Donghae-hyung was wrong. Time didn't change a thing. In fact, things only got worse. I still faced a black ocean, and it got to the extent where the flashbacks even appear in my dreams. I still faced death threats... Disappointment... Hatred... Pity... And the list could go on for all I care. Did I care? Not anymore. I had to cast off all emotions to protect myself.

  Emotions were the only thing that was obstructing me from progress... from freedom. Without the burden of feeling, I no longer felt pain. I no longer experienced sadness. Just a bittersweet sense of numbness. 

  With all my activities cancelled, I had more time on my hands than I ever had. I was often in a state between reality and the virtual world of music, but no matter how much songs I composed, how much lyrics I wrote, how long I sang for... I-I no longer felt anything. No passion. No interest. Just... numbness.

  Once in a while, fear would spike within me... then quickly washed away with disinterest. I felt... empty. The music that I have once claimed as my soul, has left me. I hated the feeling the hollowness within me. 

  "Hyung," I whisper, hoping that someone- anyone could hear me. "How I wish... you could find a way to bring the old me back..."

  I traced the strings on my violin. "You helped me before," I muttered, a flick of remembrance lit up my eyes. "Pain." With that, I pressed my fingers on the strings of the violin harshly and played.

  I could feel a ghost of a smile playing on my lips as I start to feel the prick. The grin grew wider as pain flooded into my body. Pain. It was painful... It was beautfully painful... I could feel again. 

  I laughed softly. I played for several hours before stopping and cleaning up the bloodied mess and returned to the dorm- happier than I have ever felt for months. 

  I got back the positivity that I thought I have lost- everything was just as before. My music had soul and they always turned out beautifully. I could laugh with the hyungs again- without ever holding back. Even Leeteuk-hyung has stopped worrying over me that much.

  A few hours of pain each day could bring back so much of me, a better me- it was worth it. Hell, I did perfectly in every aspect after those sessions. My dancing, formation had absolutely no flaws. Hence, I increased the intensity with each session, hoping to bring forth more emotions with each time. I was so preoccupied with intensity, that my body- unable to withstand, deteriorated.

  "Five, four... Three two one," Leeteuk hyung said as we stood in position in our dance studio.

  I started to position my violin on my shoulder but shifted uncomfortably. I frowned. It was too stiff. 

  "Hen