How Niel met Chanhee ?

It wasn't the average  "  one day , My parents took me to the park . I met a child there , we played then said goodbye . we met some other day and that's when we knew it was no coincidence , we were meant to be friends !!   "  kind of story  , No .

Chanhee was one of the patients under Niel’s father’s care .  

Niel  hadn't even considered dating or his ual orientation for he was so busy devoting himself to Chanhee and their  friendship .

 ~  ♦ ~  


 

It was raining .. Byunghun watched the drops crashing against the windows and next thing he knew was losing himself in his memories .

His mind instantly replayed that day .

Flashback :

It was raining as they made it out of the school gates .

No one has seen that coming , the weather was not to be expected at all .

Byunghun being lucky , had his own umbrella which he convinced the other two they could squish each other and fit in it somehow .

There was a whole fit of complains coming out of Chanhee’s mouth at first .

But when it continued to rain cats and dogs , he had to swallow his pride and  agreed .

Byunghun’s house was the nearest to their school and hence another offer was made .

Another rejection followed suit until Chanhee eventually agreed , pressured by the other two .

That was how Niel and Chanhee figured out Byunghun was living alone , his parents were still in America .

At some point , the host had to offer his guests something to eat and drink which he didn’t exactly have .

Niel , being the bubbly one in them , followed Byunghun to the kitchen who struggled going from one cabinet to another , to the fridge .

He managed to get them some coke but had to think of what to eat .

A suggestion was made and so they agreed to order some pizza .

Chanhee who stayed rooted to the sofa in the living room , called his mum and told her he was gonna spend the day with a friend which made her heart literally dance .

Byunghun was going to  order some cheese lovers and other flavors that did not appeal to Chanhee at all , since he was vegetarian by choice .

But he felt awkward asking Byunghun and Niel felt it .

“ Um , Byunghun can you get some veggie pizza ? “

Niel asked as he tilted his head towards Chanhee .

Byunghun held the phone away as he furrowed his eyebrows before he finally realized it .

“ Oh ! oh , ok can we get some veggie pizza ? Ah yea . My order again , one cheese lovers  pizza , one veggie and one seafood . “

Byunghun made sure the guy on the phone  understood exactly what they wanted before he thanked him and ended the call .

At some point , Chanhee needed to use the toilet which he - after a long  hesitance - asked where it was .

Byunghun , bearing it his own responsibility - showed the other where the bathroom was and even waited outside till he finished , just in case he tripped or something .

Chanhee , after all , never visited the other before .

He didn’t feel familiar around it .

Niel , who waited for them in the living room , had his stomach suddenly drop .

Was he uneasy with Byunghun getting close to Chanhee ?

Was it really that way ?

Was he scared Byunghun would replace him ?

Or  .. Jealousy ?

Over who exactly ?

Hearing the door click open , Byunghun pushed his body off of the wall , ready to guide Chanhee back to the living room which was about two steps below the hallway where the bathroom was located .

" You should get used to it , for you are gonna come here often . "

" Byunghun - ssi  , how about you save your cheesiness for some girl out there ? "

End of flashback .

Their grief had slowly taken up different colors .

There were days they only smiled bitterly ,  each of which seemingly long lost in his own pool of memories.

Others they just couldn't find sleep nor peace .  But sometimes , they quietly cried their way to it .

Either ways , there wasn't a day they didn't miss him.

Byunghun has tried -  many times -   to move on ,  to forget about Chanhee and think of him as a memory .

However -  with Niel around -   such attempts were doomed , utterly  fruitless , for Niel was so like Chanhee in many different ways.

They were not soul mates for no reason .

Niel had indeed ,  a lot of Chanhee in him , too much to Byunghun's liking.

Too much to forget about chanhee.

Years and years of being together reduced to literally nothing !

 ~ ♦ ~ 

They could only hear the  sound of fire roaring in the fireplace as well as their soft breathing ,  filling the air  .

The fire had kept them warm , their bodies but not their bruised broken  hearts .

A   symphony of silence had almost lulled them to their  destined cloistered sleep , were it not for Thunder that never ceased striking and lightning that  hit the sky in  consequent , rapid  and blinding   torrents .

The wind blew heavily causing the curtains to sway and soon , the force had caused the entire place to shake until a vase fell from the table , crashing down to fragments  meeting its doom .

As if strongly disapproving what had almost happened ,  the weather had only seemed to  worsen .

The pair had gasped at that and instantly shifted  apart  , their hearts beating loudly .

Both of them widening his  eyes at what could have happened if they had let their emotions sweep them , if they had lost themselves in the moment .

What would be their label then ?

Byunghun felt sick  .

He wouldn’t just be betraying Chanhee but also using Niel .

That was downright  low and without a doubt ,  unacceptable  !!

Niel , though ,  felt like someone had just took his heart off of his body , shattered it to pieces and finally snorted at him in disappointment .

None of those made sense  , but .. Well , how was he expected to make sense ?

After all , They had been gripping on a tiny thread of sanity ever since Chanhee has left after Mizuki’s death by a really short time .

~ ♦ ~

Never had she witnessed her son looking so beaten up.

She was used to his blonde locks not jet black long hair.

She was used to him being  cool  and smiling brightly the sun could get jealous .

However ,  here   in front her stood Byunghun ,  her only son , looking all broken it bruised  her heart .

Entangled in a rose - like spirals , he looked  . However , those roses were black ones .

He had somehow mirrored a house whose residents had  moved out , leaving it emptier with each passing day.

She had to take the earliest flight to Korea so she could check on her son herself. Niel excused himself and went out sensing the two needed time alone . 

The mother had noticed the way Daniel   Looks at Byunghun .

She gulped ,  blinking few times before asking.

" Byunghun ,  is there something I should know about Daniel ? "

for the first time yet for only a few seconds ,  Byunghun' s eyes showed some hints  of life before  they disappeared in a thin line as his face scrunched up ,  bawling his eyes out and that was her sign to relax her once widened eyes and take him in her embrace.

" Oh dear.  Oh , son.. "

" what kind of mess have you got yourself into ? "

Byunghun only sniffed in her embrace , hiccuping soon after feeling it , that made her pull away and take his face in her hands as he proceeded to ease his mind  . 

" He left ,  yea . However , It doesn't mean your love was all lies. " She said softly .

" Life happens ,  people change. "

" Time changes us and oh so does pain. "

" Byunghun ,  people are different,  they have different personalities and so it's only expected the human emotions and relations follow that pattern. "

" There are different types of love. "

" Chanhee is going through a real tough phase in his life ,  just like you and Daniel are. "

She explained as she gently wiped her thumb across his wet cheeks . 

" Whilst some need others around them ,  comforting them in such times. Some prefer staying alone ,  like Chanhee ."

" You were not an exception and that doesn't mean your love towards him was stronger than his towards you. That's just how he  is. "

" Sometimes life gives us what we need not what we want. "

" Right now , the one you truly need is Daniel . "

~ ♦ ~

The last resort to whom every devastated  soul  turns to in times of melancholy  , accepting .

He had entered the phase of finally accepting it because he had spent too much time  refusing it ,  being in denial .

However , was that really to be considered " Accepting " ?

Niel was one to answer the door , for bills or anything .

Even when Andy , Byunghun’s neighbor ,  asked about his well being  .

It was always Niel that answered the door .

When the neighbors sent them food or checked on their health .

Niel recalls that time Mizuki’s parents attempted to do so .. But he couldn’t tell Byunghun about it .

After Mizuki's death and Chanhee leaving , Byunghun had shut himself in his apartment.

His words grew less and less until he stopped talking altogether.

Never once had he made it outside.

His sadness had him in chains , completely under siege.

And yes the shame ,  that kept him silent too.

There wasn't a day he took even a step towards the front door ,  in fear of running into Mizuki's parents.

Byunghun stared at his violin case resting over the corner of his room..

He then closed his eyes ,   his mind replaying images of that day..

Flashback:  

Niel's father - Dr Ahn had picked Chanhee up and eventually drove to the cafe near the younger's house.

They needed to talk..

After settling on a table by the windows ,  secluded from other people ,  Dr Ahn cleared his throat and massaged the bridge of nose.

He looked nervous ,   like he had some bad news to deliver..  

Chanhee could not see any of those actions clearly but he could feel it.

He could feel and hear everything better at this point.

After all.. Dr Ahn has never asked to meet up outside especially without Chanhee 's parents.

He had gulped his glass of water in hope of it relaxing him before finally talking.

" Chanhee..  you know how much I cherish you and think of you like my son , Niel. That's why..  "

He paused , blinking and pressing his lips in a tight line.

The mere change in Chanhee's facial expression had him bitter.

He knew.. under those shades , the poor younger must have held back his sadness.

It was even more painful looking at how innocent , young and fresh Chanhee was.

He still had life ahead of him and..

And it was frustrating sensing the attention directed at them .

Chanhee ,  with his purple hair and shades on..  

That wasn't a usual sight for most people.

But that was the least of their problems..

" Chanhee..  I couldn't let Niel be the one to inform you .  I still didn't tell him. you see  .. There will come a time when your cornea would longer allow light in your eyes and you know what that means..  "

The doctor would steal quick glances at Chanhee in between his words ..

As an adult ,  Dr Ahn had never experienced such a tough situation.. even though he was a doctor and his profession had - more than once - obligated him to deliver bad news.

Doctors usually take the first shock before the people closest to the patient.

Such shock would then pass on to the family or the patient himself..

But .. Now with Chanhee..  the shock was emotionally emphasized..  

He wasn't being nice saying Chanhee was like a son to him.

And having to deliver  such crushing news to your son would never be easy.

But it had to be done..

Chanhee deserved to know..

" The only substitute for a human cornea is another human cornea donated at death by someone who thus leaves a living legacy.. "

Now Chanhee bit his lips ,  lowering his head.

And that honestly made it harder for Dr Ahn.

"  Those surgeries are costly and it is extremely  rare to find donors..  "

He wasn't being negative ,  he was being honest because he would not give Chanhee false hopes.

The poor boy wouldn't handle it.

" I just want you to be strong..  I'm really sorry ,  Chanhee..  "

Nodding ,  Chanhee smiled and assured his Dr he would be ok and that it was time to leave ..

 when Dr Ahn offered driving him back home , Chanhee politely refused and after strong resistance and insistence , Chanhee was left alone in the cafe.

He was left alone in a world that kept growing gloomier with each passing minute..

A world that did not accept him.

But he had to leave..

Surprisingly ,  when he got up ,  he heard a voice of a girl ,  probably the waitress ,   helping him out saying that the man he was sitting with had trusted her to help Chanhee walk.

Ashamed but needing help ,   Chanhee let the girl help him till he was standing outside..

First thing that hit him was the cold breeze ,  nearly cutting his face and exposed hands then the fact his feet seemed to sink in something ..  was it snowing ?

It was ..  right ?  

He stretched his palms ,  waiting for the cold fluffy sensation.

Just then ,  his vision seemed blurry  ..

He didn't know why though ..

He took the shades off to see if it would make it any better but it didn't and so he hastily put them back on.

The lights of the passing cars came in the form of a huge blurred red and blue spots ..

The snow falling was barely visible and despite the fact it must have looked all white , Chanhee could only see the blurred dark.

Was it the tears or him being him ..?

He tried blinking ,  refreshing his eyes but it didn't help much..

Most people would see better as soon as they wipe their tears but that wasn't the case with Chanhee.

Chanhee   cupped his mouth feeling how warm it had felt thanks to  his breath.

He gulped  blinking back the sadness. .. The anger and dreadful feeling of being disabled.  

Choking on thin air , softly gasping , as he started  silently shedding tears.

The stinging sensation no longer seemed to stay in his eyes but everywhere else.

When sad , people usually say they felt their stomach drop or a dull pang of pain in their chest , they may feel their heart getting ripped apart or they may end up feeling empty.  ..

Chanhee felt it all combined.

He was freezing to death inside out..

The heavy coat he was wearing couldn't warm him up .. Not his body nor his heart.

He felt chained and restricted..

He couldn't even step further..  No matter how much he wanted to pass the street and head towards any abandoned park ,  sit on the swing and cry his heart out.. He couldn't..

He couldn't..

And he hated it..

He wished he could scream out loud..

   Why me  ?????  

He wished the ground would split up and swallow him..

But it wouldn't..

He could only take out his cell phone with his shaky fingers and dial..

That may be the last time he could see that screen..

The screen that looked all blurred..

The other line sprang to life as that voice - he had come to love - greeted him.

But he couldn't greet him in return..

He only managed to stutter a " Please take me from here.. "

His voice was muffled and it was evident he was crying..

Byunghun 's voice was full