His figure comes back to me in wisps. Here and there, a passing stranger on the street may hold a similar air about him that causes the burnt out light-bulb of memory to momentarily rekindle. Jongin was my everything and remains inside me as a constant reminder of my youthful fantasies in which the world was kind and loving and beautiful.

I can't help believing now that the shortness of the time we spent together may have been for the best. Although it breaks my heart again each and every day that I live without him, perhaps, Jongin was never meant to grow old. Like that hidden part of me, he too remains forever young and uncaring. His skin has never suffered the burden of age; complexion still golden and smooth as it nourishes the mounds of dirt that rest above it.

Don't ask me why he did it. To this day, I still don't know.

I've learned over the years that the world is an unending cycle of giving and taking away. For each bit of happiness that has enriched my life, a bit of sorrow has followed in its wake. The only difference lies in the length of time it takes for each part to run its course.

While happiness comes for a moment, a second, and insights unparalleled bliss, sadness comes for a lifetime. When one grieves, it is possible to move on past the worst stages, but never again will you feel the same as you did before. There will always be something, some hidden itch that inflames your heart so that the memory of those you've lost haunt your every hour and dream.

Happiness comes and goes so quickly that it is almost impossible to grasp its meaning. However, with Jongin, happiness seemed to be the only emotion I could develop. I saw nothing of the grief that lingered so gloomily on our future's horizon.

Instead, I opted to focus on the light in his eyes as he smiled and on the beauty that he gave my life during those listless summer months in 1964.

~

The warm June sun beats heavily upon our backs as we wait for the 2 P.M. train to pull into the station. Baekhyun's eyes are downcast but glittering. The tears are waiting to fall, encapsulated by anxiety and the understanding that his new life will begin as the door to his childhood closes sharply behind his echoing footsteps. Jongin and I both carry one of his three suitcases. To the passerby, it probably seems as though we're all going on a summer vacation together. The only detail that would off-put this assumption is the sorrow that lingers behind each of our smiles.

Jongin seems to hold himself together best. When the steam of the engine becomes visible in the distance, Jongin is the only one of us that holds back the breath that catches in his throat. As for me, I let out a shaky sob, followed closely by the release of the emotionally charged floodgates whose dam I'd worked to hard to build around my heart.

Alongside the screeching of the brakes, we line up the three suitcases in a row and wave Baekhyun goodbye. Stepping from between Jongin and I, Baekhyun creates the unmistakable void that we would long to fill in his absence.

“I'll miss this more than anything.”

Jongin smiles and nods sternly and, taking his cue, I do the same. Seeing this as his singal to go, Baekhyun boards the train.

Even in the unbearable heat, I feel a chill run down my spine when I look up to find Baekhyun watching us from his seat. As the locomotive pulls away from the station, away from us, Jongin and I remain standing in the spot where we'd been left behind.

We both seem to be lost in a trance; Jongin's blank eyes staring down the infinite span of railroad track and his smile faltering. The dull ringing of the clock is the only noise that succeeds in breaking the grip that reality has upon us. It's vibrations seep into me and remain as Jongin begins to speak.

“It'll be okay, Kyungsoo.”

I already know this to be true, but for whatever reason, it feels better hearing it from Jongin. His voice is deep, a baritone bellowing down the lonely stretch of corridor as we begin our walk back into town. My shoulders still slumped, my eyes still downcast, we continue on in a comfortable silence, listening to the birds whistling in the trees as we pass.

It's halfway home when I feel Jongin put his arm around my shoulders. It could have been the familial ties, but I could have sworn it felt exactly as though it were Baekhyun there beside me. I lean into his embrace and release the sigh that I wasn't aware I was holding in.

Eventually, we reach Baekhyun's house, but the atmosphere has changed. It feels devoid of that certain essence it had always held in the past, or perhaps, it was just the lack of Baekhyun's incessant chattering that had always rung in my ears as I approached the home.

“Will you still come back tomorrow with Baekhyun gone?”

Jongin's eyes look to me with a certain hint of longing that causes my heart to break, but only slightly.

“Of cours