CHAPTER SEVEN

 

Yesung couldn’t help but moan into the mouth that was pressed against his own. A rather persistent hand had managed to slide smoothly around his torso and down onto his , an action that always seemed to turn him on nowadays. His own hands were wrapped around the older male: one resting upon a defined jaw while the other hooked around a neck. How they had went from sitting on the couch side by side, innocently watching a movie to Yesung straddling the other, neither had a clue. But the cheesy thriller flick was quickly being forgotten about as lips continued to connect quite eagerly and bodies only pressed closer and closer together.

Giving a light roll of his hips, Yesung smirked into the kiss at hearing the sound of a groan emitting. He had grown rather confident with his ual seductive actions and enjoyed being able to see and hear how undone he could make certain men become. Of course, he would never admit this to anyone. Especially to the men themselves. Because in his mind he was still sort of… unsure about his uality. Even if it was incredibly obvious.

“Yesung, Yesung,” the male groaned again, breaking the kiss as he dropped his head back onto the couch. His eyes were closed and he was trying to catch his breath, as impossible as it seemed to be with this newly found kitten in his lap. “We should stop,” he murmured quite reluctantly.

Yesung’s eyebrows knitted up in confusion as he pulled back, “I never thought I would hear those words come out of Kwon Jiyong’s mouth.” He may not have personally known the popular male for that long, but it didn’t take a genius to figure out what kind of person the party-throwing senior was. and alcohol were the ingredients to his soul and he would never decline either if they were offered. But then again, apparently he would considering that Yesung was about as easy as it gets. All it took was a simple kiss or soft caress and Jiyong had the boy reduced to a puddle of goop, willing to do anything as long as it meant that their bodies would be pressed against one another.

The red-haired male chuckled, his hands having slid to rest upon Yesung’s hips, “Honestly, me neither.”

“What’s wrong?” the smaller asked with a rather adorable pout, giving another slow sensual roll of his hips. He watched as the older male’s eyelids flickered shut for just a moment before Jiyong was shaking his head and pushing back against the dangerous hips to keep their clothed crotches apart. Yesung gave a light glare at this, saying a bit more irritably, “Come on, Ji. What the is your problem?”

“If I do anything past kissing with you, Seunghyun is going to skin me alive.”

Yesung let out an exasperated scoff at this, “You cannot be serious. I do not ing belong to him, and I would appreciate it if you stopped treating me like I did. It is my choice on who I want to sleep and mess around with. Not his.” The annoyed anger gave hint to a momentary pang of sadness as the younger glanced away, muttering, “Besides, he hasn’t talked or even looked at me since the party.”

“Seriously?” Jiyong murmured, raising an eyebrow, “That was like what, almost a week ago?”

A nod was all Yesung gave in reply. He didn’t want to go too in depth with it, because it could have very well just have been Seunghyun being Seunghyun. But he had noticed the blue-haired male acting very distant towards him. It’s not like he was flat out ignoring Yesung as he usually did when he was angry or annoyed with him, but rather that he was doing his best to avoid him altogether… which actually almost hurt even more. Yesung didn’t want to admit that he was sort of starting to miss being with him.

The look didn’t go unnoticed by Jiyong and he couldn’t help himself from sympathizing for the younger, reaching a hand forward to cup at his jaw and tilt his head back up as he said with a soft tone, “Hey, I’m sure it’s not you.”

Yesung’s dark, unsure eyes flicked to Jiyong’s, showing just a glimpse of the sad little boy within that was so desperately terrified of being hurt, before hardening into an almost cold gaze, “Even if it is, I don’t ing care. …He doesn’t mean anything to me, Ji.”

A humorless chuckle slipped past the older’s lips and he gave another light shake of his head as he glanced down. There was no point in trying to convince Yesung of anything, he knew that much. Since the morning after the party, the two had hung out a handful of times: usually at Jiyong’s house either watching TV or playing video games while munching away on whatever snacks littered the kitchen cupboards. It had almost started to become a repetitive occurrence and they had both come to discover that they quite liked the other’s company. But throughout these moments, Jiyong had learned not to bring up one certain subject: Seunghyun. Talk of the latter always resulted in a grouchy and moody Yesung, something the senior boy wasn’t too fond of. And yet, Jiyong couldn’t help but continue to bring Choi Seunghyun up. In his defense, he was only trying to help Yesung figure out his feelings.

“What are you doing?” Jiyong murmured, clearing his throat. Upon looking down, he’d noticed that Yesung was snapping a rubber band fit snuggly around his small wrist. The delicate skin where bluish purple veins were slightly visible was a raw red color and Jiyong winced at the sight, reaching one of his own hands forward to stop the younger as he gently rubbed his fingertips against the sore area.

“Sorry,” the raven murmured before adding as a blunt explanation, “habit.” He moved his arms to wrap around Jiyong’s shoulders as he leant forward and buried his head within the crook of a neck, messy hair tickling the skin. His hot breath could be felt by the older male, but a reaction wasn’t given. This was something that the senior had come to love about Yesung: how much of a cuddle bug he secretly was. The raven boasted a cold, mean exterior but inside he was just a little misunderstood kitten lost in the rain and desperate for a nice, warm home.

Jiyong would have normally been either or laughing because of the ticklish feeling but his mind was too focused on other things… things such as Yesung’s wrist. Within that short moment that he’d pressed his fingertips against the abused area, he’d been able to feel small linear raised bumps. Scars. Of course. The rubber band, that he’d noticed to be on Yesung’s wrist almost every time that he saw him, made a lot of sense now. Pressing against the smaller’s shoulders so that he could push him back and look into his eyes, Jiyong voiced the question that he already knew the answer to, “What do you mean habit?”

“What?” It was cute how Yesung played the mock confusion card so well.

“Why do you have the rubber band?”

Yesung glanced down to his hands that were resting in between them, “I—well, it just helps me calm down. I mean,” he sighed in a sort of mild frustration that seemed to have developed from not being able to come up with a reasonable explanation, “…it’s hard to explain.” He had always been sensitive about the rubber band, whenever anybody took notice of it, and he could still clearly remember the way Seunghyun had reacted about it that one day at the diner. Yesung knew that he couldn’t exactly be mad with the older about that, because Seunghyun didn’t fully understand and even he would admit that yes, wanting to harm yourself is very messed up. But Seunghyun wasn’t the only one that has said something before. There had been a time or two where Yesung’s stepfather had caught him doing it… and he really didn’t want to think about how those experiences had ended.

The older male watched Yesung’s actions, noticing how he’d become almost nervous and jumpy. Was he cruel to poke and prod questions at the boy when he knew exactly what was going on here? “You used to cut yourself, didn’t you?” Jiyong stated rather than asked after a short moment of silence.

Immediately, Yesung’s eyes widened at the assumption and he was quickly shaking his head. “Where the hell did you get that from? It’s a goddamn rubber band not a razor blade.” His tone wavered in and out of anger and slight disbelief, and Jiyong wondered if he was going to truly upset the younger if he further continued this conversation. But regardless, he didn’t exactly care. It was too serious of a subject to just ignorantly brush under the rug.

“I’m not stupid, Yesung. I felt the bumps on your wrist, they’re scars. You snap the rubber band because it’s the closest thing to that same feeling of cutting, I get it.” Jiyong couldn’t keep the sharp snip from his voice as he spoke. He was okay with the fact that Yesung kept things from Seunghyun, but from himself? Hell no. He did not make friendships based on secrets and lies. If he and Yesung were going to be this close, then he demanded to at least be aware of these things.

Yesung couldn’t bring himself to look at the older any longer, keeping his gaze focused down at his fingers that were gently tugging at one another. A slight sting had come to his eyes, something that he was doing his best to blink away as he tried to find words within his head that could possibly lead away from this topic. But nothing was coming. He had never talked to anyone about his problem… and so he had no idea how to talk about it. No one had ever cared enough before to realize that the rubber band snapping had a deeper meaning behind it, so why did someone all of a sudden care now? The thought almost angered Yesung, and he tugged at his fingers harder as the unshed tears only stung that much more.

“Yesung,” Jiyong murmured, “…Ye, look at me.” He paused, waiting until the younger male hesitantly rose his gaze to look him in the eye, before continuing, “I know how hard it is, okay? Family, school, life. It ing , I know. I’m not going to be that creepily optimistic adult that tells you to hold on, that things will get better… because if I know if it actually does or not. But I am going to be that annoying friend that cares about you.” A sad smile came to the older male’s lips, “I know we haven’t even been friends that long, but it doesn’t matter. You’ve captivated me so goddamn much and all I know is that I don’t want to ever see you hurting. You’re incredibly attractive and adorably sweet, even with that potty mouth of yours, and I wish that everyone, including yourself, could see it as much as I do.”

“Ji, stop…,” Yesung mumbled so quietly that the words were almost not even heard. Regardless of how many compliments he received and of who they were from, he would never get used to it.

“No,” the older male replied, “I’m not going to stop. You deserve so much more than the you go through and it pisses me off that you don’t have it. I hate seeing you like this, and I swear to God if Seunghyun does anything to ever hurt you, I will ing kill him.”

Yesung glanced back up after hearing this, a questionable gaze within his eyes, “Why do you keep bringing him up? He barely even knows anything about me… and he certainly doesn’t know about this.” The small raven held up his wrist to insinuate what he meant.

“Because you feel something for him,” Jiyong stated obviously, then sighed at seeing Yesung’s head quickly shaking in disagreement, “I don’t care if you keep denying it, that’s your own problem. All I’m going to tell you is what I think you should do. Whether you do it or not, is completely up to you.” He eyed the younger a moment as if waiting for a reply but upon realizing that he wasn’t going to receive one, continued with his short speech, “Just ing talk to him. Tell him about those s at school, about Seungri, and how they all make you feel. Tell him about this,” Jiyong gently grabbed at the wrist to pull it up, “And once you’re done with that, ask him about his own life. Maybe you’ll find out that people aren’t as perfect as they pretend to be.”

“He isn’t going to care,” Yesung muttered, glaring lightly. He was almost becoming annoyed of how Jiyong thought it his duty to play matchmaker for him and Seunghyun. When had he ever even insinuated to the senior male that he wanted an actual relationship with the blue-haired punk?

“Trust me, he already does care a lot more than you think.”

~ ~ ~

It was nearly the end of the Friday school day, and the atmosphere of the small classroom clearly depicted that. Students continuously glanced at the clock on the far wall in hopes that time would tick away even faster while they tried painfully to listen to the dull, monotoned lecture coming from the teacher standing at the front of the room. One student, however, sitting in the middle back of the room was breaking from the mold of the rest and instead glancing to something else, or rather, someone else.

His eyes were trained on the male that was seated in the desk at the back corner of the room, only a couple of spots from his own. The older boy was staring out the window, an expressionless look upon his face as he did so. For Yesung, the sight was almost painful to see, as he’d never seen Seunghyun look so incredibly hopeless and distant before. What was going on within the older boy’s head?

Yesung’s eyes dropped lower, taking in the appearance of the blue-haired male: the tight black shirt he wore, the baggy jeans and beaten up, old Converse. He then focused on smaller details such as the defined veins upon the muscular arms that were resting upon the desktop. How Seunghyun stayed so fit, he hadn’t a clue, as he’d never once seen or heard about the male going to a gym of some sort. Even still, he appeared so strong. Yesung’s mind strayed further as he recalled on what it felt like to be within those arms. The warmth that he felt inside and out from the action of being pulled into that fit chest. He couldn’t help but hate how his heart yearned for that feeling once again.

Finally, Yesung stopped his gaze upon the lower half of the male. His eyes lingered on the area of the older’s crotch, even though he really couldn’t see much from this angle. He didn’t exactly want to think about the monster within those pants, as just the mere thought brought a subtle blush to his cheeks, but he couldn’t stop himself now that his mind was so dirtily there. The sight of the large, veiny length… the feeling of it inside of himself. Yesung cleared his throat lightly as he squirmed within his seat. Why in the was he thinking about this now? …Maybe because it’d been awhile since they’d done the deed and his body was sort of craving for it. For a moment, he wondered if Seunghyun thought about their like this: if he ever desired it. A part of himself kind of hoped so.

Now his mind had drifted to the idea of Seunghyun ing to thoughts of their . The picture within his head was so… hot. He could see the older lying upon a bed completely , fully erect and pre- beading from the tip as a large hand was wrapped around the base of it. Deep, low moans would be sounding out in the room as Seunghyun imagined his hand to be the raven’s tight hot , and he’d buck his hips up with each sensual pump of his fist. 

It wasn’t until the bell obnoxiously rang that Yesung was torn from his thoughts, and so abruptly that he’d practically jumped within his seat at the sound, as if he were being suddenly caught for what he’d just been thinking a moment prior. He sat there for several seconds to calm himself and breathe before beginning to put his stuff away into his bag. But by the time he was standing up from his desk to leave, Seunghyun was nowhere in sight. Of course. The intimidating punk had probably been the first to make it out of the room… Yesung knew he should have kept an eye on him.

Slugging his book bag onto his back rather lazily, the raven-haired male ended up being the last one out of the room. Not that it mattered. He was in a slightly glum mood now that his chances of not being able to corner Seunghyun and talk to him were gone. But as soon as he stepped into the hallway, his eyes were quickly drawn to the tall male at the end of it. For once, Seunghyun was actually at his locker: shoving books [that he probably hadn’t even used] within before pulling a single one out and slamming the door of the locker shut only to turn away and continue on down the hallway.

Yesung felt his heartbeat noticeably skip and instead of going to his own locker, like he had originally planned to do, quietly and discreetly followed after the senior. He was happy to see that Seungri was no where around. In fact, Yesung hadn’t seen Seunghyun with Seungri for quite some time now. The two seemed like such good friends, as unfortunate as it was, and though Yesung didn’t want to go so far as to say he cared about it, he was curious of things between them. Perhaps this was why Seunghyun was in such an off mood lately… maybe he and Seungri had had some sort of falling out and weren’t friends anymore. Yeah, right, a voice immediately disrupted within Yesung’s mind, you would never get that lucky.

The taller male made it out to the near empty parking lot before suddenly pausing, which in turn caused Yesung to abruptly stop with where he was. He glanced a moment to see if there was something that he could possibly hide behind: a car or a dumpster, maybe even a bush or tree. But there was nothing as they were in the middle of an empty parking lot. Seunghyun’s back was still facing him and he thought that maybe he hadn’t been found out just yet but then the older’s low voice filled the air loud enough to be heard, “What do you want?”

For a moment, Yesung wasn’t sure if it was himself that was being talked to. Perhaps there was someone up ahead that he couldn’t see that Seunghyun was calling this out to. Or maybe, he was talking into his phone and Yesung wasn’t able to see it. But those thoughts immediately disappeared when the older turned back due to the lack of a response. A rather annoyed look was on his face, only deepening upon the sight of the raven.

“I, just wanted to talk to you,” Yesung momentarily fumbled for words. To be honest, he wasn’t exactly sure why he had been following the senior to begin with. He thought back on the conversation that he’d had with Jiyong, but really, he didn’t see himself ready to admit and talk about such things with Seunghyun quite yet. So. That left one reason for why Yesung had any current interest in Seunghyun at all: . It was almost amusing at how much the tables had seemed to turn. How Yesung was the one becoming quite obsessed with the now and Seunghyun only seemed to be drifting further and further away from wanting it. What was going on?

“So talk then. I’m right here.” Seunghyun’s tone was dull, similar to the look in his narrow eyes.

Swallowing hard, Yesung gave a short glance around before admitting, “I’d rather be somewhere more private. If you don’t mind.” He tried to lace his tone with a bit of hinted lust, hoping that the senior male would understand exactly what he meant. But Yesung had never been one to feel comfortable and confident at flirting and so he just felt rather ridiculous after attempting.

Seunghyun let out a dry, humorless laugh before shaking his head and turning away while muttered words fell from his lips. Only when he’d made it the few short steps to his car did he say audibly, “Fine, get in then.” The actions and words almost confused Yesung, and he took a hesitant step forward as he regarded the odd male, wondering if he actually should go with Seunghyun. But really, what was the worst that could happen? Nothing. Besides Jiyong, Seunghyun was the only other person that the younger actually felt safe around.

Yesung threw his book bag into the backseat before climbing into the front. He couldn’t hide the small smile that came to his lips at the familiar smell of the car, how it engulfed and consoled him endlessly. Nor could he ignore the memories of the time that they had done the deed within the backseat of this car. As uncomfortable as it had been, there had still been something about it that Yesung had thoroughly enjoyed. He was slowly beginning to realize that maybe he truly was a sick . But then, a terrible feeling began to fill the raven’s chest as he randomly wondered how many other people Seunghyun had done it with within this same car. Surely it wasn’t just himself. Seunghyun may not have been Seungri in terms of how much he got around, but he was no saint either. Yesung hated how much the thought bothered him and tried his best to shake it away.

But his thoughts from earlier managed to sneak their way back, when he had been in class imagining Seunghyun ing to thoughts of their . What if over the past week the older male had never once thought about it and instead had been to thoughts of being with someone else? …Or what if Seunghyun had actually gone out and had . Just because Yesung was sitting around throwing a pity party about his lack of being able to do it with the older, didn’t mean that Seunghyun was too.

No, he wouldn’t do that, a surprisingly comforting voice tried to supply in his mind.

Yesung only pushed it all aside in his head. He didn’t want to think about it because no matter what his mind settled on to be the superior answer, it would not make him feel better in any way. The fact was, Seunghyun had still been avoiding him.

It was no surprise that the entire car ride was in silence. With how Seunghyun has been acting lately, Yesung didn’t expect to hear a single word from him. He only wished he knew why. What happened with the older male that was so bad? Perhaps it had something to do with his parents or past and Yesung shouldn’t have assumed it so selfishly revolved around himself. Glancing over to the driver, the raven male couldn’t help but stare. Seunghyun kept his gaze focused hard on the road, one hand practically clenched upon the steering wheel. He looked so tense and uncomfortable. And yet, Yesung couldn’t stop himself from thinking of just how incredibly handsome the older was. He was still trying to figure out how and why such an attractive person would want to do ual things with him.

The awkward silence resumed upon arriving at Seunghyun’s house. They hadn’t discussed a clear destination but Yesung had figured it would be here as there weren't many public places for options. He didn’t mind as he rather liked the large, exquisite house… as empty of people as it always seemed to be. And as curious as he was about that, he knew it was a discussion for another day. Following him within, the two didn’t stop to look at one another until they were in Seunghyun’s spacious bedroom. And even then, the taller merely threw him a careless glance before going to fiddle with something on his desk as a distraction.

Slowly, Yesung dropped his book bag back to the ground while keeping his eyes on Seunghyun. He had never seen the blue-haired male act like this and so couldn’t understand any of his actions. Is it me? Should I just leave? Truth be told, he didn’t want to leave. “Is everything okay?” Yesung finally asked after clearing his throat.

“Yeah.” The answer was forced, that was easy to tell. “Why wouldn’t things be okay?” Seunghyun looked to the younger, that same almost annoyed expression appearing once again. Yesung was really starting to hate that look, especially when it was being directed at himself so much.

“I don’t know,” Yesung shrugged, “You just seem different since the party.”

A short chuckle left Seunghyun, “Well, nothing happened so I don’t know why you think that.”

Yesung didn’t exactly like that answer, because it was starting to make him wonder if something actually did happen that he just couldn’t seem to remember. But he hadn’t been that drunk, had he? He clearly remembers being in Jiyong’s room with Seunghyun, and that after they finished they fell asleep. That was it, right? Well, there was one minuscule moment where he woke up and said a few things to the older but he hadn’t a clue of what it had even been about. Something stupid, he’d just assumed.

“Why are we even talking?” Seunghyun asked as he stood up, walking closer to the younger male, “Why don’t we just get to what we always do. It’s what you’re here for.”

The raven had been about to reply to that but found himself cut off as Seunghyun pressed against him, lips silencing any words that could have possibly been voiced while large, frisky hands were already finding their way up underneath a shirt, tugging at the piece of clothing with the intention of having it removed. It was an almost sweet kiss at first, one that had Yesung’s mind spinning and heart dancing within his chest. He couldn’t help but drown within the sensation of it for the short time that it lasted. The next kiss was harder, not gentle in the least as teeth nipped forcefully at his pouty lips while those hands grabbed onto hips in a near bruising grip. He winced at the actions, raising up his own hands to press against Seunghyun’s chest and create some distance between the two as well as a notion for the other to stop.

But Seunghyun didn’t stop. He pressed himself harder into the smaller as he pushed him back towards the bed. And when the back of Yesung’s legs hit against the side of it, causing him to fall back and break free from the kiss and forceful grip of the older, Seunghyun ignored the, “Seunghyun, stop,” that echoed off of the walls as he was quick to climb atop the smaller and easily pin him down, smacking their lips together in another rough kiss. He could feel Yesung squirming underneath him, could feel the hands hitting and practically clawing at him. Pulling back just an inch, Seunghyun gritted his teeth and grabbed at the small wrists to hold them down on either side of his head.

“What the are you doing?!” Yesung yelled as soon as he was able to, glaring heatedly at the male above him. One moment he had thought that he knew quite well of who this male was, but now he had absolutely no idea. The Seunghyun he knew would never come onto him like this or force him into anything that he wasn’t completely for. Well, there’d been that one hiccup in the supply closet at school, but Yesung had more or less allowed himself into that one.

“Isn’t this what you want?” Seunghyun snarled right back, his own glare just as intense. “This is what we do, right? The only reason why you even ing come to me.”

Yesung immediately fell silent, not only due to the words but also at the look in the dark orbs that he was staring up into. They were filled with so much anger but at the same time just as much… pain. Seunghyun was acting this way because he was hurt? But why? What had Yesung done to hurt him? Nothing that he could recall. After a short moment of silence, the younger managed to find his voice as he quietly asked, “What’s going on?” He knew that Seunghyun wouldn’t answer him directly, as that would certainly be too much to ask for. But a part of him still hoped so. That the big, dumb ogre would give him some sort of answer to clear the confusion up.

Seunghyun pushed back, releasing the younger’s wrists and climbing off of the bed altogether as he muttered, “Just get out of here, Yesung. It wasn’t a good idea for you to come over.” He sighed heavily, raising a hand to run lightly through his messy, blue hair, “Actually, to be honest, it’s probably a good idea if we just stop doing this.”

The thought of no longer seeing Seunghyun immediately caused an ache within the raven’s chest and he frowned as he regarded the taller male, slowly sitting up, “Why?” But a reply wasn’t given. Of course it wasn’t. Instead, the senior was rooting around in his bag for a pack of cigarettes before turning to leave the room when having found them.

“No,” Yesung suddenly snapped, sliding off from the bed to stand and follow after, “I am not going to ing stop seeing you until you tell me why I should.”

“Because I don’t want to see you anymore. Is that a good enough of an answer?” Seunghyun muttered, not even pausing to allow the younger to talk as he made it to the top of the stairs with the latter hot on his heels. 

“But why?” Yesung couldn’t help but be desperate for an answer. With every word that continued to leave Seunghyun’s lips the more he found himself becoming incredibly confused. “What happened that night at Jiyong’s?” And just as he said that a thought hit him, though he found it insanely irrational, “Wait, are you acting like this because of Jiyong… Because I hang out with him now? Are you jealous?”

Seunghyun’s eyebrows lightly rose at this information that he actually hadn’t known about and he snipped out involuntarily, “So you found a new buddy. That’s great. Why are you making a big deal about not meeting up with me anymore then? Jiyong should be able to satisfy you a lot more, I’m sure.” He let out a sarcastic laugh before adding, “And Sweetie, don’t flatter yourself. I would never be jealous over you.”

The words hurt, more than Yesung imagined that they would. But he did his best not to show it, ignoring the sting within his dark eyes. Who was Seunghyun to say all of this, considering that he was the one who had been initially using the younger as a mere buddy in the beginning. “You are such a ing hypocrite,” Yesung snarled out, “Everything that you are accusing me of doing and being is exactly the kind of person that you are. You don’t care about anyone except yourself, Seunghyun.”

“If you seriously think that, you don’t know .”

“Right,” Yesung answered sarcastically with a roll of the eyes, “Who then, huh? Name one ing person in your life that means more to you than your goddamn self pride.” He couldn’t help but become even more angered as he was blatantly ignored. He was so goddamn sick of all of this! “Answer me, you ing coward,” Yesung snarled out, hot tears pricking his eyes, as he threw his arms forward to shove at the taller’s shoulders and cause him to stumble forward.

Seunghyun abruptly turned back at this once he’d caught himself, a fire in his eyes that Yesung lightly flinched at the sight of. They’d made it to the bottom of the stairs throughout the argument but the younger was still standing on the last step, causing him to be just a bit taller than the other. 

Yesung involuntarily closed his eyes in a wince as he anticipated being hit. He’d seen just how angry the older actually was as well as the fast movement of an arm towards him and so he knew some sort of impact was about to be made upon his body. It was only natural that he would expect it to be a slap or a punch. But a hand was suddenly gripping at his jawline and lightly forcing his chin up just as lips descended upon his own, causing his eyes to immediately snap open in surprise.

The kiss was unlike any he’d ever had from the older male. Sure, it was pleasant yet somewhat rough at the same time, which was so signature Choi Seunghyun. But there was more to it than that. The way he melded his lips against Yesung’s, as if he were trying to drink up his entire being. It was like the older wanted to convey certain deeper emotions through the lip lock. And it was causing the raven’s heart to swell incredibly within his chest, like a newly discovered treasure chest of feelings was suddenly being unlocked and they were pouring out.

“You.” Seunghyun said once he’d pulled away, his gaze focused hard on the dark pretty orbs just inches in front of his own, “I care about you. And I tried to ing tell you this the night of that party, but you laughed at me. I think that gives me a pretty clear answer of what you feel in return.” The blue-haired male was trying so hard to keep his voice calm, to not lash out in anger and pain, “This is why I think it’s best if we don’t see each other anymore.”

Yesung felt as if he couldn’t breathe. His lips were still slightly parted from the kiss while he continued to stare at the older in surprise. Had he even heard Seunghyun correctly? No, he couldn’t have. There was no possible way that Choi Seunghyun gave a damn about him in any sort of way. It just wasn’t realistic and Yesung couldn’t help but refuse to believe it. But then the smallest of tidbits began to ever so slowly surface within the depths of his mind. He couldn’t exactly recall what had been said that night, but he could remember the look in Seunghyun’s eyes. How the older had regarded him in that moment and had focused his complete attention upon him, trying to so badly convey that he really wanted something to get across. But it clearly hadn’t, and so the older reacted how one normally would: with confusion and hurt. Yesung couldn’t rightfully be mad at him, he knew that. But it all still sounded way too good to be true.

“That isn’t fair. I hardly even remember that night,” Yesung said slowly, trying to at least rationalize things. “You can’t think that I actually answered you honestly.”

The older still appeared annoyed, as if none of the words had even gotten through to him, and quickly shook his head as he waved off the nonsense, “You know, I don’t even care about it. It was a stupid decision to make regardless,” and turned to continue on walking away. And really, Seunghyun wasn’t lying. Because it just wasn’t like him to do things such as admit feelings. Everything had been so much better off before he’d attempted to do so.

“Seunghyun, stop,” the younger was quick to grab at his arm before he’d even made it a step, “Why are you trying to make this difficult? Just ing talk to me. Please. I know that I hurt you by whatever I said to you that night and I’m sorry. …But I didn’t even know that I was capable of saying something that could upset you.”

“Well, trust me. You are,” Seunghyun’s low growl of a voice muttered out.

Yesung couldn’t help but hesitantly stare at the blue-haired male, an unsure look upon his face once their eyes met, “What—What are we? I thought, that we were only just hooking up. There was never a second where I thought you wanted something… else. I mean, for the longest time I was convinced that you were just using me for . But then, the more we continued to meet up I figured that maybe we were just actually somewhat becoming friends.” The word sounded weird rolling off of Yesung’s tongue. Friends? They had never been friends and probably never would be.

The taller male had been staring at the ground throughout hearing the words, but flicked his gaze up once the room had gone silent. He didn’t know what to do, really. Part of him wanted to tell Yesung everything, and yet the other wanted to tell him nothing at all. He looked to the living room, noting the couch, and softly wrapped a hand around Yesung’s small wrist to guide him forward towards it. It wasn’t until they were seated, the raven finding the notion a bit odd, before Seunghyun began to speak, “You know what, yeah, I did start things with you only for . I’m not going to lie and say I didn’t when we both know that I did. But I didn’t know anything about you hardly. I was interested in you because, for a guy, I thought you were, well… hot.” Yesung couldn’t help but lightly blush, though he tried to not allow the compliment to get to his head. “And as you may have already been able to guess, I wasn’t really sure of my uality.”

“So. You wanted to just, what… become involved with me for your own selfish reasons? It never occurred to you that while you were in the process of figuring out who you were that you were dragging someone else down along that exact same path with you?” Yesung murmured. He was staring down at his fingers that he was pulling at nervously.

Seunghyun swallowed, frowning, “At first, no… I had never stopped to think about it.” He hated to hear it voiced, how incredibly selfish that he had been upon starting all of this with Yesung. Sighing audibly, the older rose a hand to run though his hair, “And I’m sorry, Yesung. I never meant to make you question yourself of who you are. But, I don’t know… Maybe, maybe I can help now. I mean, like we can figure this out together.” He took a deep breath as he couldn’t quite believe what he was saying, “Maybe we could actually date each other.”

“Wh-what?” Yesung had snapped his head up so fast, dark fox-like eyes widened as he stared at the blue-haired male. He did not just hear that. Not by Choi Seunghyun. Not by Seungri’s best friend. “Are you serious?” he continued with after a pronounced pause. It had been enough to hear that the senior male actually liked him, but then to add to that the fact that said person wanted to possibly date also? This was almost too much and Yesung had the least idea of how to respond.

A humorless chuckle came from Seunghyun as he murmured, “Well, at least you’re not laughing.”

Yesung’s eyebrows scrunched up at hearing this. How was he supposed to take this confession? Yes, it was apparently true that it had been said before but the raven had not been coherent enough for it and he didn’t appreciate the older continuously using that against him. “Seunghyun, if this is some kind of stupid sick joke, I swear I’m gonna—,”

“It’s not a goddamn joke!” Seunghyun snapped, voice rising unexpectedly. He didn’t mean to suddenly become so angered but he was absolutely sick of everyone assuming that his actual feelings for another person was just a mere joke. Like he was that bad of a person that he would actually stoop so low as to give someone false hope and love. “Do you honestly think I’m that horrible that I would do something like that?”

“Can you blame me?” the raven hissed right back, eyes narrowed. He was not going to just sit there and be more or less yelled at while he had plenty of different scenarios to use against the older. He was not the bad guy in this situation and like hell he would allow himself to be talked into thinking so. “I have way more reason to believe that you would want to lie to and hurt me than actually be with me like that. Actually, I would be stupid to even trust you about any of this.”

“Then don’t trust me, Yesung,” Seunghyun muttered, throwing his hands up in finality as he fell back into the sofa to cross them like a pouting 5-year-old. “If I am so bad for you then just leave. I know that I ed up before, you don’t need to keep reminding me.” He was avoiding the gaze of the younger as he coldly stared straight ahead at the coffee table, wishing that he hadn’t brought the little brat over to his house at all. This was turning out to hurt way much more than expected.

There was a silence for just a minute or so, and Seunghyun waited to hear Yesung get up and leave or perhaps continue to argue and point out how much of a monster that he was. But instead a weight settled upon his lap just as sweet, soft lips connected with his own. 

They were hesitant at first, a mere brushing of lips before the younger found a bit more confidence and pressed for more, tilting his head just enough to seal their lips together better in a harder kiss that coaxed for open mouths. Yesung let out a soft moan as his hands found their way into Seunghyun’s hair, small fingers entangling into the messy short locks just as their tongues pressed together to slide over one another. 

Wrapping his strong arms around the slim torso of the smaller, Seunghyun couldn’t help but drown within the lip locks. He felt as if he were tasting and feeling Yesung for the first time, or rather that he was actually appreciating it for the first time. The delectable taste upon his tongue was one he’d never known before, a sweet yet bitter mixture of coffee and cinnamon while the body he was holding so securely against his own felt incredibly soft and defined in all of the right places. What he wouldn’t give to just take him right now… though the thought was completely out of line. Seunghyun really couldn’t help that he was still just a horn dog at heart.

“You piss me off so much,” Yesung muttered once their lips had broken apart and he’d managed to catch his breath. It nearly drove him crazy of how much his feelings for the senior male changed so easily: one minute he would want to kill said man and the next all he could imagine doing was smothering him in kisses.

“What, and you think that you don’t piss me off?” Seunghyun lightly teased, pursing his lips out and stealing another quick kiss from the plump ones just inches from his own. To be honest, the older male hadn’t a clue of just where their ‘relationship’ was going. All that he did know was that he was so damn tired of fighting with Yesung, so tired of avoiding him. He didn’t want to do it anymore. Well, to be more realistic, he had never wanted to do it. Nearly a week had passed since the two had been together and Seunghyun was discovering that he couldn’t live like that mentally or physically.

Yesung rested his forehead against the older’s, eyelids sliding shut involuntarily as he stayed quiet for just a moment. He didn’t want to think about anything anymore nor try to talk it out when that was clearly getting them nowhere.

“So,” Seunghyun’s deep voice rumbled against his lips, “Will you go out with me?”

Go out with you. As in, date you… as in, eventually be your boyfriend and you will be mine. Yesung wasn’t sure why the thought of all of this made his stomach churn so uneasily. “Why do we have to give it a name?” the raven asked as he pulled back just enough to look down into the dark eyes staring up into his own, “Why can’t we just keep doing what we’re doing?”

“Because I don’t want to,” Seunghyun deadpanned, “and I don’t want to just have with you every time that we are together.”

“What else do you want to do then?” Yesung asked.

Seunghyun looked unexpected of the question, appearing thoughtful for a few seconds before answering, “I don’t know. Take you places, do other things together, just talk and get to know each other better.” The older was trying to not look as stupid as all of that sounded.

“Then we can do that,” Yesung nodded, “but we can still just be who we are and what we are. We don’t need to actually be together to do any of that.”

A deep sigh escaped Seunghyun as he realized that Yesung just wasn’t getting it. “What are you more scared of, Ye?” he cleared his throat, “Giving what we are a name and actually having to admit that you’re gay or biual? Or actually letting someone in on a level that no one has ever had with you before?”

Yesung swallowed at the words, glancing down at the soft couch that he was basically straddling Seunghyun upon, and mindlessly reached out to play with a loose thread upon the back cushion just beside the taller’s shoulder. If he had to be completely honest, he would say that both of those things terrified the hell out of him. There had been a moment with Jiyong this past week where Yesung had realized that—yes, I probably am gay—as he hadn’t once thought of a female in any sort of way since Seunghyun had entered his life. And the thing was, it didn’t even bother him. Now, yes, that was a bit scary. But he hadn’t thought of any reason for why it needed to be admitted and so he’d buried it back within the recesses of his mind.

As for the other part. There was no doubt on that. Yesung was incredibly scared of getting his heart broken, of putting that much trust into someone and giving them that power. For the longest time he had looked at it as such a horrible thing and didn’t understand why anyone would want to do something so dangerous with their mental state. But the more time he spent with Seunghyun, the more he kind of began to understand.

“You don’t have to be scared,” Seunghyun murmured.

“Well, I am,” Yesung couldn’t help but retort back, breaking his gaze from the thread to lightly glare at the older male, “The person that is best friends with the guy that torments the out of me at school wants to date me. And hey, I think I might actually feel the same way back about him. Of course that scares the out of me, Seunghyun.”

A small smirk had come to Seunghyun’s lips at hearing this and he couldn't stop himself from tilting his head up and cutting the younger off from saying anymore. One of his hands came up to gently rest upon a jawline and cup at it as he pulled Yesung closer to himself and melted into the kiss. Their lip locks were beginning to be far more sensual and deep than they had ever been before and it was clear that they both equally liked it.

“You need to stop,” Yesung mumbled almost playfully once they’d pulled apart in a soft audible smack of lips. His mind was becoming clouded with a desired lust every time they kissed and he wasn’t quite sure he could control to keep his clothes on if they continued to do this.

“Stop what?” the older asked, “The last time I checked, you liked this. Now stop avoiding the question and answer me. Will you go out with me?” Seunghyun had thought that he would for sure have Yesung now, that the raven would lazily nod and give in to the question with another kiss. But instead, small hands pressed against his chest as the smaller pushed back from him. That serious, hesitant look was present once again and Seunghyun just wanted to cry out in complete annoyance and desperation. What the did he have to do to get closer to this kid?

“Let me think about it, okay?”

Seunghyun couldn’t help but humorlessly laugh as he shook his head. Did Yesung realize how much of a goddamn prissy girl he was sounding like right now? What was there to think about? Seunghyun liked Yesung. Yesung liked Seunghyun. They were already ing. What was the problem?!

“No,” Seunghyun quickly decided as he shook his head, “You’ve had time to think about it, Yesung. If you need anymore then I don’t even want to do this because clearly it means you’re not as into this idea as I thought you would be. I’m not trying to force you into anything. If you want to say no, then just ing say it. Stop trying to soften the blow or whatever because you’re really not, trust me.”

Yesung sighed. He understood where Seunghyun was coming from, and really, he didn’t blame him. But at the same time, he hated how all of this had to be so suddenly complicated. …What had been wrong with things before?

“Let me take you out on a date,” the older suggested, “Just one. And after that you can decide on where you think things should go between us.”

“I don’t know,” Yesung murmured to the idea. A date? That sounded so serious, and awkward. He’d never been on one in his entire life. How would he act? What would he even wear? Oh God, I really am the ing female in this relationship. Yesung was realizing that maybe it was that reason for why he was so reluctant to go out with Seunghyun. Would he have to constantly fight for his masculinity? Because like hell was he going to allow the older to just suddenly start pampering him like he was some helpless girl.

“Please?” Seunghyun tried softly, an evident pout upon his lips as he looked at the younger with what could only be known as the equality of puppy dog eyes. It was quite a humorous sight to see of the tall, punk-like male and Yesung couldn’t help but chuckle lightly about it. Though it sounded somewhat cruel, he rather liked seeing Seunghyun reduced to this pitiful, desperate state.

“Fine,” the raven finally settled on, “I’ll go out with you. Once. But only to prove to you that things could never possibly work out between us like that.”

Seunghyun lightly nodded. He didn’t exactly like that Yesung was so suddenly giving up on their possible relationship before even trying but decided not to say anything about that. Instead, he gave a small smirk, “Alright. Just don’t be upset when I prove you wrong."

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A/N: I know. Okay. I know, guys. It's been like three months and I'm SO sorry.
However, I hope you do enjoy the update.. <3
Comment, please? It makes me oh-so happy!
Also, thanks to everyone who has subscribed, commented, and upvoted my story.
It means the world, truly! <3