Smoke engulfs the air of the small room in our broken down apartment. Cigarette butts and ashes that's been collected over time scattered on the floor. And there, a man who has another stick in his hand, stands in the corner with his left foot leaning on the wall and his chin held up high, hiding behind the cloud of smoke he made himself. Its smell is addicting, especially when he's the one making it.

The poignant scent became his perfume, and it's sick how much I love to roll every night in his arms just to have a little bit of sniff of my favorite aroma. My nose buds like it. I love it.

We lived in a world where everything we do is never enough. We’re getting tired of it but no matter what happens, we don’t give up. We’re striving for ourselves, to get better, to live in peace. But everyone judge us like we’re just lowlife animals. They see us as troubles, nuisance in the community. We don’t even go out when there’s light anymore and just stay here in the scruffy place that we bet our lives with, we only work at night together. And because of that, he was put behind the bars for a lot of times when he is completely innocent. They think we’re burglars because we don’t have a good life than everyone else. But who cares about them, when I have him.  

Grey became our color. Of our life and our love. Our everyday life isn't easy but we live through it together and that's the important thing. I only have him and he only has me and somehow, that's everything. 

We don’t give up. But this time, I don’t think it’s the same.

“I love you” He whispered out of the blue, throwing the cigarette on the floor.

I smiled, “I love you too”

“You know that I can’t give you a good life, right?”

That question again. I sighed, “I don’t want a good life”

“You deserve a good life”

“Daehyun… With you, that’s what I call a good life”

He shakes his head and looks at me with those sorrowful eyes, he smiled “Maybe it’s time for you to go home”

I bit my lips and knitted my eyebrows, “This is my home”

“You call this a home?” he scoffed, “Look around! The bed is going to break any minute, we don’t have any furniture other than that. All I can give you are noodles, noodles every day! Aren’t you getting tired of it? You deserve better than this.”

“But you’re with me,” Looking down on the floor, I wiped the tears that I didn’t even know fell on my face, “So everything’s alright”

“I can’t give you any more than this. But without me, you can live a real life”

“How many times do I have to tell you that I don’t want to live if you’re not with me?”

His whole body shakes before he fell on his knees, holding his face, “But I’m just pulling you down with me” I can feel he had enough, but still trying to hold on for the both of us.

I held him in my arms and just stayed there and felt him warmth, “Then we’ll go up together. No one leaves the other”

He held my waist and rest his head on my chest. I know it’s hard for him feeding another mouth than his but I want to be with him, I don’t want nothing to do with everyone else. We could live through thick and thin. Two months later, he would have another mouth to feed. We need to work harder to support this family, for us not to break.

I admit this is hard for me too. Seventeen and seven months pregnant. Where would this life lead us? Could we even give our child a good life when we don’t even have it ourselves? It’s hard. But I promised him I would never give up.

Love got the best of us. We’re together for two years this day. I knew him ever since I was a kid. He used to look up after me. He was a friend of my older brother. And when I was fifteen, I wasn’t that little kid he used to see. I’ve grown, both in my mind and heart.

Daehyun is the only future I could see. I love everything about him. He never let me down even once. When I look at him, I can see the guy I love. We both sacrificed our previous lives behind and together, we created a new one. Not looking back, we only have our eyes to each other.

So I left my family to be with him. But I didn’t regret a thing. I cannot imagine myself without him, I would be so lost. He’s making me happy than anyone else could have. With him, I’m contented. I left everything to be by his side and it’s the best decision I have ever made all my life.

Much problems would face us day by day. But we go through them together. We protect two hearts, not one. We treasure two feelings, not one. We support to people, and not one.

I Love Daehyun So Much.

More than myself.

“Jieun-ah” He called out, touching the back of my hand that’s resting on his thigh “Happy two years to us”

I squeeze his thigh, “Happy two years”

He lays me down on the bed and rests his head on my tummy lightly, rubbing it. “How’s our little Jihyun?”

A soft laugh escaped my lips, “Jihyun?”

He looks at me, “Yeah. Like our names together”

I chuckled and ruffled his hair, “If you say so”

“I’m going to give our child a life I’ve never had”, He looks up at the ceiling, still rubbing my tummy “I’d take her to the school myself. Feed her all the healthy things so that she’d be strong. I’ll give her everything she wants.”

“She’d love that”

Daehyun sits up and looks at me, “I’m so excited!”. He lies down beside me and hold me close to him.  

His warmth.

We would always be like this when we sleep. His smell is the cure to my every pain. We can’t wait to be parents but I’m scared if we can do it right. What will we feed her? The most we made in our life is $20. We can’t even eat at the right time. I can’t even give her the nutrients she need right now. I don’t want to give her the life we have.

Jihyun. She’s a blessing to us. I didn’t regret having her in my womb or the night I shared that time with Daehyun. They’re both a blessing to me. I love them. With all my heart.

“Daehyun...”

“Yes?”

“What would you do without me?”

“I wouldn’t live to see another day… But… That’s not gonna happen”

“Hm?”

“I promised myself I would live my life with you”

“I love you”

“Yeah?”

“So much”

“I love you too. I’m sorry for the times that I almost gave up. I know you always thought I was stronger”

“We would live to see another day together”

“Ji…”

“Let’s make it happen”

“I may have failed you but I want you to know that I have love you from the very start”

“I know... I know”

“Let’s live for our child’s future”

--------

“LET GO OF ME!”

My eyes shot open from the loud familiar voice. I immediately rose from the bed and stands on my feet.

“Are you okay?” My feet froze on the floor at the familiar woman who had tears running down on her face, she runs towards me as her loud cries filled the room.

“JI EUN!”

My sight went from the lady to the guy that’s been dragging by the men in uniform, “D-Daehyun?" I hurriedly run towards him as I pulled him close to my body, "Let go of him!"

“What are you doing?” The woman I called mother snapped at me, “Stop that nonsense, Song Jieun!”

“LET GO OF HIM!” I screamed the loudest that I can, tears flowing from both mine and Daehyun’s face, “HE DIDN’T DO ANYTHING WRONG!”

“Song Jieun!” The man that I didn’t see earlier went towards me and pulled me back from Daehyun, he turned to the policemen and nods, “Take him away”

“WHAT ARE YOU SAYING? I DIDN’T DO ANYTHING WRONG!”

The policeman yanked him “Jung Daehyun, you’ve been arrested for kidnapping and . Now, it’s better to just go with us in peace. We don’t want to damage anything”. They took him away as I tried to reach out to him. He had his eyes on me all the way.

There’s people outside, whispering around with each other with the rumors that aren’t true like they always used to do.

Daehyun was force inside the car. As I watch them leave through my teary eyes.

“I always knew he was a criminal. But I never thought he kidnapped the poor girl”

“I know right. I knew she looks so much younger than him”

“I thought they were partner in crimes but she was a victim”

“She lived in hell for two years”

“And he her”

“Yeah. She’s pregnant”

“With a criminal”

The tears that’s been running down on my cheeks got harder every passing second. “SHUT UP! YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT YOU’RE TALKING ABOUT! GET OUT OF HERE! ALL OF YOU!”

“He poisoned the poor girl’s mind”

“Let’s go”

He’s going in jail. Again.

With the crime he didn’t do. Again.

I freed myself from my brother’s hold and face both him and my mother, “Kidnap? ?”

“You’re pregnant Jieun, can’t you see your stomach?” My brother snapped at me, “The only reason behind that is he you”

“WHAT ABOUT THE FACT THAT I LOVE HIM? WHAT ABOUT THE FACT THAT I LEFT THE HOUSE BECAUSE I WANT TO BE WITH HI—“

I felt a sharp pain on my left cheek. I look at the woman who left a burning sensation on my cheek. “You’re out your mind. What did he feed you?”

I scoffed at them. “He feed me love. That none of you gave!”