Feb. 24, 2015

“Oh my God I’m late,” Mi Young murmured then looked at her watch. Today is her boyfriend’s birthday and they are going to meet at their favorite restaurant. However, because of an urgent meeting, she got out of her work late and now she’s rushing to their house to pick up her gift.
Putting a small teddy on the passenger seat, she got into the driver’s seat and started the engine. She was driving at the highway, smiling to herself and imagining the face of her boyfriend as soon as he sees her little gift. Suddenly a sudden ringing interrupted her imagination and bought her back to reality. She reached for her purse and took her phone. Even without looking at the caller ID, she already knew it was Kyu Jong, her boyfriend. She put her Bluetooth on her ear and answered the phone.

“Oppa?” she said, trying to focus on the road.

“Where are you? I’ve been waiting here for half an hour already,” He said with an irritated voice.

“Omo, jinja? I’m really sorry, there was an urgent meeting in the office. I’ll be there in a few minutes, arasso?” She explained.

“I told you, we should’ve gone here together, I’m bored.” KyuJong whined. He’s been waiting for her for a few minutes only, but because he’s so excited he feels like he’s been waiting for eternity. His excitement is not because it’s his birthday, but because he’s going to propose to her. He has been waiting for the right time and today is the perfect day for him to propose. Now, she’s running late, and he’s getting more and more impatient for her to arrive.

“I’ll be there in a few minutes, be patient. You seem so excited today. I wonder why,” She joked.

“Okay, I’ll wait here. Be careful okay?” He replied.

“Sure, no problem. Love you!” She said.

“I love you more.” Kyu Jong answered back.

After the phone call, Mi Young drove faster. Because she was paying more attention to the time and not on the road, she didn’t see the traffic light turn red.

“Oh shoot!” she exclaimed when she saw the light was red, and then hit the brake which caused her car to squeak in protest.

“That was close.” She took a deep breath and glanced at the passenger seat and found the little teddy was not there. She looked around the car, and found the teddy fell near on her foot. She tried to reach it, while the stop light is still red, but because she couldn’t see where it is exactly, it took her several tries to reach it.

When the little teddy was finally in her hands, the light turned green. She decided to hold the plushie so it will not fall again, and she drove off. Right when she started to move forward, she heard a loud siren, and a car is speeding towards her direction. Mi Young panicked, and tried to move her car on a different direction, but every thing went fast. Everything turned black.

*.*.*.*.*.*

Kyu Jong has been waiting for her for almost three hours now, but no Mi Young came. He was getting irritated and decided to leave the restaurant and apologized to the staff and manager of the place. He didn’t know what happened to her or where she is right now. He tried to call her thru her mobile phone but she couldn’t be reached. He also called their house but no one was picking up the phone. 

The thought of her playing a prank on his birthday went through his mind, so he told himself he will make sure that Mi Young will pay for it. Walking on the almost empty parking lot, he made his way to his car, and opened it. Something was bothering him, and he suddenly felt so weird and all he could think of was, where is his girlfriend?

He started the engine and drove off. His hand phone rang, he looked at the caller ID wishing it was Mi Young, but a frown formed in his face because it was an unknown number. He ignored it once, but it kept on calling him, so he decided to answer it.

“Hello? Who’s this?” He answered.

“Is this Mr. Kim Kyu Jong?” the man asked.

“Yes, this is Kyu Jong, who’s this?” he said and asked again. He has no patience to talk on the phone right now, so he wanted to finish the conversation immediately.

“We just want to inform you that, Ms. Mi Young is in the hospital right now. She got into a car accident, but I’m…”

Kyu Jong felt numb, and stopped the car by the sidewalk, not knowing what to do; he felt like his world crashed into a million pieces and he couldn’t breathe. He asked where the hospital is then hung up without letting the caller finish what he’s going to say. Kyu Jong drove as quickly as possible not even caring at the fingers and screams of the other drivers are giving him, all he cared about was Mi Young and her condition right now.

It was very busy at the hospital when Kyu Jong arrived. He ran around the hospital until he heard a loud familiar cry, and went to its direction. It was Mi Young’s parents crying over a body that was covered with white, blood-stained blanket. 

Without even knowing it, tears escaped his eyes. He can’t take his eyes off at the body lying in front of him. He doesn’t need and want to know who it was. He wished that what is happening right now is just a dream, a very bad dream. 

Mi Young’s mom spotted Kyu Jong standing outside the room, not moving an inch.

She slowly walked to his side, and put her hands on his shoulder.
“Kyu Jong-ah, our Mi Young… she’s gone.” After hearing that, Kyu Jong fell on his knees, and tears fell from his eyes uncontrollably. He wanted to ask why, how, what happened but no words were coming out of his mouth. Just then, he felt something on his hands, and when he looked at it, he cried even harder, because it was a little teddy bear. He knew even without someone explaining, that it was supposed to be her gift for him.

*.*.*.*.*.*

Feb. 23,2016

“Kyu Jong-ssi, we’re going to…” 

“Nah. I’ll pass.” He answered, not even letting his office mate to finish his question, and left the work place without even saying goodbye.

Lifeless. That’s what describes Kyu Jong since Mi Young died. Everything changed, his lifestyle, his attitude, and the way he sees life. Sometimes he thought about killing himself, but there’s something pulling him back. 
Ever since the accident, Kyu Jong stopped driving, and he also left their house and rented an apartment. He left every thing that would remind him of Mi Young. He desperately wanted to forget about what happened to her and move on, but he couldn’t get himself to move on, both his mind and heart don’t want to move on. 

Upon arriving in his apartment, the first thing he saw was the little bear, he doesn’t know why he is still keeping it. He was supposed to put it inside Mi Young’s coffin, but Mi Young’s mom told him to keep it for her daughter’s memory, and that’s what he did. He kept it and now every time he looked at it, the scene at the hospital flashes back to his mind.

He walks toward where the little teddy bear is and looked at it.

“Tomorrow, it’s your anniversary. I miss you, do you miss me too?” He said talking to the bear. Sighing, he took it, so he could place it somewhere where he couldn’t find it easily. But when he grabbed it, a little piece of paper fell from the teddy bear, he just noticed that there was a hole at the back.

He took it and sat down at the couch and unfolded the paper. It was a letter from Mi Young.

“Haha! Gotcha! This is not my real present for you  Go to our room, and you’ll see!

Happy birthday oppa!

Mi Young ”

He smiled at the silliness of the message, a typical Mi Young that loves to surprise him. But after a while he’s crying again.

“Mi Young ah.. I miss you so badly. I want to be with you again.” He murmured, while hugging the bear.

Kyu Jong cried even harder when he reminisced the days he and Mi Young were still together. The things they promised to each other, their plans after getting married, the names and how many children they want.
All of that is impossible now that his other half was gone and left him permanently.

*.*.*.*.*.*

Feb. 24, 2016

Waking up by the rays of sunlight, he didn’t notice that he had slept on the sofa while hugging the gift of Mi Young. Rubbing his puffy eyes, he went into the bathroom and looked at the mirror. He’s not surprised that he had swollen, puffy, red eyes anymore. He got used to it because most of the time, he cried before he went to sleep.

Looking at the calendar, he stopped and thinks for a while. It’s Mi Young Death Anniversary, and it’s his birthday too. So instead of celebrating it for himself, he decided to go back to their old house and spend the whole day there.

(listen to DBSK’s Don’t Cry My Lover)
Am I finally alright now? This is what they ask me,
I look so pained; my tears seep through my two hands.

When the tears that blind my eyes fall, I can see you clearly,
my love, don't cry. I don't know if I should take you away with me.
You still hold on to so many memories.

Upon arriving at the house, he saw the dust, and the mess he left behind. It’s been a year since he forbade himself to go back to this place, where they shared a lot of memories together. Now, he’s letting himself to bring back to those memories that he tried to avoid for a year. 

Walking into the hallway, which is full of their happy pictures, made him teary-eyed. Their precious memories, their precious past. The past that he wants to bring back so badly.

His sight went blurry because of his tears. He let his back rest on the wall and closed his eyes. All he could see was the bright happy smile of Mi Young.

I close my eyes for a moment, I still love you so. I should give up, but I can't let you go.
You taught me how to love. Now, how can I forget you?

Again, I'm drunk today. I call you but you don't pick up. Again, I cry.
What did we say? Still those tedious words. I can't even say the words 'I'm sorry'.
What I have become, I cannot grasp the dream that is now distant.

Kyu Jong can’t let go of the past, even how hard he tried, he just couldn’t move on, and the thought of him taking suicide is running through his head again. 

Struggling to stand up, Kyu Jong made his way to their room, where most of their memories happened. To his surprise, there was a big teddy bear, with a t-shirt printed with a picture of them sitting on the corner. 

Kyu Jong started to walk towards the bear, but he’s only focusing on the picture on the t-shirt it’s wearing. It was their favorite picture; it was taken 2 years ago when they celebrated their 5th anniversary. He remembered how happy they were that day, the promises they made.

Flash back
Watching the sunset on the beach, holding each other’s hand and sitting on the sand. Kyu Jong and Mi Young watched the sunset peacefully.

“Mi Young-ah,” Kyu Jong said without taking his eyes off on the beautiful scenery in front of them.

“Hmmm?” Mi Young hummed.

“I want to stay like this forever.” He said and looked at the person beside him. “I want to be with you forever,” he continued and squeezed her hands.

“We will always be together, forever.” Mi Young said and looked back at him with a smile.

“Promise?” 

“I promise.” She said.

After that, Kyu Jong held the side of her head and pulled her face towards him to give her a passionate kiss.

End of flashback

I close my eyes for a moment, I still love you so. I should give up, but I can’t let you go.
You taught me how to love. Now, how can I forget you?

The love that you have been waiting for, I cannot have.
The promise that we made, to shed our tears together I can see them now

Kyu Jong decided to go to the cemetery to visit Mi Young’s grave and bought her present along with him. It’s been so long since he visited her. 

He’s sure that if a soul can complain, she’s going to bug him to visit her every day.

Upon arriving at the place where Mi Young’s body was put to rest, he sat on the side of it silently and placed the bear in front of him so its back was in front of him.

“How are you Mi Young-ah?” He started talking, “It’s been a while, do you miss oppa?” He asked. He feels silly talking by himself, but he doesn’t know what to do now, he felt helpless and hopeless.

“I found the real present after a year, and of course I love it.” He continued as his tears started to flow. Kyu Jong closed his eyes to calm himself.

“A year of crying, a year of trying to live.” He thought.

“Mi Young-ah, do you know how much I miss you? Do you know how much I want to hug you? Do you know how much I want to hold you again?” he said and sobbed really hard. He rested his head on his knees, and let himself cry.

He didn’t care if his eyes become swollen again, nor if his eyes became bloodshot red. He didn’t care about what other people may think of him, because since Mi Young died he started not to care about his life. It’s still a question to him why he’s still alive.

A strong wind blew the trees that made the leaves fall into the ground. Because of the wind, it made the teddy bear roll and lifted the shirt it’s wearing a little bit.

Kyu Jong looked at it and noticed that at the back of its shirt there’s something written on it. He grabbed the shirt and took it off. It was a letter from Mi Young.

Dear Oppa,
Oppa! Happy Birthday! Did you like my fake gift? Hehe! Anyway, I know I shouldn’t do that and I have to be nice for your birthday, but I think it’s not that exciting if I became a good girl, right?

Hmmmmm, what to say? What to say? I just want to let you know that I know what you’re planning at the restaurant; I overheard your conversation with Eomma, hehe! Sorry =) 

By the time you’re reading this, I already gave you my answer. I said YES! I got a lot of reasons to say yes, and you will know it every second that we’re together. I’ll be a good wife to you and a good mother to our future babies. You’re the only guy I want to spend my whole life with. 
Remember our promise a year ago? I told you I’d be with you forever, and we will be together, forever? We kept that promise and now we will go to the altar and will say our vows to each other really soon.

I love you oppa! I LOVE YOU. ‘TILL DEATH DO US PART.

Your future wife,
Mi Young.

After reading the last line, Kyu Jong had decided. He wants to be with Mi Young, he will end his life. He can’t take his loneliness anymore, he can’t take being alone. 

“Mi Young-ah, wait for me, I’m coming.” He said then looked at the dark sky and wiped away his tears.

Driving on the street without even caring about the people, the stoplight, or the speed limit of the road. All he could think of was ending his life already. Kyu Jong knows where the perfect place is to end his life; it’s the place where he first met Mi Young, the place where they celebrate their Anniversary every year. The beach where their story started will be the beach where their story is going to end.

Getting out of the car, Kyu Jong walks toward the water and let himself get soaked, he doesn’t know how to swim and he made sure that he’s in the part of the beach where no one can see him easily. He kept on walking until he cannot reach anything, and the water reached on top of his head. He closed his eyes and saw Mi Young smiling at him, but after a few seconds his body started to demand air. He opened his eyes and saw dark water starting to eat him alive and ready to take his life away. He coughed and started to struggle under the deep water, until his system was full of salty water of the sea. Slowly closing his eyes, realizing it’s the end of his suffering, the end of his loneliness. This is the end of his life.