Sometimes, things go terribly wrong. 
Although for Jiho, "sometimes" simply meant "usually". Or even "always". 

He got used to it; he really did. He discovered that nothing in this world was guaranteed automatically. He discovered that everything could change in a moment. He discovered that stability was clearly too much to ask for. 

What he didn't get used to were just four words on a piece of paper. The words were trivial, even ridiculous; the agency obviously didn't feel the need to write down something fancy. And why would they? Instead of trying to overstep the cobblestone on the way, they threw it away without a second thought. 

Before all that, Jiho used to believe that every end was a new beginning. Perhaps that idea sounded naive and pathetic, but it helped him to stay sane during all those hardships. One gate closes, another gate opens, he repeated maniacally after every failure, continuing to move forward. 

But this time, the end was permanently printed on the piece of paper in black ink, and those small black gates didn't have a duplicate. 

Left for personal reasons. 

---

Carefully, Minho knocked, attempting to concentrate on the process of moving his knuckles against the door. But no matter how hard he tried, his thoughts seemed to reach the same destination over and over again, and that destination was separated from Minho by the door. 

Soon enough, this door will turn into a wall, he realised while knocking. 

The door quickly opened; it was Kyung, who threw a pitiful look at Minho and  then went out of the room without saying a word. Minho just nodded, thanking him for his understanding, and stepped in. Jiho was sitting on the bed, staring at his socks as if they were truly fascinating. 

Minho sighed quietly and sat down next to him, unable to break the silence. A strange mix of two sounds, Jiho breathing and clock ticking, filled the room. Previously, they used to sit like that for hours, enjoying each other's company without actually communicating. 
But that time, they didn't have hours. The clock was ticking. 

At last, Minho managed to open his mouth. 

"I am sorry," he stated, unsure what else to add. 

"It's not your fault," Jiho whispered tiredly, rubbing his hand over his face. 

"But..." Minho started, determined to prove his point. It was, indeed, his fault. He was the one who forgot to close the door. He was the one let them to find out. He was the one who got carried away too easily. 

"Just stop talking," Jiho interrupted him, finally turning to meet his gaze. An outsider would have thought that Jiho didn't care much: his facial expression didn't change in the slightest. But Minho wasn't an outsider, and he knew that leader's emotions hide in his eyes. However, it was much better to be a stranger than to see the amount of sadness these eyes carried. 

Taking a deep breath, Jiho continued. 
"It was my responsibility to keep you safe, and it was my responsibility to look after you. I failed as leader, I failed as hyung and I failed as your..."

Minho knew the rest of this phrase. He also knew that they would keep blaming themselves, even though it was pointless. For the last time, he leaned closer, and for the last time, Jiho took the initiative. 

Their kiss could have been called a passionate one. After all, passion and desperation are in fact similar. The only difference is that passion usually associates with brightness, while desperation is directly connected with anguish. 

"And... What's next?" Jiho asked a few moments later, already knowing an answer. They could never predict the future. 

"I will find a way. Really. The place my feet step on 24 hours is my main stage. I won't lose this connection," quoted Minho from his own rap. 

Jiho smiled weakly at the references to "Who am I", remembering the performances from a year ago. The heat, the screams, the adrenaline - both of them lived on it, anticipating the thrill the way drug addicts anticipate a dose. 

I won't ever share the stage with him again, he realised suddenly. It made him want to scream, to run away, to beg for another chance. Just one more chance. He could make it work, he could hide better, he could be more careful. 

He could, but he didn't. 
It was too late. 

"I should go. It seems like Jihoon wants to make a pond out of this place," Minho said, overhearing the sounds coming from the living room. That was his fault, too. He hurt his closest friend, and all because of his own selfishness. Did he ever consider even the slightest chance of Jihoon also getting affected by his stupidity? 

Minho stood up and walked towards the door. He knew that if he stayed any longer, it would get worse. He also knew that he shouldn't turn around. He couldn't turn around.

"We will get through this, right? We will. Together. Somehow. Promise me that it will be okay," Jiho murmured in a shaky voice, slowly losing control over himself.

Minho felt like their roles suddenly changed. Usually, it was him who asked for the promises he knew Jiho couldn't keep. And every time, Jiho agreed, perhaps a bit more cheerfully than it was needed, and every time the pain in his eyes spoiled all the hope. 

"I promise. I promise it will be ing great, Woo Jiho. It will be amazing." 

And at that moment, he decided that he would manage to keep that last promise. Jiho deserved it. 

---

Another thing that Jiho learnt almost immediately was "never ever plan anything". Things would always happen differently anyway. 

Jiho worked hard all his life, worked if he could and worked if he already couldn't. But it felt like it wasn't enough, like they were losing the opportunity, like everything would collapse if he didn't keep up. There were new people, new ideas, new rules, and Jiho tried his best to move forward with everyone else.

But sometimes Jiho was thinking that perhaps him and Minho were like perpendicular lines, which only meet once and then continue to move in their own directions. And the more he thought of it, the more he realised that this could totally be the case.

When they finally debuted, Jiho couldn't help imagining what would happen if Minho stayed. Would they have the same concept? Would he suggest something else? Would he agree with them? 
It was driving him crazy, but at the same time it was surprisingly calming. Perhaps that way, with Minho in his thoughts, he somehow managed to cope with all the pressure. 

He couldn't predict anything, couldn't plan ahead; but despite the decision to keep a low profile, he desperately wanted to see him again. He knew everything about his debut, and knew that he was doing well, but there was something else, something Jiho couldn't quite grasp. Minho was brilliant in hiding his real emotions, and so was Jiho. 

Jiho knew that he was the father of the group and that absolutely everyone needed his support. He wasn't allowed to show a weakness. He had many other things to take responsibility for, and the last thing he wanted was to depend on someone so much. 

But his fellow members understood anyway; they could sense it. They tried their best. 
And Jiho was lucky enough to have them. 

---

Both of their groups had promotions at the same time, which simply meant that they would meet each other. Somewhere, at some point. They will perform at the same venue, but not at the same stage. 

And, of course, it didn't happen the way it was supposed to. Their label decided that it would be just wonderful to film the whole process. Obviously, it made perfect sense - such a sad scene, "reunion of former brothers", will capture attention of all the fans who anticipated a drama. The ratings would probably rise, too. 

And even though it did make sense, it was unfair. Unfair that everything would be staged. Unfair that he would need to smile and say clichés and act like it was fine. Jiho hated himself for behaving like a teenage girl who thought that the world was pink and nice to you all the time, but he couldn't help it. He kept hoping, kept making plans, and they all kept breaking. 

And when they finally let him to go backstage after that rehearsal, Minho was simply standing there - wearing a ridiculous white coat, surrounded by other members. His Minho, all ready for the performance. 

But he wasn't his Minho anymore. His name was Tagoon, and he was the member of a ballad group, BoM. Ballad Group. With love songs and sweet voices and all that. 

Jiho knew that Minho could sing, and could sing well, but his real passion lied elsewhere. Somewhere in the heat of a club. Somewhere with the beat, tons of swearing and rough words about wanting freedom. It seemed stupid now, rapping about such things while having freedom. They didn't understand that word back then. 

They only found out what freedom meant when they lost it, and it was too late. 

Minho noticed Jiho coming from upstairs and just looked at him, looked closely, as if to remember every little detail of that ridiculous hairstyle and of that familiar smile. 
They both changed, both became stronger. At least that's what other people would have said saying.

Or maybe that extra strength was simply an illusion.

Jiho considered so many different scenarios of that meeting, but all the words suddenly disappeared from his head. He was thinking how he could go up to him, hug him, tell him something pathetic, and everything would be just fine. 

But for some reason, he could only think about Minho's new group. They looked really close, him and his fellow members. Perhaps Minho was happier with them, perhaps it was all for the greater good... 

And then Jiho met Minho's glance and understood that nothing ever happened for the greater good. 

"Tagoon," Jiho said awkwardly, smiling and staring at the floor. There are cameras everywhere, he reminded himself. I need to act. 

"You worked hard," Minho answered when Jiho stepped back. It meant "you worked hard, but we both are not there yet". It also meant "we need to work harder. Together". 

Monitoring BoM's performance turned out to be even worse.

Jiho really didn't want to watch it in front of everyone. He heard that song too many times; the lines were continuously repeated in his head, and that was a pure torture. 

"I thought I could live without you
I thought I could forget all the times that I loved you"

Jiho told himself he wouldn't start crying. He needed to maintain his reputation, he couldn't just turn into a crybaby. Besides, he wasn't the person who cried often. In fact, he didn't really cry at all. 

"I thought everything would be okay but it's so hard right now
I need to erase, I need to erase it all"

He wasn't even sure who wrote the lyrics to this, but he could finally relate to something fully. Sometimes he wondered whether it would be easier to forget. To move on. To distract yourself. 

But he quickly realised that it was impossible. And it was clear that it was impossible for Minho, too. 

He looked at Kyung, who was tearing away next to him. Kyung understood. Regardless of the circumstances, it was hard to be a parent. 

Afterwards, they asked questions. They asked them to be as honest as possible; people were always eager to see how their favourite celebrities overcame all the hardships. 

Previously, Jiho used to talk about how everything would change after their debut. How they would become idols, and idols have too many rules and too many responsibilities. And once Minho looked him and answered, "We won't be idols, huyng. We will be people." 

And as a person, Jiho tried to be as honest as he possibly could. He talked about the band, about the structure, about his brotherly feelings, trying his best to avoid the topic of personal reasons. It felt wrong, sharing so much with a camera, but it was his responsibility. One of many. 

If the producers wanted some drama, they got their drama. After the performance, BoM got a chance to visit them again, and Jiho wasn't ready. He wasn't ready for the sad stares and Minho's awkward attempt to save the situation. 

He definitely wasn't ready for Minho's warm voice calling him "hyung". 

The only thing Jiho could do was to look away. The camera was capturing everything: all the little gestures, all the tears, all the little words. Soon enough, everyone will see something that was supposed to stay private. 

And just when Minho's members hugged him tightly, Jiho ran a hand through his hair, realising his helplessness. These people right in front of them could support Minho at any time, while the only thing he could do was to stand there and watch. 

The desk between them felt like a much bigger barrier than a door. 

---

At the end, they managed to steal fifteen minutes somewhere in the storeroom. Producers let them go and wash their faces, and they needed to make the most of that time. 

But none of them knew where to start. 

"So... Ballads then, huh?" Jiho broke the silence nervously. 

"Yeah," Minho nodded. "Ballads. Singing and all that." 

"Um, yeah... I've... I've always liked your singing..." 

There were too many things they needed to say to each other, but none of them felt right at the moment. 

Minho made the last attempt to save the situation. 
"What's with your hair? You looked like Sandara Park in that video. All the glitter and cars. You should have just wore heels and become a girl group member." 

It wasn't even that funny, but Jiho suddenly started to laugh hysterically. He bent fully and nearly fell over, and Minho caught him, hugging closely. 

This way, they managed to break through. "I missed you, hyung. I needed you there." 

Jiho completely forgot what he was going to say. Mino was here, right in front of him, and he was safe. Maybe they were supposed to start at the same place, maybe it didn't happen, but it didn't matter that much anymore. They would figure everything out somehow.

Next time, they would chat about members, managers, songs, concepts and everything else. But that time, they just wanted to feel each other's heat, trying not to ruin their perfect cover - clothes, hair, make up. 

Minho missed that human contact. But even more than that, he missed seeing the real Jiho under all these glamorous layers. Jiho's true self was full of kindness and hard work mixed with anxiety and pain, and Minho knew how hard it was for Jiho to keep his funny and cool image on stage. The fact that Jiho could be himself around Minho felt special. 
These fifteen minutes felt like eternity. 

However, eternity still wasn't enough. 

"Someone will notice that my lips are swollen," Minho noted, breathing heavily. 

"Someone always notices something," Jiho answered, pretending not to care. He was putting the mask on again, covering the fear, and Minho realised that it was time to go. 

Finally, Jiho asked one last question - probably the most stupid question possible. 

"Are you happy?" 

Minho frowned in deep concentration, trying to figure out how to answer it correctly. He was always good with words, but both of them had their moments.

"I am better now, hyung." 

And Jiho knew perfectly what that meant. It meant "It could have been much worse."

And they were about to find out just how much worse this could possibly get. 

--------------------------

A/N: yes, I am a horrible person, and yes, I was supposed to publish this a month ago, and this is only a third or so of the whole storyline. 

I kept trying to improve this again and again, and to be honest, I am still not fully satisfied. If you notice any mistakes or if you just want to make a general criticism, please leave a comment. 

I promise that the next part will be published next week. Thank you for waiting for so long. 

The video that I used is Match Up (ep.5), and the lyrics are taken from BoM debut song "Without you".