"Ryu-chan?" 

 

As soon as Ryutaro heard knocks on his door, he covered himself with his blanket. He heard the door open so he held his blanket tighter. He felt mother sit at the side of his bed and tried to remove his cover. 

 

"Go away!" he exclaimed. "Leave me alone."

 

His mother successfully removed his blanket. "No, Ryu-chan. We need to go."

 

He squinted when he saw light. He doesn't want the light. He felt comfortable with darkness. He glanced around his room and saw that the curtains of his window are pushed aside, letting the bright sunrays enter his room that is full of empty canvases. "I don't want to go. I'm fine. I feel fine!"

 

"You're not fine, Ryu-chan," his mother said gently. "But you're going to feel fine soon."

 

He looked at his mother and saw her tired expression. That made his heart clench. 'Why... why am I like this?'

 

"Hey." He was surprised when his mother wiped the tears he didn't even know were falling. "What's the matter?"

 

"You're already tired of me," he whispered.

 

His mother hugged him and kissed the top of his head. "Don't say that. I'll never get tired of you, okay?"

 

He didn't believe that. He knew she'll give up soon. He knew that one day, he'll be left alone in the darkness.

 

 

 

The ride toward the hospital was fun. But for a guy like Ryutaro who is suffering from depression, it was barely bearable. His mother, father, sister and brother were all laughing. They were all happy. He didn't understand why he couldn't feel the happiness his family feel.

 

Somehow, he felt like... he doesn't belong. 

 

They're all normal. He's not. Is he really part of this family?

 

"You'll be fine, Ryutaro-nii," Shintaro, his younger brother. patted his shoulder and smiled.

 

He nodded and entered the room. He's fed up of this things. Talking to a therapist who couldn't make him feel better. But he couldn't do anything. He doesn't do anything. He just goes with the flow. He's tired of everything.

 

He sat down in front of his therapist. The guy is wearing formal clothes and smiling at him. "Hello."

 

He didn't respond. He looked at the guy and waited for him to speak again. But the guy didn't. Instead, he raised his brow.

 

Ryutaro sighed. "Hi."

 

"I'm Dr. Kei Inoo but just call me Kei. What's your name?" 

 

"Ryutaro."

 

Kei nodded. "I'll call you Ryu-chan, then."

 

He felt annoyed. Only his family calls him by his nickname. "Don't call me that."

 

Kei ignored what he said and asked. "Tell me what happened to you yesterday."

 

He hissed. "What?"

 

"Tell me what happened to you yesterday," Kei repeated with a smile on his face.

 

"Nothing interesting." He crossed his arms in front of his chest.

 

"Still, tell me," Kei insisted.

 

Ryutaro didn't respond. He wished for the time to run as fast as it can so that this session will end. However, Kei stayed quiet and stared at him. It annoyed him, really. So he responded. "Eat and sleep."

 

Kei nodded. "Why are you depressed?"

 

Ryutaro was startled. "I-I don't know.."

 

Of course, he lied. He knew why. He became depressed after the accident he had last year. He used to be a good artist. One day, after going to school, he went to the shop where he buys paints. After shopping, he crossed the road and a car hit him. Unfortunately, his right hand got injured together with his right leg. His leg got well. But his hand... didn't. Yes, he could use his right hand but he couldn't paint like before. It's always shaking whenever he tried to paint again.

 

Kei smiled at him. "How can you recover if you couldn't accept your past?"

 

"No. You don't understand," Ryutaro said. He felt his eyes getting warm. "No one understands."

 

"Then make me. Make us all understand what's happening to you. How can we understand you if you don't tell us anything? We're always ready to listen. I'm ready to listen. And I know you want to recover." Kei grinned. "You know what? I used to be depressed too."

 

Ryutaro felt something he didn't know he would feel again. He felt like Kei will really understand him. Maybe because he used to be depressed too. Somehow, Kei gave him some hope that he'll get well too. So he took a deep breathe and told his therapist what happened. Kei listened carefully and after that, he suggested some natural medications.

 

"You'll recover," Kei assured him. "Just don't give up. And always remember that there are people around you who want to help. Including me."

 

Some of the weight on Ryutaro's chest went away magically. Of course, there's still the dark feeling inside his mind. But unlike before, there's a faint light now.

 

"Thank you," Ryutaro muttered.

 

Kei smiled. "This isn't our last meeting, alright? Come back next week."

 

Ryutaro nodded and stood up. He was about to open the door when Kei spoke again.

 

"We won't stop seeing each other until you become one of the best artists I know. Don't let all the tears you shed stay in the dark. Let them shine bright and lead you away from the dark."

 

After so many months of waiting, Ryutaro finally realized that he is really hoping that he'll get well. That one day, he'll be able to see the light beyond the darkness inside his mind. And unlike before, he's now sure that if he kept on dreaming and holding unto that hope, he'll be normal again.