“Let’s break up,”

--

I still love you

I wanted to tell you, the one who couldn’t take it anymore and gave up in the end.

--

 

A bright night in the middle of summer, on one of bench around Han river. They just celebrated their forth anniversary in one of the best restaurant that Lee Seunghoon can afford for four years of their dating journey. They talked about life, mostly about how fast everything changes, how beautiful their memories during those years, reminisces how hard it was to keep dating her until now, to make everything possible despite of her activity as an actress while Seunghoon was only a nerd, stiff and ordinary college student with glasses and oversize clothes. How hard it was for Seunghoon to hold himself when Soojung had kiss scene with the lead actor, or when Soojung was simply answering that she is single in every interview that she had, and when he had to keep this hide and seek relationship from media. They talked about how they are amazed and proud by what they had so far, how Soojung appreciated every single action of Seunghoon’s and how he’d always be there whenever she wanted or needed him.

Their high school friends said that they could be able together because it could only be working this way with Seunghoon, the most patient boy ever on earth. Because if Soojung dated other guys, it might not be lasting for even a week.

That night should be full of love, kisses, hugs, smiles, thrilling touches and ‘I love you’s. Breaking up is indeed not in Seunghoon’s list nor plan for tonight’s date. Instead, they should’ve been talking about the years to come, about the future, marriage, living in a simple yet comfortable house, being surrounded by kids, lots of them.

“W—why?” he’s startled, sweat running from his forehead, attacked by panic all of sudden. He changed his gaze to her, deeply, lovingly, but he saw that her eyes didn’t radiate the same way like they did four years ago. They didn’t work the way that Seunghoon wanted and his heart stopped for a moment to realize that.

“You know it’s never going to work out,” she sighed.

“I’m seeing someone Seunghoon-ah, and this one is real. I’m really sorry, but you can’t be with me, Seunghoon. You’ve been way too good, forgiving, patient and kind even after all the s I did to you. I’m feeling like a murderer every single time I spent with you. I don’t want you to suffocate, Seunghoon-ah. Let’s talk about our happiness. True happiness,” she sounds husky. People might think that she is an evil in the relationship but Seunghoon could tell that her eyes are glassy, that what she said was the truth that she kept in heart.

Seunghoon couldn’t be able to find a word but to be a mute for the time being, until Soojung’s lips reached his and he had his eyes closed, feeling broken by every second she deepen the kiss. Seunghoon found himself breathless when Soojung pulled away herself from him. He still closed his eyes because he hoped that everything he heard right now is untrue.

“Thank you, Seunghoon-ah,” she whispered, leaving him alone in blank afterwards.

But my true happiness is you.

 

--

I miss you more than I hate you

I long for you more than being sad

--

 

“Seunghoon-ah, let’s go,” Lee Seungyoon, his roommate, pulls him from the bed in attempt to ask him for going to college. It’s been three weeks for Seunghoon to be absent in all classes, and the lecturers have warned him through letter that he’s going to be dismissed if he dare to be absent once more. Seungyoon silently texted some more people to come in order to make Seunghoon getting up for this. He swears to heaven if Seunghoon is not person that have saved his life from a brutal truck accident, he might not be begging for him like right now.

“Seunghoon-ah, just because she’s gone doesn’t mean that your whole life have actually ended,” Seungyoon started to lecture him again. Unspurprisingly, Seunghoon is still looking at the blank space in front of him, ignoring what his bestfriend just said.

An impatient knocks coming from the dormitory’s door. Seungyoon hissed before walking to the door to open it for him, since it’s impossible for having Seunghoon open it right now.

“Where’s he?” a firm voice hastily asked. Seungyoon boringly his brow to Seunghoon’s direction while having uneasy feeling. He seriously doesn’t want this to happen, but he has no other choice, “Go easy on him, Minho-ya,” Seungyoon warned, but the latter seemed to not hearing any word from him. He approached the lifeless guy who seated on the edge of the bed. Noticing his figure, he can tell that Seunghoon didn’t sleep nor eat for a week. The dark circles around his eyes and pointy jaw tell it all.

“Go to college,” he ordered, unluckily getting no response.

“You can just sit here for the entire day, week, month, year, or even the entire life if you want, but it won’t change anything! Soojung won’t be back to you! She even has had beautiful life without you! GET OVER IT!” Minho threw a piece of newspaper in front of him. Seunghoon lazily peeked it from the corner of his eyes, suddenly they got widen.

 

Breaking: Jung Soojung is Engaged to Oh Sehun

 

He clenched his fist, getting angry and betrayed by only looking at the title. Oh Sehun, he repeated that name all over again in his brain. The youngest heir of Oh company and the one who said that will be taking a good care of Soojung in entertainment industry. The only one who knew that Soojung and Seunghoon were dating. He felt all his blood rushed up to his head, feeling emotional for some seconds before loosing it again. He closes his eyes and bits his lower lip.

If this brings the true happiness to Soojung….. he said to himself, trying to soothe himself from all the cruelty that reality have brought to him recently, …I should be okay.

“Now go to college,” Minho warned him again, obtaining a weak look from Seunghoon. He smiles sadly at the big guy, bringing creeps to SeungYoon who have watched the scenes since beginning.

“You expected me to go to college after this?” he pointed at the newspaper before taking it and rumples it into a ball, “…what do you think I’m able to do in the class?” he pressed it even harder and throws it elsewhere but Minho and Seungyoon’s direction.

“I know you’re mad! But don’t sacrifice yourself over something that’s not even worthy! Don’t sacrifice your college, your bestfriends that have been caring for you only for that filthy thing that even just get you NOWHERE!”

“Not worthy? NOT WORTHY YOU SAID? SOOJUNG VALUES MORE THAN MY OWN LIFE, YOU GUYS KNOW IT BETTER! You said not worthy to the thing that I hardly kept for three years???!!!!!!! I’M SO DISAPPOINTED THAT IT’S MY BESTFRIEND WHOM KNOW ME BETTER SAID THAT!”

“Yeah… not worthy. She is not even more worthy than a piece of trash! She used you, cheated on you, slept with another guy, now broke up with you after all your kindness, forgivings, and money spent on her?” he smirked, one of eye brows raised. He knew this will bring more anger to his bestfriend but he doesn’t mind, “…you knew that she’s just . But you’re just too blinded by love to admit it,“

 

 

 

“I love you… I love you, S—Sehun,” she said huskily. Her voice is audible enough for him to hear before he got into her apartment. He didn’t put any curiousity, thinking that Soojung might be training for her script. He pressed the passwords that he had known for years on Soojung’s door quickly—it was the date of their anniversary—impatient to meet his most beloved one. He has big smile plastered all over his face and a bouquet of roses in his hand before getting into the room. It’s been three weeks since they met each other. Soojung was currently busy promoting her new movie overseas and sometimes the internet connection that Soojung had wasn’t working, making her insufficient to hold Skype call with Seunghoon.

He just missed her so much.

He smiled and fixed his glasses’ position before pulling the door knob and push it inside.

“S—Soojung? Sehun?” he’s surprised, mouth wide agape. The smile has vanished and the roses in his hand falling down, scattered all over the floor to see them doing adultery in front of his eyes. They both are , sweats are all over their body and Soojung still panted hard when she finally saw Seunghoon and taken aback to reality. Even for once in the years they dated, he never took any advantage from her despite of his hormone or lust that a man normally had inside Seunghoon’s and he remained as a because he knew, they would share and do it later after marriage.

“S—Seunghoon?”

 

He walked out of the door and not replying any of Soojung’s text for the entire day.

 

 

“I forgive you,” he said in a soft tone. His hand is still writing a report of patient that should be submitted this afternoon in his professor’s room. He didn’t take his eyes off of the document not because he’s that busy, but because he’s really hurt by her action.

“I’m really sorry,” Soojung begged again, even though Seunghoon said he has forgiven her, she’s still unsure because her boyfriend didn’t even want to look her in the eyes like he usually did.

“Stop it, okay? It hurts me to have you saying sorry,” Seunghoon finally meets her eyes and smiles. He pecks her cheek and the girl only smiled back at him for that, “…let me finish the document first, we’re going to have a date after this,”

 

 

 

“SHUT IT SONG MINHO!” his already clenched fist flew to meet Minho’s face once he heard how Soojung is being called by him. His head, heart, and pride hurt to have Minho’s sentence all over his head over and over again. He basically kneeled down after hitting Minho and felt all the rages that linger on him turning into mocks.

Brakkkk!

“Song Minho!” Seungyoon shouted, hold back the big guy who seemed to be devastated over their bestfriend. He just lifted a small lamp table beside Seunghoon’s to be hit on Seunghoon. He has blood all over his face and cried before seeing Minho spitting in front of his face.

“LOOK AT ME NOW! YOU KNOW I’M NOT TRYING TO KILL YOU THANK GOD I’M A MEDICAL STUDENT TOO SO I KNOW WHERE TO HIT TO MAKE YOU NOT DYING. BUT LISTEN TO THIS: I’D RATHER HAVE YOU ABSENCE FOR CLASSES BECAUSE YOU’RE SICK THAN BECAUSE YOU’RE DYING OVER YOUR ING BREAKING UP WITH ! GET OVER IT! GET OVER IT! YOUR PARENTS SENT YOU TO SEOUL NOT FOR THIS! YOUR PARENTS DIED IN THE PROCESS OF WORKING HARD TO COLLECT MONEY FOR YOUR SCHOOL, NOT FOR THIS! IF YOU STILL THINK THAT SOOJUNG IS WORTH YOUR COLLEGE, MEANS THAT YOU THINK SHE’S EVEN MORE PRECIOUS THAN YOUR WONDERFUL PARENTS! I SWEAR I’LL KILL HER IF YOU STILL BEHAVE LIKE THIS!”

For the first time in that day, Seunghoon cried. He felt his blood coming from forehead mixed with his tears running down to his cheeks and his lips. He hiccuped for some good times, remembering his late parents whom worked as farmers in Busan that worked days and nights to live their son’s dream of being a doctor. Until they both got unhealthy because of their non-stop works, until Seunghoon found out that both of them having a health issues, until both were died one by one before Seunghoon was even able to take them to hospital.

 

Everything goes bleak for him some moments afterwards.

 

 

--

If we bump into each other, what would happen?

Would I hide from you amongst the crowd,

even if it’s only a waste of insignificant feelings?

--

 

It’s been two years after his broke up with Soojung and they never made any contact ever since then. That’s better, though.  Seunghoon can take his time to do things positively, being a workaholic, and accelerate his graduate due to his impressive records during the last two semesters. Seungyoon, Minho and Jinwoo were protesting for that to their professor, but he seemed unwillingly lift them to graduate soon like Seunghoon. He still remembered the bitter expression on his bestfriends’ faces while he was the only one to have the brightest smile of them all in the hallway.

“I’m proud of you, Seunghoon-ah,” Jinwoo said, when they’re working in the interns’ room to have the final reports of patients checks.

“I don’t think I could do it without you guys,” he sheepishly said while rectifying his glasses, earning a slap on his shoulder from Jinwoo, “..aigoo you’re acting gay again!”

He only chuckled, continuing the reports and doing re-check to other finished documents before piling all of those in a blue folder with his university name written on it. He smiles satisfiedly and looks at Jinwoo who seem to be so far from finishing his documents.

“Submit it with me!” he warned and Seunghoon only slids his thumb up as response, “I just want to have some fresh air,” he said, leaving his documents as guarantee to Jinwoo. He walks around the hospital in a medium pace with his hands in his lab coat’s pockets. He sometimes exhales a bit of the hospital air deeply which is mostly contained bt the smell of drugs and liquid in infusion bottle. He smiled at some patients that he knew along his way, sometimes bowed at them in a proper manner when he doesn’t know who the patient is and even having a little talk with them while passing by. If you look at him, you can tell that he’s a well-raised son from a friendly family.

He kept walking until he found Professor Ha in his midway. He waved at him and approached afterwards, taking the documents that he currently brought, “It seems so heavy, Prof,” he mischievously said, hands are still lingering over the thick documents. Prof Ha is a doctor and also lecturer in Seunghoon’s university. He’s a sixty years old man that have issued the permit for Seunghoon to have his acceleration. Both are really close to each other that even he deemed that Seunghoon is his own son.

“Young man, aren’t you ashamed to say that this is heavy when I was even carrying out by myself from the other corner of this hospital,” he complained, obtaining a giggle from Seunghoon.

“What’s your plan after this?” Professor Ha suddenly asked, when both of them walking straightly to his room. Seunghoon changed his gaze to the park outside the hospital, thinking hard. Graduation is in the corner for him, it’s less than six months from now. He firstly planned to be a voluntary doctor in his university’s hospital, but Professor Ha rejected him, saying that it’s going to be a shame if a bright student like him only being voluntary student. He said that Seunghoon had a better future than that, but ‘the better future’ means that he had to take specialization, and he had not enough money for that.

“I still thought of working here,” he said in a low voice. His hand scratch the back of his head because he knew what Professor Ha is going to say after this.

“This punk,” Professor Ha took a deep breathe, shook his head in disbelief. He didn’t understand how Seunghoon is unable to understand his own potency, “Don’t you think of studying abroad?”

“I even have no money for specialization, how come you asked me to study abroad?” he pouted and the Professor playfully smacked his head for that.

“You can apply for scholarship! Study abroad and go home with proud, Seunghoon-ah. I want you to see more of the world, not only being satisifed of what we had here in South Korea,”

“Isn’t it too far? Going abroad? Can I just take my specialization in this university again?” Seunghoon suddenly feels worry if his Professor will send him abroad. He couldn’t imagine how life is without seeing Seoul’s skyscrapers, eating kimchi and bothering Nam Taehyun. While the Professor feels the reverse because basically, he’s just feeling annoyed by Seunghoon’s complain and unimportant worries.

“No, I’m going to ask to the school committee for not accepting your application if you send it here. Go abroad. I seriously kick you out of this country because the sixty years old man is really tired debating stupid stuffs like this with you,” Professor Ha warned him, but Seunghoon only smiled at him foolishly while fixing his glasses. Aegyo is his best weapon to melt Professor Ha’s frozen heart, but for now, Seunghoon’s lost.

“No, no, no. don’t use your aegyo, I hate seeing it,” he said while proceeding to fast-walk to his room. He covered his eyes, trying not to look at Seunghoon. The younger boy is catching up with him when he saw his Professor has vanished into his room.

“Professor Ha!” he said playfully before getting into his room.

 

“Jung Soojung-ssi?”

 

His breathe is hitched, eyes are widen and hands are trembling when he saw her figure again for the first time in two years. Fortunately, Soojung didn’t look at him, because she seemed to have consultation with Professor Ha and actually Seunghoon can only see her back from the door. He quickly gets out to stand beside the door, body is sticking to the wall, ears are trying to figure out every conversation that they had, because damn, he wants to know what her problem is.

“Here is the result of the examination. Seemed that you have a very bad leg injury for now,” he heard Professor Ha’s voice, seemed to be unclear but he can tell that Soojung has a leg injury again. He closed his eyes, suddenly feeling worried because it happened a lot to Soojung since she recently starred in action movie. Seunghoon hold Professor Ha’s documents tight, close to his chest when he heard that Soojung needs to go on surgery for now, since this case is worse and Soojung seemed so stubborn for not stopping her activity for awhile nor having rest.

“I told you…,” he mumbled, more to himself because he basically talked alone.

 

 

“It seems that you have an injury in your leg,” Seunghoon finished his examination on Soojung with only his simple equipments that he had in the interns’ room. He helped her to stand up from the bed because it seemed difficult for her to even move a bit of her leg. He gripped her waist tightly to support her weight and it’s really painful for Seunghoon to see her being in pain like this.

“Are you going to continue shooting with this condition?” he asked, spruced the bangs in her forehead and wiped the sweats coming from her face softly. She only nodded as a response and Seunghoon heaved a heavy sigh for that.

“Would you like to listen to me?” he smiled, before helping her to sit in one of the chairs in the room. Soojung only nodded again.

He started to carress her face and held her chin softly to make her eyes met his, “Stop it for a week. Only for a week, and after that you can continue shooting again,” he said, patting her head softly.

“I can’t, Hoon,” she looked at him with fire in her eyes, it seemed to be burning and Seunghoon knew that it cannot be stopped, “…this is the role that I wanted to do since the beginning of my career. You knew it too! And the producer said that he might replace me anytime with any other actress if I’m unable to do this,”

Seunghoon still looked at her softly, didn’t know which words he should use for convincing her, “…better to get rest now than having it worse later and you’re unable to do anything. Better to sacrifice one, Soojung-ah,” he carefully said because he’s afraid if Soojung misunderstood with his words.

“Sacrifice? Hoon, you knew me better than anyone else, and you knew better how much I wanted this role. You can’t just say that easily, because it feels like my whole life, my career depends on it. it’s not something easy to talk about, Hoon. Do you know how much my parents trusted you and how they will obey everything you said regarding to my health?” Soojung’s eyes signaled that they are in the verge of tears, ready to burst out anytime. Seunghoon was startled and hugged her tightly, buried her face on his chest. He patted the young girl’s back tenderly trying to soothe her but Soojung ignored him afterwards, stood up and left him dumbfounded in the interns’ room.

He knew that Soojung was mad at him for saying things like that, but he tried to tell what’s best for her.

 

 

 

“I’m afraid that you may not be able to film action movies anymore, or even I don’t think you can go anywhere six months after the surgery,”

 

Seunghoon shut his eyes tightly, hoping that he could be there, pat her back, touch her soft hands to soothe her but her fiancee is inside. Sehun should’ve done that for her, he must’ve been doing better, Seunghoon thought to himself. The thought of Sehun with Soojung alone is however enough to break him down into pieces.

That’s when he finally decides to study abroad—to completely vanish Soojung from his mind.

“Seunghoon hyung?”

He was suddenly taken aback from the reverie, his eyes are opened and he found Taehyun in front of his face which startled him because the close distance he put between his face and Seunghoon’s. The nurses around them giggled to see what happened because it seems that Seunghoon is like going to be kissed by Taehyun—or maybe, they seem to be like a couple that wanted to make out, because he stood against the wall while Taehyun has his hands on Seunghoon’s each side, making the scene perfect.

“Yah!” he scolded Taehyun, to which, his hoobae is only naughtily laughing.

“Hyung, what are you doing? Why don’t you get in?” he cocked his brow to Professor Ha’s room.

“Professor still had patients,” he said while passing the Professor Ha’s documents that he has hold for the time being to Taehyun, “…are you going to have consultation about thesis?” Taehyun nodded, feeling confused with the documents he just gave because there are to many of it and Taehyun looked like he’s going to stumble because his thin body can’t support those thicks documents.

“Good, give it to him later. Tell him that Seunghoon is considering to study abroad after graduating,” he ruffled the younger’s hair and walking away to go back to the interns’ room.

“HYUNG!”

 

 

--

You may be smiling from happiness now.

You, the person who left hurtful scars more than happy memories

--

 

 

Seven years after his broke-up with Soojung. His life is being fastly changing as he kept himself busy with research, studies, and invention. He just went back to South Korea after finishing his specialization in US. He took Psychiatry as his specialty based on others’ opinion and also Professor Ha’s. His friends told him that he’s a nice and patient person so that he could be a big psychiatry in the future while Professor Ha suggested that because he mostly obtained high score in that area during residency. He knew that his friends’ reason may be non-sense and laughable but he didn’t laugh nor think of it as funny, because his own reason to be a psychiatry is even more insane.

He only wanted to heal himself.

Lee Seunghoon is waiting outside the airport for Seungyoon whom promised to him earlier to pick him up. He looked different than he was in some years ago. He is not the thick glasses Seunghoon with an oversizing clothes. He has taken off his glasses some years ago during his beginning year in US through a laser eye surgery. He now knows how to dress—he wears a brown khaki that wraps his long and small legs perfectly, a navy blue short sleeves shirt that’s inserted in his pants neatly draped with a comfortable light grey sweater, with the collar of his navy blue shirt shown popped out of the sweater.  He’s now the Seunghoon that every girls will fall for, the Seunghoon that’s being a center of attention around girls for some good minutes he waited for his bestfriend in airport.

“Hoon!” Seungyoon shouted his name from afar. The latter waved his hand delightfully before approaching his bestfriend to give him a hug. To be his surprise, Seungyoon actually is not coming alone, but with Minho, Jinwoo and Taehyun. Seunghoon hugs them all in a big group hug, “I miss you all,”

 

 

“Dr. Lee is now a heartrobber, ha?” Minho mocked him with a sing-song voice, obtained a playful hit on his chest from Seunghoon. He was being an object of bullies during their time in the car for his bestfriends because of his 180 degrees different look. Seungyoon kept praising Seunghoon’s fashion preference while Jinwoo kept touching his face as if he thought that Seunghoon just had a plastic surgery.

“I’m not having a plastic surgery, seriously,” he laughed a bit in the middle of his explanation, and he actually didn’t need to explain because his bestfriends knew better. They all are doctors now and they can tell by the look which type of human’s skin that had been gone through surgery.

“I know, brat,” Jinwoo, who is now a specialist in neurosurgery, feeling like he’s being looked down by his fellow doctor. Seunghoon only giggled to soothe the elder’s madness.

“I heard you haven’t finished your study?” Seunghoon asked, to Seunghyoon who is currently driving. He heaved a deep sigh for that question while the rest of them chuckled, “That’s a sensitive topic that you brought, Dr. Lee,” Taehyun said, mimicked the way Minho said ‘Dr. Lee’.

“I took Pulmonology, what did you expect?” Seungyoon shortly answered and Seunghoon only nodded. Studying medicine is indeed can be very time-consuming. Not only in South Korea, in all countries around the world, medical school is the longest education that a bachelor level would obtain since they’re going to deal with human and humanity. Everything is becoming complex when it comes to ‘determine humans’ lives’. He is proud to be in this profession and sharing the same passion with wonderful people that are dedicated to be a doctor. He silently looked at Minho, a specialist in anaesthesiology, Jinwoo, a specialist in neurology, Seungyoon, who is now trying to finish his study in pulmonology and Taehyun, the first year student of sport medicine specialty. Seunghoon suddenly feels complete because he’s surrounded by not only smartass friends, but also some caring friends that have never left him even for a second during his ups and downs.

“Haven’t you guys thought of marriage?” and his question suddenly brought a strange atmosphere in the car as Minho started to blow a whistle, Jinwoo started to looked outside the window, Taehyun is giggling, while Seungyoon suddenly sang his heart out loudly.

“That’s another sensitive question you asked, Dr. Lee,” Taehyun said, still giggled, and Seunghoon only shook his head in amusement.

“I love you better when you’re in US, seriously. Should you ask about things like that?” Jinwoo burst out, obtaning laughs from the others.

Seunghoon joined them laughing, well yes, he should know that it’s really an odd question to ask medical students such things. They barely get involved into a romantic scene because the only romantic scenes that they made is only with drugs and syringe.

“Aren’t you still with Ji Eun?” Seunghoon asked to Minho with a casual tone. Ji Eun is another medical student in their university that Minho confessed to in the last year of his study. He only showed him a bitter expression, “..she’s engaged to another doctor. Guess I’m not the one,” Minho shrugged his shoulders, “Seungyoon is now dating a model, you know that?”

“Y—yah!” Seungyoon is being stuttered when the conversation is diverted to him.

“I knew, it’s been everywhere in the newspaper. What’s her name again? Kim Yu Jin?” Seunghoon teased and his bestfriend’s face is now blushed because of that.

“Don’t do that Seunghoon-ah, he may not be concentrating in driving and lead us to die later,” Jinwoo warned with a teasing voice. Seunghoon’s cheeks heated up and he found himself unable to mutter a word. He only chuckled, “..you made me unfocus already,”

“....talking about marriage, you actually remind me of someone,” Minho said hesitantly, “…you still remember Jung Soojung?”

 

 

Jung Soojung.

 

Hearing her name is enough to make him stare in a blank space for some good seconds before he pulled back himself to the reality, “Of course, isn’t she my first love and the only girlfriend that I had during life?” he jokingly said, obtaining a relief smile from Jinwoo and Seungyoon.

“Why, why, why? You guys seem like just meeting a huge giant that wanted to eat you alive, but he put you back to the land because you’re no delicious at all,” Seunghoon noticed the changing expresion in his bestfriends’ face. They seemed to be relaxed now after being stiff for some seconds Minho mentioned Soojung’s name. No one could lie to him right now because he learnt expressions during his specialty years.

“It’s just… we’re afraid that you’re not able to forget her,” Seungyoon said.

“Calm down, gentlemen. It’s been long time and I’ve actually moved on,” he proudly said, even though his heart didn’t fully agree of what his mouth just spoke to. It was a half lie  half truth.

“She gave me this to deliver it to you yesterday,” Minho said while taking out a card from the pocket of the back of driver’s seat, throw it to Seunghoon. He grabbed it perfectly and tried to figure out what the card is—it’s a wedding invitation.

“I have no idea, what actually her intention is,” Minho shrugs his shoulder.

 

 

“Could we even be together?” Seunghoon asked, his fingers interlaced with the edge of his high school uniform. He knew that it was an impossible thing to have Soojung. They came from two whole different worlds. Soojung was what every male students wanted, a talented and beautiful girl with great family background. While Seunghoon is only an orphan, a nerd with glasses and oversized uniforms, most of his stuffs were secondhand stuffs from the bigger guy in the orphanage.

But he dared to say things like this to Soojung because rumour has it, that Soojung liked him. He wanted to give it a try, even if he’s later being rejected, he didn’t mind. At least, he tried.

“Why are you hesitating, oppa?” her cheeks blushed in red, she never expected this to come because as all students knew that Seunghoon is only a stiff shy kid with introvert personality. It was even hard to make him as a friend.

“I—I love you,” he said with a stuttered voice.

Soojung didn’t respond. She pecks his cheek afterwards before running to her friends.

 

 

“Maybe, she still thinks of me as a friend of hers,” Seunghoon rapidly answered after having another memory flashed in his mind.

“..and yes, she’s still with Oh Sehun if you wondered. Wonderful that she could keep it for that long,” Seungyoon said in sarcasm.

“She said that Oh Sehun is her first love, that she had never been in any relationship before Sehun. Media was exaggerating it, saying that they’re the Korean version of Romeo and Juliet. What? Excuse me? Romeo-Juliet, my ,” Jinwoo bluntly said, and that was the first time for Seunghoon to hear him cursing.

“Do you need a company, hyung?” Taehyun offered, and it seemed that the other guys wanted to acoompany him if he wanted to attend the wedding. Seunghoon only shook his head firmly.

“..or maybe, you need something from us?” Seungyoon asked, his gaze is never leaving the road in front of him, but Seunghoon knew that he was being serious.

“Well, I only need Jinwoo hyung to surge the small scratch I had in my sinciput because that brat hit me with a lamp table seven years ago,” he jokingly said, earning laughters from the others.

 

 

Long time no see, Jung Soojung.

 

 

He heaved a heavy sigh before entering the Oh mansion’s gate for the first time. He looked formal with a pair of black suit he only used when he graduated in US, along with an unusual tie that made him look younger. He walked confidently, seemed like he was in the runway. He had a smile plastered on his face as media took his photo and paparazzis start gathering around him to ask some questions. Soojung and Sehun’s wedding was pronounced as a Korean royal wedding because only some people can get in to see the whole wedding ceremony, and it was surprising to see the current public figure that is non-entertainment industry person, Lee Seunghoon, to come to the wedding.

“Dr. Lee, do you have any relation with the groom or the bride?”

“This is realy interesting! The young intelligent doctor, Dr. Lee, is coming to Oh Sehun and Jung Soojung’s wedding!”

“Dr. Lee, how do you manage to be the best graduate in Harvard Medical School?”

“I’m coming here as Soojung’s high school friend. It’s been long time for me not seeing her, and I bet that she invited me because she may be wanting to have little reunion with other high school friends in her wedding,” he answered.

“Dr. Lee, we heard that you’ve ever had a romantic relationship with Jung Soojung, is it true? We heard it from your highschool friends,”

Seunghoon was taken aback a little, but maintain to chuckle anyway, “….are you even kidding me? I’m just the other fanboy of Jung Soojung’s back then in highschool. I really adore her a lot, but for having the mutual feeling with her, I doubt it. If I’ve had such relationship with her, don’t you think that I’ll keep it till the end?” he jokingly said, heart is painful as hell when the journalist start laughing with him.

He bowed once again to them before getting into the mansion.

 

 

 

 

“Now, I pronounce you as Mr and Mrs. Oh,”

 

--

I tried emptying out my heart that’s filled with you,

hoping something movie-like would happen to me.

--

 

A loud and long cheer coming from the visitors, as both of Soojung and Sehun drawn in a deep kiss and smiled to each other after that. Seunghoon looked at them from afar, from one of visitor seats and smiling bitterly at that. He used to imagine that scene again and again when they were dating, sadly that was not his scene to have and Soojung is not his to hold.

He walked silently to the water fountain when everyone started to dance with their pairs under the lights of the stars. He sat on the edge of the stone bench, looked up to the fountain and heaved a heavy sigh. It’s been seven years and everything still seems like a crystal clear to Seunghoon. He smiled at himself on how people pronounced him to be the most preferrable son-in-law, that guy, but he himself is unable to make his own vivid dream come true. He was not even holding her back when she made the decision, he only let her go because he underestimated himself in getting her back. He was insecure, as he was not a handsome, tidy, sociable, and friendly guy that every girls would adore.

He had no confidence nor pride back then.

He had nothing but Soojung, back then.

“Dr. Lee?” a soft voice called his name like a melody. It sounds familiar to his ears, it was still the same voice when she did endearments to him. He looked up to see a beautiful goddess in white gown looked back at him. He must be dreaming, he thought. He blinked his eyes once again to be convinced that it was not a dream.

“You’re real,” he said, smiling, now stood up in front of her. Even though she used a quite tall high heels, he was still taller than her and he strangely loved the idea of still being taller because he could protect her with his own arms.

“A dance wouldn’t hurt, right?” she offered her hand and Seunghoon hesitantly took it before finally they both are swaying perfectly with the music. He hold her waist, she tied her hands around his neck, and it really felt like a dream because he only imagined the scene in his dream.

“Long time no see, Lee Seunghoon,” she said, smiling at him dearly. Seunghoon could imply how sparks are coming from her eyes but it was not the sparks of love anymore, that was sparks of delight, and Seunghoon is more than pleased to see it. he loved the idea of seeing Soojung’s happiness, even though he is not the part of it.

“Yeah, it’s been seven years,” he murmured. Seven years and nothing changed. He looked at her deeply, swimming in her beauty and hold her waist that once to be his tightly.

“How is it to live in US? I heard that you were doing well there,”

He lightly smiled, “…it’s just that I do what I’m passionate at,”

“How are you, Jung Soojung?” he groggily asked and Soojung raised one of her eyebrows, could easily catch how nervous he is. Both chuckled afterwards.

“Just.. like this? Right after your departure to US, I started to enroll in your university, majoring Fashion Design. I’m unable to film anything anymore since the injury in my leg was being serious,” she heaved a deep breathe before continuing, and Seunghoon suddenly remembered the day when he overheard everything in Professor Ha’s room, “..that time, I thought a lot about you,” she looked up to Seunghoon with a lovingly gaze.

Seunghoon couldn’t catch his breathe for a moment.

Damn, Lee Seunghoon! She is a married woman!

“I thought of how I should listen a lot to Seunghoon when he asked me not to film,” her voice sounds sad, “…I have to give up my dream to be a great actress forever because of my own mistake, because I was too stubborn. I should’ve known better,”

Seunghoon bitterly smiled at her before holding her closer to him, until she can smell his scent and she can listen to his heartbeat.

“You know, I just understood how smart you are, actually. I firstly tried to enroll in the medical school in your university but I was rejected for three times,” she chuckled, and Seunghoon joined her chuckling. He never knew that Soojung tried or even interested to be a doctor like him, “Why did you even do that?” he asked, as if it was a stupid decision to make for her, “…doctor is not a suitable job for you. You’re so easy to get bored, you know that,”

Soojung was suddenly amazed of how he still remembered every details of hers perfectly, how he understands in which way she wanted to be treated and how he should hold her. She only deepen herself in his embrace and looked at his eyes softly.

“I’m just trying. Proving that I can be more than Lee Seunghoon but I can’t,” she giggled, “…nice suit, anyway,” she complimented his preference and he only smiled.

“It was an occassional suit. I had this for graduation in US and I thought this is the best one that I had,” he said.

“Seems that you’re so stingy in spending money, huh?” she jokingly mocked at him, but he only smiled at her as response. He couldn’t count how many times he had been smiling at her that night, he must’ve gone crazy because he loved this reunion so much.

 

--

I worry throughout the day,

If the medicine of time has passed

--

 

He was too excited right now, drawning in a euphoria that he had Soojung in his embrace safely. He’d been waiting for this time but at the same time, he also felt sad because the girl the is in his grip right now has been fully owned by another man. He was thinking hard while looking at her, if there are some unpleasant actions he had done towards her for the time being, and regretted each of them because he couldn’t be a good boyfriend that Soojung wanted.

He somehow wanted to hug Soojung right now, kissing her top, her forehead, her cheeks, her nose, her lips, her shoulder….to tell her how sorry he is and how much he wanted her.

“Seunghoon-ah, are you seeing someone currently?” Soojung is being concerned by how he is always keeping himself single, actually. She sometimes hopes that Seunghoon can have a girl beside him to make the guilt in Soojung’s fade away.

He shook his head, “Sadly, I forgot how to fall. Maybe because I was too busy with study and works,” he casually said, as if it’s nothing.

“You didn’t date anyone after me?” Soojung emphasised.

“I don’t know why but I just can’t even think of it,” he shrugged his shoulders.

“Are you having a trauma for starting a new one?” Soojung carefully opened the topic, “…because maybe you were hurt?”

Seunghoon didn’t answer. He remembered how his professor in US said that he actually had kind of fear with dating again. He was scared, hurt, and fragile inside that the doctor even told him to forgive himself for many times.

It was not like he didn’t forgive Soojung.

It was just that he couldn’t forgive himself for letting her go.

“I was really stupid back then,” she suddenly said, “…I threw out the jewel that I had in my grip only for a lust,”

Seunghoon looked at her in curiousity, asking for an explanation. The young girl only tightened her grip around his neck. She bits her lower lips and muttered, “I’m really sorry, Seunghoon-ah,”

“Don’t be sorry. It makes me look small,” he said, because he didn’t want to be pitied over their break up some years ago. He didn’t want Soojung to pity him only, that’s not the feeling he demanded from Soojung.

“There were times when I looked for you but you were not even here. That time, I hardly realized that you were not mine to hold anymore,” Soojung spoke up, earning a caring gaze from Seunghoon. He carresses her back, soothing her in the most possible way. Her eyes radiated pain, he can feel that.

“As I grew older, I started to understand how precious you are, how hard it is actually to find a guy like you and how a I am for being not thankful to have you. I regretted it a lot,”

“Seeing you grow to be a handsome man like this just made me feel guilty and regret even more,” she said in a joking tone, but she actually told the truth.

“Don’t say that,” he said gently, “…your husband is way better than me, I believe it,” he smiled, feeling pain at heart because he should compliment another man that is for Soojung.

Soojung only nodded, “…he’s perfect,” she tried looking at Sehun from the corner of her eyes, Seunghoon witnessed how lovely her smile after that. His heart is pounding because of the happiness he felt rushing all over his blood to see her smiling genuinely again, even though her smile is not for him.

“I kept thinking that just if I was not being such a to you that day, maybe we can end up together,”

Seunghoon was surprised, his breathe is hitched and his heart’s gone wild.

 

--

Even if I feel sorry for myself,

I still want to bury this finished love.

--

 

“Do you regret it that we actually still had chance in the past to be together again?” she asked, which made Seunghoon was startled to hear such unexpected question. He heaved a heavy breathe before swaying his body again, he diverted his gaze to elsewhere but Soojung to prevent the question.

He regretted it, he regretted it a lot in fact. He regrets after he knew all the realization, all the facts and how much Soojung has been wanting him these past years. He regrets her decision to leave him, he regrets his decision to leave South Korea. Just if he went back to the South Korea earlier, he might be getting her heart again.

But he shouldn’t be regretting.

His moral fights back as he knew that Soojung is now a married woman. This conversation shouldn’t happen between them because if people knew, for God’s sake, it can be included into adultery. Marriage is not as easy as relationship, it needs trust and commitment and Soojung had devoted herself into marriage. She should be happy, she should be committed, she should be contented with the promise that she made in the altar. She wouldn’t turn around to him instead, even if he admits that he regrets it.

He shouldn’t regret it because if he said he does, everything will be harder for him later, and he truly doesn’t want to even give a small hope to himself.

He has to finish this.

He shook his head softly, smile plastered on his face.

 

I regret it a lot, Soojung-ah.

 

“I shouldn’t regret it, I can’t regret it,” he said, more like convincing himself, now carressing her face that looked startled. Soojung understood how much Seunghoon loved her and his answer is absolutely beyond her expectation.

“There are many things to be thanked for during these years in my life and I can’t regret it,” he looked calm and settled, while his heart has gone crazy because it was actually crying hard in the inside. As much as he wanted to tell the truth, he just cannot.

He should move on. He shouldn’t show her his weak point.

“The same goes to you, Soojung-ah,” he softly said, “…there are many things that we should thank for. If we didn’t break up, you may not be one of the best designers in South Korea and I was not going to continue my study in US. I was coward enough for studying abroad back then, that my friends called me ‘chicken’ for that,” he sighed to reminisce that, “…but somehow, you have motivated me to go abroad. The thought of vanishing you from my mind is enough for making me leaving this country for awhile. I couldn’t stand to see newspapers, televisions, or everything that had you in it. It tortured me a lot, it gave me a salt in my wound and it made me live in nostalgic for long time,”

“Look Soojung, everything is better now. We were so young back then, very young. We could make some funny decisions sometimes, but we shouldn’t be bothered with that. We had tube of failures during our lives, and we should empty it in our youth, because we shouldn’t fail anymore when we’re old. We should just enjoy our old days with glory, not with failure,”

“…and I chose to face it as my own failure. I’m thankful that I have emptied it even though it has pained us so much for some years,”

“You shouldn’t say sorry,” he said, now his eyes are glassy. Tears actually have ran down his face, to which he quickly wiped it, “I’m sorry for being unable to hold you, Soojung. I’m sorry for just remaining silent and letting you go,” Seunghoon shut his eyes tightly to hold back his tears. Soojung looked up to her with an unexplained expression. She helped Seunghoon to wiped his tears and opened his eyes again to see her.

“Don’t regret it, Soojung,” there’s tremble in his voice, “Don’t pity me…,”

Because that was the last thing that he wanted from Sooojung. He didn’t want to be pitied.

“….if two persons are really meant for each other, they would end up together no matter what happened. But we didn’t,” he sighed before continuing his words.

“We didn’t end up to each other not because you chose to break up with me,”

 

He loved Soojung, he loves Soojung even.

 

“Perhaps, heaven knew that we aren’t mean for each other,”

 

--

but this can’t be it, this can’t be it, this can’t be it.

--

 

 

Dear Oh Sehun,

I hope this letter found you well. I have asked Mino for going easy to you, so I’m really sorry if there’s anything unpleased that he did to you. Seriously, I’ve warned him.

I knew we used to be friends, when Soojung and I dated, when you said that you were going to keep it from media and you said that we could trust you. It all changed after you stole her from me, but let’s not talk about that again, my point is: let’s be friends again, even though it’ll be awkward and uncomfortable as hell.

I’m going to US next week for continuing my study and it’ll be hard for us to meet, so yeah, that’s why I asked for being friends just now. Because we’re going to meet about five years later, when maybe you've had your own company—or inherit your dad’s company—and maybe I’ve won a noble prize.

Okay, I should be just straight to the point: I hope you can take care of Soojung. I knew it sounds very demanding and seems like I don’t believe you’re going to do a great job for taking care of her, but well—I do think that it's important! Don’t hate me for this. As you have much more money than I do, I believe that you will be able to take her to more beautiful places in South Korea. She said that she really wanted to hike Halasan and other mountains in South Korea. She’s really easy to get mad and have serious problem with her temper. If it happens, please hug her, she’ll be feeling better in no time. She’s really easy to get cramp in her period so you have to make sure to always bring pills for her during that time. She’s having insomnia quite a lot, so please sing her a lullaby before she sleeps. You can do it by phone call if you can’t do it directly.

I heard that she got serious leg injury. I told you that it was really serious and dangerous. I’ve been dealing with that for so many times and told her endlessly but she just didn’t want to hear. Ask her softly to stop her routine in filming actions and tell her to get into college. She said to me that she always wants to obtain a Bachelor Degree. I think Finance or Fashion Design will be a good choice for her because she didn’t like boring subjects like sciences or politics.

Well, I’ve talked quite a lot. I hope that you guys won’t break up until death tear you both apart. I hope that you’ll get married and blessed with lots and lots of kids.

Soojung once said that she wanted a true happiness, and I hope that you’re able to be her true happiness.

Lee Seunghoon.

 

 

 

---

The words that's typed in the center between -- is translation lyrics of Taeyang-This Ain't It

Comment, please? If you like it, please upvote! (Sorry, if this story is bad, I'm still learning in making oneshot, tho XD)

Dev