-styled roofs to the more modern affairs that were carved and moulded into prism-esque buildings that went as high as 3-storeys depending on the owner’s pay cheque. The Kang Family’s house was designed more like the latter with exterior walls painted a burnt orange, but compromised by raising the structure a few feet off the ground with a wide porch that fitted the style of a traditional hanok more appropriately.

The sun drizzled down and peeked out between pockets of clouds and trees, causing silver polka dots to erupt all over Seulgi and Irene’s pale arms as they walked along mostly in silence. Then out of nowhere, Irene threw out her hand flat against Seulgi’s chest and stopped her in her tracks.

“What are you doing?”

“Ssh! Do you see it?”

“See what? Your hand obstructing me from walking?”

Irene rolled her eyes at Seulgi’s silly words and pointed ahead. “The squirrel crossing the street.”

Seulgi followed her step-sister’s gaze and laid eyes on the scrawny, grey mammal who was clutching a brown chestnut in its grubby paws. He was perfectly oblivious of the fact that he could be mowed down by a car at any moment as he stood coveting his treasured possession in the middle of the road. With his big black eyes and soft fur, he was almost pathetically cute. As predicted, someone backed out of their driveway and sped down the road on which the squirrel stood at breakneck speed.

“No!”

“Run!”

It all happened so fast, before Seulgi could even properly formulate any thought whatsoever. The squirrel had scrambled to safety in a gutter as the car came to a screeching halt a fraction of a second too late. But even more surprising than this was the fact that Irene had her hand clasped tightly around Seulgi’s wrist and had buried her face in her step-sister’s chest so she wouldn’t see anything bad happen to the squirrel. Seulgi, whose heart was racing from the squirrel’s narrow escape and Irene’s excruciating proximity, placed a shaky hand on her step-sister’s shoulder to try and rouse her.

Irene looked up at Seulgi through bleary eyes and the taller girl felt her legs tingling as she tried to stop herself from falling down. She got her breath and her mind back when Irene released her abruptly as if she’d been electrocuted. And then she walked quickly onwards with Seulgi trailing behind her, forgetting all about the squirrel who had found refuge in a nearby tree.

As they neared their house, clusters of pink and purple azaleas could be seen bursting forward onto the pavement. In spite of the previous awkward moment with Irene ending up in her arms, a surge of warmth spread all over Seulgi as she inhaled the sweet, heady aroma of the flowers surrounding them. “I love spring…” she whispered half to herself.

To her surprise, Irene heard her and smiled cheerfully, her brown eyes flitting over an azalea bush close to them, two bees landing on the soft petals and spreading their feelers in a possessive stance. “I love it too. Spring is like falling in love: it’s as old as Time, but still feels newer and sweeter somehow.”

Irene’s simple logic stirred something deep within Seulgi and she rushed towards the nearest azalea bush. She plucked a single flower off of a clump of five stems. Then she leant far into Irene’s personal bubble and tucked the flower neatly into the empty pocket on the girl’s school uniform. The bland white and navy blue ensemble was transformed with that elegant purplish pink flower settled in its cotton nest.

Irene’s face flushed with pleasure and her finger the delicate lines of the flower. And when she smiled at Seulgi, the latter felt like her whole body was shivering with a bad fever, but in a really good way.

Nothing more passed between the two girls as they continued walking. But by the time they opened the gate that led to the front porch of their house, they were both smiling unwittingly to themselves.

<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3

After that occasion, it became easier for Seulgi and Irene to talk to each other, even if it was mostly about general things to do with school and music. This was further put to the test when Seulgi heard through the rumour mill at school about Irene and JB breaking up. Another rumour going around was that JB had cheated on Irene with Naeun, who was already in her last year of high school and the captain of the girls’ softball team. She was athletic and beautiful and the envy of most girls at the school.

So far, Irene was holding her head high and avoiding any scandalous confrontations with either Naeun or JB, who kept cornering her in-between classes with whispered pleas and apologies. But Seulgi knew better than to trust it; after all, she’d heard quiet sobbing almost every night from Irene’s corner of their shared bedroom for the past few days.

It was no surprise when both girls walked home and Irene immediately went upstairs and shut herself up in their bedroom. Seulgi gave her a good 20 minutes of peace before she finally ventured up there herself. She knocked quietly on the door and walked inside when she didn’t receive any answer to the contrary.

Irene was sitting on top of her bed, hugging her knees close to her chest with the stereo playing an old-fashioned and sad love song. She wasn’t crying now, but her cheeks were wet with fresh tears. Without waiting for an invitation, Seulgi came and sat down beside her on the bed. Then she wordlessly placed a freshly picked azalea in-between them on the bedspread.

Irene caught sight of the pinkish purple flower and it made an even bigger lump form in . “Thanks,” she mumbled, not making eye contact with Seulgi.

“Are you ok?” Irene didn’t answer and Seulgi sighed loudly, running her fingers through the tresses of her long hair. “You know, all this moping around isn’t going to do you any good. You should try to distract yourself and think of happy things,” she pressed on, even though she barely believed it herself.

“Seulgi, I know you’re just trying to cheer me up. But nothing’s going to help, sorry.” Irene ended off bluntly.

They sat in silence for a good minute before Seulgi decided to take matters into her own hands. Irene watched her as she moved to the stereo and replaced her iPod with her own. Seulgi used her thumb to scroll through her current playlist until she found the song she was looking for: ‘Hug Me’ by Crush featuring Gaeko.

Irene heard the sound of a soft and sweet piano filtering through her ears; she furrowed her eyebrows when Seulgi moved slowly and gracefully towards her, spinning in a perfect arc as she came to a stand-still.

“Neon mannago maeil saerowoyjeo…” Seulgi sang in a low, melodious voice which threw the black-haired girl off. Her jaw dropped ever so slightly when Seulgi clenched her fists on either side of her body and started doing a silly, hip-rolling action in a circular motion.

Seulgi felt extremely self-conscious doing something this ridiculous in front of another person. But at this point, she was willing to do anything to make Irene’s beautiful smile reappear. So she went all in with the crazy dancing and singing, pulling comical faces the entire time. Irene’s lips were wobbling in a funny way, like she was trying not to laugh, but still Seulgi pressed on.

Irene jumped a little when Seulgi suddenly belted out ‘Kkwak anajwo! Nae mogeul gamajwo!” This time she had trouble hiding her smile when Seulgi wrapped her hands tightly around her skinny body and subsequently hugged herself.

But her amusement soon turned to chagrin when Seulgi was suddenly pulling her onto her feet to come and dance with her. “Seulgi, no! I don’t want to dance!”

But Seulgi ignored her step-sister’s pleas and kept dancing and singing her heart out, going so far as to get down on one knee and grip Irene’s hand tightly in her hand. “Ginagin nan sigan nan neoman gidaryeowasseo…” she trailed off briefly, looking up at Irene and smiling widely. Unbeknown to her, Irene’s heart thumped wildly in her chest from the look her step-sister was giving her from her vantage point.

Then Seulgi got to her feet again and spun Irene around seamlessly, which made the latter laugh out loud. “Seoroui simjang soriga nal jakku ttwige mandeuro! Baby, baby!” Irene clutched haplessly at a stitch forming in her side from laughing at Seulgi hopping on the spot and hugging herself once more singing ‘Hug, hug, hug me! Hug, hug, hug me!”

From that point onwards, Irene got more into the song and even did some singing and miming of her own, especially when it came to Gaeko’s rap. Just after that, Seulgi switched back to her comical guise, taking Irene’s hands into her own and looking at her with a sappy, romantic stare: “Neowa hamkke itneun sigan kkumboda dalkomhae! You’re my sweetheart, yeah!”

Seulgi emitted a high-pitched falsetto, which should’ve launched Irene into another round of laughter. Instead, she stood staring at her step-sister dancing around her, shouting ‘Hug, hug, hug me!” in repetition. Seulgi laughed in-between the chorus, having the time of her life singing and dancing to one of her current favourite songs in hers and Irene’s bedroom. “Come on, sing with me, Irene! Hug, hug, hug m-”

Her intended ‘me’ ended on a loud oomph instead when Irene acquiesced and wrapped her arms tightly around her step-sister. Seulgi was too shell-shocked for several seconds at the fact that Irene was wilfully hugging her without any intention of letting her go any time soon. The humorous moment was quickly forgotten and replaced with something quieter and composed. Seulgi stopped singing altogether and let the song play until its end while she hugged Irene back. They stayed in that position for a really long time without talking or thinking.

<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3

After that day, Seulgi and Irene drew closer to each other. They even spent certain nights on the weekend talking to each other about everything and nothing at all, often till the sun came up.

And then Irene drew into herself and stopped talking directly to Seulgi save for family-oriented business for a good two weeks without the latter understanding why. When it was time to go to sleep each night during that period, Seulgi took to turning over on her side and watching Irene’s still form as the girl slept with her back to her. During those times, Seulgi wished that she could leap straight into Irene’s brain through the back of her head and figure out exactly what she was thinking.

Things probably would’ve carried on in this fashion if Gihyun and Daeun hadn’t decided to go away together for a week on one of Gihyun’s regular business trips to Gangneung on the east coast. Taeyeon was technically supposed to be babysitting her two sisters, but she was a college student with only two things on her mind: boys and partying. Plus Seulgi and Irene were close to finishing high school and by her definition, did not need her to hold their hands. So after making plans to crash at Tiffany’s house, Taeyeon left Seulgi and Irene to take care of themselves in the family home.

Irene and Seulgi walked to school as per usual for the first few days, but without really talking. And the only times Seulgi would see her in the house was in the kitchen for snack time or when they collided with one another outside the hallway bathroom. Then Saturday came and neither of them had any plans with their other school friends; Seulgi was surprised by this since she’d assumed that Irene and Joy were inseparable. She’d already made a bogus excuse to Wendy’s mall and shopping proposal, pleading that she was burnt out from studying all week and wanted to veg out at home.

And that’s exactly what she did, and even more surprisingly, with Irene in tow. They sat down comfortably on the living room sofa together while watching re-reruns of Invincible Youth with a bowl of popcorn resting between them. Seulgi’s heart thumped wildly in her chest when she felt the slight tremors of Irene’s fingers rustling through the wicker bowl that knocked against her knee, her eyes glued to the TV as she did so. Still, it wasn’t an awkward silence unlike the last few weeks, so Seulgi was relatively content.

Then everything changed.

Both Seulgi and Irene forgot to check the weather beforehand as it was a common family practice; Daeun was obsessed with ensuring that the clean clothes hanging on the washing line outside didn’t get wet, so she always made the girls (even Taeyeon) get the washing in when she knew a rain storm was coming. But the sudden downpour caught both girls completely by surprise; they exchanged a wide-eyed look before leaping off the sofa and sprinting outside.

It took 2 minutes to gather up all the washing, but it along with Seulgi and Irene were drenched to the bone from the rain. Seulgi quickly began shoving the damp clothing into the tumble dryer, shivering violently from the cold that clung to her every pore. Irene had disappeared for a minute before returning with two dry towels in her hands.

“Thanks!” said Seulgi, feeling like she could kiss Irene out of sheer gratitude for being so thoughtful.

Her stomach filled up with happy butterflies when Irene grinned at her. “You’re welcome,” she replied.

The dry towel felt good on Seulgi’s skin as she mopped up the worst of her wet hoodie. But she was mesmerised at the gentle ministrations that Irene applied to herself: first to her collarbone, then each cheek and finally, her long, black hair. For a split-second, Seulgi almost wished that her step-sister wouldn’t dry off her hair; with the way that each strand curled at the bottoms and her velvety bangs flared off to the side, she looked breath taking.

Irene caught her eye and Seulgi turned away hastily, her cheeks flushed with pink. Irene cleared and Seulgi watched her skip up the stairs to their bedroom, the thumping of the tumble dryer pounding in her ears. The rain carried on for hours after that, long after the sun had set. And as Seulgi turned in for the night, the thunder began. Seulgi used to be scared of the thunder when she was a kid; but despite the occasional bang and flash of lightning that lit up the windows, she didn’t mind so much.

Irene on the other hand, sat upright under the covers, looking like she was hugging her knees to her chest. Seulgi tried to let her be, but her conscience finally won out and she asked, “Irene, are you ok?”

“Of course I’m fine.” That lie was soon discarded when a particularly loud thunder clap made Irene squeak with fright and dive deeper under her duvet.

This made Seulgi chuckle in amusement. Irene emerged from underneath the covers and scowled at her step-sister. “It’s not funny!”

“No, not funny at all,” Seulgi agreed, plastering a solemn look on her face. “But very cute,” she couldn’t resist adding.

Irene trembled at those words, and it had nothing to do with the thunder. “Seulgi?”

“Hmm?”

“Will you do something for me?”

Seulgi put down the book she’d been reading and turned to face Irene. “Like what?”

“Will you…” Irene ran a finger along the top of her duvet as she spoke. “I mean, can you…lie here with me? Till the thunder stops,” she stammered at the end of it. Her heart galloped for a whole minute while she waited impatiently for Seulgi to break the silence.

Then Seulgi switched off her lamp and crawled in next to Irene; both their bodies just managed to fit on the tiny mattress. Seulgi had shared a bed with Taeyeon when they were both very young and she and Wendy always bunked together during sleepovers. But lying beside Irene was a whole other realm of bewildering perfection. She could feel exactly where the thin fabric of their pyjamas touched and hear the light breaths that whispered of Irene in the night. If she could just close her eyes and adjust to the rhythm of her own heart hammering away in her chest, then maybe she could get some sleep.

But that feeble hope died the minute that Irene moved closer to her and wrapped her arms around her. She was lying so close that the top of her head was perched against Seulgi’s chin. Seulgi grappled inwardly with herself for another minute before she surrendered and put her right arm over Irene. And if it hadn’t been so dark and Irene’s face hadn’t been hidden, she would’ve seen Irene smile at her action. They fell asleep soon afterwards.

A booming thunder clap woke Seulgi up in the early hours of the morning. She remembered where she was by the mere fact that Irene was somehow straddling her on her bed. But instead of sleeping soundly, Irene was wide awake. Lightning flashed against the bedroom curtains and Seulgi could see Irene’s face brightly illuminated for a few seconds. She was trembling and her breathing was heavy with tension.

“Irene, what-”

Her step-sister leant forward and placed a silencing finger over her lips. “I need to know.”

Seulgi didn’t know what Irene was talking about; she suspected that the girl was half asleep. But she couldn’t have been further from the truth when Irene placed her hands on either side of Seulgi’s slim figure and leant forward. If she said anything to anyone about this later in life, Irene would’ve admitted that she’d never been more awake.

Seulgi stayed frozen in place when the softest, sweetest kiss was placed onto her lips. It had never mattered before that she’d never properly liked or loved anyone before this. But maybe that’s what made this moment more special somehow. Her lips moved uncertainly, but willingly nonetheless with the shimmering waves of Irene’s mouth as moisture and warmth coursed through her, making her dizzy with sudden happiness.

When Irene finally pulled away, it was only to whisper two words that made Seulgi’s heart shoot straight to the moon: “Kiss me.”

She did just that, gaining more courage as her hands swept over Irene’s silken cheeks and her tongue traced new and exhilarating patterns over her step-sister’s parted lips.

“Hug me,” Irene begged hoarsely. She gasped in surprise when Seulgi rolled out from underneath her and perched herself on top instead. But that gasp morphed into a moan when Seulgi’s lips danced over her tantalising collarbone and her hands did just what she asked.

As their kisses grew deeper and they got lost further in each other, Seulgi could’ve sworn that she heard Irene whisper ‘love me’ in her ear.

<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3

The days after this were absurdly sweet for Seulgi and Irene. In-between sharing stolen kisses in the dead of the night and solitary places at school, Seulgi became better acquainted with her step-sister. Aside from the fact that Irene hated thunder storms, she discovered that the teenage girl got the strangest hankering for bubble-gum flavoured frozen yoghurt when she was stressed out; she loved wearing bright colours that contrasted with the paleness of her skin; she loved cats more than dogs; her favourite season was winter because she loved making snow men in January.

And most of all, she loved being hugged, especially by Seulgi.

Seulgi knew she was in trouble when she and Irene fell asleep on the trim patch of lawn in their backyard during a particularly hot summer’s day; she woke up to find Irene hovering above, a freshly picked azalea tucked into her lovely locks of hair, smiling serenely at the fact that Seulgi had been drooling a little while she slept.

It was in that moment that Seulgi realised she had fallen madly in love with Bae Irene.

This was a dangerous game they were playing, and they both knew it too. If their parents and Taeyeon ever found out, there would surely be hell to pay. But that didn’t stop Seulgi from crawling into Irene’s bed on certain nights and holding her close, making sweet and useless promises about them being together forever. The only thing worse than that was Irene believing wholeheartedly in the farce too.

The happier the two of them became in their young, untainted love, the more miserable their parents grew in their newly made union. Now it had become the norm for plates filled with food to be thrown down unceremoniously during family dinners, for whispered arguments to occur in the confines of the kitchen and worse still, slamming doors and cars speeding away when either Gihyun or Daeun had had enough of fighting.

While Taeyeon buried herself more into her college life and spent less and less time at home, Irene and Seulgi clung to one another all the more in the hopes that somehow their blossoming love would mend all the wounds of their unhappy home.

After the fighting stopped, long and tense silences throughout the house finally ensued. It became perfectly acceptable for Daeun and Gihyun not to even speak to one another, whether alone or with the girls. So it really should not have come as a surprise when Daeun took Irene out for dinner one night and left Gihyun alone with his two daughters in the house. Husband and wife had agreed on the arrangement earlier that day so Gihyun could upset the balance of Taeyeon and Seulgi’s lives yet again with seven horrible words:

“Girls, Daeun and I are getting divorced.”

And just when Seulgi couldn’t reel more from the shock, her dad said the six worst words in human history:

“Daeun and Irene are moving out.”

After that night, Daeun took Taeyeon and Seulgi out for dinner, making empty promises that their family wouldn’t be broken up just because she and Irene were moving back to Daegu; she still considered them her daughters and they would always be welcome to come and visit any time they wanted. While Taeyeon smiled (albeit a little sadly) and hugged her soon-to-be-ex-step-mom, Seulgi kept staring at her lap where her cell phone was resting while texting Irene. Her soon-to-be-step-sister hadn’t said much about their parents’ pending divorce. But somehow on that final night in their shared bedroom, Irene conveyed her feelings perfectly when she found Seulgi sobbing into her pillow and gave her a tight back-hug as they slept together one last time in Seulgi’s bed.

Before Daeun and Irene got into their car and prepared to follow the moving van taking their things back to Daegu, Irene gave Seulgi a freshly picked azalea and a lingering kiss on her cheek; when Seulgi wiped away the moisture on her skin with her index finger and it, she tasted the salty burn of tears that Irene had left behind.

Taeyeon and Gihyun stood on either side of Seulgi and wrapped an arm around her as the three of them watched Daeun and Irene drive away. When the two of them finally went inside, Seulgi stayed behind on the sidewalk, her own salty, broken tears of trodden love gushing from her cheeks.

Irene was gone.

<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3

Daeun and Gihyun had been married for a year and a half. Seulgi and Irene had been living and loving on borrowed time for a whole year, and it had all been for nothing. Days trickled into weeks and weeks crawled into long, agonising months for Seulgi. Her heart had departed from her, leaving a gaping, cancerous hole in her chest where Irene, where any ounce of happiness had once made its home.

Taeyeon kept up her stubborn array of keg parties and shopping expeditions with Tiffany to distract herself from her dad’s recent divorce; after the divorce was finalised, Gihyun spent more and more time working late at his office in Oksu. So Seulgi was left alone at home for many a day till the deafening silence began to gnaw away at her sanity. But she never showed her true emotions, not anymore at least. She went to school, did her assignments, did her chores, even answered when spoken to. But Wendy saw all too well what was happening to her; she was turning into a lovelorn zombie. She’d suspected for a long time that Seulgi had fallen for Irene, but never had the courage to confront her best friend. Maybe if she had been a little braver, she might have been able to prevent what came next. But perhaps that is too unfair a burden to place on the shoulders of a 17-year old girl who was also just discovering the pleasure and agony of first love alongside Seulgi. And in the end, it was Seulgi who took that drastic step towards the spiralling abyss.

In all those months, she had written letters, sent emails and composed text messages to Irene. But all of them went unanswered and it soon began to chip away at the vestiges of everything good and beautiful about Seulgi. She couldn’t see any life to be had without Irene in it. She finally snapped when the postman came to their house while Taeyeon and her dad were out and delivered a package for Irene. Seulgi signed and opened it hastily; it was a special edition plushie from Irene’s favourite anime. Irene spent so much time talking Seulgi’s ears off about this particular anime that the latter immediately recognised the famous character as soon as she opened the box. She had ordered the plushie months in advance before it was officially sold in stores worldwide, but in the midst of the divorce proceedings and moving out, Irene must’ve forgotten to contact the company she ordered the plushie from to forward it to her new address.

The right thing to do in this instance was to phone her father and ask him for Daeun’s home address in Daegu so that she could send the package to Irene. But Seulgi was overcome with the unbearable pain of losing Irene that she broke down crying in a convulsive heap on the cold kitchen tiles. She hoped that if she lay there long enough, the icy marble would soon chill her entire body so she’d never have to feel again.

And then Seulgi did something that she never quite forgave herself for as long as she lived. She retrieved some of Taeyeon’s old sleeping pills she’d used for a recent bout of insomnia from the medicine cabinet and consumed 15 of them, then drank a tall glass of water to wash them down. It didn’t take long for Seulgi to face plant into the ground, her surroundings becoming deliriously hazy. She wasn’t worried yet about dying because Irene’s image had become clearer in her mind as her eyes swam in and out of focus. She wanted to remember the love of her life exactly like that: smiling, radiant and perfect for all eternity.

“Irene…” Seulgi smiled through dry, cracked lips as she let her lady love’s warmth consume her from the inside out. That was the sacred image she held onto before her eyes eventually closed and she succumbed to the inviting darkness.

<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3

Seulgi wished it could’ve just ended there. But what came after trying to kill herself was far worse: she was rushed to hospital and her stomach was pumped; a thick plastic tube was shoved down and she was forced to part with everything in her system till her insides were clean and raw. She couldn’t leave the hospital till she completed her mandatory psychiatric evaluation or ‘suicide watch’ as the nurses and doctors aptly called it was complete and she’d spoken to a psychiatrist about why she’d tried to take her own life.

Even worse than these things was seeing the helpless look on her father’s face and Taeyeon and Wendy’s incessant tears. How could she have been so selfish and reckless? She hadn’t even thought to leave a note behind. After that time spent in the hospital, Seulgi realised more and more that overdosing had been a cry for help and not a willingness to die. Now that she’d come so close to losing her life, she wanted to live. But how to carry on when her whole world had been shattered in just a few short months?

After her hospital stay, Gihyun insisted that Seulgi speak to a therapist about everything. At first, Seulgi was adamant that she didn’t want to go and for the first couple of sessions, refused to talk to the psychologist about anything. But her therapist was patient and skilled at getting unwilling people to talk about their problems. In spite of herself, Seulgi started confessing everything to her therapist, about her dad remarrying and falling in love with her step-sister. To her surprise, her therapist wasn’t judgemental in the least; on the contrary, the kindly middle-aged woman who reminded Seulgi of her favourite aunt who lived in Jeonju, said it wasn’t good to bottle everything up and even encouraged the teenage girl to confide in a family member or a close friend. To her father and Taeyeon, she told a half-truth: the divorce and Daeun and Irene moving away had made her depressed because she’d begun to view them as being part of her family. She saved the whole truth for Wendy when she climbed into her friend’s bedroom one night when she couldn’t sleep. Again, Seulgi was blindsided by Wendy’s casual acceptance of her being in love with another girl; for Wendy’s part, she was so relieved to know that her suspicions had been correct and that Seulgi was still alive. Even though the sprightly teenager felt out of her depth, she vowed that she would do everything to help her best friend become well and happy again.

Seulgi complied with the constant scrutiny of her family and friends; she even endured the mandatory shopping sprees that Taeyeon forced her to go on so that the two sisters could spend more time together. She loved them all for trying so hard to protect her, but she still felt horribly depressed about every facet of her life.

Then, quite inexplicably, everything changed. Seulgi found herself taking more and more walks to the park near her house so she could be alone with her thoughts. And while she sat on a wooden bench with her iPod playing in her ears, something round and heavy hit her foot. She pressed ‘pause’ and looked down, spotting a field hockey ball. A group of 12-year old girls were playing a friendly game close to her and had accidentally hit the ball at her. One member of that group came jogging towards her, giggling all the while and apologising to her ‘unnie’ for hitting her. She was tall and thin, with long black hair just like Irene. Seulgi hadn’t displayed any interest in playing hockey in months. But after that encounter, something stirred in her chest, making her deviate for once from the overpowering depression that had possessed her for so long.

She came back to the park more and more just to watch the girls playing hockey. And it wasn’t long before she was interrupting their friendly games and giving them tips on how to run and hit the ball. Instead of being annoyed, the girls were genuinely glad to be noticed by an older and pretty high school girl. Seulgi soon became their favourite ‘unnie’ who they would go to for advice on sports and boys. Seulgi was flattered by the attention of the admiring adolescent girls, something she’d never experienced before. And meeting them had made her remember her passion for hockey. So it wasn’t long before she was dragging Wendy away from dates with cute boys and begging her to help her practise so she could get back onto the hockey team at school; after her hospital stay, she’d quit playing hockey in any form. Now she finally had something to distract her from the ache that Irene had left deep inside her. Despite the sacrifice of giving up on movies and dinner dates with cute boys, Wendy was happy to help her friend get back on track.

Because of Seulgi recommitting to hockey and her schoolwork, she got a full scholarship to Seoul National University based on her grades and her dynamic sports skills. There wasn’t a prouder father anywhere in South Korea than Gihyun who cried tears of happiness for his youngest daughter who was finally on the mend.

Seulgi was finding purpose in her life and forging her own path. For the first time in a long time, she had discovered a tiny semblance of former and future happiness that she never expected.

<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3

Seulgi’s first year of college life was amazing. She said goodbye to her family home and moved into an all-girls residence in which she shared a room with her best friend Wendy, who also got accepted to SNU. She took to life as a college student with the readiness of a duck taking to water; and with that, a whole new world of possibilities opened up. People on campus readily accepted her and she was well-liked wherever she went. For the first time ever, Seulgi was a social butterfly, a role that she sometimes still found she hadn’t quite gotten used to. She did well in her classes, she went to lots of frat parties after hours, she even went on a few dates. Being at university and away from her conservative upbringing helped Seulgi come to terms with being gay along with befriending (and occasionally romancing) a few college girls that were just like her.

Seulgi didn’t forget about Irene during that time; if anything, her thoughts of her former step-sister stayed with her and reinforced that what she’d felt for the girl had been real and not just a silly phase of her adolescence. She wished that she could see Irene at least once just so she’d know that she was ok and well. But Seulgi had also begun to accept that that part of her life was now over and that she needed to gradually move on from her first love.

Her first year at SNU flew by in a delicious blur and her second year began. Seulgi found herself walking around campus one lush, spring afternoon with Wendy and Taeyeon, who had come to visit her for the weekend. Taeyeon had graduated from university just a few short months before and subsequently gotten a new job and moved to Seongnam City, which was a few kilometres away from Seoul. Taeyeon had been anxious to see her baby sister and was prone to alarmingly overprotective behaviour in light of what had transpired a year and a half before. But when she arrived and saw how happy and settled Seulgi was at school, her worries soon dissipated. Now Seulgi was giving her big sister a tour of her campus while the three girls ate ice creams and laughed about everything under the sun.

“You did not do that!” Wendy exclaimed, hardly daring to believe Taeyeon’s crazy tale about a recent conquest.

“I so did,” Taeyeon affirmed, grinning mischievously. “He tried to make a move on my roommate. I had to teach him a lesson.”

Seulgi rolled her eyes at her older sister’s idea of ‘justice’. “So that meant pretending you were going to sleep with him when actually, you stripped him and locked him out of your apartment with the neighbours gawking at his bare ?”

“That’s how I do,” Taeyeon quipped, snapping her fingers. Seulgi laughed disbelievingly at her sister and best friend pumping fists and laughing together. She’d never understand girls and their obsession with dating guys just to one-up them on everything.

“You guys are nuts,” Seulgi scoffed, but without malice.

Taeyeon grabbed Seulgi in a headlock and purposely messed up her hair. “Don’t be jealous that your sister got game.”

“Yeah, crazy-girl-code game that no one understands.”

Taeyeon and Seulgi got into a playful shoving match while Wendy clapped in amusement at the sisters’ antics. In the midst of their goofing off, a voice interrupted them at close proximity:

“Seulgi?”

That voice made Seulgi stumble ever so slightly, her heart pounding in her chest at the sweet familiarity of those words.

It couldn’t be…

She turned around slowly and she gasped in amazement. Irene was standing in front of her, smiling brightly. Seulgi couldn’t believe her eyes; it was almost like someone had crept into her thoughts and brought them vividly to life.

Irene was here at Seoul National University.

“Irene…”

Her former step-sister made the first move and embraced Seulgi tightly. At first, she was too stunned to do anything; but slowly, her hands curled around Irene’s lithe frame and hugged her back. She let her head rest on the girl’s shoulder, inhaling the sweet scent of fresh flowers clinging to Irene’s heavenly hair. She was struggling to hold back tears. For Irene’s part, she could hardly believe that when she turned to the left, she’d be looking straight into her step-sister’s lovely face. She couldn’t believe how beautiful and happy Seulgi looked talking to Wendy and Taeyeon. How had it been 2 years since they’d last seen each other?

“I can’t believe you’re here,” Seulgi mumbled when they stopped hugging, but still held each other closely. “Wait…how are you here???”

“I transferred here for my second year from Kyungpook National University. What are you doing here?” Irene asked curiously.

“I go here! I have since first year.” Seulgi explained.

“No way!”

“Yeah!”

It took both Seulgi and Irene a few more minutes before they remembered Taeyeon and Wendy’s presence. While Seulgi’s best friend was smiling with slight trepidation at the two girls’ reunion, Taeyeon did not look happy to see Irene. She stood frowning speculatively at the back of Irene’s head while she talked happily with her baby sister.

“Irene, you remember my friend Wendy from high school, right?” Seulgi introduced somewhat self-consciously.

“Of course! It’s so good to see you!” Seulgi smiled as her friend and former step-sister hugged one another in a friendly manner.

“Doesn’t your other former step-sister get a hug too?” Taeyeon finally asked, her face morphing into a friendly smile once more.

“Of course you do. It’s so good to see you, Tae, I’ve missed you so much.” Irene said in earnest as she hugged the older girl.

“So you really go here now? Are you living on-campus?” Taeyeon asked of the younger girl.

“Yeah, I’m in Gang House.”

“Wow, really? I’m in Beojnamu House. Gang House is 5 minutes away from me,” Seulgi remarked, excitement coursing through her bones.

Irene was back and close to her again; she could hardly believe her own luck.

“That’s awesome,” Irene answered, beaming at Seulgi. “I hope that means we can see each other and catch up.”

“Yeah, I’d really like that. What’s your cell phone number?”

Wendy and Taeyeon watched as the two girls switched phones and punched their respective numbers in. They both giggled nervously when their fingers accidentally brushed when they gave each other back their phones.

“Well, I should probably go back to my orientation group now,” Irene said, a wistful look etched onto her face. “It was really good seeing you, Seulgi.”

“Yeah, you too, Irene.” Seulgi smiled, butterflies erupting in her chest.

Even when she continued talking to Wendy and Taeyeon afterwards, her eyes kept flitting back towards Irene as she walked off with her orientation group. Even though she’d been caught off guard, Seulgi couldn’t help smiling to herself.

<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3

Seulgi looked over her appearance in the mirror for the umpteenth time, fussing self-consciously with her hair the whole time. She didn’t know why she felt so nervous, she and Irene were just going to watch a movie. They hadn’t even gotten tickets yet, they were just going to see what movies were playing at the local cinema.

They’d gone for coffee twice at a popular café on-campus and spent both occasions catching up till the college barista kicked them out because it was closing time. The memories were firmly etched into Seulgi’s memory, particularly with the way that Irene had hung onto her every word as they updated each other on their lives. An involuntary smile crossed Seulgi’s face as she wished with all her heart that hers and Irene’s movie date would go off without a hitch.

But it wasn’t meant to be when someone began pounding hard on Seulgi and Wendy’s room door. Seulgi was alone for the weekend while Wendy was spending some quality time with her latest boyfriend in his dorm room; Seulgi had long ago lost track of just how many boyfriends there had been since Wendy started college. Frowning quizzically, Seulgi opened the door and was surprised to see Irene standing there.

“Irene-”

The raven-haired girl didn’t wait for an invitation, pushing abruptly past Seulgi into her bedroom. It was only after Seulgi closed the door that she noticed how agitated Irene looked. Plus there were unmistakeable traces of fresh tears on her lovely face.

“What’s wrong? Have you been crying?”

“How could you not tell me?”

Seulgi was startled when Irene began crying anew right in front of her; she hadn’t had the privilege of seeing her ex-step-sister crying up close in a long time. Quite frankly, Irene was surprised by her tears too. She’d thought she could deal with this calmly; but nothing about this situation made her feel calm at all.

“Tell you what?” Seulgi asked in confusion.

Irene laughed disbelievingly, her hands tremoring with barely repressed anger and hurt at her sides. “We’ve spent close to 8 hours together since last week and you didn’t think it was a good idea to mention how you almost died two years ago?” she demanded with biting venom.

Seulgi stopped short in the midst of guessing what was bothering Irene, agape in astonishment. That was the last thing she’d been expecting to hear.

“How did you-”

“Tae told me earlier. She came to see me at my dorm because she was concerned about all the time we’ve spending together lately. She thinks me getting close to you again will somehow make you ‘spiral out of control’.” Irene explained with air-quotes, more tears leaking from her eyes.

Seulgi couldn’t believe what she was hearing. Her older sister had told Irene about what happened two years ago?

“Taeyeon talked to you behind my back? I can’t believe her!” Seulgi fumed, flaring up instantly.

“Who cares about why she came to see me?!” Irene shouted, startling Seulgi yet again. “Is it true? Did you really try to kill yourself?”

“Irene-”

“Seulgi!”

“Ok, fine!” Seulgi huffed and threw her hands up in the air. “Yes, I overdosed on some of Tae’s sleeping pills and they pumped my stomach at the hospital. B-b-but it was a mistake, I swear! I didn’t mean to do it. I’m ok now, I promise.”

“How can killing yourself once possibly make you ok, Seulgi?” Irene asked, her lips trembling as she spoke. “How could you not tell me?” she repeated, clutching her head haplessly in her hands.

“It was a long time ago.” Seulgi mumbled.

“That’s not a real answer!”

“It is for me!”

“Was it because of me?”

Seulgi flinched at Irene’s would-be-calm voice; she didn’t trust it for a second. “You don’t really want to know.”

“Yes, I do!” Irene moved well into Seulgi’s personal bubble and clasped her face tightly in her hands. “Am I the reason you almost died?” she whispered.

Seulgi couldn’t look Irene directly in the eyes. She was worried that if she did, she might say or do something she’d regret, like kissing her. She removed Irene’s hands from her cheeks and intertwined their fingers that were level with their necks instead. “Yes, but it wasn’t your fault.”

Irene closed her eyes and cried even harder. She’d been afraid that this was the answer all along, and it only served to make her wish she was dead. “Why would you do something like that? How could you do that to your dad and Tae? To me?”

Seulgi’s face crumpled at the sight of Irene’s tears and she too started crying. “I didn’t think. I was so depressed when you left…” the recollection suddenly feel her angry and confused. She let go of Irene’s hands, wishing she could leave her alone. “You left me! And you didn’t even bother to keep in touch! You knew how I felt about you and you left me all alone!”

The words jabbed like hot knives in Irene’s chest and she felt every inch of blame that Seulgi threw at her. “I thought that you’d forget about me, that I’d…forget about you if we cut all ties. I was trying to do what was right for both of us.”

Seulgi laughed mirthlessly at this and wiped her tears away with the back of her hand. “You didn’t do that for me! You did that for yourself, Irene!”

“And you really killed yourself for me?” Irene fired back, getting angry too. “How could you be so reckless, Seulgi?! No one is worth taking your own life over! I’m not worth that!”

“Yes, you were! I was in love with you, Irene, and I wasn’t prepared to live without you!”

“That’s not what love is, Seulgi! Love is staying strong for someone else and wishing them every ounce of happiness, even when you can’t be together!”

“Oh really? Where did you get that from?”

“From me! Because I wanted you to be happy without me!” Irene jabbed Seulgi hard in the chest till her skin started to bruise. “I loved you so much, but I wasn’t good for you! And to think that my actions made you do that kills me, Seulgi! If I could go back in time to that very moment two years ago, I’d switch places with you.”

The anger died away from Seulgi’s flaming eyes when she realised the earnestness behind Irene’s words. This time, Irene backed away till her legs bumped against the edge of the bed and Seulgi towered over her.

“What did you just say?”

“I love you, Seulgi, I always have. You’re beautiful, kind, loyal, strong and wonderful. I can’t imagine any kind of existence without you. I’d rather be dead myself than ever see you hurt or not breathing.”

Seulgi could’ve pointed out the contradiction of Irene’s words, considering that she had just said it was stupid of her to think about ending her life for love. But she didn’t care anymore for fighting about the past. She rested her hands on Irene’s shoulders and pressed her lips fervently against hers. And she wasn’t disappointed; was every bit as sweet as she remembered. Irene arched forward and wrapped her arms tightly around Seulgi’s neck as their lips moved together with erratic desire.

She hadn’t come here for this; she’d given up on trying to win Seulgi’s heart a long time ago. But with the way that her former step-sister was kissing her, Irene realised that she didn’t care anymore about being sensible and moral. She’d been so in love with this girl for far too long that it had obliterated any other seemingly normal chance at happiness. Her tears fell all the more as she gasped out Seulgi’s name and pulled her down on top of her on the bed.

With all of their secret trysts a lifetime ago, it had never gone this far before. They’d always stopped at ravenous kisses traded in the darkness of their shared bedroom. But here they were, kissing and touching each other during the daylight. And instead of disillusioning themselves, it made their growing love and hunger for one another all the more palpable.

Seulgi’s hands tangled clumsily in Irene’s locks of hair as she pressed gentle, butterfly kisses all along the girl’s neck and shoulder blade. And it was all that Irene could do to fasten her hands and legs around Seulgi’s lithe body as she stubbornly brought their aching lips back together for more delirious kisses.

When they finally broke apart, it was only to express the same non-verbal thought as they hurriedly stripped off their clothes and laid themselves bare before each other. It was Irene’s turn to be amazed by Seulgi’s staggering beauty as she traced her fingers all over the girl’s smooth, rippling skin and sumptuous curves, making the space between her legs pool with liquid urgency. Her heart jumped in her chest at the intense look of love in Seulgi’s eyes as she straddled her and scraped her nails sensually over her unadorned thighs. It was with mutual, impatient anticipation that Seulgi crawled in-between Irene’s invitingly parted legs and they finally gave themselves over to each other after a lifetime of want and waiting.

They both cried tears of mingled joy and loss while they made love with nothing but the silvery sweat of their bodies to cover them. It made Seulgi’s heart and mind sing with elation when Irene made her love for her known through pleasured whimpers and satiated moans, drawing out their amorous sonata till the afternoon sun turned a blinding red against the horizon. And when they’d both come down from their mutual highs, it was so that Irene could lay scalding kisses on Seulgi’s forehead, her nose and then her lips as she clung to her without any intention of ever letting go.

They laid in bed together for a really long time afterwards, Seulgi’s chin nestled perfectly on Irene’s chest. She looked on in wonder at Irene’s look of serenity as her hands wandered all over Seulgi’s lovely form.

“I came to see you once after I left.” Irene declared out of the blue.

Seulgi lifted her head away from Irene’s chest to stare at her in bewilderment. “When?”

“During senior year of high school. It was a Saturday and my mom was working; I was supposed to go to a study session with some friends, but I skipped it and took a bus down to Seoul instead. You weren’t at home, so I went to our old school on a crazy whim. You were playing hockey that day; I watched you from the bleachers. You played amazingly and you looked so happy that day. It made me love you so much more than I thought possible. That’s when I realised that maybe it was better for me to let you move on from me and be happy.” Irene said with a wistful sigh.

Seulgi on the other hand, chuckled at Irene. She remembered that day too, but very differently. She pulled Irene upwards so she was now sitting in her lap with her legs draped around her back.

“I was happy that day,” Seulgi confessed, caressing Irene’s cheek with her hand as she spoke. “It was the first time that I felt like I could truly live again. But I knew it would’ve been more perfect if you had been there. That was the day I realised I was going to love you for a really long time. And instead of depressing me, it made me really happy knowing that.”

Irene blushed crimson and tried to disentangle herself from Seulgi’s grasp. But Seulgi was having none of that when she brushed their lips lovingly together. “Stay close to me,” she begged.

Irene smiled against Seulgi’s lips, her fingers tangling in the girl’s dark brown hair. “Always,” she promised, hugging her tightly.

<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3

Seulgi barged unceremoniously into Taeyeon’s apartment the next day. Taeyeon happened to be making out with a guy on her sofa that she met at Paris Baguette earlier that morning. Their lips pulled apart like a popping cork as Taeyeon stared incredulously at her youngest sister standing in her living room, who looked about ready to kill.

“Hey, Seulgi. You should’ve told me you were stopping by,” Taeyeon began diplomatically, surreptitiously buttoning up her blouse that had been unfastened seconds ago.

“Tell your latest boy-toy to beat it; we need to talk.”

“Uh, actually, Tae and I were just about to-”

“I’m a field hockey enthusiast looking to go pro in a few years. Don’t make me use your nuts for ‘ball practice’.” Seulgi warned without blinking.

Taeyeon’s boy-toy looked between the two women with a wary countenance. Then with one final wistful sigh aimed at Taeyeon’s chest, he got up from the sofa and started putting on his jacket.

“Tae, you’re fine as hell. But I ain’t with it.”

Taeyeon rolled her eyes at the ceiling when she heard the click of the front door closing softly. “Thanks a lot, baby sis. You just rescued me from what was sure to be some hot .” She murmured with a sarcastic grin.

Seulgi ignored this and got straight to the point. “You told Irene that I tried to kill myself.”

“Ah. I was wondering when she would go blabbing to you about that.”

“You had no right!” Seulgi yelled, completely incensed at Taeyeon’s lack of concern about what she did.

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Taeyeon scoffed openly. “I’m your older sister, it’s my job to protect you.” She strolled into the kitchen and retrieved a bottle of blue lemonade from her refrigerator.

“Protect me from what? You think that Irene is actually a threat to me?”

“Yes!”

Seulgi winced when Taeyeon thumped her fist violently on top of the kitchen counter. Taeyeon moved dangerously close to her baby sister till she was forced to back away ever so slightly.

“Do you think I’m an idiot – that I don’t know what’s going on here?” Taeyeon shook her head when Seulgi refused to say anything in response. “You’re in love with Irene, aren’t you? Your sister, Seulgi. That is sick.”

“Step-sister,” Seulgi amended angrily. “And she was only that for a year before Daeun left Dad.”

“It doesn’t matter how long she was your step-sister for. She was part of our family; you shared a bedroom for God’s sake!” Taeyeon said in a shrill voice. “Dad and Daeun might not have noticed, but I saw the way you looked at Irene. Just because she’s not your step-sister anymore, it doesn’t mean that she can make you happy! She doesn’t love you like that.” She protested.

“Doesn’t she?” Seulgi asked as a challenge. “Because that’s not what she said yesterday.” Taeyeon frowned in confusion and it made Seulgi smirk all the more. “You’re right, I do love her, Tae. But guess what: she loves me too! She has this whole time! She confronted me about what you told her because she was angry that I would do something like that to myself, because she cared all along. She gave me her heart two years ago – why don’t you put that in your goddamn pipe and smoke it!”

Taeyeon was positively floored by this. “You can’t be together, Seulgi. Not like a real couple. Dad and Daeun will never allow it.”

“It’s not up to them. We love each other, Tae, and we’re going to find a way to make this happen. It killed me once to be apart from her, I’m never going to live like that again. So if you really love me, get on board with what makes me happy. It’s her, she’s my happiness.”

Seulgi shook her head and stalked out of the apartment, slamming the front door behind her.

<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3

Even after that heated confrontation with Taeyeon, Seulgi panicked about telling hers and Irene’s parents about their new dating relationship. Everything was going so well between them, but she knew the bubble had to be burst eventually when the whole family finally got clued in. So Irene had to put her foot down and insist that they get it over with. She was just as terrified about telling her mom about being in love with Seulgi, but she knew that they’d never truly be happy until they were out in the open.

They set the stage for the big day in the old family home, asking Taeyeon and Daeun to come up from Daegu and Seongnam and Gihyun to get off work early. While the parents remained blissfully unaware of what was happening, Taeyeon kept throwing Seulgi and Irene pleading looks not to go through with this. She’d had a lot to think about since Seulgi yelled at her about Irene, but that didn’t mean she was ready to endure more family drama. It was bad enough when Gihyun and Daeun got divorced two years ago.

“Ok, we’re all here and I’ve lost 10% of my after-hours commission. What’s the big family emergency?” Gihyun asked pleasantly.

Irene, who sat next to Seulgi, reached for her hand and squeezed it tightly. “Mom, Gihyun-appa. There’s something that Seulgi and I need to tell you…”

And from there, with Seulgi jumping in occasionally, Irene told the tale of how they fell in love two years ago and how they wanted to officially date with their family’s blessing. It was hard to say who was more shocked out of the three, even though Taeyeon had already known this part was coming.

Daeun was the first to respond; it was a high-pitched chuckle that grated at everyone’s ears. “I’m sorry. Are you girls really saying that you, who were formerly raised as step-siblings, want to be in a romantic relationship? Together?”

Seulgi bowed her head, but her grip on Irene’s hand didn’t waver once. “Yes, Daeun-umma. We know that this is a shock and will be an adjustment for all of you, but Irene and I love each other very much. We hope that as our family, you can support us and be happy for us.”

“B-b-but…” Gihyun stammered. “You’re both girls and Daeun and I were married before! What would you have done if we’d stayed together?” he demanded.

“We didn’t plan this, Gihyun-appa,” Irene remonstrated. “Both Seulgi and I tried to forget about each other and move on. But it was too hard for us to be apart and deny ourselves happiness with each other. I can’t speak for Seulgi, but I know what’s in my heart. I want her forever.”

A tear escaped from Seulgi’s eye at these words and she looked at Irene, her heart soaring with devotion for no one but the love of her life.

“Taeyeon, don’t you have anything to say about this?” Daeun implored of the oldest daughter.

Taeyeon couldn’t make eye contact with either Irene or Seulgi. She could barely process what her youngest sister was saying. She was supposed to be the oldest and thereby, the most responsible. And here was Seulgi, addressing their father with the utmost respect and maturity about a life-altering decision. When was the last time that she’d ever stood up for something she’d ever wanted? She couldn’t help admiring her younger sister’s audacious bravery in that moment.

“Seulgi and Irene know that I love them and only want what’s best for both of them. But…if this is what makes them happy, then it must be what’s best.” Taeyeon mumbled.

Seulgi’s tears fell all the more and she desperately wanted to let go of Irene’s hands and embrace her oldest sister. But the battle was far from over.

“Girls, can you please excuse me and Daeun? We need to discuss this further.” Gihyun began in a grave voice.

The three girls were confused, but acquiesced. And then the former lovers got down to it.

“I can’t believe what I’m hearing…” Daeun confessed, holding her head in her hands.

Gihyun pinched the bridge of his nose in exasperated wariness. “Me neither. But more than anything, how could we not have seen this coming?”

“I don’t know. Irene and I had a fight a few weeks ago, it was about Seulgi.”

Gihyun turned to his ex-wife and listened attentively.

Daeun sighed and continued. “She said that Seulgi tried to kill herself two years ago, because she wasn’t coping with the divorce and me and Irene leaving. Is that true?” Her eyes crinkled with sadness when she saw how her ex-husband seemed to age in the space of a few minutes.

“After what she and Irene just told us, I’m not sure that’s true anymore. I think Seulgi was more depressed about Irene leaving her. She’s my little girl; how could I not have known she was going through all of this?” Gihyun asked of the room at large.

“I know what you mean. Gihyun, why didn’t you tell me about Seulgi?” Daeun asked quietly.

“What do you mean?”

“I know we weren’t together for very long, but I was very attached to both Seulgi and Taeyeon. Did you think I wouldn’t care if one of them was hurt or unhappy?”

“Honestly…yes.” Gihyun surprised Daeun by reaching over and taking her delicate hand in his wrinkly one. “But that was partly my fault. I pushed you away long before that and when you left, it hurt me so much. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you what Seulgi was going through.”

“I’m sorry I kept my distance.” Daeun replied, smiling sadly back at him. “What are we going to do about this?”

“The only thing we can do,” Gihyun whispered back. “Try and deal with this as a family. Like we should’ve all along.”

Daeun knew this was easier said than done. But deep down, she also knew that her ex-husband was right. As she’d experienced all too well in her 45 years on the planet, time was the only thing that mended troubled matters of the heart.

<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3

“Girls, are you sure you want to do this?”

“It’s a really big commitment.”

“You can back out while you still can.”

Irene looked up at the ceiling while Seulgi rolled her eyes. They both loved their family very much, but their constant fussing was driving them crazy. It was a year later and Seulgi and Irene had finished college. They’d recently procured jobs in their respective fields of choice: Irene had entered an internship to become a microbiologist under the tutelage of her old professor at SNU while Seulgi had signed a contract with a lucrative local hockey team in Seoul that had been created by a wealthy Canadian ex-patriate.

They’d been together for a year and a half and were finally ready to take the next big step after telling their families about their relationship: moving in together.

“Are you sure that Yongsan is safe?” Gihyun demanded.

“It’s so far away…” Daeun lamented.

“It has a weird smell.” Taeyeon chimed in.

Irene decided to tackle this head-on. “Mom, Dad, Tae, Yongsan is very safe, relatively clean and not that far away from home. It’s something that Seulgi and I can afford right now, but we don’t plan on staying there forever. We’re going to be just fine.”

“Exactly, so please stop worrying. Irene and I have proved that we can be responsible.” Seulgi concluded, wrapping Irene tightly in a back-hug.

Daeun, Gihyun and Taeyeon all looked at one another anxiously before forcing smiles onto their faces. It had been an adjustment getting used to Seulgi and Irene’s dating relationship, but they had to admit that the two girls were good together. The rest of the extended family wasn’t as thrilled about the match, but those were baby steps that were reserved for a future time.

“Ok, no more fussing. But you girls have to promise that you’ll visit all of us frequently.” Gihyun warned, feigning sternness.

“We will, Dad,” Irene promised, disentangling herself from Seulgi and hugging Gihyun.

“That is so creepy,” Taeyeon muttered when her former step-sister planted a sloppy and affectionate kiss on her father’s pleased face.

“You’re asking for a hug too, sis,” Irene teased Taeyeon with her hands still wrapped around Gihyun. It had taken some doing, but she and Taeyeon had begun hanging out like they used to two years ago. And Seulgi was happy to see that they were trying to get along better; if not for her, but for themselves as well.

She would never thought it was possible to be this happy with how her life had turned out two years ago. Back then, she’d been so resistant to any kind of change that would upset the balance of her seemingly perfect life. She hadn’t known what it meant to love and be loved. Now that she’d discovered this secret, she wasn’t planning on unlearning it for all the world. Even if for a short time, she had wound up with the sister she’d never wanted. But at the end of it, she’d gotten someone she’d always needed. And that was Bae Irene, her one true love.

“It’s so wonderful to see our whole family getting along…” Daeun crooned happily. “It almost makes me nostalgic for the good old days.”

She threw Gihyun a look and Seulgi, Irene and Taeyeon were shocked to see him wink back. “I know just what you mean…jagiyah.”

“Jagiyah???” the three girls chorused in amazement.

“Ne, those were good times. I think you girls have inspired us with your special love story.” Daeun went on, a bemused smirk lining .

“Jongmal?” Irene questioned with wide eyes.

“Girls,” Gihyun began in his serious ‘lecture voice’, taking his spectacles off of his eyes. “There’s no denying the inevitable: Daeun and I are always going to be connected to one another through the three of you.”

“And I guess that means our own love story will never truly be over either.” Daeun agreed, staring off into the distance.

“Mwuh?!” Seulgi cried out.

Taeyeon looked between both adults and started chuckling loudly. “Guys, they’re just messing with you,” she told Irene and her sister. “Right…?”

Daeun and Gihyun were grinning mischievously, but neither confirming nor denying what Taeyeon was suggesting. Which made all three girls infinitely worried.

Irene turned to face Seulgi with a happy, but worried smile on her face. “Even if our parents do get back together one day, it won’t change how I feel about you. Seulgi, you’re my everything,” she whispered with the utmost conviction.

Seulgi leant forward and laid a chaste kiss on Irene’s left temple, smiling gently as well. They’d been through the worst already, a little quirky family drama like their parents’ dysfunctional relationship would be nothing in comparison.  

 

Finis.

---

Lmfao, I tried to keep this to 8,000 words. But alas, I failed yet again :¬p Ah well, why pretend to be something I'm not? Because let's face it, I love being a long-winded brag ;¬D I hope the K-drama-esque cheesiness of this story melted your cynical bones and made you fart out rainbows. If not, you need a hug and maybe a cute plushie or two. Whether the comments come or not, I'm very proud of what I did here. Coming soon: more LTH and FECH. Thanks for the love and bacon, you guys make me fly high. Pip pip cheerio!