Your Body Makes Me Able
Pull Me In and Hold Me TightIn Jimin's arms, Jeongguk feels safe. He feels loved and accepted and he knows he can get the same acceptance and love from any other member but for some reason Park Jimin provides a whole new level of affection that Jeongguk feels down to his bones. He can't quite pin point why but he brushes it off all the same when it's around 3:30 in the morning and Yoongi hyung has finally called it a night ((morning)). Jeongguk's bare feet feel cold against the floor of their dorm but he doesn't want to risk waking up Namjoon hyung, not when he really needs the sleep.
Unfortunately, Jeongguk cannot sleep and he knows exactly why. However, admitting to himself that he has feelings for Park Jimin is a lot harder than shoving those thoughts to the back of his mind and denying it vigorously during the day. Jeongguk is not very skilled in the feelings department, he's been introverted ever since he could remember; he never felt the need or desire to be around others, keeping friends was bothersome rather than difficult and he found that even seeing his own family would burden him. However, Jimin was different. Jeongguk liked being around him, of course he likes the other just as well, they were his family outside family, but there was something about Jimin that stuck. Granted Jeongguk would never admit it to anyone; not the members not his family certainly not the cameras or Jimin himself, it wasn't in his nature to do so. Jeongguk was nothing if not stubborn and once he builds an image, especially as an idol, he knows it's important to keep it, so he keeps up the 'Anti-Park Jimin' facade in front of fans, cameras, even the members themselves.
But there was something about Jimin that made Jeongguk want to go through the effort of keeping up with him, of texting him back and hanging out with him alone, though they rarely got such time, on a daily basis.
And it's because there is rarely any alone time for Jeongguk to spend with Jimin that Jeongguk finds himself grasping the cold metal of Jimin's dorm's doorknob, twisting it slowly while the springs and mechanisms groaned at the pressure.
It's because Jeongguk never gets to be alone with Jimin that he crawls under the sheets next to him and proceeds to wrap his arms around the slim waist, pulling him in close and trying not to disturb his slumber.
It proves in vain, however as Jimin turns to Jeongguk's side, eyes barely open and voice laced with sleep as he question why Jeongguk is there. Jeongguk, for all intensive purposes, avoids answering and takes to shoving his face in Jimin's chest. His arms curl tightly around the elder as if he's afraid letting go of him will make Jimin disappear, end the moment and Jeongguk will wake up in his own bed again, cold and alone.
He feels Jimin sigh above him, not a burdened one or one of relief but one that Jeongguk finds he can only describe as "Jimin's sigh". Nonetheless, an arm slips around Jeongguk's body, another hand coming up to run through his hair.
"You've done well. Worked hard." Jimin says softly and there it is. This is what Jeongguk loves so much, what he desperately craves. The praise and affection practically makes him purr as he leans into the touch and unconsciously slips his leg between Jimin's.
"Such a good boy, huh Jeongguk?"
"Mm." Jimin is cold around Jeongguk's body but it's a sentiment Jeongguk thinks adds to the list of reasons why he loves Jimin. Jeongguk's body burns hot and Jimin seems to put the fire out, even if only for a little while. Jimin is Jeongguk's escape late at night when no one is watching, when no one expects him to be the perfect golden maknae. Jimin is Jeongguk's safe house, somewhere he can relax and feel free to make mistakes because he knows Jimin will be there to help him through it and even praise him along the way.
Jimin is someone Jeongguk can give up the facade around, where he can finally be himself and maybe that's why Jeongguk is so attached to him, why he cowers at the idea that one day Jimin will enlist in the army before him and come back a different person, as many do. Why he's more terrified of Jimin never coming back at all than anything else in this world.
"Kookie, you're gonna crush me if you hold on any tighter." Jimin says breathlessly and it snaps Jeongguk back to reality, that Jimin is here now and will be for a long time, safe and healthy in Jeongguk's arms. The enlistment is in the distance and this is the present. His hold does not loosen.
Jeongguk looks up at Jimin, hair tousled from sleep and eyes closed, mouth slightly parted from breathing. He surpassed anything Jeongguk has ever known as beauty, it makes something catch in his throat. He thanks whatever gods that look after him that tears haven't welled up yet.
"I love you..Jimin." Jeongguk whispers, his fingers curling into the fabric of whatever shirt Jimin decided to wear to bed, heart crushing at how he can hear the elder's heart beat speed up. For a while Jimin says nothing but then Jeongguk feels him press a small kiss to the top of his head, his hand running up and down his arm.
"I love you too, Kookie." He says, simple as ever.
It hurts. It hurts how easily and carelessly Jimin says it, it hurts that he will never know how Jeongguk really means it when he says it, it hurts that Jeongguk carries so much meaning in those three words and it hurts that he's so in love with Jimin that he doesn't even know what to do with himself.
"Do you?" He finds himself saying. The tears are welling up now and Jeongguk curses the same gods he thanked before because he can feel Jimin's breath stutter in confusion, can feel him looking down and Jeongguk doesn't even have to look up to see the worry in his eyes.
"I love you Jeon Jeongguk. I always will." He says firmly and it's all Jeongguk can do to press his face farther into Jimin, squeezing his eyes shut to stop the tears as Jimin pulls him closer, his arms wrapping protectively around him. He places another kiss to Jeongguk's head, sleepily telling him that they should both get some rest and Jeongguk sighs, nodding and feeling defeated.
Jimin will never know how much Jeongguk really loves him, how Jeongguk thinks of nothing but Jimin when he's not focusing on music or dance or how Jeongguk dreams of spending the rest of his life with him. Consequently, Jeongguk will never know how much it crushes Jimin to say those words without telling Jeongguk how much he really means, how much he's felt it since he first met him and how he'll really love no one but him for the rest of his life.
For now they both think these short, simple moments are enough, not even daring to entertain the thought that the other would ever return their feelings.
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