First impression?

Let’s see. Where did I leave off? Ah, right. I was hearing her from across the thin wall that partitioned our bedrooms. And then, infuriated and annoyed, I went to her apartment, then pounded my fist against her door.

No way in hell was she a MILF. Far from it. Remember when I assumed the picture to be somewhat of some ually frustrated woman doing her thing down south in a pink nightie? She was far from that, too.

In fact, she looked like she was younger than me.

She was almost a head shorter than me. When I stood outside her door, and she stood across from me, she looked like a tiny object. She had black hair and dark eyes. She was dressed—wait for it cause I need to take my time to make this sound more dramatic—in tracksuit shorts and an XXL Metallica T-shirt.

Ever heard of a frustrated teenager ing in tracksuit trousers? I still hadn’t. Hence, the images of my neighbor letting her stream down ran away crying. She was not ing or involved in any other ual activity. She was exercising. I could faintly hear the “Up, down, up, down, take a turn, left, right, from the top, good work, warriors” from the TV across her living room. She had a sweat band tied across her wrist, the lines of her collar neck and shoulders were sleek with sweat.

“Can I help you?”

“Hau?”

I looked like a dumb blonde. I felt like the dumb blonde neighbor next door, who rang the doorbell for nothing and now was staring at the hot next door neighbor in jumpers. my life.

“Can I help you?” She said again, slowly, marking each syllable, like I was some mentally handicapped  mofo. I imagined cream seeping down the edges of while she spoke, then mentally slapped myself to get a grip. Then, I shut my jaws and thought of something nice to say, because, let’s face it, if I had told her “Hey, mind keeping it down with the ual ? I can hear it from across the wall. It’s kind of annoying and hot, I’m tired and I can’t sleep with my outrageous .”

Nope. I went for plan B.

“Hello,” I said and bowed a bit. Plan B was basically nothing but me bowing to her and smiling at her so she’d instantly fall in love with a gentleman such as myself and pass out.

But did it happen?

Nope. Instead, I completely made a fool out of myself and plunged forward somehow, like an odd force pushing me from the back, and while I bowed and had no option but to bow and not stand up, I hit my forehead against her and we both made somewhat an “AH”.

Which was not ual at all. Again, my life.

Anyway, it hurt like a motherer.

I took a step back, as did she, my hands on my forehead, hers on her skull.

We both looked at each other with wide eyes. Love at first sight? Oh please, I wish. No. She looked like she would drag me inside and skin me with her apple knife.

“Ow, I’m sorry,” I said.

“Seriously?” She said, frowning while she rubbed her head, “Are you trying to defy gravity or something? Ouch.”

I gawked while noticing she had dropped all honorifics and formality.

“I apologize,” I said again, my forehead throbbing. She had a hard head, wow.

“Dude,” she put her hands on her hips and blew a few wild fringes out of her face, “Just..Just keep your distance, could you not?”

I raised my hands up in air and pointed at my door, then slowly began to walk backwards, my eyes still on her, then slid into my apartment and shut the door behind my back.

Well, that was completely normal and not weird at all.

That could have gone better..

I felt like . I wanted to hide in the closet and scream like a little girl or something.

Oh Se Hun you piece of dumb . Ever since you dyed your hair blonde, dude, what is wrong with you…Hau? What the . God daym. You headbutted her, oh my God. You’re going to be a Hallyu star soon and you’re making haters already I told myself while I hid under the covers and decided not to come out till Sunday.

--

On Saturday morning, I awoke to the sound of a gargled voice and firstly assumed Kai in the kitchen, drinking Gatorade. When Kai drank Gatorade, he usually made that kind of sick beatboxing gargle that made it sound like puke. And then I thought, why the utter would Kai be in my apartment on Saturday morning on the first place?

I raised my chin and looked at the clock across the bedside table.

It read 7 am. 7 ing am on Saturday morning.

And someone was gargling on something across the wall like a ing donkey.

And then I heard a huge wail, along with the lyrics “I WAS GONNA GO TO CLASS BEFORE I GOT HIGH OOH OOH LADAT-DAT-TARA-RA..”

I shoved my head under my pillow.

“Give me a break,” I groaned into the mattress.

Ten minutes later, when I was sure my eyes were redder than baboon’s , after hearing Afroman across my walls for ten ing minutes, I couldn’t take it anymore.

I had to just go up to her, and tell her about how thin the walls were, and that she should keep it down.

It was ing Saturday morning, for the love of God.

When I walked towards my front door, I heard her humming. I pressed my ears against my door and heard her door slamming shut and some clicking of her keys. I looked through the eyehole but it was peripherally impossible to spot her. I then heard her footsteps making it down the hallway. I pulled my door open and ran outside. I saw her back going for the stairs.

, I couldn’t lose this chance. I had to tell her she had ruined my morning sleep which was a crime.

But she was walking away.

Frantic for I don’t even know what, I jumped forward like a toad, my hand reaching out to her even though she was an entire corridor away.

“Wait—“ I yelled at her while my feet carried me across the floor in a fast pace.

I know, I know, you’d imagine some kind of wild song playing in the background and Romeo running towards Juliet, but no, that didn’t happen.

I saw her turn her head. At the same moment, I tripped on my bare feet against the slippery floor and fell on my chin, my pointing up high in the sky.

I had my eyes shut tightly, partly to make sure I didn’t hurt, partly because I didn’t want to see the look on her face. Why was this happening to me…

When I opened my eyes, I saw her standing on the doorway, looking at me with blank eyes. The eyes like a cookie of “wow” with a kilogram of sarcastic flour involved. I tried standing up, my hurting, my chin hurting, my ING BLONDE HAIR on my eyes, but I fell again, on my this time, my legs going up.

“Wow,” I mumbled to myself and got up again quickly, gritting my teeth in the form of a grin, trying to act cool.

She was staring at me, with a fish-eyed face.

Awkward silence.

She then shrugged and said, “Well, then.” And walked off down the stairs.

I raised a finger to say something but I was burned by the thunder of shame, the odor of humiliation filling my nostrils.

Day 2—done.

--

Saturday night was really quiet. I wondered if she was even home. Once, in the middle of making dinner, I walked out of my door and coolly walked down the corridor and back. Basically, I was pacing in front of her apartment door like a dumb stalker. I even peeped through her eyehole. It was dark. I pressed my ear to her door to listen for voices. Maybe she was doing silent yoga today. Not once did it occur to me that it was normal for a young and healthy girl like her to be out on Saturday night. Still, my stubborn testosterone-charged male hormones denied to accept that she could even look at anyone else but her hot neighbor (me). Okay, I’m exaggerating. But seriously, it kind of stung when I rung her doorbell and ran for my life back into my apartment door, then tried to listen to the sound of her door creaking but it didn’t.

Sunday morning, I went out early with the hyungs to the office. We didn’t have a schedule, just a routine meeting with our managers and a guideline to the next week’s schedules. Kris hyung, Luhan hyung, Lay hyung and Tao were going to China for the week, and we were to go join them after a few days for a press conference there. I guess I was hyped about it, since everyday at Cheondamdong was becoming boring.

I came home around afternoon and I walked extra slowly in front of my neighbor’s door, trying to trace for noises.

I heard the faint sound of the TV running. Grinning, I went back to my apartment. Halfway while taking my clothes off, I pressed my ear against the wood wall. I could faintly hear her on the phone with someone.

“..Really? Okay. ..No he said tonight. I should shave my legs.”

That was about it before her voice faded off. She probably had moved to another room.

Why the hell was she shaving her legs? Who was he?

Around 8 o clock, when I was unable to hear anything unusual out of the walls, I snuck out my door again and stood outside her door, staring. I rang the bell and ran back into my apartment, my heart racing.
 

When I poked my face out after five minutes and nobody answered the door, I figured she was out. Well, someone was having a nice weekend.

At eleven, I was sitting in the living room with the television muted, unable to sleep for some odd reason, then I heard the faintest sound of people’s voices. I jumped out the couch, fell onto the floor ninja style, and somersaulted to my door. I pressed my ear to the door and listened.

“Did I forget to tell you that you look beautiful?” I clearly heard some scumbag rookie flirty dude voice saying.

“Nope, already said that about six times already, so thank you, Taemin-ah,” I heard her say. Oh cream, cream…

Slap. Back to reality.

“Hah, that’s good, then,” scumbag said.

“Tonight was….something,” she said.

“I’m a success, then, heh,” scumbag said. I couldn’t stop myself from gagging.

“Well, goodnight,” she said, as casually as that. I could hear it in her voice—the tone of a date gone wrong. The dude was totally a scumbag. And she was unsatisfied. I grinned to myself. Then I heard her fiddling with her keys.

I was almost about to get relieved, hoping scumbag had walked away, then I heard him say, “Wait, Sei-yah..”

Ding ding ding, Oh Se Hun, get the out there and stop it unless you want to hear wet smooches across this door and listen to the bed rocking against your stupid bedroom wall all night, be a man, grow some balls.

Oh hell no. No neighbor of mine was getting kissed by some scumbag date tonight. I kicked my door open and walked out to the corridor like a hero, imagining heavy metal playing in the background. Okay, that was stupid.

Both the dude and my neighbor looked at me. He was way taller than her, but not as tall as me (Haaah!) and was a little bent over on her face in an annoyingly gross way. He had fake dyed hair the color of , a stupid face, in classless jeans and a dress shirt that made me want to pfft. As expected, he looked like a douche.

But he wasn’t what I was staring at. I was staring at her. She was in a knee-length red dress, red converses, her hair tied up in a lateral knot that slid down her shoulder, her face a little pampered up. She looked absolutely stunning.

To make sure I wasn’t the douche, I calmly said, “Hey, you’re late,” and walked to her, grabbed her hand that was fiddling with the key, unlocked her door, put my other hand on the back of her waist and pushed her into her apartment through the door, and then came face to face with douche who looked horror-struck, grinned at him, told him to have a good night, and went into her apartment myself, slamming the door behind me.

The hallway to her living room had a small security light lit that made me see her across from me, her facial expression ready to kill.

“Why would you do that?” She asked, her eyes furrowing.

“You’re welcome,” I said, trying to act cool.

“NO,” she said, her hands going up in air. “Who the are you? Get the hell out of my apartment this instant.”

I winced.

“Hey, I’m just helping. He was totally bad news.”

“Bad news? You don’t even know him. You don’t…Holy Lord, you don’t even know me! Get out! Now!”

“Well excuse me for saving your night from turning into a total disaster,” I shrugged till my shoulders hurt.

She looked at me with apart. I made my eyebrows dance.

“Just who do you think you are?!”

“Your neighbor,” Calm and cool, Sehun-ah, calm and cool, “Neighbors help each other.”

“You just ruined my date.”

“Date? PSh, please, you call that date material?”

“He’s nice! Don’t talk about someone you don’t even know like that!”

“What? You want me to say he was good for you? No, he wasn’t. He wasn’t even in the same perimeter as what should be good for you.”

“How would you know that? YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW ME,”

“Please, like they’re anything special to know about you.”

“WHAT..”

“Your name is Sei, I think. You’re probably in college or something, you’re a —,”

“WHA—NO I’M NOT,” she was starting to stutter.

“Yes, you are. You are purebred . It’s written all over your face.”

“DOES THAT EVEN MAKE ANY SENSE, GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE THIS INSTANT,”

“Chillax, babe, I’m going,”

“I AM NOT YOUR BABY YOU IMPOTENT STERILE LUNATIC,”

“Easy, sheesh, no need to be an arrogant ,”

“DID YOU JUST CALL ME A ?”

“I called you babe first, though,”

“I’M CALLING THE COPS,”

“Relaaax, babe, it’s no biggie, I’m not you, you’re not my type, anyway.”

“……”

“….”

“My name,” she shut her eyes and said through gritted teeth, “..is not babe..”

“Really? Cause you look like babe. It’s better than when that douche called you Sei. I like babe. It suits you. I’m Sehun. You can call me…Sehun.”

“I WANT TO CALL A COP,”

“Yeah, you probably should. I should tell em that you’re misusing my rights as a neighbor and civilian by being too loud. Did you not notice our rooms are parted with a wooden wall? I can even hear you when you far—,”

She then threw one of her shoes at me that hit me straight in the face.

--

I saw her while going to work. She looked at me like I was a worm. I winked at her and grinned. Sehun-1, Seibabe-0.

When I came home from work, tired and ready to sleep, she played 150 decibels of Metallica across the wall.

--

It was early morning, I was getting ready for a dawn practice session when I decided to take the garbage out. In only boxers, a toothbrush in my mouth, I walked out the door and she was standing there on the corridor, waiting for the elevator, her backpack behind her. When she looked at me, I grinned, and paste fell down my mouth.

Cream, cream. Never again.

--

I rang her bell and ran back into the apartment twice today. She almost kicked my door down and screamed that she’d chop my head off with the emergency hatchet behind the fire extinguisher.

--

She was really quiet today. She didn’t play music. I rang her bell and rang twice. She didn’t come screaming. Then I knocked on her door and tried to listen if she was inside. I couldn’t hear anything. Her room was dark. When I came back to the bedroom, I was wondering if she was out with douche again. But through the thin walls, I could hear her sobbing. I spent the entire night leaning against the wall, hearing her cry.

--

I went jogging today morning. That’s what she did everyday around 6. I asked her why she was crying the other night. She kicked me in the shin and ran off. I followed her around. She ran away. I kept running after her. We were both tired and sat down at a bench. An old ahjumma said we reminded her of her youth, when her husband was romantic. She ran away again.

--

I went jogging with her again. I told her she was pretty. She attempted to kick me, but missed. I saw her smiling.

--

She didn’t go jogging today. I rang the bell before going to work to check up on her. The front door was open. When I walked into her bedroom, she was laying flat on her bed, burning with a fever. I skipped dance practice.

--

She said she needed to repay me for talking care of her when she had a fever. She made me a pie. It tasted horrible, I felt like I’d die. But she was staring with her wide eyes, looking at me, so I ate all of it. I spent the night in the bathroom.

--

I went to China today. I wanted to knock on her door but it was really early. She had stayed up all night doing homework or something, I had heard her talking on phone with her classmates for equations. I didn’t wake her. Instead, I slid a note down her door and left her some flowers.

--

It had been two weeks since I had left Korea. When we returned, we were given two days off from all that stage shows and press conferences. I was too distracted and drowsy to poke her that night. I took an hour long shower and had takeout dinner that I had brought in.

At night, when I wanted to sleep like a dead man, I heard a knock on the wall.

When I sat by the wall and knocked back, she stamped her fists against the other side, making me flip.

“You idiot,” she said, “What the does ‘see you soon’ even mean?”

“I thought you’d be happy jumping with joy that I was leaving,” I said back, my cheek pressed against the wall.

She was quiet for a while. I knocked.

“You’re an idiot.”

“Okay.”

More silence. She knocked.

“You could have left your number,” she said.

I smiled, leaning against the wall. It’s good to be home.

--