2018

I want to protect her, Minju thought one day, I want to always be by her side. She sat inside her room in the dorm, looking fondly at pictures in her phone. They were mostly shot by Halla since Minju didn't know much of its specs. She lived life of books, not of gadgets. Even until now, she liked keeping things simple in her layout.

Like her thought process, she liked seeing the simple view of complicated matters. So it was a bit troublesome for her to think clearly of her stand with her relationship with Halla.

Her muffled confusion stretched until her last college days, and now that all's left is for her to take the podium to make a Valedictorian speech, she wanted to get things over with on Halla.

Halla, her favorite dongsaeng.

Halla, her charming sunshine.

Halla, her very own galaxy.

Minju, no matter how hard she tried to resist, was warped inside a blackhole she called Halla. That tall kid was more than just a friend for her. Halla was not like any other she met.

But what she was, Minju did not know.

What's next after friends? Best friends, right? Or maybe, sisters?

"Sisters," Minju repeated her thought, clicking her handheld pen. A frown settled on her face as she shook her head. "Do I think of her as my sister?"

A lot of possibilities ran in her mind, each passing through that same question in her mind.

Minju liked being called pretty unnie by Halla.

Minju concentrated on her work better knowing Halla was alright and had gone home safely from school.

Minju always gave in to Halla's every request.

Minju liked thinking she made a mark on Halla's memory. Minju liked being present on Halla's mind.

Minju liked everything about Halla---

A sudden pang rang a heavy tension in her chest.

"Kookie has a really nice voice, like, um, a bad boy wailing about video games while cranking on hip-hop moves? Haha, yeah, that!"

Okay, so maybe not everything.

An underlying worry surfaced in her mind after so long. Minju forgot an important factor in her life.

Boys. People of the opposite .

They were fun to be with and she talked nicely to them, but in her social circle, she realized there were just more girls than guys she had.

And if she remembered correctly, she only considered one as her friend.

A gay friend.

"Don't tell anyone please, Minju-yah? I'm begging for my life and my love for bread, please don't tell anyone I'm different."

"Well, um, it's okay... I guess? I'm okay with that, really."

"...You're a lifesaver!"

"Haha, my lips are sealed. Don't worry, aight?"

And there was another male friend, now her ex-friend, because of a single moment she didn't like to head her trail of thoughts to.

"Had you ever considered one point in your life, and I really mean a moment, where you considered me a man?"

"I-I... no. I never did. I'm sorry, oppa. I only think of you as a good friend."

"I see..."

"Oppa..."

"...aish. I tried, I guess."

"I'm really, really sorry---I-I don't have any feelings for you---"

"Why don't you give me a chance? I'll take you out on a date, I-I'll---join your mathlete club---I'll make you like me ba---"

"No. It's not gonna happen. I'm sorry. I just can't."

"Ugh, I-I don't get it... I don't understand."

"Oppa-"

"What does it matter if I'm a famous ulzzang in our batch when I can't even make the girl I like fall under my charms?"

"I'm not looking for a relationship right now, okay? I want to concentrate on my studies-"

"Is there someone you like, Minju-yah?"

"I-I just told you; I'm not looking for a rela-"

"Have there ever been even one that jumped across the line and pulled your heart?"

"...none. There never was."

Minju remembered thinking back then a deeper retaliation that almost stopped her heart. There never will be one. She was determined on getting three things straight in her college stay: studies first, friends and family second, and a relationship as the last. Only one thing persisted through her list.

No, not one thing, but one person.

"Promise me, Minju-yah. Promise me you'll never turn back away from me o-or anyone else and talk to us about your problems, okay? Please, pretty unnie?"

"I promise, Suji-yah. I promise." A breathy response.

It was the day they met after a long time. Minju brought Halla out the dorm with the same road Yuna and she had that morning. Halla's embrace was warm full of comfort and peace for the older girl as she pulled her arms tight around the younger's waist.

"Night, Suji-yah. Hope you fall in your gravity of dreams."

"Night, pretty unnie. Don't let the bad thoughts get into your good sleep."

Ever since the compromise was made, Halla found a way to slip around her barriers and spread her ball of sunshine inside her troubled heart.

And around the time Minju was being confessed to, Halla was her only thought in mind.

Why was it, when she makes her decisions, that the girl always popped in her mind? Almost every decision she made was for Halla and Halla only.

Minju unconsciously clicked her pen countless times, her reflective state turning into mush.

Halla this, Halla that, Halla wants, Halla says, Halla likes---

"I think I like him, unnie."

"You do? Huh, you think so?"

"I'm not sure of it, but there is something swirling inside of me whenever I look at him; when I just think of him, the stuff happens already that it feels honestly creepy."

"Hrm, maybe you need to get your heart checked up, Suji-yah."

"Yah, unnie! I'm being serious here, aish!"

"Hahahahaha!"

Honestly, how dumb could she get? Minju thought in her twirling seat. When did the blooming feelings start for the young kid? Maybe she was over-thinking, maybe she misunderstood that for infatuation, maybe Halla only likes the way he dances.

Minju's incessant pen-clicking stopped as her eyes moved to the blank sheet of paper resting on her desk. She couldn't give a thought about the damn speech; she wanted to think about Halla some more for the night. And for tomorrow and the days after that. She wanted to go and see her.

Halla-yah, my deepest gravity. My wonderful sunshine, how have you been?

One night won't hurt. Will it?

Halla had a monotonous pattern in her life. She liked being on schedule, checking off the list she had in her mind for the day as time passed by. The only exception in this critical day-to-day planning was when she had plans with her favorite friend and pretty unnie Minju.

Ever since Minju graduated, their relationship adjusted gradually on the increase of time management. They always went to separate schools so the form of communication had been mostly texting and irregular outings.

Back in Halla's highshool days, they always agreed to hang out once a week---library sessions and part-time job hours together excluded. Sometimes, Minju broke the rule and camped on her favorite seat at the convenience store, doing her homework as she waited for the girl. Sometimes, Halla surprised her unnie by appearing in front of her dorm room, arms holding off lightweight store snacks and cold coffee can drinks in front of her chest.

In both ways though, Minju always walked the younger girl back to her home, albeit Halla's persistent nudging and saying "I'm fine. I can go home by myself, unnie! You can stop here at the intersection. Minju-yah. Yah. C'mon. Ugh seriously... aish!" And those days always ended up getting sweeter for the two, as Halla considered it her part to tend to her unnie while she walked home too. Minju's frequent texts were jokey but reassuring, "Almost got into a stampede. Obviously fine. I'm texting you now, right? Don't worry about me. Sleep. You. Have. School. I won't be dead while you're asleep. I PROMISE TO TEXT YOU MORE. GEEZ."

By the time Minju dove under her covers, Halla's sent another message yet again. Minju finally gives her word: "jgh. now under the sheets. happy?"

"Very. O:)"

"Sleep now?"

"After you!"

A wistful sigh. "Sweet dreams, Suji-yah."

"Night, pretty unnie. uwu"

As childish and cheesy it could be, that was Halla's favorite part of their day. When they send those last meaningful texts to each other, she goes to sleep with a smile. It's fixed into her routine.

And now, in a time where Minju is working and Halla in college studying, even if they don't manage to find a time to meet, they always text the magical words of the night. Halla busied herself in college events, attended meetings monthly as the Block Representative of her major, studied diligently in classes despite getting consequential headaches, pulling all-nighters to have her needed personal time; throughout all this, in the back of her mind, she wondered when will she meet her pretty unnie again, when will she experience another pleasant day free of anything studious but full of memories to tell as their precious time tick-tocks and the most recurring dreaming of when will she get to hear something else other than their special goodnight greetings that don't even coincide with each other. Halla was alright with their relationship so far, she was... feeling just peachy about it.

But the more she thought of it, the more she went back through her memories, she realized she wanted something more from this. She wanted a different kind of day where she wakes up and has to skip class to just walk around the neighborhood with Minju. She wanted to hear Minju's rigorous tutoring in Maths again in the library. She wanted to be treated another special chicken food night at the small eatery Minju had always brought her to. Many more thoughts came and went through her head and if she felt her face right now, she'll notice the hot tears dribbling down her cheeks.

Is she desperate for seeking so much? Has the time with Minju flown over her head many times it also passed her heart?

"Pretty unnie," she texted under the covers of her bed. "Minju-yah. Minjjoyeh---"

Halla wiped the troubled tears in her eyes and corrected her writing, but she couldn't get past "How are me?" and deleting the character to place the correct one and deleting it again because the tears welled up before her glassy vision.

Halla dropped her phone at the side and sat up, hands pulling rashly on the ends of her hair. She felt the burning pull on her scalp but it wasn't greater than the heavy bomb settled inside her. Was she hungry? Was she having her period already? Was she having unknown mood swings that made her go mad crazy for reasons also unknown?

No, Halla thought, it's not that. It's more of her emotions taking over and breaking out of the walls she put up in her heart. The heavy feeling, that need for comfort from a familiar touch and satisfaction that never went past the needed level of happiness.

God, what was she thinking?

"I miss you. I freaking miss you, Minju-yah."

I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. Again and again, the words repeated in her mind, unable to comprehend the task under trouble of breaking her voice, cracking her soul, leaving her cold hard shell of bones and skin.

On the corner of her vision she saw the boxy light coming from her phone. Halla leaned over to read the message, her heart dropping in the pits of her stomach as she did so.

There were two messages, each from a different person equally important to her.

"Yo Suji Q! If you're still up, come to our turf. I have some sick moves I want to show you, haha :D," this was from her boy crush.

"I'm going to sleep now. Goodnight, Halla-yah. Hope you fall in your gravity of dreams," and this... this was sent seconds ago.

Halla clawed the gadget and backspaced the jumble of letters clogged up on her text box. Her fingers trembled and hovered over a simple word. It was a calling, "Unnie?" she had written.

She waited... and then... ping!

"Hey. You still up?"

Halla couldn't explain the spur of small laughs coming from . She pulled herself together texting back, "Yeah. Can't sleep."

Minju's reply came less than a minute, "Ayy, that's not good."

"yeah x.x the time i don't want to pull an all-nighter... ick."

"It happens. You need to stay still for it to work. And without any kind of noise, Suji-yah."

Halla cursed softly at the message. "It's just... I have a lot in my mind. I'm more or less really emotional right now."

"Stop thinking of boys and start dreaming of 'em. Better to fix the storyline to your liking, right? Haha."

"Surprise surprise it's actually you! I miss you, unnie ;A;"

"Oh," replied Minju later than the last. And another came up after, "I mean, wow. That's sweet. I miss you too, Suji-yah ;("

Halla almost teared up again. "I can't believe I'm saying this, but I'm craving chicken because of you. (-=-);"

Minju didn't reply fast, but it could be because she tumbled down her bed in shock. Or bumped her head on something. Or maybe she was snickering as she rolled around her sheets. Halla didn't know anything because the girl hadn't replied to it yet.

And then ten minutes passed. Twenty. It was almost half an hour when Halla heard a ping! not from her phone but from the doorbell downstairs.

As the only person awake in the house (she was sure of it), Halla pocketed her phone and reluctantly slipped her feet on fuzzy slippers and trudged down to the main door. A delivery man with a familiar takeout box stood before her.

"Special delivery to Lee Suji?" he said.

Halla slowly nodded. She catched the box dropped on her hands and watched as the man said it'd been paid and bid a goodbye to her. Her phone vibrated seconds later.

"Now that you got the chicken, go and start eating. Cravings are like small lifetime wishes if you were a Sim. Fulfill yours, Halla-yah."

Minju knew Halla best. She knew how to make her feel better. She knew what to say when Halla got whiny and childish.

Halla's satisfaction went overboard that night, and hell did she give a damn about Jungkook. The boy had her everyday, it's alright to give the nights to her pretty unnie.

On the next day, Minju had a lunch appointment with a business partner of her father's company.

"Minju-yah, this is Taehyunie," her mother introduced the young man across her, "he will be your future husband."

"A pleasure to have met you, Minju-ssi," Taehyun greeted the stricken girl with a handshake.

Minju's inner walls hardened, a smile coming immediately on her face. It was fake, but just as meaningful as the smirk on his. "Nice to meet you, Taehyun-ssi." Not.

Here's to the definite start of her slavery to her family and work. Goodbye, Lee Suji.

When it came the time for Minju to be tied to another company's chaebol, Halla and Minju's talking sessions ceased. Halla was becoming more active in college events as a representative of her block, and Minju had work to embrace her tiring arms at home and a stranger she's going to live with months away.

It was troubling Halla to not know anything about the other girl, and she one night put a stop to the silence and set out to search for the girl.

Minju didn't come back to the library anymore.

She didn't jog around the city early in the morning too.

Everywhere Halla knew Minju went, she wasn't there. Confusion and worry set her in jitters for days, thinking of Minju incessantly, her phone on her hand always. Halla's texts were getting frantic; she spoke words from her heart, hoping she would reply back. She needed a sign to calm down.

The sign arrived on her front door in the form of a box and a letter on top.

The letter read:

I'm sorry for making you worry, Lee Suji. I'm fine, and very well and full of chicken if you ask me.

Halla snickered.

I am in a sticky situation right now, and unfortunately it involves on the task that I do not talk to you. This is for your own good, Halla-yah.

Halla-yah, my deepest gravity. My wonderful sunshine, how have you been? It's been so long since I heard your voice. Too long.

I moved to a different city, that's why you couldn't see me either. I'm now placed far up in the  suburban. We can still chat through e-mail! I'll make sure to message you thrice a week, no business meeting is more important than what you and I have. This relationship, it's to the point where I can't pull away from you.

Halla's cheeks suffused to a rosy pink. She had a longing look in her eyes. "Unnie..."

I've realized something when I stayed away from you, and I wish I could say it to you face to face, but it's not going to happen for some time.

I like you a lot.

"Yeah, and I do too---"

No, Suji, not in a friendly way.

"..."

I like you like how you like boys. Men. And I realized I can't deny myself of this. And I think it's unfair that you don't get to talk to anyone else, or go on dates with them (although I'll be busy frowning at work) because I hog up all your time.

Halla's eyes glassed over. Her fingers stopped trembling.

Why don't you try and give someone a chance, say, your friend Jungkook? If it's him, then I can trust him to protect and love you.

"I...Kookie? Since when..."

I guess being oblivious to it makes you guilty? It's okay, I'm the only who found out about it anyway, haha! Go get him already please. I'm dying to see you pull a full-blast ray of sunshine a smile on that golden boy. He's lucky to have you and you're the same to him.

So tell you what, I have a box of goodies I'm giving to you with this letter, and you go enjoy this with your family and friends.

Halla's tear-stained face burst uncontrollably. "It's like you're writing your damn will, Minju-yah. What even...are you trying...to say?"

This little big crush I have will go away, along with my presence in your side. When we meet one day, who knows, I might be able to face you with a bright smile, and not crumble into hearty pieces with this puppy love.

And yeah, it's puppy love to me, 'cause I had the hots for you even back then. Foolish scaredy me.

So right now, don't go and try to find me. I'll be the one to go back to you and help myself with the store snacks and coffee cans.

Love you always, Suji-yah. Or Halla-yah...whatever. <3

Your Cutie Cocomong,

Jeon Minju

"... pretty unnie?"

"My yearn oughta turn these things around I learned from you.

Will you be there, when the day's done, under the same sun?"

XXX

Author's Note: 10.04.2015 [mm/dd/yyyy]

If there's one thing I want to touch on, it's that this only has a slice of angst, hence the tag. I take it you think the pace is fast for this? It's a short story guys :( It's pretty jumpy, I know. In terms of time, there is a lot of growth but the emotional sense is want I want to really ponder on. There's a lot more of thinking on the next chapter, and it's Halla's side this time! Minju sounds like a scared kitty at the same time an over-cautious lover it's just- :( ugh.

Anyway, comments are much appreciated. Thanks for reading this.

-feefaifoefangirl aka Jun ♥