Calling keishota
Neverland Graphic Shop [NOT TAKING REQUESTS]
Review for: Thank You, Goodbye & I love you
Title of the story: [4/5]
When I first took a look of it, it got to admit it was long and confusing. However, I later understood what it meant, and thought it was a very good title.
Poster and background: [3/5]
The poster looks really nice, but I didn't really like the font.
Foreword and Description: [8/10]
I suggest what you put in the description (except the summary) and move it to the foreword. By the way, really love the description. Although it kind of reveal the ending, and I know what was going to happen.
Originality: [6/10]
To be honest, I have read and seen a lot of these kind of this ending, so it wasn't my first time reading this type of ending.
Plot: [22/25]
Although I think the story flow didn't go too well, it was alright.
Grammar: [12/15]
Your English is very good! However, you did have a little mistake.
Because he was enjoying his time in the other world where there was no pain that he needed to afraid anymore.
Correction: He was enjoying his time in the other world, where there are no pain that he need to be afraid of anymore.
The reason why you should take out the word "because" is because you cannot start a sentence with the word because. By taking it out, it makes more sense.
How do I suppose to do when you're not by my side anymore?
Correction: What am I supposed to do when you're not by my side anymore?
How do I suppose to do doesn't make sense. You also forgot to add the the letter "d" after the "e" in suppose. It should be: What am I supposed to do.
"He has gone. You have to be able to let him go," the doctor said with a gentle tone, but Dongwoon slapped the hand on his shoulder roughly while staring at the doctor with gaze full of hatred.
Correction: He had gone. You have to be able to let him go," the doctor said with a gentle tone, still patting his shoulder. However, Dongwoon slapped the hand on his shoulder roughly, while glaring at the doctor with gaze full of hatred.
What I don't get was that after the doctor said with a gentle tone, it said that Dongwoon slapped the hand on his shoulder. I know you wrote that the doctor patted his shoulder the sentence before, I think you should add it again. For example, The doctor said with gentle tone, still patting his shoulder and you should end the sentence right there. Most people write a sentence and when it has the word but, they added a comma and continue. While some people just continue with the next sentence with the word "but" but it isn't right. In this case, you had the word but, and added a comma. I think you should a new sentence using the word "However" For example: However, Dongwoon slapped the hand on his shoulder roughly, while glaring at the doctor with gaze full of hatred. I think you should replace "staring" with "glaring. When you say gaze full of hatred, it isn't staring. Staring is when you're just looking at them normally, while glaring means giving out or reflecting a strong or dazzling light or staring fiercely or fixedly.
You have a lot of punctuation errors like adding commas anywhere unnecessary. Also you have trouble with the past and present tense. Remember when it is a past tense, use "had. When it is a present tense, use "have" or "has" If future, use "will have"
Characterization: [7/10]
Since it is a one-shot, you don't really need characterization. Although you could add something a bit about them.
Ending: [8/10]
I kind of expected that kind of ending just by reading your description and by predicting it.
TOTAL: 70/100
Personal note: Hi~ first of all, I'm really sorry you had to wait for two months to get this review. I actually totally forgot about this until today. Really sorry~ Anyways, I hope this really isn't a low score because your story was actually very good! :] Although there were punctuation errors... So anyways, it's just that you need to improve on your past and present tense, and punctuation and you're fine! Hope to see more stories from you~! :] Hope you have a nice day! ^___^
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