Drip. Drop.

Raindrops race down on the window, leaving trails that would vanish minutes later. Just like teardrops that could break a million hearts.

Tick. Tock.

Hands that doesn't stop moving around, making cricket sounds everytime. Just like the feelings that can turn everyone's life upside down.

Klick. Klank.

His favorite coffee that is being stirred on his favorite mug, the liquid reaching the opening. Just like how my love for him reach the very top and spilled a huge part of myself in the process.

Sighs.

"Here you go" Giving the coffee a final stir, I look at his fresh bare face that just got up from bed.

Reaching the mug, he smiled slightly, not looking at me "Thanks"

After that, everything became quiet. Everything seems still. Like there's only him and me and the awkwardness that's surrounding us. He wouldn't look at me. He wouldn't say another word. As if the cat got our tongues, as if we don't know our alphabets. We could only see each other around this time every morning. And then it would break me inside how slow the night goes, I'm looking at the clock almost every minute as I'm looking forward to seeing him again. I'm getting tired of it. It's killing me inside. But I can't do anything. It's the only way I could be with him.

His eyes always look so sad. But I don't want him looking at my eyes with those pair, I might fall in love with him... Even more. 

Clearing his throat every minute, he taps his fingers on the mug, giving me a signal that he wants me to go. I shake my head in response and sit in front of him. I don't want to leave, not this time. Our sound of breathing filled the room. It's funny how our love and passion with each other and our silences as if we're just strangers are witnessed by the same apartment, with the same walls. Everything would be just gloomy.

I wish it's always morning.

Sighing, he left the half empty mug on the table and walks towards the living room. He sits on the single seater chair as if telling me that he doesn't want me sitting beside him. So I sat across of him on the sofa. Then, fidgeting on his seat, his eyes are locked on the floor.

"Go" He said, but it came out as a whisper. It sounds like a challenge to me, not a command.

I rubbed my knees and takes a deep breath, "Do you want me to?"

He didn't answer. 

And everything became silent again.

His frown. That's all I can see.

He's got a beautiful smile. It's been long since I haven't seen it. As if he can't bring himself to do it anymore. If he only knows how his smile looks to me. I know it hurts him with me here, but this is what I want, beside him. I remember tears running down on his face when I told him I would never let him go. I remember he said he doesn't me to go, that he doesn't want to be alone.

That smile seems to remind me of all my childhood memories where everything was just as delightful as a bright blue sky. Now, it reminds me of a storm that made me hid under my bed to stop the sounds on my head.

Right then, when I see his face, it takes me to our special place where we only have just each other. Now, if he stares at me for long, I'd probably break down and cry.

I want to be with him all my life, but I can only give him a few minutes of my time.

Everything else belongs to someone else.

Someone that doesn't make me feel the same way that he does.

If only he had gotten to me first. If I wasn't so scared of the world. If I wasn't scared to be alone. Then everything between us would be perfect. I wouldn't have to wonder if he's okay with me leaving because I wouldn't have to. We could eat together without minding nothing else but us. We could spend our days with each other without thinking of the time. We could go out in public without all the judgemental eyes that are following our every move. We could have gotten married. We could live a happy ending.

But happy endings are just for fairy tales and I'm no princess. That's why I have to go, because there's a guy who's been waiting for me who doesn't know I'm giving a bit of my time with some other guy, let alone the one that I truly love.

"I'm going", Words that I don't want to say but keeps on saying anyway. I gave his back one final look before going out of his apartment and into the reality.

Everything is a witness of our feelings. All these things around me are the witness of our sacrifices. But nothing made us possible of it. The rainbows, it's the foundation of our love, we both love those beautiful colors. And the stars that shines brightly, he said my eyes put all of those beautiful stars to shame at night. He can only be lying, but I believed him anyways. 

Walking down the street and into the place where we used to meet, I can't help but think of his face, think of all the crazy things he said; all of it was left running all around my head, and all the crazy things we did together; we didn't think about it but right now, all of them is so damn special.

Comparing everything, every little move with each other, that's what you'd do once you've had a taste of perfection. Once you've had a taste. Once you had and then it left your hands.

He's the best and I regret why he's not the one with me right now. I know it makes no sense, but what can I do? I wouldn't be able to move on when I'm still so in love with him.

So here I am, just wishing that he would wait for me.

Here I am, Looking at the person who currently have me but not my heart. To the guy when I see, I always think of Daehyun.

"Hey babe" He s is arm around my waist, making me slightly move from the contact. It's been long since he's been doing that but I still cannot find myself to be used to it. 

Another thing is his endearment, we're not teenagers, why can't he let it go? But then, I know it would hurt his feelings if I tell him I don't like it.

Smiling slightly, I nodded, "Kiseop". Going to the kitchen to take a gulp of water, I didn't spare him a look.

He chuckled and followed me, taking the glass from my hand and pouring me a cold water himself "I woke up and you're gone"

"I went jogging", He gave me back the glass and I drink some from it, "You see my attire? Jogging pants and all, with my running shoes and mp3 player to help me pass the time" I've been prepared with all of his questions, I've lived through it for so long.

"You're perfect, you don't need to do that"

"I want to sweat myself"

"We could sweat each other together" He smiled at me, his eyes wiggling.

I touched his face as he hugged my body close to him, "I would love to, but I'm tired right now. We had last night, we could do it again some other time" I pouted as if telling him that I badly want to be with him but just can't. I really don't want to. Damn. His face. And his lips. When this man kiss my lips, I taste Daehyun's mouth. We he put his arms around my body, I feel Daehyun's warmth. When he put himself inside me, I think of Daehyun all the way.

. I feel disgusted with myself.

If I didn't know he loves me so. If I could only find the strength to leave him. Then the guy I love would be with me. 

"Well okay, but I want to tell you something"

"What?"

"Babe" He pushed away the hair that's been a mess in front of my face. Then he kissed my forehead, "I..." Then my nose, "Love..." And my lips, but he stayed there, and I had to turn my head and dance my tongue with his. Sloppy. But It's Daehyun; I can taste him, I can taste his love. Kiseop pulled away and smiled, "You. Happy Anniversary"

Anni-- ! Damn! I bit my lower lip and look away from him "Kiseop. I-I'm sory. I didn't... I mean, I swear---"

He patted my head and hug me once more "It's okay, you also forgot it last year and the year before that".

"I'm really sorry. I promise I'll remember next time"

"You said that last year"

I look down and bite my lip hard. Now, I feel worthless. How can I forget that? It only happens once a year! . . . ! ! !

"Babe" Kiseop held my chin and face me to him, "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that", why are being sorry when it's my fault?

"No. No. It's better that you told me"

He cupped my face and look into my eyes, so intense that I could feel him reading my thoughts, "Are you sure? I don't want to hurt you" I wish I could say that to you.

"Yeah" I smiled and pulled away from his touch, making my way to the bedroom that we shared.

Following me, he sat on our shared bed and watch me as I take off my clothes to have another ones that are much more comfortable. "Babe. Can I ask for a favor?"

I glance at him for a second before wearing a shirt, "What is it?"

"You know Daehyun, right?" Daehyun. 

"Yeah" So much, "What about him?" Is this the time where he would scream at the top of his lungs and ask me to get out of his freaking house because he found out that I've been going to Daehyun's apartment every morning and been lying to him? Should I brace myself for the goodbye?

"Could you please take his car back to him? I just fetch mine from the automotive shop and Jaeseop wants me to hurry to his house, like right now" Oh, I guess our goodbyes would still be far.

Wearing my short, I hurriedly turn to face him, "Sure. Where's the key?"

"On the coffee table in the living room" Kiseop walks towards me and kiss the top of my head, "Thanks babe"

"It's no problem"

"And there's a box beside the key. Please give that to him. It's--"

"Daehyun's birthday, I know"

He chuckled and ruffled my hair, "Oh. You remember that?"

I didn't answer and just smiled back at him. Turning around, I felt him hold my arm and then squeeze it lightly. 

"I wouldn't be able to spend the night with you, I know it's our anniversary and all but we've got some things to take care of. I feel bad"

I looked at him and smiled, "It's okay. You boys have fun, I'll be alright"

Giving me a kiss, I waved at him as I quickly pace down to grab the box and the car keys on the coffee table. I put on my shoes and went to the garage where three cars rest. Daehyun's car is placed on the middle. Kiseop borrowed it last month for a couple of weeks because there's something wrong with his car. He can't use mine because I'm using it when I have emergency appointments with my clients. 

Well, enough of that. I hopped inside Daehyun's car and starts driving away. It smells like the two men in here. Two men that I am so familiar with. But Daehyun's scent is dominant, like he is in my heart. I like his smell, it puts me in peace. So manly. I feel protected. 

With enough turns and breaks, I finally reached his apartment. I parked just outside and left the car before going to the door and knocks. A few seconds later, Daehyun opened the door and looks at me then his gaze went right pass me. Then back to me again.

"Are you here as my mother or as the woman whom I love?"

I look at his eyes, there's still sadness inside but there's more to it, I can see pain, rage, and love. All of it in those beautiful pair of eyes. "Both"

He's looking directly in my eyes, it's so intense, "You can't be both"

I just stared at him, not knowing what to say. His face is expressionless, I can't decipher what he's thinking.

"So you came to return my car?" 

I handed him the box that Kiseop wanted to give him "Yeah"

"Is that from my father?" He took the box from my hand and opened it right there, "A watch?"

"Happy Birthday. Can I come inside?"

"You came as my mother"

"Let's not talk about this"

"That's why I was thinking why are you here at this time" He sighs. "You have a spare key. You don't have to knock"

"Daehyun" I gritted my teeth as my voice came out low "Can I come inside?"

"Happy Anniversary to you" He scoffs before going out of the way. "Come in, mother"

There's something wrong with him today, I can feel it. Not giving me another look, he went to the living room, leaving me by the door. I clicked my tongue and close the door behind me. Smells like alcohol, it's not here when I left this morning. Has he been drinking? I followed him to the living room and there he is, with a bottle of alcohol in his hand and a bored look on his face. 

"Daehyun, what's wrong this time?" I kneeled in front of him as my hands rests on his thighs. 

He looks down at me and scoff loudly, "This time? Jieun, there's always something wrong! Everything is wrong!"

"I know, I know" Looking back at him, I cleared my throat silently "I know it's wrong. But we lived through it, haven't we?"

"I'm tired of living through it! I want more than that!" His brows are knitted, his teeth are gritted, his breathing is heavy. 

I sighed and look away from him, "That's what I want too, but we..." I scrunched my face as I can feel water forming in my eyes, "we just can't"

He took a gulp from his alcohol and scoffed "So you're okay with it?"

"I'm not! I want to be with you so bad!"

"THEN LET'S JUST ING DO THAT!" He screamed. So loud that I can feel it deep inside my heart.

"You know.. Daehyun" I look at his frustrated face, "Everything is gonna be alright"

"NO! YOU'RE WRONG! NOTHING'S ALRIGHT! NOTHING'S GOING RIGHT! WE LIVED THROUGH A MILLION OF WRONGS AND YOU DON'T WANT TO DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT!

"Stop it. Stop it"

Daehyun throws the bottle on the wall. Loud breaking sound is heard as the alcohol that's been left there splashes on the floor. "EVERYTHING'S A MESS! YOUR ANNIVERSARY IS ON MY ING BIRTHDAY! THE OLD MAN SAID HE'S GOT A HUGE SURPRISE FOR ME THREE YEARS AGO AND THAT TURNED OUT TO BE YOU" He pointed at me and pushed my hands away from his thighs, "GOING DOWN THAT ING AISLE IN FRONT OF MY ING EYES! THAT'S NOT A ING SURPRISE! BUT IT ING SURPRISED ME!"

"Dae.. We can't do anything about it" I shake my head continuously, not even realising that tears flowed down my face.

"Jieun... I" Daehyun shut his eyes tight, trying to calm himself "I was just a few minutes late on giving you the ring. Why, why did you marry him?"

"He... He said everything he wants. Told me I was his most treasured memory. And the things he will do if I... If I don't accept his proposal. I'm sorry. I'm really sorry"

"I just... I.." He bit down on his fist as I see tears forming in his eyes, "I just want to hold you. For a really really long time"

"Ssshhh. You can, you can" I rose from the floor and hug him tight, and there he sobs while his head is buried in my chest.

"I can't"

His hands found its way around my body and hug me back even more tightly. His tears dripping on my chest, to his thighs, and into the chair. This beautiful boy is precious. How I wish I am his. "You can for tonight. Trust me"

"Jieun"

"Yes?"

"I'm waiting for you"