One strip.

 

Negative.

 

Again.

 

I sighed heavily as I threw the testpack to the trash bin. I stood up immediately from the water closet and looked at my reflection in the mirror. Worry was written all over my face.

How should I tell him about this?

My husband was longing for our first child for so long. Two years. I was wondering, what’s wrong with me? What’s wrong with my womb? Am I not fertile enough to be pregnant like other womans? I felt like checking myself to the doctor but I had no courage to do so. What if I really am incapable to be pregnant? I though I couldn’t accept that reality.

Slowly, tears started flowing across my cheek. God... please...

I spent the rest of the day by laying on the bed and cried. I was going to disappointed everyone again. My husband, my parents, his parents, and myself. I was such useless wife and daughter in-law. I was an imperfect wife for him.

I rubbed my flat tummy and hoped that one day it would gotten bigger and there was a baby inside me. But it seemed that I only could dreaming about it to be real.

I took a glance at my digital clock on night-stand, it read : 10 a.m.

I skipped my breakfast because I had no apetite after found out myself with negative sign on the testpack.  I decided to stroll on the street near my apartement to get some fresh air. Maybe it would help clearing my mind. I arrived at a park—still near my apartement complex—and looking for a bench immediately. I sat down and started to look around. Some middle-age womans were doing a light exercises not so far from my place. And in another side of park, I saw some parents brought their childs strolling the park with smile all over their faces. They did look so happy. I would be lie if I said I wasn’t envy them.

“Omo!” I startled and immediately came to catch a children who felt on the ground in front of me. I lifted him up and brought him to my arm. “Are you okay, baby? You hurt?” I asked as the baby boy started crying.

“Eomma...” He sobbed.

“Where is your eomma?” I looked around and saw a woman walked towards us with a worried face. And I just knew that she was the mother of this cute baby boy.

“Agashi... Thanks for helping my son. He just learn how to walk a few days ago and starts to stroll everywhere.”

“How old is he?” I asked as I caressed his chubby cheek and passed him to his mom.

“A year and two months,” She replied. The baby stopped crying as soon as his mother hugged him and started to bury his face in his mother’s neck.

“Oh...” I nodded. “Hey baby, what’s your name?” I asked the baby.

“Joon,” He answered shyly, made me smile. He already could talk. How cute!

“He seems to like you. Usually he is acting all shy around people he doesn’t know well and refuse to talk.” She explained and my smile became wider.

“My name is Yeonmi. You can call me Yeonmi noona from now on, Joonie.”

I spent an hour chatting with the young mother and her adorable son, Joon, in the park. She told me so much; how she dealth with morning sick when she was pregnant, how much pain she suffered when giving birth to Joon but also happiness she felt when she—for the first time—looked at her baby who just born a munite ago. Just hear the story was enough to make my heart warm. I also wanted to experience such moments.

I went back to my apartement at lunch time. My husband sent me a message and I read it as soon as I sat on couch, resting my back and feet who surprisingly felt sore after a walk from the park.

 

Don’t skip lunch, honey.

Love you <3

 

Such a simple message from him could make me this happy. I smiled as I replied his message quickly.

 

I won’t. Don’t skip lunch too, oppa.

Work hard.

Love you too <3

 

And, there was no reply again from him. I knew he was busy, so I wasn’t really expecting such long conversation with him when he was at work.

I stared straigh at wall for a good five minutes. I had nothing to do, to be exact. I was wondering how I should tell him about my incapable to give him a baby. He might mad at me. Or worst, he divorced me dan leaved. To be honest, I was mad at myself. My husband was a caring and lovely husband, I couldn’t ask for more. I was mad at myself because I knew I was going to disappointed him. I was going to hurt him. And if he hurt, it would hurt me more.

At last, I also skipped my lunch. I felt weak and decided to back to my bed, laying lifelessly there. I should prepare myself for the worst that probably would happen when I finally told my husband about it.

Night came so fast without I realized it. I didn’t know how long I had been laying on bed and cried for life. I sat up and rubbed my eyes tiredly. What time is it?

“Finally you are awake...” I diverted my eyes towards bathroom’s door and saw my husband leaned on door frame, smiled as he dried his hair with towel. He just finished taking bath. Oh my god, I didn’t even know he was already home.

“Oppa...” I greeted him with a hoarsh voice.

“Don’t overwork yourself, honey. You look extremely tired,” He said as approaching me and sat on the bed beside me.

“Oppa, have you eaten dinner yet?” I asked.

“No. And now I’m so hungry,” He replied and I felt sorry for not being a good wife for him. If I couldn’t give him what he wanted—a child, atleast I should be a very good wife. And now, here I was. I slept and forgot preparing dinner for my lovely husband.

“I’m sorry, oppa. I should wake earlier and make dinner for you. I’m not a good wife,” I said sadly.

My husband just laughed it off. “Honey, why are you being weird all of sudden? I won’t die if I skip dinner once. And if you are too tired to make me food for dinner, I can manage. I can cook ramen, for your information.”

See?

That was the reason why I loved him so much. I knew I couldn’t find another man whose better than him. He was the best.

“What do you want for dinner then? I’ll make it quick,” I said as I got up from bed and walked towards the door. He followed me behind and I turned around immediately, made him almost bumped to my back.

“What?” He asked confusedly.

“Oppa, are you going to have a dinner with a towel around your waist like that?”

“Sure, why not?” He asked confidently.

I blushed. “Please, wear your clothes. I’ll cook and I’ll call you when I’m done.”

“Okay,” He said finally.

I sighed as I walked down the stairs. I was heading to the kitchen and started to cook his favorite meal. My stomach growled angrily because I hadn’t feed them today. Ah, just thingking about those negative sign made me lost my apetite already. But with my husband around, I couldn’t skip another meal. He surely would scold me.

Thirty minutes later, we already sat on dinning table, having dinner as we had a little conversation about his works—mostly. “So, I told them that I already have a beautiful wife,” He told me.

He was telling me that one of his bussiness relative offered to introduce him to his daughter. And of course, my husband refused his offer and telling him that he already had me, his wife.

I smiled half-heartedly—my heart felt sudden pain that I didn’t know why I felt like that in the first place. “Why did you refuse his offer? You wouldn’t know if his daughter happen to be far more baeutiful that me. You’ll regret it,” I said.

He frowned. “Why are you saying like that? Aren’t you jealous?”

I was jealous, of course. Whose not? But if someday he met someone better than me, someone who could give  him anything that I couldn’t, I better not to be an egoistic person. I would probably let him go eventhough I knew it would hurt me so much. “I am not,” I lied.

I never expected those words which just came out from my mouth would make situasion became awkward between us. All of sudden, my husband shut his mouth up. And I regretted for saying those words. Oh my god. I was such a mood-killer. I wanted to cut my tongue for saying without thingking properly.

“B-because I know that you love me, that’s why I never feel jealous,” that was my late explanation.

Fortunately, he seemed to buy my words and a smile crept on his face. “I know you will say that,” He said.

I was hesitant for awhile whether I should tell him about the result of pregnancy test I took right now or not. I was afraid. I had no courage. I felt my feet became numb all of sudden and my palms became wet.

“What’s wrong?” He asked after observing my gloomy expression.

“Nothing,” I shrugged it off.

And he just nodded and continued to eat.

Maybe not now...

We were already laying on bed and readied to sleep when my husband said, “Can I ask you something, honey?”

I was pulling the blanket when he asked that. I froze for awhile. “S-sure.”

He smiled and with a swift move, he pulled me closer to him. He placed his left arm on my shoulder while I put my head right at top of his chest. I inhaled his sweet scent and closed my eyes. I heard his calm heart beat. “Honey... what’s wrong with you today?” He started.

“Ng?” I asked him back confusedly.

“...don’t be sad. I know you are disappointed and so am I, but we shouldn’t lose hope.”

I lifted my head up, made my eyes met his. “What do you mean, oppa?”

“I love you, Byun Yeonmi. You should remember that. When my heart decided to love you, I never wanted anything from you but your love. You love me back, that’s enough for me. I am the luckiest and happiest man in the world that I can marrying such a great woman like you. I don’t care if God doesn’t give us child until we are getting old and no longer can do anything, I don’t care if we should live alone—just two of us until we die. I don’t care of everything, if you are with me. I love you. I do love you. I love you so much.”

“Oppa...” I lost my ability to speak for awhile. He made me speechless. Why am I being so short-minded people?

“The fact that until now we haven’t had a child doesn’t make my love towards you lessen even a bit. Not even in slightest.”

“Oppa, you found the testpack?” My voice cracked, tears already forming on my eyes.

He didn’t answer, instead he said, “Please, don’t be sad. If you sad, I’ll be more sad than you. I am hurt seeing you hurt. I—”

“I am sorry, oppa,” I cut his words, hugged him and cried out loud like a five years old child who lost her lollipop. “I admit that I get mental breakdown after knowing the result of the test. I am such an useless wife. As a woman, I am not perfect. I make you and your parent disappointed. I can’t make you happy. I don’t deserve a husband like you...”

“Hhhh Byun Yeonmi, what should I do to you...” He mumbled as he caressed my hair. “Have I ever told you that you are the best, perfect, most beautiful, loveliest wife in the world?”

I recalled all memories we through together since we vowed in front of God as a husband and wife until now. Those were the happiest moments I ever had in my life. He was always showering me with so much compliments that I was so sure there’s no wife in the world got the same treatment like mine. He made me feel perfect and also happy. “Yes,” I nodded without doubt.

“So, why are you still doubting me?”

“I am not. I am sorry if I am such a short-minded wife. But you should know too that I love you so much, oppa. Truthfully, I can’t live without you. I am so scared that one day you’ll leave me because of this. I—”

“Honey, we’re both still young, though. Don’t worry. And you also should know that I am happy with or without a baby in our life.”

I sighed in relief. Thanks God, you gave such a wonderful husband for me. “Oppa, I am promise from now on I’ll try harder, harder, and harder.”

“Ng? Try harder, what?” He asked me confusedly.

I blushed immediately. Sometimes, I didn’t know if he was really not knowing what I’m saying or he was just acting stupid. “Uh, forget it. Let’s sleep, oppa. You should go to work early tomorrow.” I pulled myself from his embrace and adjusted my position laying properly on bed.

He pouted. “You angry?”

“No. Now sleep,” I replied shortly, trying so hard to hide my burning face.

He followed me by laying beside me. Then, I felt his hand on my waist. He kissed my forehead for a good ten seconds. “Okay honey, let’s try even harder, harder, and harder. But not now. Next time, okay? I love you so much, Byun Yeonmi.”

I smiled. “I love you too, Byun Baekhyun.”

 

 

---

 

-THE END-

 

---

 

Thanks for reading this fic :)

Please leave comments.......

Kamsahamnida~~