It wasn’t like he wanted to drink. He just wanted a hook up or something. Maybe a little partying with douches and drunkards would take his mind off of everything – namely Sungmin and Kyuhyun. Did Minho want to know about them? Hell yes. Was he going to try and learn about them? No. This is because, again, he had realized something. The world just didn’t want him to know anything. They wanted to keep him in the dark and that was why he had absolutely no idea what was going on with any of his friends (?)

After about a five minute walk, Minho got to the other dorm building. Shrugging the jacket and outer wear off, he hanged it on a post by the door before proceeding inwards. He couldn’t remember the room number but by the sounds of the blasting music, it was pretty obvious where he should go. Parties in Dorm 3 were no surprise. They happened at least three times a week and pretty much everyone was invited, so long as you weren’t a freshman.

This was not the first party Minho attended but if it wasn’t the only one he would ever remember.

Deep into the back of the third floor, the music got the loudest. All of the doors were open and there were drunk third years and second years bumbling out, some with “buddies” and others alone who would, eventually, have “buddies” of their own.

A random person handed a beer to him and after giving Minho a once over, winked and sauntered off. The second year shook his head distastefully and set the beer bottle down near a couple making out on the floor. They could have it when they came up for air.

He travelled deeper into the hall, finding the room near the middle to be the loudest and most insufferable. Minho peered inside, smirking at what he saw. Of course all of the hot ones would be crowded in one area, hell they were probably the ones who started the party. He stepped fully into the room, seeing one boy in particular who returned his gaze.

Just as he was about to walk over and introduce himself, a loud noise from the other side of the room stopped him. Minho leaned back, shifting on his feet to see what was going on. And honestly, made he shouldn’t have turned around.

Sitting on the other bed was Ryeowook and that third year from earlier that day. The latter was holding a bottle up to the younger one’s open mouth, pouring a clear liquid down his throat. Ryeowook pushed the guy away, giggling and coughing a bit. He took someone else’s, presumably a friend’s, drink and forced it down the third year’s mouth. “It’s revenge YoungSaeng hyung,” Ryeowook stated drunkenly blushing and placing a wet kiss on the other’s lips.

Minho didn’t know he was doing it when he did it, but somehow, he was gripping Ryeowook’s wrist and dragging him out of the room. There were grunts and shouts of disapproval but no one came out to take Ryeowook back.

“W-What are you doing here, Minho?” Ryeowook shouted over the loud music. His heart had dropped at the sight of the angry boy.

The livid second year pushed Ryeowook into the public bathroom and then into a changing stall where the music was basically drowned out. He snatched the small boy’s chin, jerking his face up. “What the hell do you think you’re doing?!”

“N-Nothing,” Ryeowook stammered, horrified by the pure rage in the other’s eyes, “I swear I…I mean…”

Minho’s fingers pressed sharply into the boy’s jaw, causing him to wince in pain. “You were drinking and screwing around with some guy! What are you trying to do Ryeowook?!” he nearly screamed, so unbelievably aggravated and pissed he was having a hard time not shoving the boy.

“I’m not trying to do anything,” he whispered, tears b his eyes, “you have to believe me Minho…this was a onetime thing. I won’t do this again.” And in a way it was true. Ryeowook had never initiated a kiss with YoungSaeng before. As for the drinking…

“…Why would you even do this in the first place?” Minho ground out, trying hard to control himself.

“I just wanted to get my mind off of things…,” Ryeowook replied softly, tears streaking his thin face, “…don’t you understand Minho? That’s why you came tonight too right?”

He was caught. Swallowing hard, Minho loosened his grip on the boy’s face, looking away as he said, “Yeah…it is. But I wasn’t planning on drinking. I just wanted a hook up.”

“But you still came tonight,” Ryeowook persisted between gulps of air.

“Yeah I know…,” Minho sighed. There was a short silence and then he took Ryeowook’s hand, leading him out of the bathroom. “We shouldn’t even be here,” he remarked, “grab you coat, I’ll take you back to your dorm, okay?”

Ryeowook paused, but then nodded and walked back into the main party room, grabbed his coat off the desk and followed Minho out. He didn’t bother to look at YoungSaeng who was busy messing around with someone. “I’m ready,” Ryeowook mumbled, reaching out to take Minho’s hand again. His mind was swimming a bit but that was alright. He was used to it.

“Okay,” Minho murmured, leading the boy downstairs. He grabbed his coat on the way, letting go of Ryeowook’s hand for a split second so he could pull on the jacket. They left the building, marching through the cold night air.

Neither spoke, didn’t dare to speak really.

Both of them had made mistakes and it didn’t seem right to bash on each other. They had gone through hell together before and now, somehow, they had fallen into a secretive situation again. It was a silent promise. The night would be buried with them alone – and any future occurrences would suffer the same fate.

“Where’s your room?” Minho inquired after they entered Dorm 2.

Ryeowook pointed up the stairs, carefully leading the way up. He just needed to pick a random room and hope that it was empty. Once he got Minho to leave then he could just head back to the party…or maybe he wouldn’t. Ryeowook pondered the possibilities as he brushed his hand over each door on the second floor, feeling for sound vibrations. It took a few tries, but then he found a deathly silent one and quietly unlocked it – sure enough, it was open, vacant. “We’re here,” he announced softly, stepping into the dark room.

“Then get some rest,” Minho stated, ruffling Ryeowook’s hair affectionately, “if you need anything, you know where Sungmin is and I’m on the third floor, room 32.”

Ryeowook nodded faintly, smiling reassuringly at his friend before closing the door.

Minho turned away from the shut door, wondering if the old superstition was true. The second you stop looking for something, it comes looking for you. Or in this case, the second he stopped fussing over secrets, suddenly secrets were being shoved in his face.

Inside, moonlight drenched the room, turning everything blue and black. There were two beds, both empty and cold. He laid down on one, taking a long deep breath. What the hell was he doing? Why did he lie to Minho like that?

Better yet, was doing all of this worth it? Would it make Kyuhyun look at him again? Was drowning himself in alcohol going to make anything better? Ryeowook had been positive he could escape if he just did that. If he just wrecked his body maybe his heart would finally shut down and he wouldn’t have to feel pain anymore. Maybe then Kyuhyun wouldn’t hate him so profusely. More than that, Ryeowook wouldn’t have to worry about being hated anymore.

Minho yelling at him though was like a slap in the face. He was doing something dangerous, truly dangerous. It was passing self-pity wasn’t it? Ryeowook rolled over, gazing at the blank white wall. Kyuhyun meant the world to him…but what world? When people lost their world, did they go out to seek a new one? Isn’t that the healthy alternative?

Voices boomed through the thin wall, causing Ryeowook to jump and sit up. He had forgotten how thin the walls were. After a second’s pause, his eyes widened, realizing whose voice he heard.

“Mi, what’s wrong?” Kyuhyun asked, the sound of shifting bed sheets following. Ryeowook knew he shouldn’t have been listening…and yet, he was.

Zhoumi sounded as if he were crying, the words muffled and disjointed.

“Don’t worry, I’m here,” Kyuhyun stated soothingly, his deep voice reverberating off the walls. There was silence for a few more moments, but then Ryeowook caught the sound of mattress springs creaking.

For the second time that night, his heart dropped, except at this point it didn’t feel like it was going to rise. Ryeowook wiped his eyes out of habit and sure enough, the tears were already there. There was no way to pull himself out right? This…This was what he was meant to feel. Someone was punishing him, telling him that there wasn’t anything he could do.

That’s why the gods were teasing him right? That’s why they showed him warmth through Minho and then tore him apart again. It was so easy to play with a weak character like Ryeowook’s. That’s what they must’ve been thinking.

He wasn’t going to try and prove them wrong anymore. Obviously it just hurt more when he tried to do something. Climbing off of the bed, Ryeowook walked to the door, leaving the room.

The teetering boy ghosted through the halls, down the steps and out the door. He travelled through the cold, not bothering to zip up his jacket or fix his loose scarf.

Standing outside of the Dorm 3 building was a lone figure but one that Ryeowook recognized in a second. YoungSaeng waited for the younger boy to climb the stairs before questioning him. “Where did you go? And who was that guy?” He studied Ryeowook’s crying face, sighing softly.

“He was no one,” Ryeowook whispered, taking YoungSaeng’s hand and pulling him into the building, “YoungSaeng…?”

The third year gazed down at his roommate’s back, stopping in the commons of the building. Ryeowook leaned his head back, large eyes dark and empty. “Yeah?” YoungSaeng prompted quietly.

“I don’t feel well…” And then he was falling forward.