I locked the door and sat on our bed. I closed my eyes, trying to get a glimpse of your silhouette. I covered my ears, hoping that I would hear your voice once again. But nothing happened. I slowly opened my eyes, vision slightly blurry. A tear fell and made me realize something. It made me realize that you are gone. I started to cry, loud enough for our son to hear. He quickly opened the door with his spare key and hugged me.

“Appa, stop this. You’re just hurting yourself.”

I think our son is right. But how can I stop loving you, Min?

++

I woke up the next day as I was feeling cold. Are you hugging me, Min? I slowly sat up and rubbed my swollen eyes. I sighed, another day without you. The door opened and saw our son, Sandeul, carrying a tray.

“Appa, you’re awake. Here, I brought you breakfast.” He said as he smiled at me. It reminds me of you, Min. That smile that only you and Sandeul can pull off. He placed the tray on the bed and was surprised when he suddenly hugged me. “Appa, don’t you forget that I’m always here for you.” I smiled and hugged him back. “I know.”

He silently watched me as I eat my pancakes. I looked up and saw his eyes fixed on me, I wonder what’s on his mind right now. I can clearly see pain in his eyes. “Just tell me what’s on your mind, Deul. Appa’s here to listen.” I said as I popped a piece of pancake into my mouth. He shook his head and just smiled. “Don’t mind me appa. Just continue eating.”

“Answer me, Sandeul. Do you miss him? Do you miss your umma?” I suddenly asked. He was stunned for awhile, and sighed sadly. “A lot. I miss my umma so much.” He said as he cried. “I want him back, appa. I want my umma back.” Too bad we can’t turn back time.

I just watched him cry. I’ve never seen Sandeul cry like that. He stayed strong for me but I guess that wall is now starting to break. I want to comfort him but I can’t put myself into it. I’m such a weak father for him. “I want him back too, Sandeul. But we can’t.”

“Are we going swimming, umma?” Sandeul asked as he bounced on his seat. Sungmin just smiled and patted our son’s head. “Yes, my dear. You’ll love it.”

“Umma’s right, Sandeul. You’ll definitely love the place I rented just for us. You